So I'm leaving for Australia today...

  • bolero_of_fir...

    Posts: 551

    Dec 01, 2011 7:00 PM GMT
    I'm both excited and terrified. This is my first time out of the country and on my own. Do the men of RJ have any advice for me?
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 01, 2011 7:29 PM GMT
    Enjoy down under - just remember never to ask for a napkin at a restaurant.


    Questions posed to the Australia Tourist Bureau:

    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
    __________________________________________________

    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK)

    A: What did your last slave die of?
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    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

    A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
    Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
    ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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    Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)

    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
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    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
    Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?
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    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
    Milk is illegal.
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    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
    All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
    You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)

    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)

    A: Only at Christmas.
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    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2011 7:35 PM GMT
    LOL Nice response!
  • bolero_of_fir...

    Posts: 551

    Dec 01, 2011 8:53 PM GMT
    Drop bears are my favorite kind of bears.
  • tallchris

    Posts: 121

    Dec 01, 2011 11:48 PM GMT
    Why "So"?
  • tallchris

    Posts: 121

    Dec 01, 2011 11:50 PM GMT
    Good to be excited. But terrified? You are 24. Enjoy it.
  • bolero_of_fir...

    Posts: 551

    Dec 02, 2011 6:36 AM GMT
    tallchris saidWhy "So"?

    ,It's just a way that weirdos like myself like to begin a sentence.

    I'm "terrified" because I've never been on my own like this before. I don't know anyone, I don't have a job and I have no idea where anything is. It's all part of the adventure but it's still a little bit scary.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 02, 2011 6:54 AM GMT
    U shouldn't be terrified unless you go around picking up their native spiders and snakes!!icon_idea.gif

    Have a great trip!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2011 7:05 AM GMT
    bolero_of_fire saidI'm both excited and terrified. This is my first time out of the country and on my own. Do the men of RJ have any advice for me?


    beautiful sophisticated cities amazing country side magnificent beaches hot men what more could terrify you??

    have a great time- its summer!!
  • gbc59

    Posts: 90

    Dec 06, 2011 10:05 AM GMT
    dont pick on our spiders and snakes/ we also have poisonous octupus (the blue ring) the kiiler stonefish. killer jelly fish.. sharks that love to munch on humans..... but its a great place to live icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 06, 2011 9:25 PM GMT
    Suetonius saidEnjoy down under - just remember never to ask for a napkin at a restaurant.


    Why? Will they bring you these instead?icon_lol.gif


    Super_Absorbent_Polymer_For_Sanitary_Nap

  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 07, 2011 4:59 AM GMT
    StudlyScrewRite said
    Suetonius saidEnjoy down under - just remember never to ask for a napkin at a restaurant.


    Why? Will they bring you these instead?icon_lol.gif


    Super_Absorbent_Polymer_For_Sanitary_Nap


    I don't recognize that, but can guess. Not having been around babies in the last 40 years, I sort of remember them as white squares of cotton cloth.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    I see you're in Melbourne - welcome! Be prepared for four seasons in one day here icon_smile.gif

  • FRE0

    Posts: 4863

    Dec 07, 2011 5:25 AM GMT
    When I lived in Fiji (1994 - 2004), Australia was not a long flight, so I've been to Australia (known too as Oz) many times. Except for driving on the wrong side, you are unlikely to experience any problems in Oz that you wouldn't also experience in the U.S. There is no reason to worry about it if you take the same precautions that you'd take when traveling in the U.S. Certainly there is no reason to be terrified.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2011 1:45 PM GMT
    Suetonius said

    I don't recognize that, but can guess. Not having been around babies in the last 40 years, I sort of remember them as white squares of cotton cloth.


    Attention all RealJocks:
    Suetonius is 100% gay!

    He didn't know a 'sanitary napkin' when he saw one!
    Congratualtions, Suetonius! Just teasing ya, Sue!
    icon_wink.gif