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Why has common courtesy been done away with overall?

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Dec 01, 2011 5:59 AM GMT

I'm asking this because I was raised to smile and greet people in general, hold the door for the next person coming along, saying Thank You... you guys get the picture. I have noticed that when I genuinely smile and greet others, it's not returned and that I rarely see the other courtesies mentioned above implemented. I get that some people are having a bad day or what ever have you but is this really an excuse to not return politeness back to someone who gives it to you? I have relocated to a bigger city from where I grew up so maybe this has something to do with it...but still...is it an excuse? I have "thick skin" so I can get past it but it still kind of saddens me that people aren't as nice/polite as they used to be. What do you guys think?

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Dec 01, 2011 6:13 AM GMT

In Toronto during rush hour people don't have the time to hold the door and say thank you..But off hours, most people do nod or smile in appreciation.

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Dec 01, 2011 7:08 AM GMT

I think it tends to be like that in many urban places even in the Deep South. I remember being a little surprised that people in Atlanta didn't show as much "Southern hospitality" as I expected. But of course lots of people from all over live in Atlanta, so how naive of me to think otherwise.

Having grown up near DC most of my life, the "cold shoulder" attitude doesn't bother me. I've learned over the years not to take it personally. And truth be told, a lot of people are the same in other countries. Many people in certain parts of Europe aren't very outgoing towards strangers because they feel you shouldn't have to fake politeness or happiness. Many Americans stand out for looking too happy or being too polite in situations that other Europeans usually aren't.

Rawrdo

Posts: 343

Dec 01, 2011 7:26 AM GMT

I really do think this is a result from not teaching/raising the kids from the very beginning. However, there are some people that are conscious of this and want to change that. In fact, my sister (who's in her way to become a teacher) had to do some observations of actual teachers, and told me how she would make the boys say "Ladies first" and let the girls into the classroom first when coming back from lunch, while the girls would say "thank you gentlemen". Kind of made me want to become a teacher too so I could do the same lol, I thought it was cute.

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Dec 01, 2011 1:54 PM GMT

Fivealive saidIn Toronto during rush hour people don't have the time to hold the door and say thank you..But off hours, most people do nod or smile in appreciation.

I try to hold the doors wherever I go, unless it's someone who is behind me taking a Sunday stroll.

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Dec 01, 2011 2:01 PM GMT

I live in the deep south, where it's still expected. But even here, people are just ruder anymore.

I agree completely. It's sad.

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Dec 01, 2011 2:16 PM GMT

atlantasouthguy saidWhy has common courtesy been done away with overall?

Because it fucking sucks.

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Dec 01, 2011 2:20 PM GMT

Because we have two generations of kids who were raised to believe the sun revolved around them. It was all about self esteem and that everyone gets a trophy

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Dec 01, 2011 2:23 PM GMT

I spit on people.

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Dec 01, 2011 2:23 PM GMT

Trollileo said

I actually told one girl that she could date me if she managed to turn me straight, but since I believe in equal rights she'd have to open doors for me and treat me like the dainty little flower that I am.

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Dec 01, 2011 2:29 PM GMT

If I have any manners at all it comes mainly from my parents. And secondarily from being a US Army Officer. No matter what your own rank, somebody else always outranks you, and a failure to be polite & deferential to your superiors can be a career killer. In fact, some of it takes on formal & ritualized form. And I suppose that exists in some parts of the private sector, as well.

But back to my parents, they insisted my sister & I, especially me as the "man," be unfailingly polite & considerate. Hearing people tell her "What lovely manners your son has!" was what she lived for. Of course part of it must have been due to my being gay, even as a little boy, but she still took all the credit.

And my parents made sure that politeness extended to service people, like in stores & restaurants, or workmen who came to our house. They considered it totally déclassé to speak down to or berate salespeople, waiters and such, and were disgusted to see people loudly abusing a service person over some insignificant matter, acting like spoiled brats.

"Everyone is as good as you, Robert," they would endlessly lecture me, "It's merely someone's choice to help other people, and you must never look down on them for it, and treat them poorly. It merely makes you look bad yourself." Just one of an endless string of admonitions and guidance they'd be giving me all day long, so that I remember the words to this day, along with all my parents' classic sayings & adages. I don't think they make parents like that anymore.

