Is it safe/a good idea to pursue or date someone you *admire*???

  • psustud

    Posts: 111

    Dec 01, 2011 7:01 PM GMT
    Need input/advice:

    I have a HUGE, I mean MASSIVE, crush on a guy, but I wonder if the largest reason for my crush is simply that I admire and kind of look up to him.

    This is not quite a typical "crush" since we have actually been on 8-10 "dates" in the past and like each either. For reasons I won't reveal just yet, we did not continue, but trust me when I say there's a solid chance we could resume in the near future.

    Something about my admiration for him scares me though. I sometimes think it would be better to just be friends with someone you look up to. Especially when this person gives me tangible "vibe" that says he's not looking to have his potential BF "look up" to him (could be in my head though).

    Don't get me wrong though, this admiration is FAR from the only reason for my crush.

    After hearing me talk about him all the time and what happened between us my two closest friends think I put him on pedestal. They think I think he's better than me and say it's definitely not a good idea to pursue him if that's the case.

    I've been hurt somewhat recently and for the first time ever... WOW, it SUCKED!

    I'm really trying to avoid that pain/extreme disappointment again.

    What do you guys think?
    If I really do like this person a lot (he's seriously my all time fav by far) would it be safe to date someone I feel this way about???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2011 7:08 PM GMT
    Well my question is, who's idea was it to end the relationship? I know you don't want to reveal the reason just yet, but it's important for us to know who's decision it was to end it.

    I've personally never had a situation til this day where I've dated someone 8-10 times, 'stopped' and then resumed. I've come close, but then it lasts 1 or 2 times and then stops again.
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    Dec 01, 2011 7:21 PM GMT
    I personally think you should never date someone you are actually attractive too.

    Seriously, is this question for real?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2011 10:01 PM GMT
    Well, proceed with caution. You have to humanize him before you can love him. When I have a huge crush on someone I usually already know what's fucked up about them and in my mind am prepared to accept it.
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    Dec 01, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    Why would you date someone you didn't admire?

    I always want to date someone who makes me strive to be a better me.
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    Dec 01, 2011 11:55 PM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saidWhy would you date someone you didn't admire?

    I always want to date someone who makes me strive to be a better me.


    I definitely agree with this, but it may come at a cost...

    If you constantly feel like he is better than you - it may evoke confidence issues ...

    Are you able to look up to him while viewing him as an equal partner at the same time? It's important that you feel he values you just as much as you do him. (Of course this is all to the general "you", not to Larkin)
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    Dec 01, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    I hope there are things he admires about me as well... I guess I don't mean "is he a better person than me" so much as "wow, he's a great person. It makes me want to strive as well!"
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Dec 02, 2011 12:23 AM GMT
    psustud said"...my two closest friends think I put him on pedestal."


    "When you put another high upon a pedestal; they will, surely, urinate upon you."
    Roy Masters


    Other than this, I'd say go for it!
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    Dec 02, 2011 1:17 AM GMT
    yeah...i'd say try it...but guard your heart against possible disappointment..i hope you don't become disappointed..but sometimes admiration can turn into disgust...there is a fine line...been there..someone i admired to the point of worshipping the ground they walked on..then,when the rose colored glasses "fell off"-[actually more like got "knocked off"]-and i saw the "real" guy underneath that cloak of admiration...i kicked myself over and over for admiring him so much......................
  • psustud

    Posts: 111

    Dec 02, 2011 6:27 AM GMT
    Chainers saidI personally think you should never date someone you are actually attractive too.

    Seriously, is this question for real?


    Dude who said anything about simply dating someone I'm attracted to.

    I though I did a good job of explaining this.

    OF COURSE I date guys I'm attracted to.
    I just never dated a guy I *looked up to*.


    I HATE mean spirited responses. Keep that stuff to yourself. The world can be cold enough without it.
  • psustud

    Posts: 111

    Dec 02, 2011 6:28 AM GMT
    Larkin_PLR saidI hope there are things he admires about me as well... I guess I don't mean "is he a better person than me" so much as "wow, he's a great person. It makes me want to strive as well!"


    VERY true. I definitely wanted to do and be more around him (and I pretty much did).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2011 6:36 AM GMT
    Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
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    Dec 02, 2011 6:41 AM GMT
    The fact that you are aware of the crush gives you a better chance of succeeding, in my opinion. It's people who are oblivious to their own feels who seem to get into trouble.

    I would say proceed, but cautiously. Be aware of your feelings and make sure you aren't putting him on too high a pedestal. Be prepared to be disappointed that he isn't as good as you might think he is.

    I prefer to date someone who I admire in some way. It doesn't mean I'm unsure of myself or that I want to worship the ground he walks on. It just means that I like to have something to inspire me.
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    Dec 02, 2011 6:43 AM GMT
    I agree with Larkin's points, you should definitely admire whom you're with in one way or another. However, if you think your closest friends know more about you and your situation with this guy than we do then you should give a lot of consideration to what they say.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 02, 2011 6:44 AM GMT
    psustud
    I HATE mean spirited responses. Keep that stuff to yourself. The world can be cold enough without it.


    Honey, I blocked Chainers long time ago. I was initially annoyed that I couldn't see the hidden/deleted member's response but now that you quoted it...I had a feeling it was him.

    He just wants to gnaw at your nerves and make you feel like an idiot.

    That said, you still haven't answered the question. Who's decision was it to stop talking? If it was his...don't get your hopes up.

    A lot of people missed the point. I think they just read your title and made an answer. There's more than just admiring this person. You guys seemed to have dated, went separate ways...and now trying it on again.