Advice pleae. Told my straight friend about my crush on him.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 3:47 PM GMT
    Hey everyone I'm knew to this whole thing and was just wondering if I could get some help with a little problem I created. Sorry its such a long post but any advice would be appreciated.

    First off here's a little background on me.. I'm a sophomore in college studying engineering, I'm very "straight acting". One of those guys that you'd never guess was gay unless I told you howver I'm out to most of my friends just not my family and certain people

    So here's my problem. I've had this crush on a friend of mine that I used to be on the swim team with in hs for a while now. He knows I'm gay and everything, in fact he was the first person that I came out to and he's totally cool with it. He's one year younger than me, 18, and a senior in hs now. While I was home for thanksgiving break I was hanging out with some of my other friend ands we were drinking and I finally had enough and texted him telling him I had a crush on him and explaining my feelings for him. As soon as I sent the text howver I knew it was a mistake and texted him saying sorry and tried to blame it on being drunk (even though I really do have a huge crush on him)...he said it was no big deal or anything. However the next day I was hanging out with him and some other swim team friend and there was an obvious awkwardness and he avoided even talking to me. (Not normal considering we're good friends)

    So finally heres my question ha...have any of u guys ever been in this situation? How do I get things to return to normal? Just give it time? Or should I try to talk to him about it? ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 4:02 PM GMT
    fr78ki saidHey everyone I'm knew to this whole thing and was just wondering if I could get some help with a little problem I created. Sorry its such a long post but any advice would be appreciated.

    First off here's a little background on me.. I'm a sophomore in college studying engineering, I'm very "straight acting". One of those guys that you'd never guess was gay unless I told you howver I'm out to most of my friends just not my family and certain people

    So here's my problem. I've had this crush on a friend of mine that I used to be on the swim team with in hs for a while now. He knows I'm gay and everything, in fact he was the first person that I came out to and he's totally cool with it. He's one year younger than me, 18, and a senior in hs now. While I was home for thanksgiving break I was hanging out with some of my other friend ands we were drinking and I finally had enough and texted him telling him I had a crush on him and explaining my feelings for him. As soon as I sent the text howver I knew it was a mistake and texted him saying sorry and tried to blame it on being drunk (even though I really do have a huge crush on him)...he said it was no big deal or anything. However the next day I was hanging out with him and some other swim team friend and there was an obvious awkwardness and he avoided even talking to me. (Not normal considering we're good friends)

    So finally heres my question ha...have any of u guys ever been in this situation? How do I get things to return to normal? Just give it time? Or should I try to talk to him about it? ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!



    Complete fail... bogus and absurd. A sophomore in college and u text a straight platonic friend that u have feelings for him? Sounds so 90210 high school soap opera.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    What did you say in the text?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    it depends on the friend...I know it isn't a helpful response but each person would react differently. So...here are potential outcomes

    A. You are still going to be friends but things may be a little awkward for awhile
    and may take time to rekindle things
    B. He is going to avoid you and your friendship is over
    C. May distance himself for awhile until he wraps his head around it
    D. Still friends, but not as close as before.

    So my recommendation...prepare for each of these outcomes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 5:26 PM GMT
    Just that I've liked him for a long time and showing thought he was cute and really nice. Then how I was like "I wish u were gay or big I'd date ur sorry ass Haha " I'm very sarcastic and was trying to play it off as half a joke half serious. I'm pretty stupid sometimes when I'm drinking ha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 5:32 PM GMT
    Great story!

    Lesson Learned: Don't drunk text.
  • Stormtrooper

    Posts: 84

    Nov 30, 2011 7:10 PM GMT
    Personnaly, I can relate to your story. Thing is, and it's valid for gays or straights, never (I repeat NEVER) send unexpected love message via texts/sms/mails/facebook/etc. If you have something to say to someone you love, it needs to be in front of the person, so then you can clearly see the other's reaction.

    Otherwise, you will learn fast that you will always go for the straight guy, but the straight guy wont go for you... It's a lesson all gays or lesbians have been through. You should stay friend with this guy, but don't get fake hopes, except if he comes back at you saying he is gay/bi-curious or whatever...

