I have to confess I'm getting tired of the gym :-( What can I do?

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    Dec 03, 2011 4:41 AM GMT
    I love working out, it's not that...

    But lately I'm just starting to lose the motivation to want to go. It's like all the hard work I'm putting in the gym, I have no beach to go and take me shirt off at anymore. It's so cold outside I can't show much skin anymore either.

    The main thing too is the fact of when I'm in the gym, I see a bunch of cute guys I'd wish I could flirt with, or have them say, "nice ass/chest/arms" to keep me motivated. But nothing! It's like I go to the gym day after day and never meet anyone from it.

    Forget the whole 'cruise you lose' cliche. Fact is, the fact I go to the gym every week and never meet anyone or even get a hi or hello from regular members is disconcerting.

    On top of that, everyday I'm always the only 1 or 2 Black guy in both gyms I go to...Most everyone else has a training partner or workout buddy or something. I think people act like they can't relate to me or acknowledge me or anything because I'm different. I ran into 1 Black guy outside the gym but I think he left for the same reason.

    If this keeps up the way it's going, I might end up just taking a very long break from gym until I can find a reason to keep paying $30 a month and having a nice body but nothing to show for it icon_neutral.gif I'm just wondering how long I can go before the atrophy starts being noticeable LOL.
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    Dec 03, 2011 4:48 AM GMT
    Keep going. The period of motivational challenge will pass.

    Change your workout. Get a trainer for a month.
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    Dec 03, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidKeep going. The period of motivational challenge will pass.

    Change your workout. Get a trainer for a month.


    But the motivational challenge has been going on now for quite some time. And it's on and off.

    And since it's not due to working out (on the contrary if I don't hit the gym in a week or longer I start acting weird: sleepless nights, stomach issues, low sex drive).

    I like the idea of a trainer for a month though. But still, I wish the gym was able to give me a better chance of meeting someone with similar interests. It's almost shameful that of all the guys I see at the gym all the time, I still have to settle with meeting out of shape guys at bars and online.

    I find that even the straight guys at the gym have some motivation. Either they've got a girlfriend or they're a male stripper at a gay bar.
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    Dec 03, 2011 5:19 AM GMT
    The best part about being a bodybuilding hypnotist is situations like yours, mochamuscle. They're energizing.

    -- It feels like motivation is missing
    -- The situation is uncomfortable
    -- You're prepared to make a change


    As you have time, here's something to think about.

    This belongs to you.

    The concept is simple. And yet it's complex.

    -- Your body
    -- Your time
    -- Your life

    Before getting out of bed tomorrow morning, pause a bit. Think about it.

    You own this

    And when the flash of honesty happens... Full throttle.



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    Dec 03, 2011 10:20 AM GMT
    And by own "this" what are you referring to? My body?

    It's just I been going to the gym now since summer 2008. I think by now I should have found myself buddy/friend/workout partner from it...not that I go with the sole intention of that, quite the contrary I like to go for the sake of it.

    If it's any help, I go to Bally. Honest to God, I'm seriously thinking about breaking my membership and joining 24 hour.
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    Dec 03, 2011 1:53 PM GMT
    mochamuscle saidAnd by own "this" what are you referring to? My body?


    What's holding you back?

    -- You own your body
    -- You own your motivation
    -- You own the situation

    What's holding you back from what you want and need?
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    Dec 03, 2011 2:24 PM GMT
    It's wrong to workout your body for someone else. Do it for yourself. Your body will thank you for it.

    If you want to make the switch to a 24 hr. gym, I recommend it! You can go at any time of day or night! I love it when I'm the only one there and I have free reign of the place!
  • 1man

    Posts: 140

    Dec 03, 2011 2:26 PM GMT
    Take a break, a week off. I take a break every couple of months.
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    Dec 03, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    i got tired of the gym to, ill be going back in January to bulk up a biticon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 03, 2011 2:34 PM GMT
    1man saidTake a break, a week off. I take a break every couple of months.

    Or if you're like me, DON'T take a week off. Just do cardio only. If I take a break, a week turns into 6 months and then start over again!icon_sad.gif

    The key is to stay with the gym...always.
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    Dec 03, 2011 2:36 PM GMT
    1man saidTake a break, a week off. I take a break every couple of months.


    Best advice
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    Dec 03, 2011 3:01 PM GMT
    mochamuscle said...

    It's just I been going to the gym now since summer 2008. I think by now I should have found myself buddy/friend/workout partner from it...not that I go with the sole intention of that, quite the contrary I like to go for the sake of it.

    If it's any help, I go to Bally. Honest to God, I'm seriously thinking about breaking my membership and joining 24 hour.


    In the 14 years I've been going to the gym, I have not had a regular work out partner or gym buddy. I've had personal trainers, but that's different. I'm hiring them to focus on my workout.

    Generally, I'm in the gym to get my "workout" done. I'm not there to socialize, I'm not there to hang out. My workouts already take an hour (plus the time getting to, coming from, and showering). I can only imagine how much time out of my day it would take if I now had to workout with somebody else. I might as well go to "rush hour" at the gym.

