privacy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2011 11:15 PM GMT
    Ok so i was reading the forums and found a topic about some guys reading his bf private messages on fb....So my question is... if your bf opens your facebook,email,mail or even phone and violates your privacy by looking at your messages, txt or even phone calls and so on. How would you react...

    For me trust is a big deal...and im not sure i could get over the fact that he look at my stuff with out asking... no matter what he found he shouldt have open my anything....but thats just me what do yall guys think?
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    Nov 22, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    If somebody violates my privacy, I don't give a shit about "their feelings" in response to what they accessed. It was private. Curiosity killed the cat. They should be lucky I don't espouse murder.

    If somebody violates my privacy, they don't usually end up remaining a part of my life.

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    Nov 23, 2011 2:01 AM GMT
    If I was doing dirt and someone found it, I wouldn't be pissed. But if I didn't do anything wrong.....icon_evil.gif
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    Nov 23, 2011 12:02 PM GMT
    dekiruman saidIf I was doing dirt and someone found it, I wouldn't be pissed. But if I didn't do anything wrong.....icon_evil.gif


    A relationship is built on trust....at the end of the day whatever you found.. bad or good... its irrelevant....the fact that my privacy was violated isn't
  • bad_wolf

    Posts: 1002

    Nov 23, 2011 12:09 PM GMT
    It's a big thing for me, it's just respectful, just because it's accessible doesn't give anyone the right to snoop through. If you need to use my phone or my laptop, you ask first, you don't help yourself.

    How little they must think of someone if they can come and do what they like without a second thought. The temptation might be there but it's your own self control that stops you, and if you give then, then in my eyes you're weak.

    You may reach a point of "ma casa su casa" you're happy and ok with letting down these boundaries opening these areas up but don't assume they're down and don't assume it's ok to step over that line.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Nov 23, 2011 12:11 PM GMT
    I think that there should be total openness and honesty between all couples. No secrets! No privacy between guys who are in a committed relationship. Why would you want to hide something from the person you are trying to build a life with? icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 23, 2011 12:24 PM GMT
    You have my trust until you prove yourself unworthy of it. If I had reason to suspect something, then yeah I'd check it.

    At the same time, I would be really pissed if he were doing the same. So I guess I'm just a hypocrite. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 23, 2011 12:25 PM GMT
    If my boyfriend snooped through my facebook, I wouldn't exactly care... I'd probably laugh and make fun of him for being such an insecure little girl. I have absolutely nothing to hide.

    In fact, my last boyfriend was always jealous for no reason and I did exactly that when he did jealous, sneaky things and got egg on his face about it.
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    Nov 23, 2011 12:30 PM GMT
    I trust my bf and don't think he would do that, if he did, he really wouldn't find anything.

    It would just be a lot of me bitching about everyone but him. I make sure I bitch about him.. to him icon_cool.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2011 10:03 PM GMT
    Uhm I would probably allow him to read my messages, cause I wouldn't want to hide things about me from him.
    But in the moment an other person gets involved and he finds something out about a person, which that person doesn't want to know anyone, through reading my messages (in that case I would tell him not to read the messages from that person) oh boy he better run
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2011 10:11 PM GMT
    I leave my email and facebook open on my computer so he can browse it anytime he wants.

    Strange thing though... he never wants to.
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    Nov 23, 2011 10:25 PM GMT
    I remember that thread but he accidentally read his messages on FB, so he wasn't snooping per se but anyways I just distrust overly private guys, because what are they hiding? I would snoop on my BF, you can't trust anyone these days.
  • Rawrdo

    Posts: 343

    Nov 25, 2011 5:49 AM GMT
    imabadboy88 said
    dekiruman saidIf I was doing dirt and someone found it, I wouldn't be pissed. But if I didn't do anything wrong.....icon_evil.gif


    A relationship is built on trust....at the end of the day whatever you found.. bad or good... its irrelevant....the fact that my privacy was violated isn't


