Guy I've been seeing has been neglecting me lately. Does it give me permission?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2011 1:08 AM GMT
    So been seeing a guy now for the past 3 months. Normally it's been seeing each other every week and going someplace on his off days.

    Well about 2 weeks ago, he didn't answer his texts on our usual meet up day. Earlier in the week he was saying how he was sick and whatnot, so I decided to pop by his place after the gym to see if things were okay. Well I get there and he's home but everything was out of it's normal order. Like he didn't have the chance to clean up. I felt bad for making a surprise visit but told him I was just concerned.

    He explained stress at work, stress with employees and gave me a whole story. Well he was happy I came over, then we messed around and then I came back later in the night after I went to get changing clothes. By the time I got back he was in bed. I told him that I might as well go back home if I came over to watch him sleep. He apologized and whatnot but still..we talked about it, then I slept over and helped him around the house the next day.

    Fast forward. Last week Thanksgiving he said he'd be working. No big deal as I'd be going out of town. He asks me to come over the Saturday after to mess around, but he had to work early. I told him I didn't want to come and go back home as I'd just driven close to 600 miles that day.

    Then just a few minutes ago, I get a text saying he's working again tonight on our usual meetup night.

    This is getting out of hand. He hasn't asked to see me in 3 weeks and I already haven't seen him in 2.

    ...At this point I'm starting to feel I have the permission to start seeing other people because apparently he's playing the avoidance game for whatever reason whether it's true or not. I mean, how many more times do I need to keep sitting around waiting for a date?
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    Dec 01, 2011 3:18 AM GMT
    Do you think it's possible he might be starting to acquire feelings for you that you maybe don't feel for him? I only say this because you decided to go home instead of spend the night with him simply because he was already in bed ( I would have gladly stayed and cuddled). This leads me to believe your relationship is sexually driven. He might be trying to ween himself off of you because he knows/thinks you both don't want the same thing.
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    Dec 01, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    He is not a mind-reader.

    Talk to him!!!
    Tell him you are feeling neglected. Ask him why he doesn't ask you for dates anymore.
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Dec 01, 2011 3:31 AM GMT
    Stopping by his place unannounced? BIG no-no.
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    Dec 01, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    jerbear89 saidDo you think it's possible he might be starting to acquire feelings for you that you maybe don't feel for him? I only say this because you decided to go home instead of spend the night with him simply because he was already in bed ( I would have gladly stayed and cuddled). This leads me to believe your relationship is sexually driven. He might be trying to ween himself off of you because he knows/thinks you both don't want the same thing.


    No, I edited the above. I did stay over the night. But I was on my way back to his house that night after I had to go home and fix a quick dinner and he texts me as I'm on his street "I'm tired, going to bed now". Like there was barely any interest. When we were in bed, I told him how I felt.

    It was 10 pm. and technically a Saturday night (Wednesdays is his Saturday). So when he just went to bed I felt like he wasn't excited about me being there.

    CuriousJockAZ saidStopping by his place unannounced? BIG no-no.


    Well I had texted him prior to coming. So it wasn't a terrible surprise. He wasn't mad or anything. I even told him I didn't want to creep him out by doing it. (and then he feels like the creepy older guy if he asks me out leading me to do it all the time icon_rolleyes.gif

    He knows every Wednesday is our time to meetup. Not answering texts does not mean no. It means I drowned in the bathtub, please help.

    bhp91126 saidHe is not a mind-reader.

    Talk to him!!!
    Tell him you are feeling neglected. Ask him why he doesn't ask you for dates anymore.


    I asked him. Matter of fact I texted him the last sentences of my OP. He told me he's been working for 2 weeks straight. But he still hasn't given me much idea of when things will level out.

    It's so hard to not feel like a nag and express feelings at the same time!
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    Dec 01, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidStopping by his place unannounced? BIG no-no.


    This.

    And watch out that you're not getting too possessive and clinging onto him too much. Claustrophobia might set in. Remember: Overexposure in any way is bad. Give him space. Let him call and set up a date in the right way. That way everything and everybody is all set for a night of fun.

    icon_cool.gif
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    Dec 01, 2011 3:50 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 said
    CuriousJockAZ saidStopping by his place unannounced? BIG no-no.


