I must be crazy....

  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Nov 21, 2011 7:40 AM GMT
    1. I know this is long, so please don't pester this with your TL; DR's thank you. it'll save both you and me sometime in the end of the day.
    2. This is used mainly for me to vent and get this off my chest in a (hopefully) accepting place that won't scold me 100%.
    3. I don't mind your opinions, so please post them. I'm not afraid of people's words. they're just words not actions.
    4. Enjoy :/


    So about 2 weeks ago, I wake up head downstairs only to see this random girl and random handsome guy half awake watching tv on my couch. They turned out to be friends with my roommate who hasn't woken up by then. I sat watched tv with them and tried to get to know who these people were, until they left. Very funny people btw.

    The next night I went to bed early since I had work early in the morning the next day. Around 3 a.m. I was woken up by that guy walking in my room and grabbing my leg to get me out of bed so I could hangout with him (drunk off his ass btw). I got up and lazily hung out with them as they(my roommate and the guy) were menacing around the house. One thing I kept noticing throughout the night was how each time my roommate turned his back, the guy would wink and smile at me. I didn't think much of it at first since he was drunk and it seemed like it was his personality. After another hour of foolishness, my roommate went to bed. I tried going to bed but the guy kept asking me not to leave him alone, so I stayed up and talked to him for a bit until I really started to notice him hitting on me. I was on the couch and he was on the lazyboy next me as we were talking about our childhood memories. At one point I noticed him starring at me when I was watching tv, I looked back and smiled at him asking him what was up as he mumbled something and retracted his statements. He then spilled water on himself so I grabbed him a towel to clean himself up. In the process of me giving him the towel, he grabbed my hand and started to massage it (freaking awesome btw). I asked him to do the other hand because he can't start a hand job and not finish it all of the way out icon_wink.gif .

    After that he was being very playful as far as starting to wrestle, trying to give wet willies and arm burns. He asked why I didn't fight back, simply told him I'm a non-confrontational person. I use my words to get out of situations.

    About 30min of "playtime," things started to wind down and he was mumbling again but I could make out some of what he was saying. Yup he's into guys and was super happy that I was into him. I am the only person he's told about him being gay, so I automatically expected the "I'm the straightest gay guy you'll ever know" blah blah blah and sure enough he said it so no surprise. We talked some more before we made out and cuddled until he fell asleep in my arms. The whole night I was hearing "please don't tell anyone about this" I kept telling him, it's not for me to tell your business. That's up to you when you feel ready. I figured this would be cool if he were sober and telling me this, then I wouldn't have any doubt that he wouldn't disregard anyone the night.

    My emotional wall went up until I heard from him again. Well I didn't hear from him again until SURPRISE, he was walking in drunk a week later with my roommate as I was cleaning the house a bit. More drunk menacing began to happen (resulted in a girl falling down the stairs and a broken coffee table). I paid no attention to him since i hadn't gotten any word from him or anything since the other night. I think he felt guilty while I was standing there cleaning because he kept saying to my roommate if you only knew the half of what was going on with me. I ignored and went on with cleaning. Somehow I got suckered into the convo of whether he should stay the night or go. I told him to go home, I really didn't care at that point and he could tell. Well he stayed and I went to my room to try to go to bed. I heard him screaming so I asked what was wrong, he kept saying I need a charger. That turned into a 3 hour talk and us cuddling again.

    This time the talk was more about philosophy and the way he thinks/feels about life recently. He was bit more emotional this time, we talked about how he hated how he felt he needed to hide his life just so he could be partly happy with the people he has in his life now. I can understand where he's coming from since I'm not out either, only to a few friends. I let him know that people aren't watching as closely as you think they are, so there is no need for you to be a mystery man all of the time. Then the same don't tell my friends (which I don't know) about any of this convo came up.

    The next day I get a random text asking if my roommate made it home and blah blah blah. We got into a discussion AGAIN about how he doesn't want to ruin his friendship so don't tell my roommate anything. At this point, I asked him if he rather me not act like he existed at all (jokingly) he actually said yeah. I felt put off by this.

    I went out dancing to get him off my mind (worked). I got in around 5 am so I know he's not gonna be there. I wake up a few hours later only to see him in my house. Apparently the taxi driver stole his phone the night before so he needed wanted to file a police report at our place (which I didn't get). I went on ignoring everything that was happening and watched some cartoons. Everyone eventually left and it was just me and him there. Did the same thing as if the people were still there. He quietly walked out slowly as if he wanted me to stop him.

    Now after these past 2 weeks, I can honestly see why most if not all of you say you wouldn't date a closeted guy. I feel horrid not being able to talk to him without him freaking out if we are gonna be found out. I can't even have a friendly convo without him looking over our shoulders to see if someone is coming. It's infuriating and maddening. I think he's a good guy and could see us having a good long relationship, only if he weren't soo scared of being with me. I'm trying to practice my patience with him since I know he really doesn't have anyone else to talk to about this with him.

