Say "I love you" when?

  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Jun 05, 2008 12:32 AM GMT
    When is it too early to say I love you in a serious LTR, as opposed to a "love ya babe" to someone you're just dating.

    My bf just dropped the 3 words over dinner last night. We've been together about 8 months -- I know, we're old conventional ass pets.

    I would have probably told him a month in the relationship but a) I thought it was too early for him to hear and b) I'm a pussy with shit like this, my sarcastic side usually kicks in for some self defense.
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    Jun 05, 2008 2:03 AM GMT
    You should probably wait until your mouth is no longer full.

    Otherwise it comes out "Agghh Lughhhhh Youghhh".
  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Jun 05, 2008 2:09 AM GMT
    Lol, my knee jerk reaction was a verbal "The Fuck?" while I was still chewing, since he didn't segway into it and it came from nowhere.
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    Jun 05, 2008 2:12 AM GMT
    Okay. seriously?

    Resist the impulse to sarcasm. It's my defense mechanism too, and one of my long-term bfs used to get pissed. "Is everything a fucking joke?" he used to ask me. Sadly, at the time, I didn't know how to turn it off.

    I feel like you're some weird early version of myself. I also spent my young years on Wall Street as a trader, and I too was a highly-developed smart aleck. The good news: I figured out how to stop (maybe too late).

    The real deal: the correct time to say it is when you can't NOT say it, not when you think he expects it.
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    Jun 05, 2008 2:13 AM GMT
    ...my rule of thumb is: say it, when you can't not say it....
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    Jun 05, 2008 2:14 AM GMT
    See? icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 05, 2008 2:16 AM GMT
    I wait until 6 months or more have passed and it comes naturally. At first I make some of my "I love you"s sound more like adoration and praise, but later on it becomes it's own idiosyncratic phrase and something not to be thrown around like any catch phrase... than somehow after a few years it becomes the new and the kinder hello, good morning and good afternoon.

    But mostly when it seems right to say it, not like on t.v. or in the movies kind, just right between you two, than it should be right to say it; unless the guy's a love-phobic circuit slut.
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    Jun 05, 2008 2:16 AM GMT
    jprichva saidSee? icon_smile.gif



    ...great minds... icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 05, 2008 2:18 AM GMT
    Everyone is different. Its hard to say if any period of time is too early. If you really do feel like your in love...why not say it. Now I have met some guys online and after a couple of emails a guy will say "I love you". That to me is strange. Because we have never met and you dont know me. Your basing your love off a picture and 4 email exchanges.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Jun 05, 2008 2:22 AM GMT
    You should say it when you know for sure that this is the way you really feel, but also take a step back and decide if you're sure the one you love is ready to hear it and, hopefully, ready to say it back.
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    Jun 05, 2008 2:24 AM GMT
    Saying you have to wait a certain length of time before saying "I love you" seems very arbitrary. Although it shouldn't be confused with lust, I believe you just know when you're in love with someone. If that's 2 months or 8 years after you first met, then so be it.
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    Jun 05, 2008 2:26 AM GMT
    And also, I don't really believe love is a feeling so much as an action or a frame of mind. Loving someone takes effort. If you can stand by someone through thick and thin...if you can tolerate his good side and his bad side...if you can appreciate him and all of his imperfections...then maybe you're in love with him. I'm not really sure it's some gut feeling. Those come and go. Love shouldn't.
  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Jun 05, 2008 2:37 AM GMT
    jprichva saidOkay. seriously?

    Resist the impulse to sarcasm. It's my defense mechanism too, and one of my long-term bfs used to get pissed. "Is everything a fucking joke?" he used to ask me. Sadly, at the time, I didn't know how to turn it off.

    I feel like you're some weird early version of myself. I also spent my young years on Wall Street as a trader, and I too was a highly-developed smart aleck. The good news: I figured out how to stop (maybe too late).

    The real deal: the correct time to say it is when you can't NOT say it, not when you think he expects it.


    Yes, but luckily for me he also works on Wall St and is a bigger sarcastic dickface than I am. That's why I never expected him to open up the way he did, I even thought it was a joke for a while, but damn it felt good to hear.

