Becoming more approachable

  • HtotheOMO

    Posts: 70

    Nov 28, 2011 3:48 PM GMT
    i have a very serious demeanor (i don't smile much etc) that stops guys from trying to talk to me because they think I'm mean or straight and there too scared too talk to me. Because of this i usually wear a rainbow wristband when Im out sometimes, any tips on how i can change this
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    Nov 28, 2011 3:51 PM GMT
    Smile more
  • HtotheOMO

    Posts: 70

    Nov 28, 2011 3:53 PM GMT
    waimea saidSmile more
    i know i get that alot but im just not one of those people that walk around with a big grin on thee face all day for no reason
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    Nov 28, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    DaRealOne said
    waimea saidSmile more
    i know i get that alot but im just not one of those people that walk around with a big grin on thee face all day for no reason
    Of course you don't walk around smiling for no reason.

    Make an effort whenever you see a person's face your first reflex is to smile at them.
  • HtotheOMO

    Posts: 70

    Nov 28, 2011 4:47 PM GMT
    waimea said
    DaRealOne said
    waimea saidSmile more
    i know i get that alot but im just not one of those people that walk around with a big grin on thee face all day for no reason
    Of course you don't walk around smiling for no reason.

    Make an effort whenever you see a person's face your first reflex is to smile at them.


    k il try to force that to become a habit
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:27 PM GMT
    375909_222856954450891_212147665521820_5

    On a serious note, there have been a number of studies that have shown that smiling elevates your mood, which in turn makes you happier, which in turn makes you smile more. Note, has a bit of 'positive thinking' feel to it, which I'm not to big on, but seems to work for a lot of people.

    Good luckicon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:29 PM GMT
    DaRealOne said
    waimea said
    DaRealOne said
    waimea saidSmile more
    i know i get that alot but im just not one of those people that walk around with a big grin on thee face all day for no reason
    Of course you don't walk around smiling for no reason.

    Make an effort whenever you see a person's face your first reflex is to smile at them.


    k il try to force that to become a habit


    How about you approach more people? It might work for ya...
  • creamford

    Posts: 137

    Nov 28, 2011 6:38 PM GMT
    I have ALWAYS had the very same problem. Many have called me unapproachable, snobby, aloof, etc. Unfortunately it's not as simple as 'smile more'. I've tried that, but it's notably not real. Even people who I am now friends with say that when they first met me, they thought I was a total ass.

    It's a curse, I don't really know what to do about it either.
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:44 PM GMT
    I think around here if you smiled at random men you'd get a snide comment.
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:47 PM GMT
    Same boat, different lake (sans wristband). I'm curious to see how this thread goes icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:51 PM GMT
    I find myself to be very approachable (mainly cuz I'm a chatty kathy) so I'll do my best to give you some good advice:

    The first thing you have to do to become more approachable is you have to FORCE yourself to be outgoing, optimistic, and open to meeting any and all sorts of people. So when you are out at the clubs, get a drink, talk to the person next to you (or if you see someone you fancy, approach them). Being approachable is all about confidence and being able to approach other people. I'm not sure why people think that everyone should approach them-- sometimes the other people are just as scared and so if you approach them it shows an aura of confidence.

    You need to smile, crack jokes, and you need to be able to hold your own even if you feel out of your element. Meeting new people isn't that hard if you have a good sense of humor or wit about you. Usually people start talking over a joke, or something funny that happened. If you see something silly or outrageous at the bar, comment about it to someone- i guarantee they will say something back, and a conversation may ensue.

    Get out and dance, mingle-- none of that wallflower BS. If you stay on the sides watching everyone that's having fun, you'll always be doing that- watching. But if you get out and participate and dance and have a good time- people will approach you.

    It's about being seen. If people see you and see you having a good time, they will approach you, and you'll also gain confidence to approach them. If you stand on the walls, no one will notice you.

    You get what you give. Especially in gay bars. Best of luck!!!
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:53 PM GMT
    running11 saidI find myself to be very approachable (mainly cuz I'm a chatty kathy) so I'll do my best to give you some good advice:

    The first thing you have to do to become more approachable is you have to FORCE yourself to be outgoing, optimistic, and open to meeting any and all sorts of people. So when you are out at the clubs, get a drink, talk to the person next to you (or if you see someone you fancy, approach them). Being approachable is all about confidence and being able to approach other people. I'm not sure why people think that everyone should approach them-- sometimes the other people are just as scared and so if you approach them it shows an aura of confidence.

