Just tired of living, burnt out, and want to check out.

  • Intensepump

    Posts: 3

    Nov 20, 2011 6:39 AM GMT
    In the last 60 days, I turned 50, lost my job, and ended LTR (15yrs with female). I so tired and burnt out from trying to make life work. I just don't fit in anywhere and have lost the drive to continue the daily fight. My life has been battle after battle, nothing ever easy, not sure what life should be, very lost and alone.

    No dreams, no hopes, nothing to make me happy, I don't even know what makes me happy. No true friends, no one I trust, no one who knows the real me. I want to check out but can't cause I know I would hurt others; something I really don't want to do. But i living in agony. I closet bi who never knew what to do about how to live who I am. Just very tired of living a challenged life and ready for it to end icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    Relax. As you said, a lot of major events have happened in the last few months. If you are really feeling down, do some things you enjoy and take some time to think about what you are saying. Taking your own life is not the answer to your problems.
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    Nov 20, 2011 2:34 PM GMT


    "In the last 60 days, I turned 50, lost my job, and ended LTR (15yrs with female)."

    I think an entirely new chapter in your life is about to unfold, and recommend that you don't miss it by checking out. icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 20, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    The more you love, the more you lose; the more you trust, the more you'll be betrayed. Life wears you down like rain on a rock.

    Figure out where you want to be in life, make a plan, put one foot in front of the other even if you can not feel the earth beneathe your feet and continue moving forward until life knocks you down and you have to pick yourself up and start over again. That's life.

  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14354

    Nov 20, 2011 8:31 PM GMT
    There are days when I feel the exact same way as the OP. But suicide is the definite wrong answer to solving life's many problems and overcoming its many challenges. Yes being unemployed makes things extremely difficult and increasingly unaffordable. Try to focus on things that interest you and pursue them as much as possible. Think of a field of work that you would like to do for a living and then pursue job openings. Don't just give up.
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    Nov 20, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    Barring any intervention on your part, you might have another 20 or 30 years on this planet. It sounds like you've lived the first 50 trying to be something you're not in order to keep other people happy or content.

    But that doesn't seem to be working too well for you.

    My advice is start being who you really are and quit pretending to be something you're not. No wonder you're miserable and feel like you have no friends. You have no one in your life, apparently, that really knows you, no one you can be honest with, no one who can just sit and listen when you're having a down down. That sucks.

    Time is short. Are you going to spend the next 20 or 30 years hiding who you really are from others and disallowing yourself to have any real, honest connection with others?
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    Nov 20, 2011 8:42 PM GMT
    don't you dare...don't even think about suicide...within the past year i have lost 2 friends from that....in a small rural area of 200 people,that is a large number..life is precious.i'm 43...alone..don't even own my own car..i drive a company pickup truck...i'm stuck in a one story house..with a female roommate who hates homosexuality.and my job only pays 9 dollars an hour.i have only dated one guy my entire life...due to lack of gay men in my area..and we broke up after 3 months..life can deal you some bad cards..but don't check yourself out..things can improve dramatically..there is always hope...and 50 is not old...150 is old.some of the richest rewards come in later life..
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    Nov 20, 2011 8:46 PM GMT
    Intensepump saidIn the last 60 days, I turned 50, lost my job, and ended LTR (15yrs with female). I so tired and burnt out from trying to make life work. I just don't fit in anywhere and have lost the drive to continue the daily fight. My life has been battle after battle, nothing ever easy, not sure what life should be, very lost and alone.

    No dreams, no hopes, nothing to make me happy, I don't even know what makes me happy. No true friends, no one I trust, no one who knows the real me. I want to check out but can't cause I know I would hurt others; something I really don't want to do. But i living in agony. I closet bi who never knew what to do about how to live who I am. Just very tired of living a challenged life and ready for it to end icon_sad.gif


    You just need to relax and watch one of your favourite TV shows that can cheer you up when you're down. And keep applying for work, your life goes on, after you've got a job and start to make money go on a holiday or something.
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    Nov 20, 2011 8:59 PM GMT
    There are many people who totally get you and have gone through far worse than you have, but hey look at us we are still here! We all get these thoughts of giving up but we just keep on going because we know that giving up means life has won. I haven't hit 30 and the things i have lived and experienced are far too horrible to want to write about in a forum, but I will tell you one thing: i will be damned if i let life win.

