How to get closure when

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2011 1:50 PM GMT
    So he won't talk. He would not even tell me there was something wrong. He just started blowing me of when we made plans.

    I think we moved fast and he burned out. What so I say and can I fix it?
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    Nov 20, 2011 1:59 PM GMT
    Look at your part - instant closure:-)

    We are human and mostly have some tiny adverse motive whether it be self-seeking, dishonesty, etc...

    We gain closure the moment we gain humility.
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    Nov 20, 2011 4:36 PM GMT
    MSPadventure saidSo he won't talk. He would not even tell me there was something wrong. He just started blowing me of when we made plans.

    I think we moved fast and he burned out. What so I say and can I fix it?


    By fix do you mean enable him to blow you off again later?
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Nov 20, 2011 6:04 PM GMT
    If there's something wrong and he's not willing to talk to you about it.... that pretty much defines someone incapable of a relationship in the first place. Move on.
  • str8hardbody9

    Posts: 1519

    Nov 20, 2011 6:18 PM GMT
    Just moved on. Life journey there are so many trial & tribulation and above all there's always happiness. You will find the man of your dream that will respect & love you the way you are.

    Happy Thanksgiving!!

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    Nov 20, 2011 6:53 PM GMT
    fixing a relationship that isnt going to happen. why would you? its done, move on.

    sometimes you dont get closure so you have to learn to be ok with that. we dont control the other people which is sometimes leaves us wondering why and how. you can stick around and beat a dead horse or move on.

    my advice is you move on. learn to be a little stronger, a little more confident. you dont need an explanation to move on, you just need yourself to move on. go find a hobby!
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    Nov 22, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    Closure and fixing the relationship are different things.

    Closure is when you move on with an issue and no longer wrestle with it. You may choose to be in the relationship, not be in the relationship, or there may be no relationship for reasons you can't control, but it means you've come to terms with the issue. For most folks, coming to terms (or closure) means knowing you've done all you can, feeling good about yourself and what you brought to the relationship, and knowing that there's nothing more to be done. Closure is something you can find on your own.

    Fixing the relationship is something you can't do on your own. It takes two to fix a relationship, and sometimes you need help from third parties.

    If you want to fix the relationship, try talking with the other guy, and use "I" statements. For example, "When I talk with you about our relationship and you don't answer, I feel unhappy." Try to avoid anger, and over-generalizations like, ":you always," or "you never."

    If you think there's hope for the relationship and the other guy won't talk, he may be afraid, or he may not know how to communicate with you. In those cases, consider getting help from a counselor, clergy, or other professional.

    I'd add that, from my perspective, it's important not to jump to conclusions. You want to protect yourself and look out for your own well-being, but you also should be aware that lots of guys have challenges with these issues, and there's no perfect relationship out there. Over time, too, I think folks do better when they are fair and decent and give the benefit of the doubt--without necessarily being a doormat.

    Good luck amd hang in there, buddy.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:41 PM GMT
    since this post, several thongs happened and some of the things i wanted came into focus.

    i realized that i liked this guy because i didnt feel that i had to settle for close enough. the reality is he seems to have someone else on his mind but told me he loves me. he needed space to figure things out and ive offered that.

    i realized that i wont be a second choice after putting him first and the amount of time he has required space tells me he needs way more time to figure out what he needs in a guy.

    as for closure, i got that because i did everything i could including putting my neck out there, exposing myself and giving him time. i prayed for him, myself and our relationship. not getting an answer is actually an answer and i found that although i loved him, i got my answer.

    i have learned from mistakes i made along the way. a huge mistake was being comfortable with where i was in life. i need to change, i need to continue self improvement.

    i control my future, my happyness, and where i go in life.
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:23 PM GMT
    I'm glad to read what you wrote (just above me here). You're obviously a guy with a lot of depth, many interests and activities, and a good moral compass. You're 29, and I'm betting there are a number of fulfilling experiences and people coming your way.

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