    However, it's a good step to come out to your friends! Congratulations for that!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidGreat story!

    Lesson Learned: Don't drunk text.


    Worse then drinking and driving..LOL.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 9:57 PM GMT
    If he avoided talking to you, it would seem all you can do is wait it out, see if he gets over it and talks to you again. Probably shouldn't push the subject too much, as it might make him even more uncomfortable.

    Hopefully, you've come to realize that crushing on your straight friends only leads to trouble.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    Does it ever go back to normal?

    I once told a "straight" friend of mine that I love him. To my surprise, he told me that he loves me too. It turned out that he's really not that straight after all. He stayed at my place that night, in my bed. Within a few weeks he said that he needs to move back home, quit his job in NYC, and I haven't seen him in over 7 years. The most that we talk to is vis facebook, like once in a blue moon.

    Cool story, no?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:39 AM GMT
    Drnk texting always botches stuff up
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:40 AM GMT
    Cityaznguy saidDoes it ever go back to normal?

    I once told a "straight" friend of mine that I love him. To my surprise, he told me that he loves me too. It turned out that he's really not that straight after all. He stayed at my place that night, in my bed. Within a few weeks he said that he needs to move back home, quit his job in NYC, and I haven't seen him in over 7 years. The most that we talk to is vis facebook, like once in a blue moon.

    Cool story, no?


    You left out the most important part. How was the sex
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:43 AM GMT
    baby-facepalm-cute-pictures.jpg
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 01, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    Well the first thing you did was drunk text him. Dude, you never do that. That never works. The second part is that you knew he was not gay so why would you tell him that you have a crush on him.This will only make things awkward for him from now on. I think you may have lost a friend because you crossed the line. I think it would have been ok if he was gay but he is not. I think you need to give him a while because you might have made feel weird about the situation
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    Drunk or not, texting is responsible for the ending of more relationships. NEVER try to communicate feelings through a fucking text message! Text messages are good for "hey, you need anything from the store?" and shit like that, but not feelings. Good grief. icon_rolleyes.gif Not to mention you shouldn't have told him in the first place. You say he's straight and accepts that you're gay, so why couldn't you respect his preferences? Now you have no choice but to wait until he comes around (IF he comes around.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:49 AM GMT
    Your relationship may never recover. You've showed him that there's a hook in the jelly doughnut you've been giving him for free all of this time.

    If you were him, how would that make you feel? Oh sure, you don't have a problem with gay people. But this isn't "people," this is your trusted, platonic friend. Who just told you that the platonic part is one-sided.

    I think you can recover your relationship with him when he sees that you're gainfully committed to another man, and off the market.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Dec 01, 2011 2:13 AM GMT
    If you can post something that complicated you can get your shit together and do something about your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 2:23 AM GMT
    Okay well first off, that was a bad move on your part. That is enough to make any straight person run to the hills because that just invaded their comfort zone. What you did wrong was you let your emotions take control of you and cause you to send a text confessing something to a guy who is in no way, shape or form interested in being with men. It's not that he's insecure, he's just not into guys. There is a fine line between what is deemed appropriate and what is just plain joking.

    If you had said to him one day in conversation about who you guys like or whatever, and jokingly told him, "Haha I have a man crush on you, but I know you're straight" or something like that, then I'm sure it would've been fun and you could've gotten it off your chest in a subtle way. Confessing something such as that to somebody who "plays for a different team" is unrealistic, irrational and just inappropriate. I don't blame him if he distances himself from you, but if you're really good friends, I'm sure he'll bounce back. If not, then you must've REALLY freaked him out.

    Best of luck to you.

    -J
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 3:07 AM GMT
    That is tough man. I did this with one of my straight buddies a long time ago. It was awkward. But we got over it and became even closer for a bit. But I had to help him understand that I wasn't going to try to cross the line, ever. And I didn't, ever.

    The distance he's giving you is a sign to you that what you did, though honest, made him feel really uncomfortable. It's a time for you to get whatever you have for him that you just had to let him know about out of your system... essentially calling a timeout. Having a big ole crush on him is fine and you did nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. But it's your actions, words and discipline, particularly when your feelings are at stake, that make the difference here.