    You know life seems to enjoy screwing people up all the time, especially when you keep getting up after each knockout, but the thing is, no matter what, even if you can't seem to find your dreams or what makes you happy and you are feeling all alone at the moment, it is still too beautiful to just give up.

    So much has happened to you lately. Just pause and relax. Get to know yourself better. What you like, what you don't. What it would take to enjoy your life more. How to make those things you like happen. And realize that if they don't happen, it is not the end of the world because you tried, and you will try again.

    And if all fails, well aren't we lucky that on this forum there is always someone willing to hear us out, make us laugh, give us advice and tell us to keep going no matter what? That would mean we are not really alone are we? Wait, did things start to look a little bit better all of a sudden? Now that's a great starting point :-)
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    Nov 20, 2011 9:02 PM GMT
    Intensepump saidIn the last 60 days, I turned 50, lost my job, and ended LTR (15yrs with female). I so tired and burnt out from trying to make life work. I just don't fit in anywhere and have lost the drive to continue the daily fight. My life has been battle after battle, nothing ever easy, not sure what life should be, very lost and alone.

    No dreams, no hopes, nothing to make me happy, I don't even know what makes me happy. No true friends, no one I trust, no one who knows the real me. I want to check out but can't cause I know I would hurt others; something I really don't want to do. But i living in agony. I closet bi who never knew what to do about how to live who I am. Just very tired of living a challenged life and ready for it to end icon_sad.gif


    So naturally you decided to anonymously post on a fitness website.

    I will assume this is a true situation.

    Your life sucks at the moment. Life does that sometimes. Most of what (little) you are describing is most likely a result of decisions you made probably based on what everyone ELSE told you you were SUPPOSED to do.

    It didn't work. It never does.

    If you need to, completely wallow in the misery. Indulge your senses in the hopelessnes until you are thoroughly sick and tired of being a miserable victim of everyone else's expectations of what you and your life is supposed to be.

    I promise you, you will grow sick of the misery fast. At 50 -- you have a lot of life left. You have plenty of time to really LIVE. What you no longer have time for is the luxury of sitting on the fence waiting for life to happen to you or waiting for someone else to tell you how to live. That may be an option for a 20 year old - but not you.

    Believe it or not, it is far easier being at your stage of life than a 20 year old.

    Throw a few pics up on this site if yer gonna post, fill out yer profile and really become a member. Meet some guys (if only on-line) that can relate to you. PARTICIPATE in the world around you (including the one on RJ, yer already here) and see what re-ignites your fire.

    Make a few friends here, talk a little, don't hide.

    And do a search of dudes 40 and over on RJ. You will see some of the most impressive men on the planet.

    Feel free to join their ranks.

    Consider this a formal invitation.

    Welcome to RJ!!!
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    Nov 20, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    It's well established in psychological research that 50 is the saddest year of life for most people. After 50 the likelihood for most is that, with each year, we get a little happier than the year before.

    I also just turned 50 and lost my job, some people very close to me died, and some other depressing sh%t I won't go into. I keep going by reminding myself that this year is not next year, and things really can get better if I am open to it.

    A good old book is Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning". He was a professional psychologist and concentration camp survivor. The camps were much more horrible than anything you or I have ever been through, yet most did not choose suicide. Why is that? Frankl noticed that the survivors were not the ones with the strongest healthiest bodies, but the ones with will and purpose.

    When a patient came to him and said, "I want to kill myself", Frankl would respond, "So why don't you?" He believed that the answer to that question forms the basis for will, purpose and meaning in your life.
  • 2PecanDeBeurr...

