I finally came out to my bestfriend...

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    Jun 06, 2008 12:43 PM GMT
    And he won't talk to me again.

























































    Kidding! icon_razz.gif

    LOL. Before anything

    w000t!!!!!!

    For those who know how long I've been agonizing about my first coming out, here's how it happened:

    So he hosted a farewell party at his parent's house since he was leaving for Cebu city to study medicine tomorrow (he left this afternoon). He texted quite late, around 7pm and when I arrived the party was already well on its way. Lots of guests, most of them his co-workers and friends at the two nearby hospitals in their city. We were expecting more of our batchmates to arrive but only one did, and he came with his wife and had to leave early because he was on duty the next day. So when all the guests left I was left alone at their house with him and his family. Since there were no buses already at midnight, I stayed over as I've done dozens of times in the past. I was drunk, he wasn't (he's not much of a drinker anymore ever since he got hospitalized for alcohol poisoning once LOL - long story). I was debating whether to tell him while I was drunk or not... and decided on not. Besides his parents and siblings were there. So I decided to tell him tomorrow morning.

    Well... suffice to say, I hardly slept that night. At 5 AM I woke him up and told him to accompany me to the bus stop. He put it off at first and finally got up grumpily to accompany me. A bus was on its way and I abruptly told him I won't be boarding it and that I needed to tell him something first. He was grumpy at first, LOL, he still had to pack and they were leaving that afternoon and just wanted ot go back to sleep. He asked me if I couldn't just text him about it, I said no it was important. So yeah we went off to an outcropping of boulders and sat down. He asked me what it was. LOL I was trembling, and I said as much, and that it was really really important. It was a full five minutes of silence before he impatiently demanded what it was again. And I said, 'Can't you guess?' I know... stupid thing to say but I was nervous as hell! LOL

    His guess was that it was something about sex (SEX sex, not the gender kind). I said no and stalled again. I was debating whether to say it in English - 'I'm Gay'; or in our dialect - 'Bayot ko', or something more roundabout. Saying it in English sounds tacky. Saying it in our dialect sounds much more worse (since 'Bayot' was what we referred to effeminate gays) and I was afraid he'd freak out. In the end I said it in our private language (the one we invented in high school) - 'Aum kou'. haha. Way to go for the first time telling someone I'm gay, really personalized eh? icon_razz.gif

    He went silent for a minute then said 'It really IS serious.' Then lead me farther from the bus stop to a quieter place near a small lake. I was already trembling really bad by this time. And he assured me it was okay and that I just tell him everything. LOL. It was great! It was nothing at all like I feared it would be. We ended up talking for like 3 hours. The funny thing was I did manage to say everything I've rehearsed saying. I told him how I found out, the early denial, my depression, my acceptance, said sorry for pretending to like girls, my fears of coming out to him, my reactions at all the gay jokes in the past etc. Even my crush on a mutual friend of ours (that freaked him out a bit, but I assured him I was over the guy and I knew my limits). Heh. I was really nervous and kept stopping every now and then unsure of what next to say, but he was really supportive and encouraged me to just open up. His first question was what were my plans when coming out, would I start dressing like a girl? I laughed out loud at this and then clarified some of his misconceptions etc. I babbled on for like an hour and I assured him that I had no infatuation with him whatsoever and gave him a condensed version of the GLBT cause and stuff. I even admitted that I had been planning this all summer, and he said he didn't mind, and that if he knew I had something to tell him he would've made time. I asked him if he ever did suspect, and he said he honestly didn't. He just attributed my lack of girlfriends to a low libido or something.

    And he was really great. He was very supportive and said that he was glad I finally told him, and that it must have been a really really heavy load to bear alone and that he was glad I finally told someone. He really listened and told me that he was totally okay with it, and that he won't talk about it to anyone for the moment since that was what I wanted, and all that.
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    Jun 06, 2008 1:01 PM GMT
    Sedative said He was really really cool and I kinda forgot about my anxiety after an hour and we were talking about the us


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    Jun 06, 2008 1:03 PM GMT
    Congrat's. I remember the first person I came out to. I experienced the same type of emotions.