    You need to smile, crack jokes, and you need to be able to hold your own even if you feel out of your element. Meeting new people isn't that hard if you have a good sense of humor or wit about you. Usually people start talking over a joke, or something funny that happened. If you see something silly or outrageous at the bar, comment about it to someone- i guarantee they will say something back, and a conversation may ensue.

    Get out and dance, mingle-- none of that wallflower BS. If you stay on the sides watching everyone that's having fun, you'll always be doing that- watching. But if you get out and participate and dance and have a good time- people will approach you.

    It's about being seen. If people see you and see you having a good time, they will approach you, and you'll also gain confidence to approach them. If you stand on the walls, no one will notice you.

    You get what you give. Especially in gay bars. Best of luck!!!


    This is good advice, you can also dance in your underwear like running does, Ive heard it works wonders icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:54 PM GMT
    I dunno.... I was thinking of stapling bacon to my shirt next time.
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:54 PM GMT
    Chainers said
    running11 saidI find myself to be very approachable (mainly cuz I'm a chatty kathy) so I'll do my best to give you some good advice:

    The first thing you have to do to become more approachable is you have to FORCE yourself to be outgoing, optimistic, and open to meeting any and all sorts of people. So when you are out at the clubs, get a drink, talk to the person next to you (or if you see someone you fancy, approach them). Being approachable is all about confidence and being able to approach other people. I'm not sure why people think that everyone should approach them-- sometimes the other people are just as scared and so if you approach them it shows an aura of confidence.

    You need to smile, crack jokes, and you need to be able to hold your own even if you feel out of your element. Meeting new people isn't that hard if you have a good sense of humor or wit about you. Usually people start talking over a joke, or something funny that happened. If you see something silly or outrageous at the bar, comment about it to someone- i guarantee they will say something back, and a conversation may ensue.

    Get out and dance, mingle-- none of that wallflower BS. If you stay on the sides watching everyone that's having fun, you'll always be doing that- watching. But if you get out and participate and dance and have a good time- people will approach you.

    It's about being seen. If people see you and see you having a good time, they will approach you, and you'll also gain confidence to approach them. If you stand on the walls, no one will notice you.

    You get what you give. Especially in gay bars. Best of luck!!!


    This is good advice, you can also dance in your underwear like running does, Ive heard it works wonders icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif


    Only if you are dancing in your underwear all the way to the bank baby!!! icon_twisted.gificon_cool.gificon_eek.gif
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:54 PM GMT
    God I get this all the time.

    My old co workers before they got to know me thought I was a really stuck up snob who was totally into myself when really i'm the complete opposite.

    I hate smiling too because a) most of the time I have to fake it and b) it really does hurt my face icon_smile.gif

    It must be a confidence thing because when i'm wasted im the life and soul of the party, very sociable and approachable.
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    Nov 28, 2011 6:57 PM GMT
    running11 said
    Chainers said
    running11 saidI find myself to be very approachable (mainly cuz I'm a chatty kathy) so I'll do my best to give you some good advice:

    The first thing you have to do to become more approachable is you have to FORCE yourself to be outgoing, optimistic, and open to meeting any and all sorts of people. So when you are out at the clubs, get a drink, talk to the person next to you (or if you see someone you fancy, approach them). Being approachable is all about confidence and being able to approach other people. I'm not sure why people think that everyone should approach them-- sometimes the other people are just as scared and so if you approach them it shows an aura of confidence.

    You need to smile, crack jokes, and you need to be able to hold your own even if you feel out of your element. Meeting new people isn't that hard if you have a good sense of humor or wit about you. Usually people start talking over a joke, or something funny that happened. If you see something silly or outrageous at the bar, comment about it to someone- i guarantee they will say something back, and a conversation may ensue.

    Get out and dance, mingle-- none of that wallflower BS. If you stay on the sides watching everyone that's having fun, you'll always be doing that- watching. But if you get out and participate and dance and have a good time- people will approach you.

    It's about being seen. If people see you and see you having a good time, they will approach you, and you'll also gain confidence to approach them. If you stand on the walls, no one will notice you.

    You get what you give. Especially in gay bars. Best of luck!!!


    This is good advice, you can also dance in your underwear like running does, Ive heard it works wonders icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif


    Only if you are dancing in your underwear all the way to the bank baby!!! icon_twisted.gificon_cool.gificon_eek.gif


    Oh you would running, you would :-)
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:02 PM GMT
    I have the same problem. I've tried to fix it, but I haven't been very successful yet. Smiling all the time can come across as creepy, especially if you accidentally smile directly at someone that you weren't even paying attention to. I try to be more outgoing, but it ends up feeling very fake.

