I don't know you yet? How can I ignore your friendship?

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    Jun 05, 2008 1:09 AM GMT
    (Edit: if you cannot stomach some small amount of morbid sarcasm, or youre not familiar with the vast array of "fetishes" in existence, dont even bother reading this)

    We all have our preferences. I love my dog to death, but I prefer not to be sexually involved with animals. That's my choice.

    But I'm struggling to understand why, despite ones preferences, do we instantly ostracize others who have preferences that oppose our own.

    Of course not all of us do that. In no way am I glorifying myself by saying that I am one of these people. I won't instantly cease communications with you if you came out and told me about the really good time you had with your favorite horse. Though, I may be taken aback by this, since I (currently) know no one who does this, I would do my best to understand what it is about beastiality that gets you off.

    Personally, I would deflect any friendship if it became "abrasive," but not simply because you masturbate with a watermelon.

    Certainly there are things we "disagree" with, such as child pornography. Some of us like it, some of us don't. Unfortunately for those who do, it's illegal, which bothers me none considering I'm not into that kind of thing.

    But, law's perspective aside, why do we not first seek to understand others' choices (edit: and preferences) before shunning them away?


    ---> and yes, there are other "fetishes" out there other than goat fucking, like foot fetishes, scat porn, necrophilia, fisting, torture.<--- i doubt i popped your fetish cherry, but if i did, i already told you not to read this anyways. thats your fault.
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    Jun 05, 2008 1:29 AM GMT
    I forwarded this thread to mickeytopogigio who can shed light on this as he just told me earlier that, and I quote: "Bestiality is the new orange." I now give him the floor. BRB.
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    Jun 05, 2008 1:53 AM GMT
    Well, if you really have to know, it's the soft pink tongue.

    Arf!
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    Jun 05, 2008 1:56 AM GMT

    Hi, you're cute, but I'm not understanding your thread. So far, I get that you are asking how we can shun someone away as a friend based on their preferences. However, I am confused and a lot disturbed by your examples of such preferences: beastiality and child pornography? Uuuugh, I seriously felt sick when I read both.

    Aren't they both a bit extreme? LOL, I think a better example may have been they snowboard or spelunk (talk about disturbing.)icon_razz.gif

    Still, I think we shun people based on questionable preferences if they have them, because we like to befriend people who share our interest. We want to be able to talk to our friends about their likes after all.

    Actually, I don't think people necessarily shun people with different preferences, but just simply aren't drawn to them.However, they might still talk to that person and be civil with them, just choose not to befriend them.

    For me atleast, friendship tends to be very exclusive as in people tend to have preconceived notions of what they'd like in a friend before they even get to the party. I won't attempt to befriend someone unless it all feels right.

    I think friendship is a lot like sexual or romantic attraction in it's budding stages, as in I believe people have to be drawn to something about a person they'd like to befriend. In addition, I don't know if you've noticed, but befriending is a lot like courting: you spot the mark, you're nervous may not speak right away, you finally engage them in conversation, all the while looking for cues from them that they like you back. Certainly, it isn't beyond reason that people wouldn't engage in this befriending if they were put off by someone's preferences...messes up the mood.


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    Jun 05, 2008 2:46 AM GMT
    liquid, is there something you're trying to tell us?

    Seriously, I'm one of those people who wouldn't befriend someone who's into bestiality or child pornography, and I wouldn't feel guilty about not wanting to attempt to understand that person's attraction to those things.

    I don't necessarily care if people want to masturbate with fruits and vegetables, but that isn't on par with bestiality or child porn. The latter two are both disturbing and trying to understand the attraction in that is best left to a psychologist.
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    Jun 05, 2008 4:20 AM GMT
    Zimster's misquoting me; I said eggplant is the new black. Totally loving the eggplant right now. Tender loving.
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    Jun 05, 2008 4:23 AM GMT
    whoa fellas, gettin off subject. i know the examples were extreme, but damn, theyre just that. examples. im into regular stuff, just like (most of) the next guys.

