Mess around or not ?

  • gymguydave

    Posts: 37

    Dec 02, 2011 3:31 PM GMT
    Hello world .

    So the bf dumped me after two year and it's all a blur. I'm getting better and looking forward to meeting new people and finally seeing what this gay world has to offer. I came out because of him and my whole gay life revolved around him. My question is. I seem to be the only one that is 20 and and wanting to have something concrete or stable. Most guys my age just want to rip and dip and although most of them may be hot. I am not too sure if that's the lifestyle I would like to be in. Granted I've never done it and part of me wonders what it would be like to mess around with random people, but is t really worth it?



    Any thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 3:44 PM GMT
    gymguydave saidHello world .

    So the bf dumped me after two year and it's all a blur. I'm getting better and looking forward to meeting new people and finally seeing what this gay world has to offer. I came out because of him and my whole gay life revolved around him. My question is. I seem to be the only one that is 20 and and wanting to have something concrete or stable. Most guys my age just want to rip and dip and although most of them may be hot. I am not too sure if that's the lifestyle I would like to be in. Granted I've never done it and part of me wonders what it would be like to mess around with random people, but is t really worth it?



    Any thoughts?


    Only you can answer that. I know for me, I also really was more interested in the emotional connection and having the physical encounter without being part of something more left me feeling down after.

    Also I become more than a little paranoid about STD's that you can get even from casual "safe" encounters which limited my appetite for them.

    I personally would say wait until you have a genuine connection with someone, even if it's just a trusted FWB.
  • gymguydave

    Posts: 37

    Dec 02, 2011 3:47 PM GMT
    Yea I think you are right. I, like everyone else, get urges to mess around but I don't think I would like meaningless anything.


    Maybe I should try Skype lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 3:52 PM GMT
    If you're not sure, just give it a try. I only figure out that I didn't really like hook-ups by doing it a bunch of times.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 3:57 PM GMT
    I think that would make me feel worse. It's the craving physical closeness that would motivate me to give in to a hookup in the first place. YMMV.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 3:59 PM GMT
    If you imagine that it would be empty, then it'll probably be empty.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    In one's late teens and twenties, the male body practically convulses with testosterone. The natural instinct to have sex with numerous people is usually only constrained by the societal displeasure of the effects of rampant fertilization (ie. lot's of unexpected children). We gay folks don't have to worry about that, so it isn't difficult to see how and why many of your peers want to hook up without extending an emotional connection or wanting to develop a relationship.

    Is fucking around "worth it'?

    The answer is "Yes....but wait...of course not."

    (Hahahahaha....sorry.) I would argue that after some years of repressing your sexual feelings and then being committed to one man for the last two, you might find it fun and enjoyable to experience the thrill that comes with meeting new people. You don't have to sleep with every single one of them. Though you could be forgiven if you did. Most of us do.

    There is nothing in life quite so delightful as the excitement of a new romance.

    Nothing.

    The downsides to unrestrained fucking around are numerous though - STDs, all of the annoying interpersonal nonsense that comes with finding someone who shares your same sexual and social interests, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, a feeling of being used, a desire to use others, alcohol and substance abuse, etc.

    The most important and overlooked reason to not make a career our of fucking a bunch of people -- opportunity cost. The time, resources and emotional/physical and intellectual energy exerted to search for someone to fuck could be used for more productive things that you are also interested in.

    Then, there is also the not-uncommon danger of letting that exertion take over your life. "The search for that right guy" can end up squandering years of your life that you could otherwise use for other endeavors.
  • gymguydave

    Posts: 37

    Dec 02, 2011 4:04 PM GMT
    Lol yea I you guys are right . I think it's mostly now I feel this way because the scar is still raw. Maybe in time I'll be able to have more fun but for now I'll just cuddle with my friends lol . Thanks icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 4:05 PM GMT
    Your bf dumped you?!!
    What's wrong with HIM?!
    He's dumb, you're better off.... icon_wink.gif

    CUDDLE WITH US!
  • gymguydave

    Posts: 37

    Dec 02, 2011 4:06 PM GMT
    Osakarob: your words are very wise! Thank you very much for taking time to reply to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 4:13 PM GMT
    jpBITCHva said1. The purpose of dating is to find out what qualities you want in a guy; it's also to find out which ones you don't. The reason they say "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince" is that it's a necessary part of the discovery process. And in my opinion, these "wrong" guys aren't frogs, just not the right guy for you.

