Pacing of dating? I'm not sure

  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Nov 28, 2011 6:47 AM GMT
    Hey everyone, it's my first time really falling for a guy. I've never dated except for women and I'm kind of having trouble figuring out the timing of it all. We've only been chatting for a couple weeks and we've met up a couple times too--both of which are flirty and really good times.

    I want to take it to the next level, but I also don't' want to scare him off into thinking that I'm too new to know what I want or that I'm going to be bs'ing or something.

    He is really a total package for me, so I don't want to screw this up and I think he's concerned about my newness to the game as well.

    Any advice would be very helpful!
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    Nov 28, 2011 10:39 AM GMT
    On the one hand, there's no ideal timeline for these things. Some people flirt/casually date for years, some people get married in six weeks. Neither scenario is more ideal than the other or more likely to be forever... just some people are different.

    That said, what does the "next level" look like for you? After a couple weeks of flirtiness I don't think boyfriends is really appropriate, or at least it wouldn't be for me. What does your interaction look like so far and what would you rather it be?
  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Nov 29, 2011 3:28 AM GMT
    Next level to me would be a relationship, but then again I really don't know. Interaction so far is light and playful really, I like how he's able to keep up with me. So for now I should just enjoy the fun?

    Should I let him make that next step?
  • mich_jock

    Posts: 19

    Feb 15, 2012 3:11 AM GMT
    Resurrecting this discussion:

    It didn't work out with this guy I refer to above--guy1. I think I moved too fast and then turned him off. We are now friends, but we never really formalized an ending.

    Fast forward to today, seeing a new guy--guy2--and I think the tables have turned and I'm on the opposite side. This guy is sweet and thoughtful and everything. He recently went on a work trip and I joked that he should try and get some tail in the big city, and he said, "no we're dating".

    This is exactly something that happened to me with guy1 where I was the one saying I didn't want to get any side action because I thought we were dating.

    Am I playing the bad guy now? Is it always going to be this dichotomy of where either you want to be monogamous or you want to be free-spirit? You just get lucky when you're both on the same page?
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Feb 15, 2012 3:16 AM GMT
    mich_jock saidResurrecting this discussion:

    It didn't work out with this guy I refer to above--guy1. I think I moved too fast and then turned him off. We are now friends, but we never really formalized an ending.

    Fast forward to today, seeing a new guy--guy2--and I think the tables have turned and I'm on the opposite side. This guy is sweet and thoughtful and everything. He recently went on a work trip and I joked that he should try and get some tail in the big city, and he said, "no we're dating".

    This is exactly something that happened to me with guy1 where I was the one saying I didn't want to get any side action because I thought we were dating.

    Am I playing the bad guy now? Is it always going to be this dichotomy of where either you want to be monogamous or you want to be free-spirit? You just get lucky when you're both on the same page?


    It's rare that both parties will both be at the same place at the same time. Go with the flow and see where things go. These things tend to work themselves out.