    Once I get past the initial phase of meeting someone, I'm fine. It's that invisible little barrier of "first contact" that gives me trouble.
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    DudeInNOVA saidI have the same problem. I've tried to fix it, but I haven't been very successful yet. Smiling all the time can come across as creepy, especially if you accidentally smile directly at someone that you weren't even paying attention to. I try to be more outgoing, but it ends up feeling very fake.

    Once I get past the initial phase of meeting someone, I'm fine. It's that invisible little barrier of "first contact" that gives me trouble.


    Everyone has trouble with this dude, get over it. People, generally speaking, are open to meeting and talking. Once you get comfortable with it, it wont feel fake anymore.

    I mean, if you want something you have never had, be prepared to do something you have never done. Fake isnt the word I would use, I would say it feels uncomfortable at first. Get to know them, comfort level goes up!
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    waimea saidSmile more


    He is right !
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:09 PM GMT
    running11 saidYou need to smile, crack jokes, and you need to be able to hold your own even if you feel out of your element. Usually people start talking over a joke, or something funny that happened. If you see something silly or outrageous at the bar, comment about it to someone- i guarantee they will say something back, and a conversation may ensue.

    Get out and dance, mingle-- none of that wallflower BS. If you stay on the sides watching everyone that's having fun, you'll always be doing that- watching. But if you get out and participate and dance and have a good time- people will approach you.


    I'm told I'm "standoffish and aloof" all the time. But I'm just shy around people I don't know. So this seems like really good advice, especially the not being a wallflower part.

    The only thing I'd suggest (since I'm working on the same thing) is to bring someone along who is good at meeting people and have them break the ice for you. You can't underestimate a good wingman.

    If that doesn't work, I'm stapling bacon to my chest. Everyone loves bacon.
  • waltex

    Posts: 140

    Nov 28, 2011 7:16 PM GMT
    Be the one that smiles, say nice things to everyone, turn on the charm - it will make a plain Jane popular and a hottie into a superstar . .
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:35 PM GMT
    imasrxd said
    running11 saidYou need to smile, crack jokes, and you need to be able to hold your own even if you feel out of your element. Usually people start talking over a joke, or something funny that happened. If you see something silly or outrageous at the bar, comment about it to someone- i guarantee they will say something back, and a conversation may ensue.

    Get out and dance, mingle-- none of that wallflower BS. If you stay on the sides watching everyone that's having fun, you'll always be doing that- watching. But if you get out and participate and dance and have a good time- people will approach you.


    I'm told I'm "standoffish and aloof" all the time. But I'm just shy around people I don't know. So this seems like really good advice, especially the not being a wallflower part.

    The only thing I'd suggest (since I'm working on the same thing) is to bring someone along who is good at meeting people and have them break the ice for you. You can't underestimate a good wingman.

    If that doesn't work, I'm stapling bacon to my chest. Everyone loves bacon.


    you say bacon, I say money.
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    Nov 28, 2011 7:36 PM GMT
    running11 said
    imasrxd said
    running11 saidYou need to smile, crack jokes, and you need to be able to hold your own even if you feel out of your element. Usually people start talking over a joke, or something funny that happened. If you see something silly or outrageous at the bar, comment about it to someone- i guarantee they will say something back, and a conversation may ensue.

    Get out and dance, mingle-- none of that wallflower BS. If you stay on the sides watching everyone that's having fun, you'll always be doing that- watching. But if you get out and participate and dance and have a good time- people will approach you.


    I'm told I'm "standoffish and aloof" all the time. But I'm just shy around people I don't know. So this seems like really good advice, especially the not being a wallflower part.

    The only thing I'd suggest (since I'm working on the same thing) is to bring someone along who is good at meeting people and have them break the ice for you. You can't underestimate a good wingman.

    If that doesn't work, I'm stapling bacon to my chest. Everyone loves bacon.


    you say bacon, I say money.


    You say money, I say ass.

    if you got a big and fluffy one it can control tops like a jedi mind trick.
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    Nov 28, 2011 8:40 PM GMT
    [quote]

    You say money, I say ass.

    if you got a big and fluffy one it can control tops like a jedi mind trick.[/quote]

    What are you, a rabbit? icon_smile.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 28, 2011 9:48 PM GMT
    DaRealOne saidi have a very serious demeanor (i don't smile much etc) that stops guys from trying to talk to me because they think I'm mean or straight and there too scared too talk to me. Because of this i usually wear a rainbow wristband when Im out sometimes, any tips on how i can change this
    yeah, smile silly. when you see someone you like go over to speak to them.