    do you think psychologists immediately 180 to child molesters and monkey fuckers? of course not. how will you understand how they think if you keep them quiet? neither of us are psychologists, hence the reason for the post. and CERTAINLY these things are "on par" with each other. sex with a goat may be on the same wavelength as sex with another man to some people, and thus WE are the weird ones. the "sodomizers" to some.

    for some, its a matter of understanding. it is the intrigue that the other person has that interests them. some african tribes force the males to experience gay sex before they enter manhood. some scientists arent into that kinda thing, but they still observe to understand it.

    consider the works of freud, regarding incest and child-parent relationships. im no freud, i shouldnt have to say that, though. but thats why im asking the question. to better understand why someone would shun a particular choice before understanding it.

    besides, if i was into animal sex and child porn, i wouldve said the opposite of what i initially stated.

    "is there something youre trying to tell us?" are you kidding me? in fact, i completely disagree with MANBLA but that doesnt mean i dont understand the way they think. its not as though the subject is a fairy tale. it wont disappear if you ignore it.

    OH, and anyone else who reads, please please PLEASE, for the love of god, note the sarcasm. i know its subtle and minimal, but its there.
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    Jun 05, 2008 4:36 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidZimster's misquoting me; I said eggplant is the new black. Totally loving the eggplant right now. Tender loving.


    Lies! Eggplants are the new pink, punk! icon_mad.gif
    Rosa Bianca, an heirloom from Italy.
    EG105.jpg

    That one looks like an ass though..
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    Jun 05, 2008 4:54 AM GMT
    I hear what you're saying liquid and appreciate your point. Many in our community immediately have no interest in others if they don't have a six pack or aren't hung like a horse. (although I do have to admit that I am still naive enough not to understand some of the fetishes you referred to)

    But I see how that also transfer over in many fields. Like me, I'm not a fan of fat women. I know why, but I won't explain here.

    But I do agree, you don't have to only surround yourself with the pretty people. You can have ugly friends. Have you ever noticed how women do this? There are generally a group or gaggle of 4 or 5 semi hot girls and then the token fat girl. But wait, is that just to make the other feel better about themselves? I have no idea. I just see that at a lot of straight clubs here.

    Oh wow... I think that I'm totally off subject, but I'm laughing now so it's a good thing.
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    Jun 05, 2008 5:06 AM GMT
    I think it is just part of how we are wired.
    It's a mental trigger. If we like something or agree with it we jump on it, but if we dont, it brings fear and apprehension so we turn our backs and run. I think it is basically fear about stepping out of a comfort zone.

    I also think that is some cases it has to do a lot with self confidence and how u want to be perceived and how u perceive yourself vs. who and what u really are. If u are in a spot where u are truely comfortable with urself i think u will be more open to new ideas. when u lack a sense of self, a sense of confidence, you will limit your experiences due to the fear of what u and others will think.

    I think i am on topic...
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    Jun 05, 2008 5:26 AM GMT
    I think many people are going to have a hard time answering your question, because the gulf of difference in being able to feel sorry for someone and being a friend to someone.

    As far as the things you mentioned some see those as abuse, non-consensual, rape, criminal, etc. Other things, fetishes etc. are consensual and no one is forced to do something they don't want to do.

    I have no problems befriending a person into the latter (consensual stuff: s&m, leather, etc) even though some may turn me off.

    The former however, as something abusive, would make it unlikely for me to be a friend of someone who is really hurting someone. I simply don't like to see people suffer especially at the hands of another human being.
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    Jun 05, 2008 5:51 AM GMT
    BTW, I think there is a big difference in the topic header and the content of what was in your post.

