Fixing a relationship

  • DJFerro

    Posts: 4

    Nov 30, 2011 5:58 PM GMT
    Hey guys.

    I'm only 18 and yes I may be young but am mature for my age; anyhow. I had a boyfriend of a few months, but things got rocky and we were sort of on and off again. I had sent emails to other guys about sex but didn't go through with ANY of it, meanwhile the boyfriend had lapses with drugs and kept some of them secret until I found out myself. ANYHOW, the emails were sent when we were on a "break" or if I was unsure where we were going or if we were together even. He broke it off after going through my emails without my knowledge and now he's sending me messages that he would be happy that I got a job etc. and is being off topic and indecisive, I don't know what to do, I love him to death and want to be with him, any advice? And please do not go on calling me names for the emails I sent, just advice thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 6:05 PM GMT
    Relationships are like iPhones. It's sometimes better to replace it than fix it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 9:36 PM GMT
    Rule of thumb: "break" is just the gas station on the road to "break up".

    If it were me, I would ask myself why I thought I loved this person. From the outside, it doesn't seem either healthy or very loving.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 9:37 PM GMT
    Dump him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2011 11:32 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saidRule of thumb: "break" is just the gas station on the road to "break up".

    If it were me, I would ask myself why I thought I loved this person. From the outside, it doesn't seem either healthy or very loving.


    Agreed
  • DJFerro

    Posts: 4

    Dec 01, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    Thanks so far guys, but we still love each other and we have agreed that I was like a guardian angel for him and there are several reasons why I love him; hopefully he can see through his stubbornness and we can come out of this stronger.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:13 AM GMT
    dekiruman saidDump him.


    yep
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:30 AM GMT
    I would dump him. I think it's a little early to say that you love someone. You're only 18! Slow your roll. There still plenty of time left to find someone you TRULY love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:30 AM GMT
    DJFerro saidHey guys.

    I'm only 18 and yes I may be young but am mature for my age; anyhow. I had a boyfriend of a few months, but things got rocky and we were sort of on and off again. I had sent emails to other guys about sex but didn't go through with ANY of it, meanwhile the boyfriend had lapses with drugs and kept some of them secret until I found out myself. ANYHOW, the emails were sent when we were on a "break" or if I was unsure where we were going or if we were together even. He broke it off after going through my emails without my knowledge and now he's sending me messages that he would be happy that I got a job etc. and is being off topic and indecisive, I don't know what to do, I love him to death and want to be with him, any advice? And please do not go on calling me names for the emails I sent, just advice thanks.


    Hey DJFerro,

    I can understand that this is probably a difficult time for you but you have to look at it from two different points of view. For one thing, yes, you love him but that does not mean he is good for you. If he has to question himself where he doesn't know what he wants, then it's just not worth it. Nothing is going to be resolved until he figures himself out and you do the same. That doesn't mean wait for him though as finding yourself takes years. I'm only 21 and I'm not exactly sure what I'm completely about, but as you move forward and grow, you learn. You may say you're mature for your age and I'm sure in some ways you are, but if you're not able to recognize what is healthy in terms of a relationship (also, not to pass judgments on your ex, but the idea of someone who can't break free of using drugs and just how bad that is) then I don't think you're exactly ready to even be in a relationship. Maturity comes with a sense of self-respect and being able to bring good into your life and avoid the bad. Granted, nobody is perfect but you have to worry about yourself more than about him. It's not that by doing so you'd being selfish, just rational.

    Besides, you're only 18 years old. It might seem like you have little time and must rush to find someone but you have such a long ways to go. If you go looking for something, you'll never find it, but when you least expect it you'll meet that special person.

    I'd recommend not wasting your time as there are much better people out there and more experiences to look forward to. Continue to grow and be you and don't let him (or anyone else for that matter) hold you back.

    Best of luck to you.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:32 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidRelationships are like iPhones. It's sometimes better to replace it than fix it.


    Or just quit fuckin around with iPhonesque guys and get an Android. ^_^
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:37 AM GMT
    Ok this relationship just plain sucks in my opinion so i would end it..

    secondly, if you shoot any kind of sexual email to another guy while you are with him then you have cheated already in my opinion...
  • DJFerro

    Posts: 4

    Dec 01, 2011 1:46 AM GMT
    Note that it was during a break or if things were rocky and NOTHING happened with those emails they were just that; emails
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:50 AM GMT
    DJFerro saidThanks so far guys, but we still love each other and we have agreed that I was like a guardian angel for him and there are several reasons why I love him; hopefully he can see through his stubbornness and we can come out of this stronger.


    Then you've entered an unhealthy dynamic. You may think it's cute to be someone's "guardian angel" and he may even think it's sweet for now, but the reality is we've all seen this Lifetime movie. You've actually attached yourself to a project in order to "fix" something, and you're going to end up resenting each other.

    This never ends well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    DJFerro saidNote that it was during a break or if things were rocky and NOTHING happened with those emails they were just that; emails


    I don't care if anything happend. if you love the kid then you are not thinking about any other kid...
  • DJFerro

    Posts: 4

    Dec 01, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    We don't resent each other at all, and we actually focused more on connecting as a couple than fix problems.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    DJFerro saidNote that it was during a break or if things were rocky and NOTHING happened with those emails they were just that; emails


    That doesn't really matter in my opinion. If you really felt something [true] for him in your heart, you wouldn't have lusted after those guys and sent them those e-mails. Break or no break, that just doesn't happen. You'll soon learn that as you mature.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2011 2:12 AM GMT
    jfierce90 said
    DJFerro saidNote that it was during a break or if things were rocky and NOTHING happened with those emails they were just that; emails


    That doesn't really matter in my opinion. If you really felt something [true] for him in your heart, you wouldn't have lusted after those guys and sent them those e-mails. Break or no break, that just doesn't happen. You'll soon learn that as you mature.



    The post of the year....