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Dec 01, 2011 2:31 PM GMT

Maybe its because I am in Texas and I am young and naive, but I feel that it is still around. Almost every door I open to go into a building- i am typically holding it open for the person behind me and I typically encounter the same.

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Dec 01, 2011 2:44 PM GMT

swimmerdude521 saidMaybe its because I am in Texas and I am young and naive, but I feel that it is still around. Almost every door I open to go into a building- i am typically holding it open for the person behind me and I typically encounter the same.

"Young and naive in Texas" -- why do I think that has the makings for a book?

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Dec 01, 2011 2:52 PM GMT

idk, i stand up when my rents enter the room, and i address them as "sir" and "ma'am." i do the same 4 anyone older than me. i hold doors, say "please", "thank-u" and "ur welcome." ppl my age think i'm weird, but it's just a habit now.

vintovka

Posts: 588

Dec 01, 2011 3:06 PM GMT

What has happened to our culture? Capitalism happened to our culture. Politeness consumes time and money by requiring my movements to be circumscribed by rituals that make everything I do less efficient. It may only cause a tiny margin of inefficiency for each individual act of politeness but cumulatively it is what economists call a source of "friction" in the system and it has to go (from an economic perspective). Do you really think it's an accident that the first area in the country to embrace a mercenary capitalist ethic is also the area least known for its manners? (i.e. the Boston-New York corridor)

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Dec 01, 2011 3:14 PM GMT

I live near NYC and I hold the door for people and it is held for me all the time. I always say thank you. Most people say it to me, too. Sometimes if they don't I say, loudly, "You're welcome" just to mess with them.

What gets me is how quickly people are ready to jump into combat mode. Beeping horns if someone takes more than a second to respond to a green light, cursing at someone who gets in their way... it's depressing.

Of course if you look how people treat each other on here, it's not that different. There seems to be no difference between "I disagree with that idea" and "You're $#@(@ stupid"

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Dec 01, 2011 3:16 PM GMT

njmeanwhile saidI live near NYC and I hold the door for people and it is held for me all the time. I always say thank you. Most people say it to me, too. Sometimes if they don't I say, loudly, "You're welcome" just to mess with them.

What gets me is how quickly people are ready to jump into combat mode. Beeping horns if someone takes more than a second to respond to a green light, cursing at someone who gets in their way... it's depressing.

Of course if you look how people treat each other on here, it's not that different. There seems to be no difference between "I disagree with that idea" and "You're $#@(@ stupid"

Take a look at some of the threads on this site. Some people will jump to name calling before ever asking a single question. There are a lot of very angry people with deep personal issues who only find lashing out at others as a way to deal with it.

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Dec 01, 2011 3:19 PM GMT

Dallasfan824 said
njmeanwhile saidI live near NYC and I hold the door for people and it is held for me all the time. I always say thank you. Most people say it to me, too. Sometimes if they don't I say, loudly, "You're welcome" just to mess with them.

What gets me is how quickly people are ready to jump into combat mode. Beeping horns if someone takes more than a second to respond to a green light, cursing at someone who gets in their way... it's depressing.

Of course if you look how people treat each other on here, it's not that different. There seems to be no difference between "I disagree with that idea" and "You're $#@(@ stupid"

Take a look at some of the threads on this site. Some people will jump to name calling before ever asking a single question. There are a lot of very angry people with deep personal issues who only find lashing out at others as a way to deal with it.

Agreed, and because there is no personal accountability, they feel free to have at it. Getting too much of a reputation as a hater? Just change your user name and start over!

I have tried to respect people with whom I disagree by keeping it about the idea vs. starting to rip on them personally. Hopefully have been successful. I don't get any hate mail so I guess I'm doing okay.

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Dec 01, 2011 3:22 PM GMT

njmeanwhile said
Dallasfan824 said
njmeanwhile saidI live near NYC and I hold the door for people and it is held for me all the time. I always say thank you. Most people say it to me, too. Sometimes if they don't I say, loudly, "You're welcome" just to mess with them.

