24 year old/40 year old

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 26, 2011 10:24 PM GMT
    So i met this amazing guy back in January this year on grindr of course. I never expect much from it but I have met nice people occasionally. He was 39 at the time and so we chatted a little and decided to meet up. It was great, amazing chemistry and his body was better than mine, after that we chatted for some time and there was just something about him that was intriguing, even though he was older I just felt something. He invited me out to dinner (which is a rare thing these days) and I was very adamant worried about what people might think because when someone asks you out I assume the have the intention of wanting to date someone. Anyways, so I decide to step out of my box and I go out with him. We again have an amazing time talking about life and we have so many things in common that I might not have with another guy his age. We continued hanging out but I was very hung up on the age gap, but it was casual. I went to his house in palm springs one weekend and had a great time but I was a little uneasy at the same time because I didn't know where it was going

    So a few weeks after we met I say we should be friends. He is a busy guy and he goes to visit his friend in Texas and comes back and we reconnect again. We end up getting back into bed anyways because we just have a great emotional and physical connection. We continue to be this way for several months. I ended up staying with him at a house he was renting in Santa Monica for a whole week and we were playing house. Around this time I realized that for us, at least, age was just a number and I had never felt more comfortable with another man in my life. I've always tried to pretend to be different so guys would like me and that's a whole mess. So we are kind of having this undefined whatchamacallit relationship and we both care for each other very much. It's not just about sex. Also while he was in Texas with his friend I guess they had both confessed their feelings for each other (known each other many years) and I had discussed this with him but he said he wasn't moving to Texas anytime soon and he wasn't pursuing it and we continued our undefined relationship. Things like remembering the kind of coffee I like, my favorite food, and just knowing me more than most people. We also spent another week together in Hollywood when he was staying there for a week. In between the months of January and June we spent a lot of weekends at his house in palm springs. My friends would constantly ask if he was my boyfriend but I couldn't really say, just that he is a great person. I never usually believe in things happening for a reason or it will happen when you least expect it...but I woke up one morning and thought about him and how happy he makes me and I realized I wanted more. It kind of came out of nowhere. 

    However, me expressing my feelings backfired and he told me he was "flattered" and that his focus was work and taking care of his dog (he was about to start directing a film and the final drafts of his book..) I knew I wasn't going to see him as much as I used to. After I said how I felt things changed and I think he felt like he had to push me away and since we've had conversations and he wants me to find someone in my age range and it makes me furious. I'm not searching for just anyone. I didn't think I'd fall for a 40 year old but I did. He had feelings too and I was unsure of what it was. I can tell he is an overly nice person at times and very generous. I never felt like I had a sugar daddy, we just gelled and it didn't seem weird or awkward like that. However, recently he told me he felt like a daddy and that it was inappropriate and I was utterly confused at what he was telling me. After the fact he brings up these issues that make no sense. I felt that maybe he wouldn't want to be with me because I'm not successful yet or I don't have an amazing career like him but he said that didn't matter. His last boyfriend was one of those LA jerk faces and I couldn't imagine how he would have been with someone like that before but maybe I can see why now...it's very confusing because I never thought I would find someone I connect with so much mutually and have real feelings for that I could wake up next to.

    Needless to say I haven't seen him since july and he's been busy traveling but also I could tell he has been avoiding me I guess to help me in a way...but that's not what I want. The age difference has all of the sudden become a barrier that doesn't make any sense to me, not for he and I at least. I feel like everyone is gonna say move on he's a jerk, but he's not an asshole. I'm just trying to show him that what he thinks I should be doing or having at 24 isn't typical of maybe other guys my age. I can make my own decisions and choices about what I want and with him it was a no brainer. I miss the physical connection and friendship and it's not the same since I said how I felt. We don't look like a daddy/son combo. It's just natural and I have never been happier than when I'm with him. Ugh. 

    Please excuse my run on sentences and grammar. Did this on my iPad.











  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 26, 2011 10:54 PM GMT
    you were a booty call, and he moved on to the next

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    Nov 27, 2011 9:31 PM GMT
    I just read most of your post. I started dating my current boyfriend when he was 39 and I was 29. The age difference is slightly less than your situation, but I can totally relate to the strong feelings you have for this man. I felt and still feel the same way for my guy. Amazing chemistry, like he knows exactly how to touch me and I love his body. One of the things I've struggled with throughout our relationship is the fact that because he's older and has obviously dated more guys, I sometimes feel like I may be out of his league. Nevertheless, we're still together, even though sometimes he's hard to read, I can honestly say that after 14 months of being together I am absolutely head over heels for him.

    If I were you I would tell this man that you have fallen in love with him, plain and simple. Be honest with him and tell him how much he means to you, and how you're struggling with not seeing him. You need to see if he feels the same way about you or not. At least that way you will know. That's what I would do.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 27, 2011 9:50 PM GMT
    I think you will recover from this. I think this may have been a lesson for you to let your guard down and enjoy the moment. I am sorry you got hurt but think of it as a learning situation.
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    Nov 27, 2011 10:00 PM GMT
    Wow, that's a tough one. Sounds like you had an amazing connection. On the positive side, you learned that age is just a number but a number that carries some baggage with it.

