Are you romantic? How do you even define it?

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    Nov 28, 2011 7:55 AM GMT
    This question gets asked a lot, but I'm never sure how to answer it. Being romantic seems to mean different things to different people.

    One guy I met defined being romantic in the very cliche way, like candle-lit dinners and bubble baths with champagne. That's not really for me.

    Other people seem to define it in a more sentimental way, like keeping mementos from your first date. I've done that before, but it's not exactly my thing either.

    To me, romance is a state of mind. It's not necessarily something you can define by specific things or actions. Having a sandwich at Subway can be a romantic meal. It's the way your eyes meet across the table. It's the way you hold hands while your talking. It's the way you lose all track of time because you're having such a wonderful experience with your special someone. The rest of the world just melts away. In that case, yes, I'm a romantic.

    What are your thoughts?
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    Nov 28, 2011 2:39 PM GMT
    Nova,

    I agree it's a total state of mind, which care occur even without being in one another's presence. It embodies a sence of being seen, not just physically, but as a whole, by a partner. Its a desire to create a moment with that someone, either through words, actions, or ambiance where all else melts away (as you put it). And for that moment both of you know that the two of you are one.
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    Nov 28, 2011 2:41 PM GMT
    Well, that makes three of us on the same page. icon_wink.gif

    -Doug

    PS Bill says four of us.
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    Nov 28, 2011 2:45 PM GMT
    Im not at all.
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    Nov 28, 2011 2:57 PM GMT
    Hmmm, you're right there are many interpretations to this notion. I would not say a candle-lit dinner, but if I were to come home and someone special to me made my favorite meal just because, and set a nice table...yes, I do find this romantic.

    To me it is going out of your way to do little things that show the other person how special and important they are to you. Perhaps their favorite flowers (just because), or a card that simply says I love you...or am thinking about you.

    Perhaps discreetly holding hands while out to dinner, or at the movies. And yes, eye contact and body language can play a big part of this too.

    Romantic could also be just going off the grid...turning off the cell phones, no TV, no distractions...just the two of you, and a good bottle of wine, and great conversation. Just enjoying each others company.

    Perhaps I',m all mush on the inside...but I refuse to give up on the notion that love and romance are dead, or not possible.
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    Nov 28, 2011 2:59 PM GMT
    i am guilty of being overly romantic, i tend to be old fashioned, the guy that ends up with me will be treated like a kingicon_smile.gif
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    Nov 28, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    i'm old fashioned as well. Very emotionally intense, and honest. I also agree that romanticism is more of a state of mind.
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    Nov 28, 2011 3:09 PM GMT
    RoadsterRacer87 saidi'm old fashioned as well. Very emotionally intense, and honest. I also agree that romanticism is more of a state of mind.

    Im new fashioned. I tried to be romantic but failed.
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    Nov 28, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    We are romantic every day in various ways. Affectionate hugs, compliments, smiles, constantly reassuring the other that he is deeply loved. We do the candles in the bedroom, soft music, romantic dinners out, nice evening walks, hand holding while driving, hands on thighs while driving, hand held while watching t.v., texting a few times a day. The L word is used very often. These things are all important to us.

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  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Nov 28, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidWe are romantic every day in various ways. Affectionate hugs, compliments, smiles, constantly reassuring the other that he is deeply loved. We do the candles in the bedroom, soft music, romantic dinners out, nice evening walks, hand holding while driving, hands on thighs while driving, hand held while watching t.v., texting a few times a day. The L word is used very often. These things are all important to us.

    icon_cool.gif



    ^^^^ This ^^^^ I agree that romance is a "state-of-mind" but if you're not in that state of mind, why be in the relationship at all? Loving, and knowing you are loved, is what romance is all about.
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    Nov 28, 2011 3:35 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    Jockbod48 saidWe are romantic every day in various ways. Affectionate hugs, compliments, smiles, constantly reassuring the other that he is deeply loved. We do the candles in the bedroom, soft music, romantic dinners out, nice evening walks, hand holding while driving, hands on thighs while driving, hand held while watching t.v., texting a few times a day. The L word is used very often. These things are all important to us.

    icon_cool.gif



    ^^^^ This ^^^^ I agree that romance is a "state-of-mind" but if you're not in that state of mind, why be in the relationship at all? Loving, and knowing you are loved, is what romance is all about.



    ^^^ Both of this ^^^
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:11 PM GMT
    Romantic to me means so many things, like the card I found in my luggage saying he missed me already, the hug while cooking Thanksgiving dinner, the way he snuggles closer in the middle of the night. Yep, so many things that are romantic. I don't know if you can actually be too romantic for me!
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:14 PM GMT
    I am very romantic. I believe in romance, and I believe having those special romantic moments with that special person is very important.

    I show romance by snuggling real close, giving good kisses throughout the day, texting about how I miss him, or something that made me think of him, playing pranks on him, letting my guard down and expressing myself and how I truly feel, letting him know I appreciate him... all sorts of things.

    I love romance and I'm a sucker for it. It's the sensitive side of me lol
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    I'm trying to be.

    I don't really do sappy. But I'm working on it.
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:12 PM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidI'm trying to be.

