My sex drive is lower than my boyfriend

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    Nov 28, 2011 11:20 AM GMT
    I have started dating someone new for the last two months and have been having such a great time...really enjoying everything about the relationship.

    He is very tactile, caring, intelligent and gorgeous. The sex is incredible!

    There is however one problem, his sex drive is far higher than mine and I don't want to make a big deal about it but I am not sure how to broach it!

    He literally wants to have sex every time he sees me...sometimes more than twice a day and I just don't have than kind of drive.

    What should I do?
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    Nov 28, 2011 12:50 PM GMT
    Why don't you talk to him? Communication is the best key
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    Nov 28, 2011 1:06 PM GMT
    SpecialGuy2011 saidWhat should I do?
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    Nov 28, 2011 1:54 PM GMT
    Hmmmm....just started dating a guy a couple months ago and we have the same problem, except I am the one with stronger drive. I am also a bit more interested in experimenting then he is. As with anything in a relationship, both parties need to find a happy medium if things are to work. I keep letting him know where I'm at and hope we find win-win solution for the two of use.

    And if it doesn't work out, maybe we can swap dates icon_twisted.gif
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    Nov 28, 2011 2:26 PM GMT
    SpecialGuy2011 saidI have started dating someone new for the last two months and have been having such a great time...really enjoying everything about the relationship.

    He is very tactile, caring, intelligent and gorgeous. The sex is incredible!

    There is however one problem, his sex drive is far higher than mine and I don't want to make a big deal about it but I am not sure how to broach it!

    He literally wants to have sex every time he sees me...sometimes more than twice a day and I just don't have than kind of drive.

    What should I do?

    I also had this problem with one BF, and sadly it was a factor in our breakup. He'd get infuriated, even start throwing & breaking things, if I didn't respond to his demand for sex at any hour of the day or place. Sex with him was great, fantastic body, great equipment, my first LTR. I even wrote a very short story about one of his afternoon moments, which I was enjoying, when his mother walked in on us in the kitchen! His house, but that's how mothers are.

    At 40 he was clearly full of hormones that I lacked at 51. And I really did try to accommodate him, but mental power alone cannot always generate libido. I think when I declined his advances it was those overactive hormones that took over, and finally one day he physically hurt me in his rage. That ended that relationship. I won't ever be in an abusive situation.

    Just as a thought, have you had your testosterone checked? Maybe yours is a bit low, and his a bit high. If not a physical problem, then perhaps some mental adjustment on both sides would help, with conversation as has been mentioned here.
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    Nov 28, 2011 5:00 PM GMT
    Personally I'd tell them to go jerk off if I wasn't up for it at the time........he should respect the fact that your a human being and not some sex robot.

    What happened to manners.............I'm so jealous of women, they can totally fake it whereas we can't.
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    Nov 28, 2011 5:07 PM GMT
    Turin saidWhy don't you talk to him? Communication is the best key

    +1

    It amazes me how many guys refuse to talk about this stuff. Have a serious discussion about your likes and dislikes, expectations and wants. The guy may have a high sex drive but I'm guessing he's not a mind reader. Who knows, he may surprise you with being fine just hugging or cuddling or having you watch him get off.

    Talk to each other guys!
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    Nov 28, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidPersonally I'd tell them to go jerk off if I wasn't up for it at the time........he should respect the fact that your a human being and not some sex robot.

    What happened to manners.............I'm so jealous of women, they can totally fake it whereas we can't.

    Exactly my thoughts. More applicable for Art_Deco's ex since he was really putting pressure and being violent (sounds terribly sex-addicted!), but the OP hasn't complained of that so far.
    I don't envy women at all; when they are faking, they are wasting time and energy that could have been spent on more fruitful activities icon_confused.gif
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    Nov 28, 2011 5:14 PM GMT
    whateveryo saidPersonally I'd tell them to go jerk off if I wasn't up for it at the time........he should respect the fact that your a human being and not some sex robot.

    What happened to manners.............I'm so jealous of women, they can totally fake it whereas we can't.


