How many of you have experienced domestic violence in a relationship?

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    Nov 21, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    (This doesn't need to be physical altercations, it can also be emotional abuse.) Another thread just made me wonder how prevalent domestic violence is among gay men. Is this something that is happening and people are putting up with it? Share your stories and possibly share how you realized/overcame domestic violence.

    I personally have been choked until nearly passing out in a particular relationship, but tried to downplay it by saying that it was just a "guy thing" and it wasn't violence. I understand that this wasn't optimal, but I somehow feel that this is a sort of gray area for hitting in manly relationships because I was brought up that a girl should never be hit.
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    Nov 21, 2011 9:15 PM GMT
    What you described is classic abuse...just because this person did not punch you, does not mean it was not abuse because it was and it is. This person still put his hands on you and it was not in a loving way. There is no other way to put it! No has the right to put their hands on you, anymore than you have the right to put your hands on them. The only exception is when you are defending yourself! It's not a guy thing... it's an abuser thing!
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    Nov 21, 2011 9:16 PM GMT
    What I like a guy to do to me in bed is borderline domestic violence. Then again, Im freaky like that.
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    Nov 21, 2011 9:52 PM GMT
    Yeah it's one thing to play around with it in the sack but if someone genuinely want's to hurt you like that then that's crossing the line.

    Never had an issue with it myself but if any guy tried that with me you'd find them chopped up and buried somewhere the next morning.
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    Nov 22, 2011 12:54 AM GMT
    I have always told all dating partners or relationship partners, that IF a physical touch (defined as slaps, punches. kicks, chokeholds etc) is in anger, the relationship is over instantly. No ifs, ands or buts.

    Happened in two relationships. Both ended instantly to the surprise of that partner. (both were substance abuse related)
    I have ZERO tolerance when it comes to someone you 'love' or care about.
    Period.
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    Nov 22, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    Never. Hasn't happened and won't. If that's what you like in bed, that's a different story. It's not abuse if you want it.
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    Nov 22, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    I haven't personally experienced abuse but two good friends of mine dated for quite some time. It eventually ended and not long afterwards one of the guys beat the other nearly to death - kicked/stomped on his head, throat, stomach, etc... needless to say my friend who was beaten ended up in the hospital and I am no longer friends with the guy who beat him...
    If I ever come across behaviour like this in another guy I am going to lose my cool... it makes me so angry
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    Nov 22, 2011 2:27 AM GMT
    Chainers saidWhat I like a guy to do to me in bed is borderline domestic violence. Then again, Im freaky like that.


    But, the difference is that you're willing. icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 22, 2011 2:31 AM GMT
    To answer the OP's question...

    The rate of domestic abuse against same sex partners is roughly the same as the rate against heterosexual women.

    http://www.lambda.org/DV_background.htm

    Know the symptoms.
    http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/gay.shtml

    Seek help early. I did. It most likely saved my life.
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    Nov 22, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    violence is not part of love.
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    Nov 22, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    Is getting a really bad blow job and then punching him for doing such a poor job considered domestic violence?

    Or are you talking about me hitting the cleaning lady for not taking the books out of the book case before dusting?. Im confused.
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    Nov 22, 2011 3:36 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Dallasfan824 saidIs getting a really bad blow job and then punching him for doing such a poor job considered domestic violence?

    Or are you talking about me hitting the cleaning lady for not taking the books out of the book case before dusting?. Im confused.
    Theoretically anal sex can be domestic violence, because it can hurt.


    Bottom for an asian. It will be painless. And you get your home network setup after.
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    Nov 22, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    It happened to in my first relationship and lasted over 2 years. Really messed up my self confidence and will to live. Also took away my belief in relationships.
    I just hope it doesn't happen to anyone. Took me 5 years to accept it happened and talk about it.
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    Nov 22, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    Wow. I'm amazed at what some of you have gone through. I know about the playing around in the sack kind of thing (restraints, sling, chains, etc.) but I just never thought about guys knocking another guy around. It never happened to me. At 6'2" and 195, it would be hard to think of a guy trying to knock me around. If he tried a stunt like that, you can be sure he wouldn't do it twice.

    No guy (or girl) should have to put up with this shit. Same thing with straight guys who have sick, bi-polar girl friends or wives. You can't hit back when they attack, or you will be the one going to jail that night. All you can do is end it and get the Hell out.

    icon_cool.gif
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    Nov 22, 2011 4:21 AM GMT
    I got beat by a female ONCE, (by a middle school classmate, maybe we were in 7th grade or so) having been taught the idea that a man never hits a woman, not even in self defence.

    Didn't much care for that experience, so my policy on physical violence since then is:

    I won't throw the first punch, so you get one chance to knock me down. But better make it a damn good knock, because if I can get up, I'm coming back and coming back to win.

    Addendum: OP mentioned emotional abuse.

    This can be a much harder and nastier form of violence than physical DV, in that it can creep in slowly.

    I've come to be very thick-skinned and somewhat cynical about people, so once I pick up on it, I move to end the "relationship", if any remnant of it actually remains.
  • safety43_mma1...

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    Nov 22, 2011 8:05 AM GMT
    i was hit once in apast relationship and that was will be the only time.
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    Nov 22, 2011 8:06 AM GMT
    Not me.. Ive seen plenty of it in straight people though
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    Nov 22, 2011 8:44 AM GMT
    One of the first guys I dated has hit me a couple of times...
    I was 18 at the time and he was a constantly angry rugby player. He was hot, but he was aggressive .... and after two dates he decided he "owns" me and things got a little ugly.

    I don't want to get into details, but let's just say that now I know better.