Integrity & Trustworthiness

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 04, 2008 10:08 PM GMT
    I had my annual performance evaluation at work this week. I did very well as I expected to and there were no surprises. I love my job and like my boss a lot. We have very open lines of communication and throughout the year we keep tabs on the good, bad and ugly regarding expectations and goal attainment, so most things are on the up and up. I hope my staff would say the same about me, but I struggle, lol.

    I am writing because he gave me the highest mark in a section titled ‘Integrity & trustworthiness’. While he was talking about very nice things that occurred in our professional environment over the past year, I was troubled by the fact that he doesn’t know that I am gay and would be horribly put-off by it. He is a fundamentalist Christian (who maintains a blog he doesn’t know half of his staff reads, lol), and so clearly I am not exactly the embodiment of ‘Integrity & Trustworthiness’ he was describing. I do fit the bill pretty much as far as work goes, and he recently became aware that I am a non-believer, but the orientation would be hard for him to swallow.

    It is a matter of privacy, self-preservation and where I’m at in my own coming-out journey that no one at work knows I am gay by my own confession. If someone thinks they know, I am not aware of the suspicion. Anyway, this bothered me and I thought I’d post for some feedback.
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    Jun 04, 2008 10:28 PM GMT
    It's not your problem anymore, it's their problem anymore.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jun 04, 2008 10:30 PM GMT
    Being held in high esteem for trustworthiness comes in handy. See, when he finds out and treats you in a vicious and malicious manner, that's when you get back by emptying the company coffers and flying off to Jamaica.

    It's how life generally goes. A balance, and though we may wish for unrivaled grandeur, nature and life don't work that way.

    Myself, I couldn't handle having that axe hanging over me. I would have it out with him. I have a strong aversion to stress, and dusting, and wouldn't accept the position you are in. It's well that you can handle the situation, but I know I would find myself reseting him for the anxiety of being under cover, as well as the prospect of finding contempt and disgust in the eyes of a person whom I respected.

    It's unfortunate that the character of a person isn't really worth a plugged nickel, unless your in court.
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    Jun 04, 2008 10:56 PM GMT
    Look at it this way, if he's not able to separate his personal beliefs from his professional life, he doesn't get high marks in the "integrity and trustworthiness" category either.

    I don't believe it's any of his professional business whether you're a non-believer or gay. If he makes either an issue at work, he's out of line.
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    Jun 04, 2008 11:02 PM GMT
    Global_Citizen said...If he makes either an issue at work, he's out of line.

    He may, however, have the backing of the corporation. Look into your company's discrimination policy with HR and be prepared, just in case.
  • badtouch

    Posts: 67

    Jun 05, 2008 12:46 AM GMT
    i'm not really out at work either, but more by accident than anything else. i'm a really private person, i guess, and it takes me a while to warm up to new people. now while these people are no longer new to me and i've developped friendships, i just haven't had any care or reason to say anything. maybe if i were ever involved...

    but i'm not bothered by it because i don't feel like i'm actively keeping a secret; it's just something that hasn't been said. at this point, the act of saying it would be more of a social formality.

    your situation is only bad if you feel pressured by this, because that means that their issues are impacting your headspace, your well-being. but if it's just the weather, just a thing, don't be bothered by modern compulsions, as though you owe them anything. be driven by your own self, your own time.

    trustworthiness and integrity? take these ideals you've engendered and take them reflexively.
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    Jun 05, 2008 12:52 AM GMT
    plus you have to remember that who you love has nothing to do with the 'Integrity & Trustworthiness' that you hold at work. In fact, that fact that you are in check with your own integrity and being true to the man you are, speaks more volumns about you.

    I'm certain that nobody else at work discusses with this man who they're sleeping with. It's out of line at work. There is no place for it.

    That being said, you should always keep copies of all your reviews and read the company HR manual. There may be a time that you will need it all.
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    Jun 05, 2008 1:07 AM GMT
    You shouldn['t feel bad abot this. You did your job the way it was suppose to be done. Your boss does not need to know your sexual preference in order for you to job well. Anyone who tells you that is just fooling themself.

    Uf youwant to inform your boss of what you like then cool. I've worked with people who were marreid and no one even knew about it including the boss. it really no one's business. It should only become public knowledge when your personal life starts to have an effect on your business life.

    I'm speaking from experience as a gay who served in the military. I'm openly gay and have been since long before I joined. I never hid my preference but I was cautious about how I presented myself and who I allowed to know about certains. I never lied when anyone asked (which oddly enough no one ever did) since I felt that the things I did on my free time had no effect on my duties.

    Don't beat yourself up about this man. you haven't done anything wrong and you've betrayed any form of intergrity and trustworthiness in your company since what you do on your free time is your business so long as it doens't effect your work.
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    Jun 05, 2008 1:17 AM GMT
    Integrity and trustworthiness should not have to conflict with ones privacy.

    At work, where the performance evaluation is being administered, is where the analysis comes from, not from your private life.

    I have to work with many people who openly cheat on their spouses, but despite this, some of them are great at what they do.
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    Jun 05, 2008 1:20 AM GMT
    Exactly. If you can do your job well and exceed the expectations of your working peers then who you are and what you do on your free time shouldn't have to do with your job life.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 05, 2008 2:37 AM GMT
    It sounds like you do have integrity and I'm sure you are trustworthy. If you didn't have integrity, we wouldn't be having this discussion.

    I think you should dismiss your concern. Having integrity doesn't mean you have to tell your boss everything about your life. Don't create a problem, just continue your excellent job at work. You are to be commended.

    icon_biggrin.gif