    No, women don't "fake" it nearly as much as you think. Men stay soft, but women stay dry. I would say sexless relationships are almost the norm within heterosexual couples, from what I've talked about with older friends and read about online. Men are just usually more highly sexed creatures.

    I know what it's like to be in a relationship that is highly asymmetrical in terms of sex drive. How often do you actually have sex? How often do YOU want to have sex? As stated by posters above, the key is communication.

    You have to communicate to him that
    1. you always find him sexually attractive, even if you don't always want to have sex;

    2. you are willing to work on a compromise that aims to (though may not actually) satisfy both of you.


    It sounds like you want to have satisfying sex with your partner, so that's a great start for you both. The worst case is when one partner simply loses interest in sex altogether.
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:02 PM GMT
    Gym_bull saidSome people just have a difficult time controlling their sex drive. I'm horny all the time, and after a work out I need to shoot a load (I get too hard, and sensitive down there, and wont go away until I rub one or two out). I admit, it's a problem with me since I avoid doing hook up, and most guys who want a relationship just cant keep up with me or are turned off by it. It's why I'm still single, but I'm not going to go to the doctor and change my hormones because of it.

    Pretty much, your going to have to take zinc, L-arginine, and the herb tribulus terrebisus (fuck my spelling) to keep up, or you're going to have to let him fuck other guys. It's not his fault he was born with a high sex drive, and making him take drugs to lower his sex drive is very dangerous and could be deadly.

    That or you could let him pound your ass for hours, or let him masturbate all he wants, when your near him.


    Hyperbole much? Self-control is every man's responsibility, no matter his condition.
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:17 PM GMT
    I feel that sex drive is something that needs to be discussed in a healthy relationship, when one person feels they are missing/lacking something.

    Wanting to have sex with the person you're with is healthy, and normal, and would say something about the level of interest if you were not having sex.

    With that being said, a healthy relationship is NOT based on sex, or the amount of times you have sex when you see him. Not having sex happens in relationships-- it actually can be a good thing if it doesn't occur for too long. It's when there is NO sex ever that there could be a problem.

    Back to the subject at hand, you need to be open and discuss with your bf what is going on with you.

    If you cannot say what is on your mind without fear of judgment or abandonment of the relationship then you are with the wrong person.
  • jackthejock

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    Nov 30, 2011 3:22 AM GMT
    I have a very similar issue with my man. He wants to have sex daily and I am more of a 3-5 times a week kinda guy. The problem is that I get erections very easily, even if we just kiss in bed I start to get hard. I just had to explain it to him that just because my dick gets hard doesn't mean I actually feel like I wanna get off then. Of course we don't live together so I do have sex with him about 4 or 5 times a week and the other days we don't see one another and he just whacks it. Other times though we'll just have a little frottage even if I'm not really in the mood it is still more fun than watching TV LOL or at the least I'll make out and give him a handjob while doing it, just because I don't want to cum or do anal right then doesn't mean I want him to feel less than satisfied. It makes me happy to make him happy.
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    Nov 30, 2011 2:22 PM GMT
    I haven't really had a discussion with him, but I have dropped hints now and then. I think I should just really sit down with him in a natural setting maybe at a restaurant where he can't do much and explain to him.

    I do have similar experiences as you guys, when he starts I do get hard but I don't necessarily want to actually have sex specially anal sex because he is exclusively top and I can't have too much anal sex with him because he is monstrously hung. Although poppers has helped a lot icon_wink.gif

    What I find is that as soon as he touches me or I touch him, even just one kiss or a hug he gets rock hard and then if we are alone he immediately starts ripping off my clothes and putting his fingers in my anus, and then if we have sex he wants to have sex again like 10 minutes afterwards and he just lies there with a hardon. This is also on top of him jerking off 4 times a day when I am not around...he says he just thinks about me and needs to jerk off even at work.

    Also when I go to bed he cannot just cuddle he will try his hardest to have sex and then I have to sort of like say no and I feel bad about it...so I guess I will just have to have a serious discussion about it.