    I was seeing a guy who was in his mid 20s while I was 50. In addition to the age was the distance of 400 miles. I finally told him it wasn't going to work and it was primarily because he had gone back to college with the potential for a great career ahead of himself while I'm finally seeing light at the tunnel of finishing up my career. Two totally different places in life. I really enjoyed being with him and I think it hurt him badly when we split. I felt terrible but reality was he was at a very different place in life. We do remain friends and I know he'll find someone and be a great partner for them.

    Hang in there. It's not always about age but sometimes, you do have to consider that beyond just the 'now'. Good luck.
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    Nov 27, 2011 10:07 PM GMT
    Take away the age difference and read what you wrote. He didn't reject you until you wanted more from him. Age wasn't an issue for him until you wanted a commitment.

    You are clinging to the age difference being the problem and he used that as an excuse, makes it easier for him.

    He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. Move on, the sooner the better. I've been in the same boat as you.
  • confidentcrip

    Posts: 111

    Nov 27, 2011 10:14 PM GMT
    sdgman saidTake away the age difference and read what you wrote. He didn't reject you until you wanted more from him. Age wasn't an issue for him until you wanted a commitment.

    You are clinging to the age difference being the problem and he used that as an excuse, makes it easier for him.

    He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. Move on, the sooner the better. I've been in the same boat as you.


    this.
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    Nov 27, 2011 10:19 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidWow, that's a tough one. Sounds like you had an amazing connection. On the positive side, you learned that age is just a number but a number that carries some baggage with it.

    I was seeing a guy who was in his mid 20s while I was 50. In addition to the age was the distance of 400 miles. I finally told him it wasn't going to work and it was primarily because he had gone back to college with the potential for a great career ahead of himself while I'm finally seeing light at the tunnel of finishing up my career. Two totally different places in life. I really enjoyed being with him and I think it hurt him badly when we split. I felt terrible but reality was he was at a very different place in life. We do remain friends and I know he'll find someone and be a great partner for them.

    Hang in there. It's not always about age but sometimes, you do have to consider that beyond just the 'now'. Good luck.


    Nicely put!
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    Nov 27, 2011 10:24 PM GMT
    andrewstkitts001 said
    sdgman saidTake away the age difference and read what you wrote. He didn't reject you until you wanted more from him. Age wasn't an issue for him until you wanted a commitment.

    You are clinging to the age difference being the problem and he used that as an excuse, makes it easier for him.

    He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. Move on, the sooner the better. I've been in the same boat as you.


    this.


    +2 You already know the answer to your questions, is just hard to admit it to the heart.
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    Nov 27, 2011 10:28 PM GMT
    sdgman saidTake away the age difference and read what you wrote. He didn't reject you until you wanted more from him. Age wasn't an issue for him until you wanted a commitment.

    You are clinging to the age difference being the problem and he used that as an excuse, makes it easier for him.

    He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. Move on, the sooner the better. I've been in the same boat as you.

    Concur. Many of us have.
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    Nov 27, 2011 10:42 PM GMT
    so sorry.........that has to hurt really bad..........
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    Nov 27, 2011 11:11 PM GMT
    Sounds like some great connection and some good times. Hard to say whether he was afraid of commitment or whether the commitment issue made him face the age difference. Have another friend in his late 20s who was dating a guy in his mid 40s. Great connection, great time together, but whenever he pressed to get the relationship defind, his friend backed off. Being in my mid 40s I know I connect with some younger guys on alot of activities and interests. Never let anything go past a friendship though, cause I worry that in a few years (when I'm heading into my 50s - ugh) they will want to move on. I know its my hangup, but wonder if other 40 year olds have the same fear when it comes to dating younger guys.

    Good luck. And I hope time heals your wound. I'd say he was not so great a guy having let it go on so long.
  • ja89

    Posts: 789

    Nov 27, 2011 11:16 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear. I know when you have a connection with someone and it all of the sudden just ends like that, there is a sense of heartbreak. I do have say that he might not be saying his true feelings as to why he hasn't talked to you in a while.

    i had developed slight feelings for an older guy at one point, but learned a valuable lesson from him at that time that helped me grow a little. I guess give it some more time and hopefully you will learn something from this that will help you grow as well. whether they recognize it or not, older men(people) always have a way of teaching you something.
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    Nov 27, 2011 11:29 PM GMT
    Chuck it up to a lesson in your life experience. Your choice of negative or positive and how u move forward will deterime what u learned.
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    Nov 27, 2011 11:37 PM GMT
    It does not sound like an age thing. He is just the typical single 40 y.o. that wants a sexual connection and nothing else. He is single at 40 for a reason.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Nov 27, 2011 11:41 PM GMT
    He's involved in Hollywood; need you wonder any further ?

    I'm quite sorry for you; usually, it is the younger one who flakes . . .
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    Nov 27, 2011 11:48 PM GMT
    sdgman saidTake away the age difference and read what you wrote. He didn't reject you until you wanted more from him. Age wasn't an issue for him until you wanted a commitment.

    You are clinging to the age difference being the problem and he used that as an excuse, makes it easier for him.

    He doesn't want to be in a committed relationship. Move on, the sooner the better. I've been in the same boat as you.



    sdgman hit the nail on the head with his comment.

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    Nov 27, 2011 11:55 PM GMT
    Judge people based on their actions. Not their words, not their eyes, not their body language; those can be faked. Their actions.

    With this in mind, review his choices in regard to you and act accordingly.