Granny Has a Gun

  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2478

    Nov 21, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    True story from a Kansas State Highway Patrol officer:
    I made a traffic stop on an elderly lady the other day for
    speeding on U.S.166 Eastbound at Mile Marker 73 just East of
    Salina KS .
    I asked for her driver's license, registration, and proof of
    The lady took out the required information and handed it to me.
    In with the cards I was somewhat surprised (due to her advanced age) to see she had a conceal carry permit. I looked at her and ask if she had a weapon in her possession at this time.

    She responded that she indeed had a .45 automatic in her glove

    Something---body language, or the way she said it---made me want
    to ask if she had any other firearms. She did admit to also having
    a 9mm Glock in her center console. Now I had to ask one more
    time if that was all. She responded once again that she did have
    just one more, a ..38 special in her purse. I then asked her what
    was she so afraid of.

    She looked me right in the eye and said, "Not a damn thing!"


    MELBOURNE, Australia -- Gun-toting granny Ava Estelle, 81, was so ticked-off when two thugs raped her 18-year-old granddaughter that she tracked the unsuspecting ex-cons down - - and shot their testicles off!

    "The old lady spent a week hunting those bums down-and when she found them, she took revenge on them in her own special way," said admiring Melbourne police investigator Evan Delp.

    "Then she took a taxi to the nearest police station, laid the gun on the sergeant's desk and told him as calm as could be: 'Those bastards will never rape anybody again, by God.'

    Cops say convicted rapist and robber Davis Furth, 33, lost both his penis and his testicles when outraged Ava opened fire with a 9-mm pistol in the seedy hotel room where he and former prison cellmate Stanley Thomas, 29, were holed up.

    The wrinkled avenger also blew Thomas' testicles to kingdom come, but doctors managed to save his mangled penis, police said.

    "The one guy, Thomas, didn't lose his manhood, but the doctor I talked to said he won't be using it the way he used to," Detective Delp told reporters. "Both men are still in pretty bad shape, but I think they're just happy to be alive after what they've been through."

    The Rambo Granny swung into action August 21 after her granddaughter Debbie was carjacked and raped by two knife-wielding creeps in a section of town bordering on skid row.

    "When I saw the look on my Debbie's face that night in the hospital, I decided I was going to go out and get those bastards myself 'cause I figured the police would go easy on them," recalled the retired library worker. "And I wasn't scared of them, either-because I've got me a gun and I've been shootin' it all my life."

    So, using a police artist's sketch of the suspects and Debbie's description of the sickos' car, tough-as-nails Ava spent seven days prowling the wino-infested neighborhood where the crime took place till she spotted the ill-fated rapists entering their flophouse hotel. "I knew it was them the minute I saw 'em, but I shot a picture of 'em anyway and took it back to Debbie and she said sure as hell, it was them," the ornery oldster recalled.

    "So I went back to that hotel and found their room and knocked on the door -- and the minute the big one, Furth, opened the door, I shot 'em got right square between the legs, right where it would really hurt 'em most, you know. Then I went down to the police station and turned myself in."

    Now, baffled lawmen are tying to figure out how to deal with the vigilante granny. "What she did was wrong, but you can't really throw an 81-year-old woman in prison." Det. Delp said, "especially when all 3 million people in the city want to nominate her for sainthood."

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    Nov 21, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    Beware of the granny in the courtroom!!

    Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

    In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked "Mrs Jones, do you know me?""

    She responded, "Why yes, I do know you Mr Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think that you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes I know you."
    The Lawyer was stunned and not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
    She again replied "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife! Yes, I know him."

    The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said "if either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair!!"
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16414

    Nov 21, 2011 3:38 AM GMT
    I give this "account" absolutely no credibility at all....

    The Kansas story......

    To begin with, you should get your Kansas highways straight. US #166 is
    an east/west road that runs parallel to our southern border with Oklahoma.
    It runs through Arkansas City, east through Sedan and over toward Coffeyville, etc... Salina is a hundred miles NORTH of Wichita.
    Are you referencing Interstate hiway #70?. With such a failure in facts to start. why the hell should anything else be believed in this fable?
  • nanidesukedo

    Posts: 1036

    Nov 21, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    I'll just leave it at this...
  • creature

    Posts: 5197

    Nov 21, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    Any other fairytales you wish to share with us, conservativejock? It's almost my bedtime. Tell me a story.
  • JP85257

    Posts: 3284

    Nov 21, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    My grandmother got arrested when I was 17 for shooting at Jehova's Witnesses. They had knocked on her front door 1 to many times.

    So she shot at them with the deer hunting rifle she used to kill squirrles that got in her pecan trees in her yard.

    I shit you not. My favorite thing was getting the bail money out of the cookie jar that was on top of the microwave and going down to the courthouse and bailing my 78 year old grandmother out of jail.

    I got her pearl handled engraved church pistol when she died.

    I really miss that lady lol