    Give him some time. And find a boyfriend to help you release so that your heart doesn't ache for him too much. It's not fair for you to walk around on campus with that gun loaded.... Good luck.
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Dec 01, 2011 3:14 AM GMT
    fr78ki saidHey everyone I'm knew to this whole thing and was just wondering if I could get some help with a little problem I created. Sorry its such a long post but any advice would be appreciated.

    First off here's a little background on me.. I'm a sophomore in college studying engineering, I'm very "straight acting". One of those guys that you'd never guess was gay unless I told you howver I'm out to most of my friends just not my family and certain people

    So here's my problem. I've had this crush on a friend of mine that I used to be on the swim team with in hs for a while now. He knows I'm gay and everything, in fact he was the first person that I came out to and he's totally cool with it. He's one year younger than me, 18, and a senior in hs now. While I was home for thanksgiving break I was hanging out with some of my other friend ands we were drinking and I finally had enough and texted him telling him I had a crush on him and explaining my feelings for him. As soon as I sent the text howver I knew it was a mistake and texted him saying sorry and tried to blame it on being drunk (even though I really do have a huge crush on him)...he said it was no big deal or anything. However the next day I was hanging out with him and some other swim team friend and there was an obvious awkwardness and he avoided even talking to me. (Not normal considering we're good friends)

    So finally heres my question ha...have any of u guys ever been in this situation? How do I get things to return to normal? Just give it time? Or should I try to talk to him about it? ANY advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!


    Been there. Done that. RELAX. He did not explode and beat the shit out of you. Fortunately you are back in college. See what happens at Christmas, but do not assume he is bi. He likely is not.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 01, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    I would do your best to be a friend and forget the crush. If you ever have the opportunity to discuss it (and he brings it up) do... but I think what you want to communicate is that you are into him as a friend and all's cool.
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    Dec 01, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    Honesty is the best policy, that's my take on it. Just like with coming out, telling a straight friend you have feelings for them can be a hit or a miss. Sounds like this was a miss and now it's awkward. You really haven't done anything wrong but tell him you have feelings for him. It could be awkward for him but if you have a good friendship, you'll both get over it in time.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 3:20 AM GMT
    First off- I envy thee because you study engineering at Penn State, meanwhile I'm stuck in a podunk state school. But that's irrelevant. What is, however, is that I've done something different while I was drunk at a hotel party last spring. I texted my friend and I think I told him that I thought that he was cute and gave him shit for being one of those wrestlers that is "comfortably straight", but not to hook up per se. What happened after that was that it was pretty awkward between us for a few months after that. Point being is that what I would do is because you're a college freshman and he's still in high school is to just focus on your life. After all- you're going to one of the best engineering schools in the country, meanwhile he might wind up in... well... hell- he could wind up in Nebraska after this year for all we both know. On my end of the spectrum, we both got over it, and moved on with our lives because it just happened to go in separate directions, irrelevant to the incident.

    I hope that helps and good luck with engineering.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 01, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    groundcombat saidHonesty is the best policy, that's my take on it. Just like with coming out, telling a straight friend you have feelings for them can be a hit or a miss. Sounds like this was a miss and now it's awkward. You really haven't done anything wrong but tell him you have feelings for him. It could be awkward for him but if you have a good friendship, you'll both get over it in time.

    How can you say that dude. That is not cool to do. If you know the person is not into guys. Why would tell him that you are in love with them? This makes absolutely no sense to me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 3:28 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    groundcombat saidHonesty is the best policy, that's my take on it. Just like with coming out, telling a straight friend you have feelings for them can be a hit or a miss. Sounds like this was a miss and now it's awkward. You really haven't done anything wrong but tell him you have feelings for him. It could be awkward for him but if you have a good friendship, you'll both get over it in time.

    How can you say that dude. That is not cool to do. If you know the person is not into guys. Why would tell him that you are in love with them? This makes absolutely no sense to me



    Agreed..what groundcombat said is completely absurd.