Dads.........

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 06, 2008 5:17 PM GMT
    Picture the worst kind of family rejection a dadcan give his gay son and you get a picture of my relationship with my Dad.

    Still....I guess he did the best he could. It has taken a while, but now I look at myself in the mirror and can honestly say I've done my best to have a decent dialogue with him and it feels good.

    I bet there are some gay dads out there too....Happy Fathers Day.
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    Jun 06, 2008 6:02 PM GMT
    I am sorry you are not close to your Dad. I wish my Dad was still around to talk to on Sunday. He passed away in October 2006. I still miss our weekly phone calls. We had a lot in common and when he died a part of me died with him.
  • swall1963

    Posts: 161

    Jun 06, 2008 11:40 PM GMT
    Thanks for the Father's Day wishes. I am a gay dad, unfortunately my son was taken away from me by his grandparents and i haven't seen him since 1992 (he was almost 9).

    I miss my dad (he died in 1990). He was a big source of strength for me. He was the second relative I came out to (my maternal grandmother was the first). He wasn't surprised and still loved me.

    My mother sounds like your father (not to mention one of my sisters).

    I'm sorry things haven't been like that for you. If you ever need to talk I'll gladly listen.
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    Jun 07, 2008 12:17 AM GMT
    I envy those that have a real good relationship with their fathers. I won't go into my personal family history but I do something that is very tacky to some but it's to make a point each year. I buy very expensive flowers for my mom and send them to her for Fathers day knowing my dad will see them. He knows why.
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    Jun 07, 2008 12:50 AM GMT
    I have a very good relationship with my Dad - who is a retired space tech. engineer. He just turned 80 - and is having a few health problems. I make sure I call him regularly - and send good cards now and then - so he knows I appreciate all he has done for me. While he wasn't warm and affectionate during my younger years, he has a ton of good, decent integrity and taught me how to be a man - how to be responsible, work hard, study hard, and have a life.

  • Jun 07, 2008 1:43 AM GMT
    Not a gay dad, yet
    after my nephew was born, I was hooked on the concept that I could one day, raise a family
    of course, to have a husband/LTR partner with the same idea in mind would be great!
    HOLLA!
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    Jun 07, 2008 1:55 AM GMT
    I'm not a father, but often wondered "What If ...."

    My relationship with mine is non-existent. Not because of who I am, but he is a VERY, VERY, VERY difficult person to relate to and get along with.

    Nevertheless, to all those dads out there -- gay and straight, friends and strangers -- Happy Father's Day!!

    wp_path_kids.jpg
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    Jun 07, 2008 2:02 AM GMT
    I'm very glad that many of you seem to have a good relationship with your Dad. I wish I could say the same. I can't possibly imagine a worse relationship than the one I had with mine.

    My father was a miserable drunk. He was self-absorbed and self-loathing all at the same time. He was vile, bitter, a horrible racist and had the worst temper I've ever seen in a human being. He ruined every Christmas, every vacation, every weekend and ultimately every day with his drinking. He hated life and hated everyone who was in it -- especially me, because I was the youngest and I saw everything he did. And he knew that I knew.

    He's dead now. I haven't missed him for a second. Our family get-togethers are now peaceful, enjoyable and frequent. Normal.

    I know the above sounds extraordinarily harsh. But if you had been there, I feel certain you would understand. I was a straight-A student and a good kid, and all I ever got from him was insults, abuse and wildly out-of-control behavior. Because of him, my childhood was a 24/7 nightmare. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

    Sorry for unloading like that, but sometimes I really need to vent. Thanks.

    And if you have good parents, don't take them for granted.
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    Jun 07, 2008 4:32 AM GMT
    my hatred for mine stems from the premise that he could hurt me all he wants, but its when he hurts my mom and sister that he really hurts me, and cheating and walking out, well, that deceived my sister and broke my mother.
    I cannot wait to be a dad, i dont care what i gotta do to have a child, whether it be adoption, whatever. I know i'll be the best father i could be and hopefully i'll have a partner/husband to go the journey with me. I'll give that kid all the love, attention and the brightest of futures!