    He's going back to London Friday and is expected to spend more time there. I think his need to verbalize it has a lot to do with that.
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    Jun 05, 2008 2:58 AM GMT
    jprichva saidResist the impulse to sarcasm. It's my defense mechanism too, and one of my long-term bfs used to get pissed. "Is everything a fucking joke?" he used to ask me. Sadly, at the time, I didn't know how to turn it off.


    I had the same problem as well. After making a particularly funny joke while having sex my boyfriend at the time yelled angrily "Is that all you want to do? Crack jokes naked?".
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    Jun 05, 2008 4:17 AM GMT
    Why is everyone so afraid to say and then be repulsed when hearing the words 'I love you'? This is not the first time there was a thread covering such a particular matter, yet it seems guys are hesitant to use those words when they actually have feelings that fit the meaning. If you love your guy, then why not say such words? Perhaps I am awfully naive in thinking so, probably because I have yet to find a guy but I hear those words coming out of heterosexual couples quite a lot.
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    Jun 05, 2008 5:29 AM GMT
    Well, it could have been more awkward. He could have screamed it at the top of his lungs for the neighbors to hear when he was up to his balls inside you.
  • kaccioto

    Posts: 284

    Jun 05, 2008 5:46 AM GMT
    RBY71 saidWell, it could have been more awkward. He could have screamed it at the top of his lungs for the neighbors to hear when he was up to his balls inside you.


    pa dum-dum pshhh (drums)

    Nah the dirty talk suffices.
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Jun 05, 2008 5:50 AM GMT
    geeessss you guys.... this should be more serious!

    If and when it feels right... in that you actualy feel love, then DO by all means SAY it!

    Don't let a chance like that go away.... how many times have we lost out by NOT telling someone how we feel? You are VERY lucky indeed.

    I am still recovering from a mistake my BF I and made many years ago when we each decided separately NOT to be "in love" when in fact we were.... we each let a beautiful romance... a great chance for love and happiness go away by NOT telling how we feel. I can only hope the chance comes along again... THIS time, I will tell him!
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    Jun 05, 2008 6:02 AM GMT
    If your actions say "I love you" sufficiently loud enough, then eventually the words will not be such a shock and will come naturally. "I love you" should always come from the heart before the mouth.
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    Jun 05, 2008 6:14 AM GMT
    musicteach said...my rule of thumb is: say it, when you can't not say it....


    oh oh. I likesss that.
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    Jun 05, 2008 6:16 AM GMT
    ActiveAndFit saidIf your actions say "I love you" sufficiently loud enough, then eventually the words will not be such a shock and will come naturally. "I love you" should always come from the heart before the mouth.


    Active, you took the words right out of my mouth.

    There is no rule of thumb with me...

    There are so many levels of love but looking back, I think that the times I have said it first has been after truly making love to a man, when I look into his eys, feel his breath on mine, cheek to cheek, body to body and I know... I love this man.

    It's so sexy!
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    Jun 05, 2008 6:16 AM GMT
    Additionally when those words come from my mouth, they are true.
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    Jun 05, 2008 9:06 AM GMT
    All interesting and thoughtful responses. Some funny ones as well!

    I told my husband that I loved him 4 days after I met him and he said the same to me. I'm not sure it was something I 'had' to say, but it was certainly the truth. I just chose to articulate what was really clear to me in that moment. I still wonder why I was so lucky to know this so deeply and so soon, but I'm glad I wasn't afraid to say what was swelling in my heart. We've been together almost 4 years and got married last summer.

    If you are in love, I think you know it. If you know it as your truth, then say it. No one is ever diminished when they hear that truth.
  • dcarm

    Posts: 291

    Jun 05, 2008 2:19 PM GMT
    it was 3 weeks to a month with my husband. It was somewhat of a Disney moment, you know, we both said the words at the same time, and all that mushy stuff.

    Just wait for it to feel right, and say it.
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Jun 05, 2008 2:20 PM GMT
    Don't be scared of the 3 words, they show how much the other guy cares for you. I would love to hear someone say that to me! icon_razz.gif