    2. So, sex. Do you really want to wait until Mr. Right shows up? That can take years. And frankly, that whole "keeping yourself pure" thing is a holdover from ancient times when a bride was supposed to be delivered to her new lord and master with her hymen intact.

    3. There is nothing necessarily "empty" about hooking up. You may make a new friend or two that way, or even score a FWB.

    4. Don't get hung up on this. It's part of the way religion and society have warped our minds since we were kids. Remember: we are who we are. We don't need to play by anyone else's rules.

    5. In short, I am definitely pro-hooking up for a healthy, sexy 20-year old such as yourself.
    Nicely put! +1
  • gymguydave

    Posts: 37

    Dec 02, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    jpBITCHva said1. The purpose of dating is to find out what qualities you want in a guy; it's also to find out which ones you don't. The reason they say "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince" is that it's a necessary part of the discovery process. And in my opinion, these "wrong" guys aren't frogs, just not the right guy for you.

    2. So, sex. Do you really want to wait until Mr. Right shows up? That can take years. And frankly, that whole "keeping yourself pure" thing is a holdover from ancient times when a bride was supposed to be delivered to her new lord and master with her hymen intact.

    3. There is nothing necessarily "empty" about hooking up. You may make a new friend or two that way, or even score a FWB.

    4. Don't get hung up on this. It's part of the way religion and society have warped our minds since we were kids. Remember: we are who we are. We don't need to play by anyone else's rules.

    5. In short, I am definitely pro-hooking up for a healthy, sexy 20-year old such as yourself.



    I really like your way of thinking it seems rational and realistic. I'm really taking all of this to heart guys so thanks!!!!

    The one good thing about all of this is that I am de stressing by working out so my body is getting back in shape lol

    And my parents have accepted me now that they see it's not a two year phase but that it was a relationship. A little too late but I appreciate their growth
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Dec 02, 2011 4:38 PM GMT
    Dude.....bottom line you got to follow your heart...It may not be rational or sensible but that's where love dwells...sometimes I feel guys over think relationships....They have this list they want to follow...If all there wants aren't listed...they bale....Relationships are give and take...nothings 50/50....Sometimes your partner needs your support...those times it may be 90 him...10 you....Love is the most unselfish act in this world...Continue to search for that love...I haven't found it personally...But I continue to hope....All the best.....BUD
  • gymguydave

    Posts: 37

    Dec 02, 2011 4:48 PM GMT
    Love is out there. And I have 90 for so long the 10 being given b k to me just didn't suffice
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 4:57 PM GMT
    gymguydave saidLove is out there. And I have 90 for so long the 10 being given b k to me just didn't suffice


    It always depends on what your ultimate goal is. If you are someone who enjoys having really strong monogamous relationships and you know what works for you, don't turn into an epic whore.

    The human mind is programmed to be both monogamous and promiscuous, which of these traits becomes domninant is up to which one you practice the most and there are benefits to both.

    Just make sure that whatever you do you maintain a certain level of discipline. If you really believe in love you're going to need a lot of it so be sure that it doesn't atrophy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    Like you I came out and directly into a relationship that lasted about a year [I left for another relationship]. The 2nd one lasted about 2yrs [they left]. From there I figured out that I didn't really know exactly what I wanted in a partner, just that I liked having a relationship.

    I dated for several years, met a lot of nice guys [slept with majority of them] and eventually found the guy who was someone who I wanted to pair with. This LTR lasted over 10 yrs and was the best time of my life. Unfortunately he died at a young age but I am grateful that I had that time with him.

    Dating is a essential part of becoming an adult. You develop your system of values, traits and characteristics you admire in others and yourself as well as a sense of who you are and your ability to take care of yourself. It doesn't necessarily involve sleeping with a lot of guys, but is is a necessary part of your maturation process.

    Best of luck on this journey.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 02, 2011 6:59 PM GMT
    gymguydave saidHello world .