    You may not want to tell your buddies that you have/had a crush on them....things could get weird. My friends keep asking if I was ever attracted to them. I lie and say no, there not my type. No reason in opening up that can of worms.
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    Jun 06, 2008 1:05 PM GMT
    oops. icon_redface.gif ROFL

    (continued...)

    SCENE 2 (Sorry for the technical problems we have fired the man handling the projector)

    He was really really cool and I kinda forgot about my anxiety after an hour and we were talking about the usual stuff and only getting back to the issue of my gayness once in a while. We even finally talked about his girlfriend - a topic I've skirted around since I was always afraid bringing it up would make him ask me about my own lovelife. People were passing every now and then and we just reverted to our private language whenever that happened (we got odd looks our way because we sounded like a couple of foreigners LOL)


    In the end, he said that he was happy I finally told him and that it didn't take away anything of our friendship, to the contrary it only added to it. It was strange because it was him who kept putting off me going home. about ten buses went by before I finally left, he kept insisting to stay for a few moments more and tell him everything and not hold back. It was 22 years worth of stuff. LOL.

    Heh. I feel different now. I don't know... as if something heavy had just been taken away from my shoulders. It REALLY is liberating to finally tell another person. When I got home I kept wanting to check myself at a mirror to see what changed. icon_razz.gif Oh man... I'm the happiest I've ever been! ^-^

    At least I know that there's someone out there who knows who I really am and accepts me. Coming out fully is still a long way off for me... but... baby steps! ;)

    To the guys who supported me here, THANK YOU! Your experiences and encouragement helped a LOT!

    Eric
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    Jun 06, 2008 1:11 PM GMT
    Well congratulations Sedative, you came out much earlier than I did. I eventually drifted away from my best straight friends, to this day they don't officially know (mind you I have not talked to most of them in 20+ years).

    The trembling part I can relate to. I did the same thing when I went to my first gay bar I was so nervous. icon_redface.gif

    Hopefully coming out to others close to you will go just as well.
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    Jun 06, 2008 1:14 PM GMT
    Congrats, Eric! I know mutts will be useful somehow by being an inspiration somehow. The vultures couldn't wait to have a piece of our friendly beagle. LOL!
    I can already tell you have amazing friends...proof is your 'private language'...that shows a deep level of understanding among you. Gosh, that is sooo high-school for me. hahahahahahah!
    Yes, baby steps indeed......can I call your mum? icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 06, 2008 1:28 PM GMT
    congratulations! I didnt realize that you werent out.
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    Jun 06, 2008 1:53 PM GMT
    gymguy1 saidCongrat's. I remember the first person I came out to. I experienced the same type of emotions.

    You may not want to tell your buddies that you have/had a crush on them....things could get weird. My friends keep asking if I was ever attracted to them. I lie and say no, there not my type. No reason in opening up that can of worms.


    Well I said it anyway. icon_razz.gif And he's not the guy I was in love with so it wasn't a problem.

    Wysiwyg60
    Well congratulations Sedative, you came out much earlier than I did.


    Thanks I aim to be fully out earlier too! icon_razz.gif

    zimsterYes, baby steps indeed......can I call your mum?


    *ties zim up and drags him into the ditch* icon_evil.gif

    Caslon4000congratulations! I didnt realize that you werent out.


    icon_eek.gif

    Was that why you wouldn't believe me when I said I was a vurjeen? LOL I am! Here feel it... LOL j/k
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    Jun 06, 2008 4:05 PM GMT
    Eric - Congrats on finally comming-out! That is what I would call a good friend - and you are lucky to have him as a friend. Comming-out is a process and every step is important and I'm glad that your first step was a positive one.
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    Jun 06, 2008 4:10 PM GMT
    Congratulations! I'm glad you waited until you were sober to tell him, which shows a good level of maturity. I'm very glad your friend was so supportive.
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    Jun 06, 2008 4:17 PM GMT
    Sedative....

