Why does it seam like you can never find anyone who is ever actually interested in you?

  • LAXbro1

    Posts: 7

    Nov 30, 2011 12:24 AM GMT
    I often feel as though many men are not interested in me not just on the personal level but even on the sexual level... why is that? I have come to find that im not the only one who feels this way... My question is; why is it so hard to meet someone in the gay community that will not only find you attractive sexually but on a personal level as well? icon_question.gif
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Nov 30, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    Hmmm I'm not sure what methods are you trying to meet a guy? Based on your pic I can't imagine you'd have trouble attracting a guy sexually, but the way you are going about it could be why you're not having success.

    When I was single I always had the problem of meeting guys who wanted to take thing a LITTLE slow. I'm no prude or anything but I don't really like the idea of sex on a first date. To me it seemed whenever I went out with a guy he either wanted to have sex or decide to be boyfriends on the first date, neither option was really cool with me.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Nov 30, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    Have you noticed that Deany left you a testimonial? There's a start.
  • g_e01

    Posts: 14

    Nov 30, 2011 1:15 AM GMT
    Gay men are too superficial... Me not being one of them! I know what you mean, seems like is one in a million that will actually be interested because of who you are period
  • Fact

    Posts: 249

    Nov 30, 2011 1:28 AM GMT
    i know the feeling, get alot of guys who send you messages but when it comes time to initiiate in conversation other than, "how was your day" and "you're cute" "no you're cute" they have nothing to say and then slowly dim into the background haha thennnn stalk your profile for a good week or so then they are gone.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Nov 30, 2011 1:34 AM GMT
    this can only be a post to catch pedophiles. Nobody that cute could be that insecure.
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    Nov 30, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    Fact saidi know the feeling, get alot of guys who send you messages but when it comes time to initiiate in conversation other than, "how was your day" and "you're cute" "no you're cute" they have nothing to say and then slowly dim into the background haha thennnn stalk your profile for a good week or so then they are gone.


    +1, concur, or they initiate IM or Skype, with "Hey want to have web-cam sex?" Like WTF.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Nov 30, 2011 1:38 AM GMT
    Fact saidi know the feeling, get alot of guys who send you messages but when it comes time to initiiate in conversation other than, "how was your day" and "you're cute" "no you're cute" they have nothing to say and then slowly dim into the background haha thennnn stalk your profile for a good week or so then they are gone.


    Well that goes both ways, always arm yourself with a few good open ended (non yes or no) questions. Realize that for lots of guys making the leap to contact somebody is nerve-wracking and then when they do it they are stunned that you'd respond. So find a topic you like and when somebody tries to play that "you're cute, how's the weather" lame game challenge them by asking them something interesting.
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    Nov 30, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    You have to be the person that you want to be with . And if someone is not interested in you on what ever leval , that is that persons lost , welcome to the Gay world . You will find someone that will love you for you ! Give it time , and with that you will find the reward and happiness . Also , don't compromise !
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    Nov 30, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    cry-moar.jpg
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    Nov 30, 2011 1:48 AM GMT
    Well you're certainly pretty enough so I dunno.

    Maybe you have an attitude problem?
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    Nov 30, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    I feel like I can relate but alot of it can do with they are just the wrong guys all together! My suggestion to you is be glad that they aren't taking notice. The one that is wrothy of your time, will. Sounds cliche but its true. Like I told a friend of mine, many have potential, but few will take advantage of the oppertunity.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Nov 30, 2011 2:02 AM GMT
    LAXbro1 saidI often feel as though many men are not interested in me not just on the personal level but even on the sexual level... why is that? I have come to find that im not the only one who feels this way... My question is; why is it so hard to meet someone in the gay community that will not only find you attractive sexually but on a personal level as well? icon_question.gif
    I am completely the opposite. I can't seem to find a guy I connect with who is single or lives in my area. Every guy, I have connected with was in another state and another country
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    Nov 30, 2011 2:22 AM GMT
    If no one is into you on a physical or personal level...it ain't the fault of the "Gay community."

    icon_wink.gif

    Yer good looking. You don't say much in your profile but there is no reason to believe you have any less to offer than any other 20 year old.