    Posts: 302

    Nov 20, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    Intensepump, thanks for being real to yourself, at 50 and above one takes a self evaluation. It is HARD facts of reality.
    I, also, have those moments yet have countered them with these solutions. I do volunteer work with seniors, VA veterans, animal shelters, Special Olympics and hospitals.
    Others are in need of your compassion, listening ear, physical help and just to feel that they do matter like you do.
    Also, exercise whether running, walking, in the park, around the neighborhood helps you see life in various forms.
    Continue to change those feelings into positive energy.
    J.C.
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    Nov 20, 2011 9:27 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    "In the last 60 days, I turned 50, lost my job, and ended LTR (15yrs with female)."

    I think an entirely new chapter in your life is about to unfold, and recommend that you don't miss it by checking out. icon_wink.gif



    ^ This fer sure.

    I most definitely have felt that way. Once.

    The silver lining to hitting bottom is that there's only one way to go: up. It sounds like you have an opportunity to rebuild the second half of your life. Not everyone has that freedom.

    Things work out.

    Really. icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 20, 2011 9:31 PM GMT
    I see a lot of great advice on here, Intensepump. I really hope you are listening and take it to heart. Just remember that this environment (RJ, Gay) unfortunately seems to reinforce dumb ideas and stereotypes about aging too many times and it's easy to lose yourself in a world where it seems like life's over at 50 relationship-wise. I'm 49 and while I'm not exactly thrilled at turning 50 either I'm determined that it wont slow me down. The note I'm holding in my pic was true 9 months ago and nothing's changed. Seriously, who knows what tomorrow will bring. Try to re-invent your life. Many people here did and it's probably easier to do than most people think. Good luck and best wishes.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19133

    Nov 20, 2011 9:36 PM GMT
    To the OP...life starts at 50...Don't take MY word for it, just hang around and see for yourself icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 20, 2011 9:39 PM GMT
    Your better years are ahead. Stay around and enjoy them.
  • Intensepump

    Posts: 3

    Nov 21, 2011 4:06 AM GMT
    Thanks all for the comments and ur kind encourangements. I don't really have anyone in my life right now to turn to that is appropriate and I found my way back to this site.icon_confused.gif

    Interesting how sometimes coincidences do happen in such a way to make us take notice. A movie came on TV and I watched it as I was reading the replies to my post; Rocky Balboa (2006). I have never watched it before because I just couldn't swallow another Rocky comeback at age 50 and I figured it was a waste. And then I saw the scene of him talking with his son:

    “The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! …..But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain't gonna have a life.”

    ...actually the most intelligent and longest continous string of words ever spoken by Rocky...something I couldn't ignore considering everything.

    I have always been a fighter all my life, but it has always been such a coaster ride. When it has been good, it was great; but when it has been bad, it was real bad...multiple things always go bad at once, just not a few things. I guess I'm an all or nothing type of guy and it seems circumstances in my life are the same way.

    As some of you said....I am starting a new chapter in life....for some reason this one seems so hard because for once....the adjenda is all in my hands; something that scares the hell out of me. Yeah, I am a fighter and not happy when there isn't a fight envolved, just don't know what the battle is anymore.icon_confused.gif

    I have had a very full and sucessful life....I am ashamed icon_redface.gif that I feel so empty right now....IDK, just something, everything is missing. I don't know what makes me happy or what I want. I have been married multiple times, 3 grown kids, and have had multiple female and male lovers. But I feel my life has no meaning and that I haven't accomplished anything important other than being a cog in a corrupt selfish society. Yeah I have done volunteer work...just not enough...I wanted to really change the world and pissed that I couldn't and haven't. I tried, but that not good enough for me.

    Long time ago, I accepted my sexuality and know what I am; bi. But I lean toward the gay side a little more than str8. I just wished I was 100%, gay, in some ways I think that would make it easier. I'm not sure how to be openly bi...only few of my lovers knew (female and male both). But never out to anyone other than lovers. I fell deeply in love with one guy and we had a very close connected relationship, but both of us had to keep it hidden. He died and it was something I just had to keep to myself. Both he and I were political figures and we just couldn't be open....too many people would have been hurt, Yeah...needs of the many...really did outweigh the needs of the few or the one.