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    fireworks_1_bg_070404.jpg

    I recall my coming out to my best friend, he actually thought what I was trying to tell him was that I slept with his now wife... Go figure!!! HAHAHA!!

    Anyways, CONGRATS again!
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    Jun 06, 2008 4:18 PM GMT
    that is a great story and he seems like a reat friend....don't be blabbing about how he is hot...let the friendship continue and you will prolly realize that you being attracted to him will def pass. I have 2 freinds that I was superhot over....but since I did not let this be the driving force for our freindship, I am closer with them and the freindship feels more solid. (They are still hot as shit).
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jun 06, 2008 4:19 PM GMT
    BIG Congraulations! When I first came out to my best friend when I was 12, all she said to me was, "I know." And I thought it was going to be a shock. It was so normal and un-dramatic that it was kind of a let down! Thankfully I've had some great luck. I hope your luck continues, too. Think of it as a blessing: people who won't accept you for who you are aren't worth having in your life.
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    Jun 06, 2008 4:25 PM GMT
    Yayyyy! Haha a hard first step, but it's awesome that your friend understood.

    Now you can go out and buy all rainbow colored clothes! icon_lol.gif

    haha congrats man! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 06, 2008 4:26 PM GMT
    congratulations dude!

    from one Filipino to another, "Taas noo!" icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 06, 2008 4:28 PM GMT
    I can totally relate. When I came out to my best friend I was so nervous I pretended and told him I didn't give f*ck what he thought and that if he didn't talk to me ever again then it was fine by me (in reality if he had shunned me I would've been totally crushed). He saw right through it, of course! I mean we're talking about the guy that knows me better than anyone else and to my relief he was very accepting and reassuring to me. I had to do the same thing tho: explain to him that I didn't have a crush on him, etc. LOL. It's funny too that other friends have asked me "oh did you ever have a crush on so and so" and sometimes they are shocked when I say no ... I guess just cause I like guys I must have a crush on ALL guys right? LOL. Anyway, back to my friend: unfortunately, I haven't been able to see him much because he moved away to another city because of work and keeping in touch with him via e-mail has been hard so we're kind of drifting apart it's too bad I mean I really miss him sometimes cause gay guys are a different type of friend there's a few things that straight friends bring to the table as far as friendship goes that gays guys sometimes don't.
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    Jun 06, 2008 4:36 PM GMT
    *hugs* Congrats. I am so glad it went so well for you. Now you know you have a really good friend for life. After you tell the most important people in your life, everyone else is easy as pie. I am so happy for you. icon_biggrin.gif
  • NickoftheNort...

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    Jun 06, 2008 4:46 PM GMT
    Congrats and hugs!
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    Jun 06, 2008 4:50 PM GMT
    a1972guy saidSedative....

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    fireworks_1_bg_070404.jpg

    I recall my coming out to my best friend, he actually thought what I was trying to tell him was that I slept with his now wife... Go figure!!! HAHAHA!!

    Anyways, CONGRATS again!


    agreed- congrats!
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    Jun 06, 2008 5:40 PM GMT
    I love the fact that you have a word for gay in your secret language!
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    Jun 06, 2008 5:52 PM GMT
    Bravo, Sed!
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    Jun 06, 2008 6:09 PM GMT
    Good job, Eric! I know that's a huge weight off your mind and shoulders. The next friends are a little easier, because you know the most important one is in your corner. The next difficult step is the family. Good luck, and, again, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
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    Jun 06, 2008 6:27 PM GMT
    The rest of it will probably be easy now that you've declared it. Congrats, good luck and you have my support.
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    Jun 06, 2008 6:38 PM GMT
    Hey man congrats!! I guess its coming out season since i told my own best friend about a week ago and he has been really supportive and muttskins has also come out. It's great to have at least one person next to you that knows the truth and you can be your true self around! Again congrats!
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    Jun 06, 2008 6:49 PM GMT
    well i'm happy it went well for you. i've been waiting for this thread for so long now, and was always worried about what might happen. but now you've got at least one supporter to help you through the rest. and hopefully that support group will continue to grow.