    This.

    And watch out that you're not getting too possessive and clinging onto him too much. Claustrophobia might set in. Remember: Overexposure in any way is bad. Give him space. Let him call and set up a date in the right way. That way everything and everybody is all set for a night of fun.

    icon_cool.gif


    I talked to him about this last time I seen him (2 weeks ago!). I asked him why am I always the one to ask/call/text. He told me just the whole creepy older guy going after the younger guy puts him off from doing it.

    I wanted to say, "get over your ego!" but I actually laughed and understand. There's no way he can be getting claustrophobic. I've traveled a bit since I known him so it's not rare to go 2 weeks without seeing him.

    Maybe I should just leave all the doors and windows open then...
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    Dec 01, 2011 4:40 AM GMT
    is this the guy that lives like an hour or two away?
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    Dec 01, 2011 4:44 AM GMT
    running11 saidis this the guy that lives like an hour or two away?


    I think you've confused me with some other ho, bro...

    No, this guy lives 5 miles from me...technically in the same vicinity of town.

    The guy you may be thinking of was a guy who lived 8 hours away. that ended quickly.

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    Dec 01, 2011 4:45 AM GMT
    mochamuscle said
    running11 saidis this the guy that lives like an hour or two away?


    You must got be mixed up with some other ho, bro...

    No, this guy lives 5 miles from me...technically in the same vicinity of town.



    i thought you had a man that you were doing the LDR thing with...
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    Dec 01, 2011 4:46 AM GMT
    mochamuscle said
    running11 saidis this the guy that lives like an hour or two away?


    You must got be mixed up with some other ho, bro...

    No, this guy lives 5 miles from me...technically in the same vicinity of town.



    i can't keep up with your hoes, bro
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    Dec 01, 2011 4:50 AM GMT
    running11 said

    i can't keep up with your hoes, bro


    L O fucking L icon_razz.gif

    No remember the LTR guy ended up having a 'boyfriend' fuck buddy B.S. drama when we met on Halloween. Then he didn't want a LTR afterall. So I continued dating this guy.

    This guy is the 40 y/o guy. The older one.
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    Dec 01, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    mochamuscle said
    running11 said

    i can't keep up with your hoes, bro


    L O fucking L icon_razz.gif

    No remember the LTR guy ended up having a 'boyfriend' fuck buddy B.S. drama when we met on Halloween. Then he didn't want a LTR afterall. So I continued dating this guy.

    This guy is the 40 y/o guy. The older one.


    how do you keep track of them all? pen and paper?
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    Dec 01, 2011 4:51 AM GMT
    Do you have an agreement of sorts that you are being exclusive to each other? If so, I think you need to end that before considering seeing anyone else.


    This is sounding like you two don't have a good two-way communication.
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    Dec 01, 2011 4:53 AM GMT
    running11 said
    mochamuscle said
    running11 saidis this the guy that lives like an hour or two away?


    You must got be mixed up with some other ho, bro...

    No, this guy lives 5 miles from me...technically in the same vicinity of town.



    i thought you had a man that you were doing the LDR thing with...


    but no for real, communicate. I can be good at communicating and sometimes I have these things that I(we) like to call "episodes"-- it's where I cannot communicate how i'm feeling and it frustrates me... takes me a few hours sometimes to get out of it-- you just gotta communicate with him what's going.

    i said it in another thread: if you fear judgment for what you say/ask from the person you're with, you're with the wrong person
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    Dec 01, 2011 5:01 AM GMT
    It sounds like he's a fuck-buddy anyways..

    You're always posting about bad dates and how everyone ditches you all the time... so you've already started seeing people aside from your fuck-buddy, right?

    I don't see the problem here.