What gets me is how quickly people are ready to jump into combat mode. Beeping horns if someone takes more than a second to respond to a green light, cursing at someone who gets in their way... it's depressing.

Of course if you look how people treat each other on here, it's not that different. There seems to be no difference between "I disagree with that idea" and "You're $#@(@ stupid"

Take a look at some of the threads on this site. Some people will jump to name calling before ever asking a single question. There are a lot of very angry people with deep personal issues who only find lashing out at others as a way to deal with it.

Agreed, and because there is no personal accountability, they feel free to have at it. Getting too much of a reputation as a hater? Just change your user name and start over!

I have tried to respect people with whom I disagree by keeping it about the idea vs. starting to rip on them personally. Hopefully have been successful. I don't get any hate mail so I guess I'm doing okay.

Me too. No one wins in a battle of name calling. But some people are so fucked up emotionally, its all they know how to do. I just put them on ignore.

Latenight30

Posts: 1525

Dec 01, 2011 3:52 PM GMT

We need to just step out of our worlds, our technology, and acknowledge our fellow humans. In public, on the phone, driving. You don't have to become friends but you do need to treat people with respect until the prove they don't deserve it.
Pepper spraying people to get a cheap deal... I think that puts it all into perspective. We are ENTITLED, we have built these walls up around ourselves where it's MINE MINE MINE.

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Dec 01, 2011 4:03 PM GMT

A word of advice. Don't go to Miami.

I'm from ny, where everyone expects people to be rude. But honestly people are respectful here. If you hold open a door or something like that, people will generally say thank you or at least give you a polite nod.

But I remember going to Miami and holding the door open for a tanned, fake boobed, blonde. Not only did she not say thanks, she gave me the complete cold shoulder and didn't even glance my way, like I was less than human. I was pretty shocked because even in ny you would not get that kinda attitude.

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Dec 01, 2011 4:03 PM GMT

Latenight30 saidWe need to just step out of our worlds, our technology, and acknowledge our fellow humans. In public, on the phone, driving. You don't have to become friends but you do need to treat people with respect until the prove they don't deserve it.
Pepper spraying people to get a cheap deal... I think that puts it all into perspective. We are ENTITLED, we have built these walls up around ourselves where it's MINE MINE MINE.

This. We are so programmed to move in our individual bubbles that when we are forced to interact with someone, especially someone who doesn't fit in with our mindset/schedule for the day, the gut reaction seems to be hostility and in some places there is no socialization saying that's rude.

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Dec 01, 2011 4:07 PM GMT

notadumbjock saididk, i stand up when my rents enter the room, and i address them as "sir" and "ma'am." i do the same 4 anyone older than me. i hold doors, say "please", "thank-u" and "ur welcome." ppl my age think i'm weird, but it's just a habit now.

You must have some great parents!

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Dec 01, 2011 4:16 PM GMT

njmeanwhile saidOf course if you look how people treat each other on here, it's not that different. There seems to be no difference between "I disagree with that idea" and "You're $#@(@ stupid"

Ha, driving always brings out the worst in people. And frankly, I don't believe I've ever ridden with someone who was patient and didn't curse at another driver at some point.

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Dec 01, 2011 4:18 PM GMT

wolverinecub86 saidA word of advice. Don't go to Miami.

I'm from ny, where everyone expects people to be rude. But honestly people are respectful here. If you hold open a door or something like that, people will generally say thank you or at least give you a polite nod.

I went to NYC a couple-three years ago, and I found a great deal of politeness & civility. A lot of people said it was the aftermath of the 9/11 trauma, I dunno.

What I do know was that it was embarrassing to me for even women to offer me their seats on the subway (we got a 10-day unlimited-ride bus & subway pass while there, very good way to get around for pennies), just because I use a cane. I always politely declined, having more fun getting my "subway legs" back, swaying as if on a ship in a storm.

As for Miami, your experience was nothing. You should meet them in their cars on the roads. Totally selfish mayhem, make sure you have good insurance coverage.

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Why has common courtesy been done away with overall?