    This is my vent about this situation. I know only 2 weeks have gone by and there really haven't been any feelings established between us yet, I'm just thinking if it's a good thing to nip this in the butt now or wait a few weeks to see how this plays out.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 21, 2011 10:14 AM GMT
    I see there is another common thing in this tale, he drinks - excessively.

    You do not want to mix it up with a drunk. I say that as a recovering drunk.

    He is 'willing' to play when drunk - this gives him an excuse to play, in the morning he can blame the alcohol and confess to being 'straight'.

    Ultimately what ever you choose to do you will do, I would urge caution.

  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Nov 21, 2011 10:29 AM GMT
    yeah i was thinking the exact same thing. the drinking is a bit excessive and he seems to only find courage during his alcohol binges. i was hoping that he wouldn't be that typical closeted guy who thinks everyone is out to ruin his life because of his sexuality. It's funny how passionate he is with other subjects. the actions he takes towards those are the ones he should use when talking about his sexuality. i HATE that society has taken such strong interest in making others feel bad for the ones they love or else i wouldn't be frustrated with this guy right now.

    i am playing the course with caution
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    Nov 21, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    if he's a nice guy and you like him, you could be the support he needs, to get more comfotable with himself. Maybe you could try and get a conversation with him when he's not totally drunk. Also it sounds like you think his getting-drunk-approach is getting tiresome and annoying.
    You could tell him in other words that you think he's a cool guy and that hanging out (sober) is also an option... if he decides he wants to (have a serious talk about the elephant in the room).

    but let him know your boundries, he can't just barge in drunk and pull you out of bed at all times, when he's in need of an emotional outlet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2011 3:13 PM GMT
    I don't know if you're crazy, but you win the award for being one of the most easy going guys on the face of this planet...... icon_eek.gif
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Nov 22, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    judoguy saidif he's a nice guy and you like him, you could be the support he needs, to get more comfotable with himself. Maybe you could try and get a conversation with him when he's not totally drunk. Also it sounds like you think his getting-drunk-approach is getting tiresome and annoying.
    You could tell him in other words that you think he's a cool guy and that hanging out (sober) is also an option... if he decides he wants to (have a serious talk about the elephant in the room).

    but let him know your boundries, he can't just barge in drunk and pull you out of bed at all times, when he's in need of an emotional outlet.


    yeah I am hoping that we can become a bit more comfortable with each other as time goes on. He has great morals and values. He is also the first person to connect with me in so many different ways that I've never had before when talking to anyone. So far, he's been near perfectly compatible for me.

    i will definitely be asking him to talk sober when he gets his phone back (got stolen over the weekend). He said he wanted to try and go on a date sometime but really doesn't know how. I'm pretty sure i will be seeing him soon enough, hopefully, so we can talk about everything.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Nov 22, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    turbobilly saidI don't know if you're crazy, but you win the award for being one of the most easy going guys on the face of this planet...... icon_eek.gif


    thanks haha...I guess I am in certain situations. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2011 2:41 AM GMT
    Great story! Keep us updated.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Nov 22, 2011 9:03 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidGreat story! Keep us updated.


    Will do.
  • shawn06

    Posts: 337

    Nov 22, 2011 9:25 AM GMT
    I've met a few of these, especially at ASU. Just give him time and you're doing the right thing by not pursuing him really. If he likes you he will come to terms and slowly but surely be more comfortable with himself, even if he doesn't fully come out of the closet at least he might get to the point of being comfortable around you. One thing though is it may not end up turning into a relationship so the best way to think of it is simply taking it one step at a time and seeing how things end up without expectations. This way if it doesn't end up your way then you can just say fuck it and move on.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Nov 23, 2011 12:50 AM GMT
    yeah that's I agree, I have taken that kind of tone with this situation. I'm not throwing my all into this knowing he hasn't been put in even 20% into this either. This will be my first relationship with anyone if it progresses forward but I'm working on holding myself back. He's testing my patience haha.
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    Nov 23, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    i'd say give him a chance...give him time to accept his own sexuality...be aware that it might be a long road...but if you be patient,he might thank you later.i really don't know..but sometimes guys drink to cope with things..he could possibly be getting drunk in an attempt to deal with his own sexual issues....possibly to get up enough nerve to engage in sex with a man.drinking to relax,and enjoy is a good thing..in moderation...but if it's done to hide feelings or get up courage..it can be self defeating.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Nov 23, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    eddie13 saidi'd say give him a chance...give him time to accept his own sexuality...be aware that it might be a long road...but if you be patient,he might thank you later.i really don't know..but sometimes guys drink to cope with things..he could possibly be getting drunk in an attempt to deal with his own sexual issues....possibly to get up enough nerve to engage in sex with a man.drinking to relax,and enjoy is a good thing..in moderation...but if it's done to hide feelings or get up courage..it can be self defeating.


