I fucking hate this

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    Nov 21, 2011 6:56 PM GMT
    Just saw my surgeon today for a follow up appointment. Haven't seen her since August. Apparently I barely have swelling anymore and its more excess skin. She told me some people who lose a lot of weight who have small frames sometimes need to get a second tuck. She took off nearly two pounds of skin and more just accumulated due to my shitty skin elasticity.

    I am just tired. I am sick of looking at it and feeling like shit.,constantly being reminded who I once was. I was looking forward to hearing news about my progress but felt my heart literally stop when she told me I needed to see her again. There wouldn't be any charge if I wanted only local anesthesia so basically I would be conscious during the procedure while she cuts me open once more but I wouldn't feel anything.

    I've been having nightmares of being cut open while conscious..guess I need to face my nightmare. If i didn't want to be conscious I would need to pay $1000 to be put under which I don't want to do/can't afford.

    Sucks that I waited so long to get this procedure...worked so hard to pay for it...only to have it shut right back into my face. I guess its my fault for being fat in the first place. Just feel like I failed.
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    Nov 21, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    hmmm...interesting. Blaming yourself for being fat or thinking that you failed is not going to help. If anything, you should congratulate yourself. I only see a skinny person in your pics.

    Think positive and you'll get through it. I hope you don't have anorexia? j/k icon_twisted.gif
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    Nov 21, 2011 9:39 PM GMT
    Better to have taken too little than too much I guess... More than anything I'd be pissed about all of the money that you're having to sink into this. You're far from a failure though and I don't think you'd be who you are now if you hadn't been a big fatty back then icon_lol.gif. Besides, I think you've more than proven your determination and resolve in this. Facing your fear like that, to achieve your goals, when it's just as easy to say 'screw it'; well that's just fucking brave. I applaud you sir. icon_smile.gif


    Now cheer up!
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  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Nov 21, 2011 9:59 PM GMT
    get another professional opinion . . . . . . . .
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    Nov 21, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    AlexanderB saidSucks that I waited so long to get this procedure...worked so hard to pay for it...only to have it shut right back into my face. I guess its my fault for being fat in the first place. Just feel like I failed.
    It didn't shut in your face. It delayed the finishing touch.
    And, if you think losing a shitload of weight is a failure, you need to rethink the way you think.
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    Nov 21, 2011 10:32 PM GMT
    Listen gurl enough of the self pity. It's not your fault you have funky genetics, it's your parents. LOL JKJK!! It's really no one's fault, how would they have known had they decided to produce offspring they would have had some minor physiological issues?

    But I know this mindless babble is not helping. My only advice is that 1. If you do not want to go through the local anesthesia then you need to save up that extra grand or 2. Go through it and just close your eyes. LOL which doesn’t work I was put under local anesthesia when I had surgery on my toe, you can still feel them cutting your flesh.

    It’s okay don’t let it get to you. icon_smile.gif

    And if you ever feel super bad, listen to this song. Makes me feel betetr bout myself. Haha. icon_wink.gif

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    Nov 22, 2011 4:41 AM GMT
    AlexanderB said...

    I've been having nightmares of being cut open while conscious..guess I need to face my nightmare. ...


    It's not that bad. I've had surgery with a local.

    Also, stop beating yourself up regarding what you used to be. Consider the value of counseling with a professional psychotherapist to go after the root cause of the feelings which you still have. Work through it. Start living the lifestyle which you see as supporting the "new you" that surgery has given to you.

    Make a gratitude list. Just keep listing things which you are grateful for. Tape it to your bathroom mirror. Tape it to your refrigerator. Keep adding to the list when you feel down.