There's this guy I know who's having unprotected sex

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 28, 2011 3:39 AM GMT
    *APOLOGIES IN ADVANCE FOR THE LENGTH OF THIS POST*

    I've been talking to this guy for over a year now. We celebrated our 1st "anniversay" on 14 November. We're the same age, he's funny, cute, and so far a very good bud. We've pretty much decided that we'll never be boyfriends or have sex, or anything like that, but we do like/love each other as friends. He's someone I want to keep in my life as long as possible.

    In the past two weeks, he's been having unprotected anal sex with more than one guy--both on the giving and receiving ends. The first time, I asked him if he'd used a condom, and he said "no." I told him he was taking risks by not using protection. He "promised" me he'd start using condoms.

    Last week he met a guy, and again he had unprotected sex. Now this second guy is older, and should, in my opinion, know better. I asked my bud why he's not using protection. He replied that they just "went out for coffee," and he didn't expect to have sex. Their later sexual activities continued unprotected. My bud said he keeps "forgetting" his condoms.

    I read him the riot act (I know, probably not the best approach). I gave him links to HIV/AIDS sites. He told me I'm overreacting. Furthermore, he is under the impression that HIV/AIDS is curable, and that I'm lying to him about the seriousness of his choices.

    I know it's his choice, but I cannot stand by and watch him take these risks. Although there really isn't anything I can do about it. He just doesn't seem to understand that this guy is most likely barebacking with every other sexual partner, and doesn't care that he may be spreading HIV.

    BTW, he's still unsure about his sexuality, says he's bi, and maybe by "forgetting" his condoms, he's in denial about his obvious attraction to men.

    Since then we've reached a detente, and don't talk about it. I'm just so frustrated that in 2011 he's so glib about taking these risks.
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    Nov 28, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    WTF is this.

    You better tell your friend that he must carry a condom with him in his wallet or something. Doesn't he know that the guy who is willing to have bareback sex with stranger is a liability?! He did it with him, so he is also likely to do with other guys! I mean WTF.

    Tell him don't have anymore unprotected sex with other guys for like 3-6 months and after 3-6 months take him to a clinic and have him tested for STDs

    damn I can't believe people think aids is curable. there's only been one medical case so far that was cured of HIV
  • M4tt

    Posts: 84

    Nov 28, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    You should bring a family member of his in on this. It may kill your friendship but it might very well save his life.
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:08 AM GMT
    this is really messed up.
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    Nov 28, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    I hate to burst your bubble....but he is probably not doing it by mistake. Like woops did not have a condom. He probably is one of these sickos who enjoy bareback sex with random people. You know the types you meet on a hookup site you enjoy taking loads....etc....

    Don't have sex with him no matter what! Maybe take him to meet someone dying of aids...like end stage. That may be his uh huh moment as Oprah says.
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    Nov 28, 2011 4:09 PM GMT
    Asuguy2005 saidI hate to burst your bubble....but he is probably not doing it by mistake. Like woops did not have a condom. He probably is one of these sickos who enjoy bareback sex with random people. You know the types you meet on a hookup site you enjoy taking loads....etc....

    Don't have sex with him no matter what! Maybe take him to meet someone dying of aids...like end stage. That may be his uh huh moment as Oprah says.


    Wow. Good advice
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    Nov 28, 2011 4:12 PM GMT
    No one ACCIDENTALLY has unprotected sex unless their trashed out of their minds...
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    Nov 28, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    Asuguy2005 saidI hate to burst your bubble....but he is probably not doing it by mistake. Like woops did not have a condom. He probably is one of these sickos who enjoy bareback sex with random people. You know the types you meet on a hookup site you enjoy taking loads....etc....

    Don't have sex with him no matter what! Maybe take him to meet someone dying of aids...like end stage. That may be his uh huh moment as Oprah says.


    oooh, shoot, girl, i love me some oprah
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    Nov 28, 2011 4:15 PM GMT
    Sounds like he has a death wish and enjoys telling you about it.