    Happy Fathers Day to any dads out there!!
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    Jun 07, 2008 4:39 AM GMT
    Lost mine about a month ago. This will be a tough Father's Day, since it will fall on his birthday. So, treasure what you have guys. And if not in a good relationship, at least extend an olive branch at least one last time. Perhaps the ice will break.
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    Jun 07, 2008 4:45 AM GMT
    I can honestly say, and I'm so proud to boast that I am an amazing dad, inspite of my fathers example.

    My father was not around even though he was married to my mother and we all lived together. He hated her, and she hated him. so he left at 6 in the morning and came home late every night. Worked on the weekends even though he owned banks and they weren't even open.

    But I did come to peace with it. He handled it all wrong. But his father was an abusive jerk. So maybe he did the best he could. At least that is what I believe.

    I am blessed to have the two most amazing kids I could ever ask for. I have been able to raise them and continue to do so.

    I do still honor my father, but to me fathers day is my day to reflect on the gift of being a father. As being a father is the greatest calling of my life.
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    Jun 07, 2008 4:45 AM GMT
    swall1963 saidThanks for the Father's Day wishes. I am a gay dad, unfortunately my son was taken away from me by his grandparents and i haven't seen him since 1992 (he was almost 9).


    OMG! THIS IS THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.

    How could they do that? Why dont you get some visitation right? He's like 25 now. I cant believe that you could be treated like that. ... icon_evil.gif
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    Jun 07, 2008 4:49 AM GMT
    Yes swall... that is terrible.

    Have you tried getting in touch with him?
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    Jun 07, 2008 5:41 AM GMT
    My father is bitter, verbally abusive, a liar, a hypocrite, a self-absorbed man with a little man and victim complex. He never takes responsibility for any error, instead blaming anyone and everyone around him for his failures in life, and if he drops a screwdriver, someone made him do it!
    He's told me and my brother numerous times that if it wasn't for us, he would have had a good life.

    The last time he told me that, I told him he should have kept it in his pants.

    For the most part I lived in fear of him. When I heard the door close my heart would speed up, my breathing would quicken, and I would hide if I could do it quickly and quietly enough.

    Above all, he taught me how to hide everything. Once his words bit deep enough, "Want me to give you something to cry about?" he would ask. He's a coward who has nothing but venom.

    I don't remember much of my younger years, but I do remember asking, pleading for him to hit me, because it would hurt less. He would make us stand still and he would throw lit matches at us, he would order us to grab the electric fence. He always thought it was funny. He thought it was a joke when he had me on my knees as he hit me with the cattle prod.

    I hate him. I hate him because he's my father and I love him, and he has raised me to hate him.

    It's all in the past now and I avoid thinking on it, but those sappy tv father/son moments get to me because I certainly know what I didn't have. I never went to him for anything, never asked his opinion, never asked for help.

    I was shy and quiet back then, and I'm shy and quiet now, but I don't take shit from anyone. I told him if he ever hits me with the cattle prod again I would break it over his fucking head and shove it up his ass.


    Happy Father's day to those deserving, and to a better tomorrow. Cheers. icon_smile.gif
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    Jun 07, 2008 6:28 AM GMT
    if that didnt happen, would we not have the pensively awesome person we have today?

    not that he deserves praise at all.
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    Jun 07, 2008 7:06 AM GMT
    liquidschism saidif that didnt happen, would we not have the pensively awesome person we have today?

    not that he deserves praise at all.


    Liquid... that's how I feel.

    I learned how to be a great father by pretty much doing the oposite of everything my father did.
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    Jun 07, 2008 12:40 PM GMT
    jsttennis77 saidI envy those that have a real good relationship with their fathers. I won't go into my personal family history but I do something that is very tacky to some but it's to make a point each year. I buy very expensive flowers for my mom and send them to her for Fathers day knowing my dad will see them. He knows why.


    I am albeit intrigued, I admit. Since my dad passed away in 1983, I stopped greeting my mum on Mother's Day since it always coincide with my birthday. When I greeted her Happy Father's Day in 1984, it was such a tearful event for enduring a year raising me by herself and many more tumultous years after that. Until today... she never remarried but still gets a Happy Father's Day greeting from me. x
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jun 07, 2008 2:02 PM GMT
    Caslon4000 said[quote][cite]swall1963 said[/cite]Thanks for the Father's Day wishes. I am a gay dad, unfortunately my son was taken away from me by his grandparents and i haven't seen him since 1992 (he was almost 9).