    Oh hell...I could write a juicy novel or movie script you wouldn't believe about my life. Maybe that's my problem, I have lived life so full....I already lived it all?

    Why am I at RJ some asked? I had been a bodybuilder for about 15 years and I quit about 5 years ago....IDK why....but it's something that is missing in my life...something that was me. But very discouraged because I let myself go and don't know how I can ever see 3% bodyfat at 220 lbs ever again. icon_twisted.gif

    Thanks again...I going to stick around the site for a bit...I need you guys.

    LOL...no I am not Arnold.icon_rolleyes.gif But I know Arnold...wellicon_cool.gif
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    Nov 21, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    Intensepump said...I am ashamed that I feel so empty right now.....




    Funny how a lonely day, can make a person say:
    What good is my life

    Funny how a breaking heart, can make me start to say:
    What good is my life
    Funny how I often seem, to think I'll find never another dream
    In my life
    Till I look around and see, this great big world is part of me
    And my life
    This is my life
    Today, tomorrow, love will come and find me
    But that's the way that I was born to be
    This is me
    This is me

    This is my life
    And I don't give a damn for lost emotions
    I've such a lot of love I've got to give
    Let me live
    Let me live

    Sometime when I feel afraid, I think of what a mess I've made
    Of my life
    Crying over my mistakes, forgetting all the breaks I've had
    In my life
    I was put on earth to be, a part of this great world is me
    And my life
    Guess I'll just add up the score, and count the things I'm grateful for
    In my life
    This Is my life
    Today, tomorrow, love will come and find me
    But that's the way that I was born to be
    This is me
    This is me

    This is my life
    And I don't give a damn for lost emotions
    I've such a lot of love I've got to give
    Let me live
    Let me live

    This is my life
    This is my life
    This is my life
  • gbc59

    Posts: 90

    Nov 21, 2011 7:30 AM GMT

    mate i turned 50 2 years ago , never had a problem with it, still feel young at heart , still workout(actually just starting after 4 months off with a big shoulder injury) if u act old u r old, find a new love/ plaything, have fun have dreams travel the world (once u start working again) my 55 y/old brother died last week . so dont end ur life . 1 life enjoyed it! its too precious to throw it away or give up on it.
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    Nov 21, 2011 2:37 PM GMT
    Intensepump said, "Yeah I have done volunteer work...just not enough...I wanted to really change the world and pissed that I couldn't and haven't. I tried, but that not good enough for me."

    Hmm...well how about this; you get through this door that's opened into a very different stage of life, and then, down the road, someone who is like you are now will come along and you will be able to help them, having already been there yourself. icon_wink.gif

    As for only feeling you did a little to change the world etc, consider my binary theory about doing the right thing and changing the world, which I'm going to guess also means making it a better place.

    It's like this. Let's say each of us is a zero, and doing something to make the world a better place is '1'. If we obstruct the '1' and stand before it that '1' becomes .01 and is diminished.
    BUT when we stand behind that '1' it becomes 10, and if more people also do so it becomes 100, or 1,000 or 10,000! So a lot of people doing a little bit adds up to a massive difference. A hero is a hero no matter how small the act, so remember this and give yourself a little credit. icon_wink.gif


    warmly,

    -Doug


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    Nov 21, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    Intensepump saidThanks all for the comments and ur kind encourangements. I don't really have anyone in my life right now to turn to that is appropriate and I found my way back to this site.icon_confused.gif

    Interesting how sometimes coincidences do happen in such a way to make us take notice. A movie came on TV and I watched it as I was reading the replies to my post; Rocky Balboa (2006). I have never watched it before because I just couldn't swallow another Rocky comeback at age 50 and I figured it was a waste. And then I saw the scene of him talking with his son:

    “The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! …..But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain't gonna have a life.”