    So the bf dumped me after two year and it's all a blur. I'm getting better and looking forward to meeting new people and finally seeing what this gay world has to offer. I came out because of him and my whole gay life revolved around him. My question is. I seem to be the only one that is 20 and and wanting to have something concrete or stable. Most guys my age just want to rip and dip and although most of them may be hot. I am not too sure if that's the lifestyle I would like to be in. Granted I've never done it and part of me wonders what it would be like to mess around with random people, but is t really worth it?



    Any thoughts?
    First, I am sorry to hear about your bf dumping you. But glad to see you have moved on. Good for you. Dude, you are young and single. Its time for you to start enjoying life. This does not mean go sleep every Tom and Richard you see but just if you see someone you want to sleep with. Then go ahead and do it without feeling bad about it. THere is nothing wrong with have casual sex with someone you like. Oh and there are lots of guys your age who want to be in a serious relationship. The one thing you will find out as you get older is that no matter how old they are most will only be looking for one thing and that is sex. There are not a ton of quality guys out there so give the ones your age a chance. I think you will find there a few good ones out there.
  • gymguydave

    Posts: 37

    Dec 02, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    ChristianUSA saidLike you I came out and directly into a relationship that lasted about a year [I left for another relationship]. The 2nd one lasted about 2yrs [they left]. From there I figured out that I didn't really know exactly what I wanted in a partner, just that I liked having a relationship.

    I dated for several years, met a lot of nice guys [slept with majority of them] and eventually found the guy who was someone who I wanted to pair with. This LTR lasted over 10 yrs and was the best time of my life. Unfortunately he died at a young age but I am grateful that I had that time with him.

    Dating is a essential part of becoming an adult. You develop your system of values, traits and characteristics you admire in others and yourself as well as a sense of who you are and your ability to take care of yourself. It doesn't necessarily involve sleeping with a lot of guys, but is is a necessary part of your maturation process.

    Best of luck on this journey.


    i am truly sorry for your loss but thank you for the kind words. You are right. i do not know what i want. this may be good for me after all
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 8:57 PM GMT
    There have been a few threads about young guys prefering a relationship over hooking up, just in case you need a little cheering up icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2011 8:58 PM GMT
    There are a lot of younger guys who would like to have a serious relationship. You just have to find them.
  • megaboo1991

    Posts: 11

    Dec 04, 2011 6:45 AM GMT
    If you aren't comfortable doing it with a bunch of random people, I say don't do it with random people. If you aren't comfortable, can you really enjoy it? Get my drift?

    I'm in the same boat as you. I'm young, never done it with a guy either, and prefer a stable relationship as opposed to one night stands and fooling around with random guys. Hoping this great guy I'm talking to right now might be the first, but for me sex isn't enjoyable unless there is some love in it. So needless to say, we won't be ****ing on the first, second, or even third date icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 6:48 AM GMT
    Sleep around a little, just to get your rocks off, nothing wrong with that as long as it's safer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 6:50 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Justtrying saidThere are a lot of younger guys who would like to have a serious relationship. You just have to find them.
    Precisely.


    Trolileo is my new boobs, it's that serious.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 6:55 AM GMT
    I second the motion. I had lot's of invitations to have one nights after dates and to call it a day and always kindly refused, because I know what I want.

    If you're sure you want something serious with someone, stick to that, trust yourself and date the people you think it's wise to give time to. Although, it can be pretty rough figuring out who's good for who, I don't think you'll have any problem dating.

    What can be troublesome is finding someone serious enough to engage in a serious relationship...But there's some nice guy out there who wants to hang out and be part of something ''greater'' if I may use the expression.

    I've messed around in my ''younger'' days and, really, it ain't worth it. You're always filling up what's missing and it can get pretty depressing over time, having guys looking at you only for what's on your ''outside''.

    If you're kinda like me, you know that it's way more satisfying that guys look on what we have INSIDE!

    In the end, stick to what you truly want. Never let anyone make you doubt about yourself, you seem pretty mature and there are lots of guys looking for a serious relationship (Like me, ahaha.), you just need to give it time!

    Hope my little experience can help!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 7:03 AM GMT
    Um hello?!?!!? I'm right here. Don't let the sluts here tell you to be slutty. They love cock and yeah they are evil. Hahaa jkjk.

    If you wanna mess around then do so. Your life. But better be safe. I guess to tell you not to try messing around is bad advice. But it's your choice. LIke I said just be safe.

    And hey I never hooked up and I know I NEVER will. It is just not me.