    OMG! THIS IS THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD.

    How could they do that? Why dont you get some visitation right? He's like 25 now. I cant believe that you could be treated like that. ... icon_evil.gif[/quote]


    My thoughts exactly Caslon. What a way to treat some one.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 07, 2008 2:39 PM GMT
    I'm unfortunate and fortunate all at once; by my choice I have no contact/communication with my Biological Father (aka Sperm Donor) not for any other reason but that he's not a good person. However, I have been blessed and lucky enough for a step-father (aka Pops) that is great! Won't say there weren't challenges in regards to when I "came out" however he NEVER once gave me any negativity about it and nowadays he's in to making sure I'm ok in that department; he's an awesome man!!
    To those of you with no or bad relations with your fathers, it sucks it really does! I wish and hope that one day it gets better! There are truly many horrible stories of being "discarded" by parents when their child makes a HUGE decision to come out and it's sad that the parents can't seem to get past their own selfishness to understand the internal/emotional challenges we've gone through.
    To swall19623; that is the MOST HORRIBLE thing I have ever heard! I cannot even begin to understand how that must feel. Many hugs from SF!

    To all the other Fathers/Dads/God-Fathers/Step-Dads...

    Happy Father's Day!
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    Jun 09, 2008 1:08 AM GMT
    Buckwheet saidMy father is bitter, verbally abusive, a liar, a hypocrite, a self-absorbed man with a little man and victim complex. He never takes responsibility for any error, instead blaming anyone and everyone around him for his failures in life, and if he drops a screwdriver, someone made him do it!
    He's told me and my brother numerous times that if it wasn't for us, he would have had a good life.

    The last time he told me that, I told him he should have kept it in his pants.

    For the most part I lived in fear of him. When I heard the door close my heart would speed up, my breathing would quicken, and I would hide if I could do it quickly and quietly enough.

    Above all, he taught me how to hide everything. Once his words bit deep enough, "Want me to give you something to cry about?" he would ask. He's a coward who has nothing but venom.

    I don't remember much of my younger years, but I do remember asking, pleading for him to hit me, because it would hurt less. He would make us stand still and he would throw lit matches at us, he would order us to grab the electric fence. He always thought it was funny. He thought it was a joke when he had me on my knees as he hit me with the cattle prod.

    I hate him. I hate him because he's my father and I love him, and he has raised me to hate him.

    It's all in the past now and I avoid thinking on it, but those sappy tv father/son moments get to me because I certainly know what I didn't have. I never went to him for anything, never asked his opinion, never asked for help.

    I was shy and quiet back then, and I'm shy and quiet now, but I don't take shit from anyone. I told him if he ever hits me with the cattle prod again I would break it over his fucking head and shove it up his ass.


    Happy Father's day to those deserving, and to a better tomorrow. Cheers. icon_smile.gif


    I was really sorry to read your upbringing was so traumatic and harmful. Take this for what it is worth, from someone who has had their own family issues to deal with, when you are younger it is possible to block out negative past experiences, but as you age it usually becomes more difficult. Your brain wants to make sense of these events and will try to sort them out, either consciously, or subconsciously (especially through dreams). If you find you are starting to get engage in self-destructive behaviour, you may want to consult a specialist. Just a thought.
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    Jun 10, 2008 1:29 AM GMT
    Thanks for extending happy fathers day wishes !!! I am a father, my children (a son and daughter) came to live with me after I divorced. We had our rough spells but they always new I loved them, and had sacrificed for them. They've paid me back over and over again for anything I did. Their calls and visits, their successes, questions for guidance and the tickets to fly out to see them are my frequent reward. I have to admit that my eyes are filled with water over reading about a few of your experiences with mean fathers, I cannot imagine treating a child as they did you fine young men. They are missing out on knowing some very inteligent/exceptional people, the loss is even greater because you are their blood. How tragic for them to have lost you by their own choices. Bless you guys, and if there is any friendly conversation you might like sometime with this ole dad, feel free to contact me, I'd be honored !!!! Please don't let their poor judgement reduce your opinion of yourselves, I realize that's easy for me to say since I'm not in your shoes, but I can sure tell quality when I see/read of it, and you guys sure seem like the top of the line to me!!!!! Dennis