    ...actually the most intelligent and longest continous string of words ever spoken by Rocky...something I couldn't ignore considering everything.

    I have always been a fighter all my life Well, that isnt about to change, even if you wanted it to. Its in your DNA!, but it has always been such a coaster ride. When it has been good, it was great; but when it has been bad, it was real bad...multiple things always go bad at once, just not a few things. I guess I'm an all or nothing type of guy and it seems circumstances in my life are the same way.

    As some of you said....I am starting a new chapter in life....for some reason this one seems so hard because for once....the agenda is all in my hands; something that scares the hell out of me.And rightly so. For the FIRST time in your life you have to do what YOU want to do with it regardless of what 'other' think or feel. At 50 its all about YOU know! And you'll find that when you accept that single fact, the weight on your shoulders lifts off like you've been carrying the weight of the entire planet! Yeah, I am a fighter and not happy when there isn't a fight envolved, just don't know what the battle is anymore.icon_confused.gif

    I have had a very full and sucessful life....I am ashamed icon_redface.gif that I feel so empty right now....IDK, just something, everything is missing. I don't know what makes me happy or what I want. I have been married multiple times, 3 grown kids, and have had multiple female and male lovers. But I feel my life has no meaning and that I haven't accomplished anything important other than being a cog in a corrupt selfish society. Yeah I have done volunteer work...just not enough...I wanted to really change the world and pissed that I couldn't and haven't. I tried, but that not good enough for me.Change YOUR personal world.. you'll be surprised on how much of the rest of the world it impacts directly!

    Long time ago, I accepted my sexuality and know what I am; bi. But I lean toward the gay side a little more than str8. I just wished I was 100%, gay, in some ways I think that would make it easier. I'm not sure how to be openly bi...only few of my lovers knew (female and male both). But never out to anyone other than lovers. I fell deeply in love with one guy and we had a very close connected relationship, but both of us had to keep it hidden. He died and it was something I just had to keep to myself. Both he and I were political figures and we just couldn't be open....too many people would have been hurt, Yeah...needs of the many...really did outweigh the needs of the few or the one.

    Oh hell...I could write a juicy novel or movie script you wouldn't believe about my life. Maybe that's my problem, I have lived life so full....I already lived it all?

    Why am I at RJ some asked? I had been a bodybuilder for about 15 years and I quit about 5 years ago....IDK why....but it's something that is missing in my life...something that was me. But very discouraged because I let myself go and don't know how I can ever see 3% bodyfat at 220 lbs ever again. icon_twisted.gif

    Thanks again...I going to stick around the site for a bit Well, there's a damn good start!...I need you guys.

    LOL...no I am not Arnold.icon_rolleyes.gif But I know Arnold...wellicon_cool.gif
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    Nov 21, 2011 2:58 PM GMT
    Wow Someone give this bloke some help
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Nov 21, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    "Never cut what you can untie."

    You sound really frustrated right now--probably not a good time to make decisions about your life. Relax, remember to breathe.
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    Nov 21, 2011 3:40 PM GMT
    Peaks and valleys...ebb and flow........

    You, by your own admission, have had a very full and successful life.

    There is no reason to believe that the rest of your life won't be great.

    I know it is difficult starting over. Just live one day at a time.

    Give yourself a lucky break, son.

    icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 21, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    My heart goes out to you. I think most of us have felt despair at one time or another.

    I turned 50 this year.

    One thing I've learned and probably the most important lesson in life is this... Life is what YOU make of it. Life is only as good as YOU make it (whether it's the first half or the last half, or all of it). It's never too late to make changes.

    If you don't like the way things are, change them. If you don't like hiding, stop hiding. If you have problems from living in a town of 200, then move to a town of 20,000.

    We are successes if we wish to be and we fail when we want to fail.

    Like it was already stated, wallow in despair until you are finished. When you get tired of the feeling of despair, then make plans and decide what it will take to get past it and do so.

    Welcome back. I hope things improve and you make the changes you want to see happen.

    Good luck... and big hugs.