    Although the line about no one ever knowing your Gay outside of this arena may give some insights...
  • LAXbro1

    Posts: 7

    Nov 30, 2011 2:52 AM GMT
    Thanks guys i guess its cuz im not into the whole gay culture... i guess i will just have to wait for that someone to actually step up to the plate... and its not that im really insecure its just i have had bad experiences when i have tried to settle for less...
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    Nov 30, 2011 3:01 AM GMT
    waimea saidWell you're certainly pretty enough so I dunno.

    Maybe you have an attitude problem?


    You should be the next Ask Heloise
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    Nov 30, 2011 3:06 AM GMT
    LAXbro1 saidThanks guys i guess its cuz im not into the whole gay culture... i guess i will just have to wait for that someone to actually step up to the plate... and its not that im really insecure its just i have had bad experiences when i have tried to settle for less...


    And don't because that is when the problems begin. I agree with you though. Seems to be mainstream gay culture seems to be a big part of the problem. I just can't give in to the saying "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" though.
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    Nov 30, 2011 3:07 AM GMT
    Fact saidi know the feeling, get alot of guys who send you messages but when it comes time to initiiate in conversation other than, "how was your day" and "you're cute" "no you're cute" they have nothing to say and then slowly dim into the background haha thennnn stalk your profile for a good week or so then they are gone.


    Hah... I am guilty of that I think... I just never have time to be all up on here like I'd like to. There are some really great guys on here. Just sucks everyone is so far away. I do better in person. Online... meh... never been abel to get in to it. i like deep conversations... maybe video chat would be better I guess...
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    Nov 30, 2011 3:14 AM GMT
    Trust me lol i know exactly what you mean -.- !
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    Nov 30, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    Just takes some time! and eventually it will fall into place icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 30, 2011 3:54 AM GMT
    A lot of people complain about things like this, but I don't have an answer.

    I don't think you can blame gay culture or "the scene." It's hard for guys like us who aren't into what people commonly refer to as gay society, but that's not the fault of people who do enjoy those things. It's usually just easier for them because they have a place to go where they can meet like-minded people, and maybe sometimes that makes us a little resentful.

    People who are just into hookups tend to have it easier. Find a person who attracts you who just wants sex too. Search over.

    The biggest culprit is probably the millenia of anti-gay sentiment that shoved us into the shadows, making it impossible to find each other. It's getting better as we are increasingly about to live out in the open. New types of gay groups, like sports clubs, are popping up, allowing us to find other gay people who share our same interests. It's not much comfort, though, when you're feeling lonely and finding hard to meet the right kind of person.

    Side Note - As a computer geek, I'd love to be able to say that technology has the answers for us. It does open the doors to meet people that you might otherwise not run into, but it's far from perfect. Despite what the ads say, you can't distill someone down to a profile and then search other profiles to find the perfect computer-generated match.

    This response turned out to be a lot longer than I expected. Semi-rant over.
  • LAXbro1

    Posts: 7

    Nov 30, 2011 4:07 AM GMT
    good question i try to reply to everyone who trys to talk to me so therfore i give everyone a fair chance now if and only if i talk to them and dont find them attractive on both a personal and physical level then i part ways... unless they want to be friends...
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    Nov 30, 2011 4:13 AM GMT
    It might be your spelling and incorrect use of homophones.
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    Nov 30, 2011 4:22 AM GMT
    what you said is not true. Lots of guys are interested in your on a personal and sexual level you just don't find them attractive so they don't register with you.

    If you are even somewhat attractive this tends to be the situation in which you will find yourself. If I wanted a bf I could get one tomorrow, same for you. But there is always that constant tension between who we want and who wants us.

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    Nov 30, 2011 4:23 AM GMT
    There are hundreds of reasons for this ranging from common interests to proximity, to vulnerability to attaction, to upbringing to cock size. The list goes on. It's like asking, why aren't all gay men having protected sex when they know HIV is out there?