    We talked last weekend and it sounds like he is comfortable with the thought of being gay and with a man but not comfortable with the thought of his friends knowing without them excepting him for who he is. I let him know that I am patient but I'm still feel like I shouldn't throw my all into someone who might throw me away at the first sight of someone noticing that we are hanging together.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Dec 03, 2011 11:43 AM GMT
    So I am damn crazy for dealing with this guy...After weeks of not seeing each other but talking about everyday (sober i might add), I make it home from work around 3am and he's getting in from the bar arguing with my roommates. I go see what's going on and it's about where the pee'd. i left that alone until it escalated into something more than it needed to be. about 30 min goes by i'm tired and want to go to bed can't b/c they're yelling. go downstairs and I have to fucking chase our dog and him b/c he's telling the dog to follow him. to the main road. I finally catch up with him and try to talk to him. he completely blows me off. At this point I'm through with him. I can't live my life in disfunction, i rather be alone than deal with this shit all of the time. I felt like this was a test for me to see how long I could be patient with him. I held on for a month. sorry had to rant again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2011 7:46 PM GMT
    Bump

    we're not love experts if we are would we be on RJ all day?
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Dec 04, 2011 9:06 PM GMT
    BoraBora saidBump

    we're not love experts if we are would we be on RJ all day?


    I don't think anyone in this world is a love expert. Love comes in soo many forms that not single person can be a "love expert." I'm asking people based from their previous experiences how they handled any similar situations as well as me seeing if there are any other interesting stories that people a willing to share. This also was a rant to get off my chest as i can come here and post about such things and not feel like I'm going to be scorned for doing so.

    Life experience is the man's best expertise.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2011 12:49 AM GMT
    ja89 saidSo I am damn crazy for dealing with this guy...After weeks of not seeing each other but talking about everyday (sober i might add), I make it home from work around 3am and he's getting in from the bar arguing with my roommates. I go see what's going on and it's about where the pee'd. i left that alone until it escalated into something more than it needed to be. about 30 min goes by i'm tired and want to go to bed can't b/c they're yelling. go downstairs and I have to fucking chase our dog and him b/c he's telling the dog to follow him. to the main road. I finally catch up with him and try to talk to him. he completely blows me off. At this point I'm through with him. I can't live my life in disfunction, i rather be alone than deal with this shit all of the time. I felt like this was a test for me to see how long I could be patient with him. I held on for a month. sorry had to rant again.


    Let us know if he comes back to you again...especially if you let him in the house again. You're not crazy yet.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Dec 05, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    GAMRican said
    ja89 saidSo I am damn crazy for dealing with this guy...After weeks of not seeing each other but talking about everyday (sober i might add), I make it home from work around 3am and he's getting in from the bar arguing with my roommates. I go see what's going on and it's about where the pee'd. i left that alone until it escalated into something more than it needed to be. about 30 min goes by i'm tired and want to go to bed can't b/c they're yelling. go downstairs and I have to fucking chase our dog and him b/c he's telling the dog to follow him. to the main road. I finally catch up with him and try to talk to him. he completely blows me off. At this point I'm through with him. I can't live my life in disfunction, i rather be alone than deal with this shit all of the time. I felt like this was a test for me to see how long I could be patient with him. I held on for a month. sorry had to rant again.


    Let us know if he comes back to you again...especially if you let him in the house again. You're not crazy yet.


    I don't mind him coming back but he will. He's gonna feel awkward/guilty in my home every time he comes over. Not because of me, mostly because he now has to confront himself when he see's me. I know that every time he's been over since the first night he's looked at me and had a guilty look on his face. He's also been saying things to his friends like "if you only knew the real me" or "you guys have no idea of what's going on in my head."

    I am still opening the door to him as a friend but it's not going anywhere past that. Plus, I don't know why there are all of these recent guys that have entered my life but there is another guy who I met around the same time who is completely opposite. doesn't drink, is calm, goofy, crazy and he dances. I would be happy to move forward with him I'm just not 100% if he's into me but we'll see. I feel lucky at the moment.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Jan 06, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    UPDATE:

    So i've been talking to his roommate about his drunkenness and we both definitely agree that there is a problem. Tonight he flipped out on his best friend because his best friend's bro thought he was gay by the way he was dressed. (DUH!!!!) funny thing is that he's all worried about his friends dropping him for being gay when they told me that it really doesn't matter to them. i wish i could tell him this and show that he's not alone in this world. Anyways, he's harboring a lot of past lives that needs to be addressed without the consumption of alcohol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 06, 2012 1:21 PM GMT
    Who is this guy? i'll get my martial artist brother and his friends in Poenix to beat him up!
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Jan 06, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidWho is this guy? i'll get my martial artist brother and his friends in Poenix to beat him up!


    haha thanks for the offer but i think we got it under control. it seems that he's bad under peer pressure. when he's blacked out drunk his deep conscience takes over him and crazy shit starts to happen. he just walked in not too long ago missing his shoes and a sock :/ crazy right?!