    P.S. He's been busy, he has a right to be tired... open your eyes - if you were "seeing" him (lol, Avatar reference), you'd be sympathetic to HIS needs as well. I'm sure he was mildly peeved that his fuck-buddy didn't wanna spend the night.
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    Dec 01, 2011 5:04 AM GMT
    I'm communicating with him but he likes to stave off everything to text. Which is understandable and I don't fuss with it (he works on the phone all day and all of the night)

    Before I went to see the other guy, I told him I wanted to keep my options open. It didn't work out, I told him it didn't work out (how embarrassing me to come running back LOL).

    But he knows I want to meet lately and I'm trying to let him know I want more but work has him consumed. I mean, the guy is pretty well off so it's hard for me to say, "screw work, be with me NOW!"

    I mean, if he's busy at work he's just busy at work. I mean, how can I bitch him out about that?

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    Dec 01, 2011 5:46 AM GMT
    ThePenIsMyTier said
    P.S. He's been busy, he has a right to be tired... open your eyes - if you were "seeing" him (lol, Avatar reference), you'd be sympathetic to HIS needs as well. I'm sure he was mildly peeved that his fuck-buddy didn't wanna spend the night.


    I've been sympathetic to his needs! I've been giving up my sex and listening to his stories of work last time we met!

    How is that not sympathetic?

    And I did spend the night. And we are not just fuck buds.We actually do things together. Fuck buds don't go to dinner and movies together. or cook for the fuck bud either. . Fuck buds just fuck and say goodbye.

    In the beginning it was on the fuck bud route, but I told him I wanted to start doing things together or otherwise I'd find other guys to date. He agreed and we started going out on dates.
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Dec 01, 2011 6:25 AM GMT
    Grammy always said, "Actions always reveal how the heart truly feels". Sounds like he's either taking your for granted, no longer interested or is a non communicative person all together. Either way, if you've talked to him about this (multiple times before), it may be time for you to at least talk to other guys. Another saying is, "You can't raise a grown man". Meaning he is who he is and you have to accept it & deal or reject it & move on. Best of luck!
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    Dec 01, 2011 8:39 PM GMT
    He's over it. Sounds like you're more than willing to move on, and sounds like he is too.

    Is this a relationship or just a fuck bud situation?
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    Dec 02, 2011 6:32 AM GMT
    TroyAthlete saidHe's over it. Sounds like you're more than willing to move on, and sounds like he is too.

    Is this a relationship or just a fuck bud situation?


    I believe it's been a relationship. Fuck bud situations don't generally get too involved (spending weekends together, going to movies and dinner) for a period of 3 months.

    He was generally always accommodating to my needs (and me as well). He'd cooked dinner a few times over the course we knew each other.

    I can't think of anything in particular other than work (which he seemed awfully stressed about last time we met) that he'd not be able to meet. All the while last week we've been texting each other. But then again without having dates it's nothing to get crazy over.

    At this point I'm just going to lay low and do like Jockbod said.


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    Dec 02, 2011 5:48 PM GMT
    mochamuscle said
    TroyAthlete saidHe's over it. Sounds like you're more than willing to move on, and sounds like he is too.

    Is this a relationship or just a fuck bud situation?


    I believe it's been a relationship. Fuck bud situations don't generally get too involved (spending weekends together, going to movies and dinner) for a period of 3 months.


    Have you had the 'relatonship talk'? Has he met your friends and vice versa? Do you refer to each other as 'my boyfriend'?

    I've learned the hard way that in gay land to never assume anything.
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    Dec 02, 2011 6:18 PM GMT
    Yet another "relationship" that's based on text messages. When will people learn that text messaging is a death sentence to the development of relationships? Text messages communicate ZERO emotions or inflection, therefore you are left with trying to decipher the person's mood and tone of every sentence, and unless you're a mind reader, you're pretty much usually going to get it wrong.
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    Dec 02, 2011 6:26 PM GMT
    Something similar happened to me, but I have only met this guy 3 times (we have talked for a few months on skype tho)
    It turned out that he wasn't looking for anything serious and I was.... So yeah... At least you are already thinking of meeting other people, that's good cause I don't feel like meeting anyone else right now.
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    Dec 02, 2011 6:52 PM GMT
    dump him already and find yourself a new fuckbud.

    Me thinks you probably should not expect attachments to work.