    Not to start an argument or anything, but I think that if something WAS FOUND and it was BAD then I don't think its irrelevant as you say. If anyone's been dodgy and being all kinds of shady, they shouldn't be hypocrites about it and say that they feel like their privacy was violated because in comparison, I still think the other person in the relationship gets the short end of the stick. Personally it just sounds like an excuse to tell yourself as to not sound like a jerk."Oh I cheated, but because you found out through snooping, it doesn't count and I'm the innocent one here".However, I'm not promoting or suggesting active snooping cause that's not healthy, either. In most cases, both parties are wrong: the ones who snooped, and the ones who were guilty and got discovered.
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    Nov 25, 2011 6:02 AM GMT
    Rawrdo said
    imabadboy88 said
    dekiruman saidIf I was doing dirt and someone found it, I wouldn't be pissed. But if I didn't do anything wrong.....icon_evil.gif


    A relationship is built on trust....at the end of the day whatever you found.. bad or good... its irrelevant....the fact that my privacy was violated isn't


    Not to start an argument or anything, but I think that if something WAS FOUND and it was BAD then I don't think its irrelevant as you say. If anyone's been dodgy and being all kinds of shady, they shouldn't be hypocrites about it and say that they feel like their privacy was violated because in comparison, I still think the other person in the relationship gets the short end of the stick. Personally it just sounds like an excuse to tell yourself as to not sound like a jerk."Oh I cheated, but because you found out through snooping, it doesn't count and I'm the innocent one here".However, I'm not promoting or suggesting active snooping cause that's not healthy, either. In most cases, both parties are wrong: the ones who snooped, and the ones who were guilty and got discovered.


    i agree.. i mean if the other person has nothing to hide why get so bent out of shape.. my last ex new my pword to my fb account, i never locked my phone..my computer was always accessible, i had nothing to hide.. if you start acting shady, locking your things, putting pwords on your computers.. then somethings up in my opinion. i wouldnt go snooping but it would make me doubt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2011 9:58 AM GMT
    I locked my phone in my non-BFs house once while he was at work...

    I called him from a pay-phone to let him know that I would come by and get it when he got home. I got there about 30 minutes after he did... Needless to say, he read my texts dating back a few months. I think he just looked for anything with a male name.. It caused major issues between us for a while, and it still lingers.

    It's the worst feeling - like someone robbed your house... An uninvited guest going through your personal belongings... My stomach sank when I found out that he had read so many of my conversations. He quoted things I had said to my ex for MONTHS to come... Conversations meant for only the two of us to see - taken out of context. . I hated him for it.

    There's also the fact that I had replaced the picture of my ex with an ugly trolly guy as a joke...He then accused me of dating trolls... that was kinda funny, though
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2011 10:48 AM GMT
    malefeet saidI think that there should be total openness and honesty between all couples. No secrets! No privacy between guys who are in a committed relationship. Why would you want to hide something from the person you are trying to build a life with? icon_wink.gif

    Yeah, my partner can't violate my privacy because there's none between us. He knows he has my permission to see anything he likes, to include the online social sites I use. He also has all my passwords and PINs, can access my banking, even withdraw money if he wants. Hell, my bank card has both our pictures on it! LOL!

    I can do the same with him, but never do, except to help him with billing and other financial questions at his request, and when his e-mail program develops some glitch. About the only thing we each don't like is the other going through our papers & stuff on our respective desks. Not because of uncovering secrets, but due to the confusing mess it makes, everything getting out of order.

    But we're partners, and the OP says BFs. That can mean a different level of trust and sharing, and I think the couple needs to mutually establish those parameters, based on their particular relationship. Do they live together or apart? Have they been together long enough? Are they really partners in everything but name only, or is this more an exclusive & extended dating arrangement? I think the relationship itself will help to answer the OP's questions.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2011 10:52 AM GMT
    Not if they have real good rationale as to why. Shit if I think yous is cheatin motherfucker Imma do what I need to do to confirm or deny my suspicions.