    I don't really do sappy. But I'm working on it.


    I'm not sappy either. I don't think you have to be sappy to be romantic. You don't have to give me diabetes to let me know that you love me. I think that to be romantic, you just have to let your guard done enough to allow yourself to feel affection for another person and show that affection in whatever makes you feel comfortable.
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:16 PM GMT
    I'm really sappy in relationships......I love constant hugs and kisses.

    I don't like flowers, candle lit dinners and all the other various cliches though. Gifts are awesome though, tells me a lot about the guy and how much they know about me/vice versa.
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:19 PM GMT
    DudeInNOVA said
    TroyAthlete saidI'm trying to be.

    I don't really do sappy. But I'm working on it.


    I'm not sappy either. I don't think you have to be sappy to be romantic. You don't have to give me diabetes to let me know that you love me. I think that to be romantic, you just have to let your guard done enough to allow yourself to feel affection for another person and show that affection in whatever makes you feel comfortable.


    I laughed at this--- mainly because I am type 1 diabetic and a total romantic... must be why I got diabetes eh? lol
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    running11 saidI am very romantic. I believe in romance, and I believe having those special romantic moments with that special person is very important.

    I show romance by snuggling real close, giving good kisses throughout the day [passionate kissing], texting about how I miss him, or something that made me think of him, playing pranks on him, letting my guard down and expressing myself and how I truly feel, letting him know I appreciate him... all sorts of things.

    I love romance and I'm a sucker for it. It's the sensitive side of me lol


    Yeahhhhh. This.
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:22 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ "... I agree that romance is a "state-of-mind" but if you're not in that state of mind, why be in the relationship at all? Loving, and knowing you are loved, is what romance is all about."

    DudeInNOVA and CuriousJockAZ said it mostly just how I feel. It was touching because lately I am wondering if any guy understands what love and romance are. It's stated sometimes but is it practiced, or just for a one-nighter?

    I'm not as much into stereotypes of romance like the candlelit dinner, not that I wouldn't mind it. Romance is something felt and shared. It brings you closer together and strengthens your caring for and loving each other. I would love romance in my life.
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:23 PM GMT
    If you understand the neurochemical pattern of relationships you realize that you HAVE to be romantic. I was messaging someone about this over the weekend but I forgot who icon_lol.gif

    Anyhow. The glue of relationships is dopamine and oxyotcin. Dopamine is what you get the first time you have sex with someone and it will never be so strong as the first time you do it. In the beginning of a relationship, you associate the person with a dopamine rush, but this is unsustainable at least purely based on sex.

    Overtime oxytocin becomes the dominant hormone. It does bind you to the person, but it is not unique to a amo/sexual relationship so it is very important to practice what you might call "dopamine supplementation."

    Let's say you have been having sex with someone for 5 years, it gets boring. Then one day he wakes you up and tell you to get in the car and tells you not to ask any questions. You get in the car and he drives you to an airstrip and takes you skydiving, and you have shit tons of fun.

    When you get back home, you will still be saturated with dopamine and so when you guys have sex, it will be comparable to having sex with him for the first time or having it with someone else.

    Romance is not flowers or candle lit dinners, it can be the opposite in fact. Good romantics have mastered the ability to manipulate the neurochemical attachment phases of their lovers and keep them vascillating back and forth between dopamine and oxytocin. icon_smile.gif

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    Nov 28, 2011 7:24 PM GMT
    BuddyinNYC said
    running11 saidI am very romantic. I believe in romance, and I believe having those special romantic moments with that special person is very important.

    I show romance by snuggling real close, giving good kisses throughout the day [passionate kissing], texting about how I miss him, or something that made me think of him, playing pranks on him, letting my guard down and expressing myself and how I truly feel, letting him know I appreciate him... all sorts of things.

    I love romance and I'm a sucker for it. It's the sensitive side of me lol


    Yeahhhhh. This.


    how original of you icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 28, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    My definition of romantic is: Letting your partner know that you love him, in whatever way that might be
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    Nov 28, 2011 8:59 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidTechnically, this is Romantic...



    In my opinion romanticism doesn't involve intimacy between two partners. It's much broader than that.

    "Und bist du nicht willig, so brauch' ich Gewalt?" Not the model of a romantic relationship.
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    Nov 29, 2011 5:33 AM GMT
    dekiruman saidIf you understand the neurochemical pattern of relationships you realize that you HAVE to be romantic. I was messaging someone about this over the weekend but I forgot who icon_lol.gif

    icon_smile.gif





    Fascinating, but I think a car is also complicated in it's running yet still entirely dependent on the consciousness that's in the driver's seat.

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    -Doug
  • buckled

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    Dec 01, 2011 4:23 PM GMT
    archon saidi am guilty of being overly romantic, i tend to be old fashioned, the guy that ends up with me will be treated like a kingicon_smile.gif


    Same!

    That's the part of being in a relationship that I love. I love planning dates and buying little gifts for the other person. Hand holding is a given =) Random texts throughout the day... etc.

    Surprising them at work with their favorite coffee.. just how they like it. Ugh.. love it. icon_biggrin.gif