    Tell him that his behavior is suicidal. You have to make rule that if your friendship is to continue, he must seek counseling. I know that's an ultimatum, but do you honestly want to wait until he gets the news that he is HIV positive??? Or ends up in the hospital with pneumonia???
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    Nov 28, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    waimea said
    damn I can't believe people think aids is curable. there's only been one medical case so far that was cured of HIV


    It is because of the sappy commercials the drug companies put out that make it look like "Just take a pill and you'll be mountain climbing next week".

    You should encourage him to visit an HIV/AIDS clinic and talk with people who are surviving on the meds. From what I understand it is no picnic.
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    Nov 28, 2011 4:29 PM GMT
    You could try bringing him to a clinic as someone above me said. I mean don't try just FORCE HIM if you must! Get him tested, and get a large black nurse to kick his very-HIV-prone ass via a stern lecture.
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    Nov 28, 2011 4:30 PM GMT
    TheChrisGuy saidYou could try bringing him to a clinic as someone above me said. I mean don't try just FORCE HIM if you must! Get him tested, and get a large black nurse to kick his very-HIV-prone ass via a stern lecture.

    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Nov 28, 2011 4:30 PM GMT
    It would be hard for me to be friends with someone who has so little regard for the health of others, let alone his own. This kind of irresponsible and reckless behavior is a signal of even deeper problems that this individual may have. While I understand you wanting to be a friend and caring for this friend -- warts and all -- a friend with a death wish doesn't seem to be a friendship heading anywhere good.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Nov 28, 2011 4:39 PM GMT
    It makes me sad when I learn of another young guy into barebacking. Barebacking is playing Russian roulette. I hope that your friend discontinues doing it. True, HIV now has treatments, and it has been a few years since my last AIDS funeral (there have been many), but why would anyone want to have to be on toxic drugs every day for the rest of his life, in exchange for a thrill? I have a couple friends who have had HIV for years, and although they are still alive, I would not trade places with them for anything. Taking HIV drugs hardly could be said to make them healthy – only keeps them functioning. I wonder if the thrill of barebacking for young men is like the thrill of drag racing or diving off railroad trestles – taking a chance on death in exchange for a momentary thrill. No one believes that he is the one who might die – it will always be someone else. And besides HIV, there is the possibility of getting hepatitis-C (which has been universally fatal, although for which there are now some treatments), hepatitis-B (occasionally fatal), and new strain of gonorrhea for which there are now no known treatments.
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    Nov 28, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    The taking him 2 an HIV/SIDS clinic is a gr8 idea. The major prob is that he lives in another country. I've suggested he start going back 2 counseling b/c he seems 2 have this denial thing going. Not just the severity of the risks he's taking, but that he's more attracted 2 men than women.

    I get that bb sex is hot (hotter?) in theory, but still.... Are the STDs really worth the risks? Ok, that is another approach I will take: there is more than "just" HIV out there (e.g., hep, gonorrhea, etc.).

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    Nov 28, 2011 5:38 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidIt would be hard for me to be friends with someone who has so little regard for the health of others, let alone his own. This kind of irresponsible and reckless behavior is a signal of even deeper problems that this individual may have. While I understand you wanting to be a friend and caring for this friend -- warts and all -- a friend with a death wish doesn't seem to be a friendship heading anywhere good.


    +1
    A friend once put my life in extreme risk while driving because of a death wish. No one got hurt, thank God, but definitely killed the friendship! The selfishness of some people is mind-boggling at times.
  • no1timehookup...