    If you reject someone's friendship that you don't even know, you are rejecting something in yourself or someone you DO KNOW. Even if you are going on a gut feeling, it is one based on experience or prior knowledge which may or may not be correctly associated to the person in question. Contrary to the old saying, you can't be afraid of the unknown but only the things you have seen or experienced before or know about.
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    Jun 05, 2008 5:59 AM GMT
    I'll stick to the current header because it effectively embodies the general statement I'm attempting to make.

    why do we not first seek to understand others' choices before shunning them away?

    the majority of people who dont understand something feel out of their comfort zone and thus "shun" it, despite whether or not they understand it.

    honestly though, whether or not anyone feels they "answered the question right" or not, theres a lot of good information relating to the topic itself and thats exactly what i was looking for.

    it may not look that way, but my eyes are opening to the light thats being shed icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 05, 2008 6:14 AM GMT
    Ignoring your extreme examples, then, it really depends on the depth of the difference. For me, there's little "tells" in people that warn me to keep an eye on them. Some tells usually indicate something not so big, for which I can adjust or ignore. Other tells often indicate to me something I think will not work well for me.

    For instance, a cigarette burn trail on the arm: is this person into having fun with a little pain, or is this person self-mutilating because of schizophrenia?

    I know, another extreme example.

    But what about tattoos? Way more common. Some people are into tribal art. Others like the experience, have multiple piercings and tattoos because it connects them to a culture they admire. Some, so rare, enjoy the infliction of the tattoo, piercing, because of a hostility toward their body. To me, a tattoo is a tell and I study the individual for awhile before I decide if they're okay.

    Not every tattoo is beautiful to me. I don't mean that it has to be artful or terrific. I mean, is the tattoo a narrative about the person, or is it a shade or mask? When the tattoo and the person agree, I feel comfortable. If they clash, I'm on alert.
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    Jun 05, 2008 6:18 AM GMT
    liquidschism saidI'll stick to the current header because it effectively embodies the general statement I'm attempting to make.

    the majority of people who dont understand something feel out of their comfort zone and thus "shun" it, despite whether or not they understand it.

    See, this is an example of what I am talking about.

    "Discomfort": You cannot feel it unless it is something you have experienced either directly or indirectly or have been trained to be biased against something. Take a baby or young child for example. They will readily grab a growling dog or touch something hot until they have been bitten or burned. So even though someone may not totally understand something, if they shun it, it is because they are relating it to something they are familiar with.

    That being said people will make a leap in judgment in proportion to the level of displeasure (or even pleasure) related to the person they are judging or evaluating.
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    Jun 05, 2008 7:20 AM GMT
    Nope. I try not to, at least when it comes to fetishes. There are still limits though.

    If you liked scat, who cares? I personally would not let that get in the way of friendship, though I probably won't let you kiss me. icon_lol.gif

    HOWEVER, child pornography will probably make me want to attach lead weights on your ankles and throw you off the eastern coast of the Philippines... down down the Marianas Trench...

    And Sadomasochism will make me want to stay the hell away from you. icon_confused.gif

    I've got my own fetishes as well, but harmless ones, some of the guys know what they are here, and they didn't mind at all. icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 05, 2008 12:46 PM GMT
    Sedative said
    I've got my own fetishes as well, but harmless ones, some of the guys know what they are here, and they didn't mind at all. icon_razz.gif

    Come on, you can't just throw that out there and not elaborate... spill it!
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    Jun 05, 2008 1:00 PM GMT
    I dunno, really. I guess being a nurse and having taken several units in Psychology, Psychiatry and Therapeutic Communication makes you approach this kind of situations in a holistic, non-judgmental, scentific way which can just add to your life's learning.
    The more you know, the less you know.
    Just 'cos my friend is into it doesn't mean I am or I hafta.
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    Jun 06, 2008 12:49 PM GMT
    Global_Citizen said
    Come on, you can't just throw that out there and not elaborate... spill it!


    nyah nyah! *raspberry* icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 21, 2008 9:05 AM GMT
    This man speaks the truth.I told him about all my "good times" with my pet koala (he enjoys it too) and he is still my friend.

    Thanks mate.


    We can all learn something from him.
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    Sep 21, 2008 10:53 AM GMT
    Maybe you started with a valid premise, but your examples were poorly chosen in that they both exploit entities who do not have a choice in the matter (animals and children). That is why sex with both is illegal.

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    Sep 21, 2008 12:26 PM GMT
    I just love sniffing the wreaking assers of angels. icon_eek.gif

    Wristwatch, fistfuck, Crisco..............icon_biggrin.gif