    Don't do shady shit and you'll be a'ight.
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    Nov 25, 2011 10:53 AM GMT
    Hypnotico saidI remember that thread but he accidentally read his messages on FB, so he wasn't snooping per se but anyways I just distrust overly private guys, because what are they hiding? I would snoop on my BF, you can't trust anyone these days.

    Bitch I just loved you even more with that. Hmm exactly can't trust no one.
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    Nov 25, 2011 10:55 AM GMT
    imabadboy88 said
    dekiruman saidIf I was doing dirt and someone found it, I wouldn't be pissed. But if I didn't do anything wrong.....icon_evil.gif


    A relationship is built on trust....at the end of the day whatever you found.. bad or good... its irrelevant....the fact that my privacy was violated isn't

    Ugh no that's just some douchey way of trying to turn the tables. You cheating is graver then them snooping and violating your privacy. IF they do find you being a whore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2011 11:17 AM GMT
    Any man that I end up sharing and building my life with will probably know my passwords and is free to check anything he wants. If we love each other and become the center of each other's lives, then he'll know everything about me and everything I do. The only "privacy" I'd keep to myself is not telling him what I got him for his birthday or Christmas.
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    Nov 25, 2011 11:53 AM GMT
    RIGuy60 saidAny man that I end up sharing and building my life with will probably know my passwords and is free to check anything he wants. If we love each other and become the center of each other's lives, then he'll know everything about me and everything I do. The only "privacy" I'd keep to myself is not telling him what I got him for his birthday or Christmas.

    +1

    See my last above. And ditto on the gifts and other treats, I forgot about that aspect. Now there I do like to keep surprise secrets for him, but happy ones. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 25, 2011 1:02 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    RIGuy60 saidAny man that I end up sharing and building my life with will probably know my passwords and is free to check anything he wants. If we love each other and become the center of each other's lives, then he'll know everything about me and everything I do. The only "privacy" I'd keep to myself is not telling him what I got him for his birthday or Christmas.

    +1

    See my last above. And ditto on the gifts and other treats, I forgot about that aspect. Now there I do like to keep surprise secrets for him, but happy ones. icon_biggrin.gif


    Ugh. Gotta have some boundaries. If I found my bf checking my email or texts - or if he found me checking his - there would be a major row.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2011 1:44 PM GMT
    showme said
    Art_Deco said
    RIGuy60 saidAny man that I end up sharing and building my life with will probably know my passwords and is free to check anything he wants. If we love each other and become the center of each other's lives, then he'll know everything about me and everything I do. The only "privacy" I'd keep to myself is not telling him what I got him for his birthday or Christmas.

    +1

    See my last above. And ditto on the gifts and other treats, I forgot about that aspect. Now there I do like to keep surprise secrets for him, but happy ones. icon_biggrin.gif

    Ugh. Gotta have some boundaries. If I found my bf checking my email or texts - or if he found me checking his - there would be a major row.

    Your BF perhaps, and that was a distinction I made in my earlier post. And RIGuy60 said "... sharing and building my life with..." which may also imply a higher level of relationship than a BF.

    Often in these cases of gay behavior I look for straight parallels. If a guy dates a woman he would likely be upset to find her rummaging through his e-mail and other personal items. But if he marries her then he'll probably have no problem with her having complete access to everything as his wife. Indeed, I think in some jurisdictions that spousal right may be protected in law.

    Since I believe that in the gay world a partner = spouse, my own partner has free access to everything I have, and vice versa. A BF relationship can be quite different, however.
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    Nov 25, 2011 1:46 PM GMT
    i could give a shit about him opening my shit... i'm not hiding anything from him... when i find him! LOL
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 25, 2011 2:06 PM GMT
    In my case, my bf set up my FB profile and I modified it, so he checks it out regularly and also has read forums here on RJ.. which is fine.

    Trust is important.. I was raised with it.. I don't poke around his personal possessions or his phone and he doesn't with mine. If somebody ever questioned me about my time spent, my approach with communications or anything else, I would think we have a serious problem.