    Posts: 208

    Nov 28, 2011 11:33 PM GMT
    Isn't it true, all it takes is onetime bare backing, and happen to have an encounter with someone who's positive? I heard in large cities like New York and Ft Lauderdale Florida the gay population has a BIG percentage of HIV Positive, meaning every other gay person is positive. It seems that almost all the gay population avoids using condoms.. Almost every guy I've hookuped with on adam4adam if I don't mention a condom they'll have bareback sex.. Seems now a days people have bare back sex like there's no worries..
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    Nov 28, 2011 11:35 PM GMT
    no1timehookups saidIsn't it true, all it takes is onetime bare backing, and happen to have an encounter with someone who's positive? I heard in large cities like New York and Ft Lauderdale Florida the gay population has a BIG percentage of HIV Positive. It seems that almost all the gay population avoids using condoms.. Almost every guy I've hookuped with on adam4adam if I don't mention a condom they'll have bareback sex..


    Somehow I knew you were a barebacking whore.

    in SF it is 1/4 have HIV, which is down from 1/3. It is why we pass out condoms and lube on the street.
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    Nov 28, 2011 11:45 PM GMT
    Asuguy2005 saidI hate to burst your bubble....but he is probably not doing it by mistake. Like woops did not have a condom. He probably is one of these sickos who enjoy bareback sex with random people. You know the types you meet on a hookup site you enjoy taking loads....etc...



    This.

    I had a friend who has severe emotional problems, who was doing the same thing. He got mad at me for "lecturing" him, but he was acting in a way that is dangerous to himself and to others.

    Its self destructive and risky, and they know it. Something else compels that kind of behavior. Your friend probably needs a therapist to figure out what the hell is going on that he's acting so recklessly.

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    Nov 29, 2011 12:19 AM GMT
    This thread is proof that OP is a fake profile.

    No 20-year-old writes like the OP in this post. Plus, the pics look kinda old.

    Just calling it as I see it...
  • BoostToChase

    Posts: 103

    Nov 29, 2011 12:56 AM GMT
    Everyone's acting like he's negative. I hate to say it, he may already be HIV+ and is now part of the problem spreading HIV. You need to take his ass straightaway to that clinic. To indulge the racial epithet, I hope that big black nurse gets through to him, because someone needs to.

    Even then, don't think you can solve this guys problems. You can only do so much, and it sounds like you're already trying to do your part. Your personal concern can help where general AIDS/HIV activism fails...
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    Nov 29, 2011 1:02 AM GMT
    Sadly, he's probably of the mind that "all these new drugs manage it, so it's not a problem!" or "by the time I'm old there will be a cure!" Which are two inane arguments positioned by a bb'er I chatted with recently who was only interested in unprotected sex.

    Because the media hasn't been very focused on HIV lately, people are assuming it's less of an issue. Infection rates have increased lately. :/

    I'm sorry to hear about your friend. Try to educate him.
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    Nov 29, 2011 1:04 AM GMT
    M4tt saidYou should bring a family member of his in on this. It may kill your friendship but it might very well save his life.


    i have a friend like that , but lucky for me being me i seem to always know when he's up to no good. so i call and when i get the jist that he might be up to no good i just say "HIV AIDS STDs DEATH, i love you and your mother would miss you, and she doesn't know yet so you can't die of that. so behave" that usually kills any horny-ness he has going for at least 24hrs. if he doesn't answer i text it and leave it on the voice mail.
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    Nov 29, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    Asuguy2005 saidI hate to burst your bubble....but he is probably not doing it by mistake. Like woops did not have a condom. He probably is one of these sickos who enjoy bareback sex with random people. You know the types you meet on a hookup site you enjoy taking loads....etc....

    Don't have sex with him no matter what! Maybe take him to meet someone dying of aids...like end stage. That may be his uh huh moment as Oprah says.
    I really like the last idea. If you were a true friend and you knew this, you would find any way possible to keep him from doing this. I mean- yes it's his choice, but if he means that much to you, then clearly you need to introduce him to a man who is dying from HIV.
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    Nov 29, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    sorry to hear this......it hurts like hell when a friend is behaving self destructively. i have a friend who is slowly killing himself with heroin and cocaine....i've tried to help him...but some people don't want help....i sure hope you can get through to him....