    I used to belong to Bally. I like 24 Hour "more better".
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19136

    Dec 03, 2011 3:03 PM GMT
    It might help to switch gyms...even if it means just getting a month membership to another gym for a change. I have found that a new gym, different equipment, new atmosphere, can sometimes get me out of a rut
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    Dec 03, 2011 3:19 PM GMT
    yeah...try switching gyms,or take a week or so off from training..i don't use gyms,too many distractions...i have a bench and free weights in my basement....i go there 3x a week..peaceful..it's just me and my own mind..i can concentrate on each exercise..and really get into each muscle.i love to challenge myself.
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Dec 03, 2011 3:23 PM GMT
    eddie13 saidyeah...try switching gyms,or take a week or so off from training..i don't use gyms,too many distractions...i have a bench and free weights in my basement....i go there 3x a week..peaceful..it's just me and my own mind..i can concentrate on each exercise..and really get into each muscle.i love to challenge myself.



    I don't really agree with the taking a week or two off from training. It's better to work through the rut by switching the workout up, changing gyms, whatever it takes to stay motivated. Taking a few weeks off just makes it harder to get back into it.
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    Dec 03, 2011 3:51 PM GMT
    I don't know if gyms in America are like the ones in Brazil, but here every gym has a handful of fitness instructors that are there to help everyone in their training. They will help beginners in all their exercises and spot you when you need. Gym buddies and personal trainers exist here too, but you're on your own finding or paying them.

    If you need a spotter and there are no fitness instructors in your gym, you know what to do already... just ask for someone nearby.

    But it seems you want more than just a workout buddy, you want validation. Many here believe that you solve this problem by giving more validation to those who need it, but it's like giving crumbs to beggars, it just makes the situation worse and never really solves the root cause. I even feel offended and patronized whenever someone tries to validate me. You need to exterminate this need for your own good.

    mochamuscleIt's almost shameful that of all the guys I see at the gym all the time, I still have to settle with meeting out of shape guys at bars and online.


    I feel exactly the same, but I'm crucified here on the forums every time I mention it. But are you lowering your standards on bars and online?
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    Dec 03, 2011 3:53 PM GMT
    Honestly.... hire a trainer for a little while.... they will push you... You are just experiencing a plateau. Honest to god, It's all a mental game, if you believe you can't do it (e.g. run 21 km or lift a certain amount of weight), you wouldn't be able to do it... but if you truly know you can, you will.... My weight coach got me to life 88 lb freeweights (per arm) a week ago, and I never thought in a million years I could do it. It's all mental and all about your mind-set. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 03, 2011 3:58 PM GMT
    Just for a change consider a home based program such as P90X. While not designed for bodybuilding, you can still focus on size by deemphasizing the cardio parts and lifting heavy.
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    Dec 03, 2011 4:11 PM GMT
    OP: You're mainly upset because... you want validation for your efforts...? Haven't made any 'friends' at the gym...?

    Well... What are YOU doing about it? You haven't clued us in yet.

    Do you smile at people? Do you ask people for tips? Do you validate other people? Do you extend your hand for a shake and just introduce yourself by saying: "hey - I've seen you here for a year and think you know what your'e doing - my name is ____. How long have you been training?" etc.

    Look. I don't do that often because I don't like chatting at the gym, and I have to deal with hundreds of random people (ie, the public) at my job every week. It is my job to introduce myself to random people every day. I'm not a big extrovert at all - but that's a lot of what I get paid for at the moment. A smile and and a friendly random hello is "magical". Try it!

    Have YOU done this?

    At your gym it's good to know some people - even the staff - just in case something were to happen. What if you had an accident? What if you needed help? What if you need... motivation - a smile - a friend to say hi to. Get to the know the staff - the cleaning crew, etc. They're people just like you! I make an effort and say hello and smile at people that work there - or that I see nearly every week. It's OK. They won't run away from you. In fact, they're STUCK there 'cause it's their job.

    If you see a 'big' handsome guy... smile at him. When he's doing an exercise you don't know... ask him about it. Ask if they wouldn't mind sharing their routine or showing you something. You'd be amazed at how much people are flattered to be asked such things. Want to share advice. Want to be acknowledged. icon_biggrin.gif

    YOU have to be the source of that intro. YOU have to initiate contact if it's not happening on it's own. YOU have to prove to those people that you are friendly, approachable, and want contact. YOU. YOU. YOU.

    DO IT.

    Then tell us what happened. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 03, 2011 4:42 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    eddie13 saidyeah...try switching gyms,or take a week or so off from training..i don't use gyms,too many distractions...i have a bench and free weights in my basement....i go there 3x a week..peaceful..it's just me and my own mind..i can concentrate on each exercise..and really get into each muscle.i love to challenge myself.



    I don't really agree with the taking a week or two off from training. It's better to work through the rut by switching the workout up, changing gyms, whatever it takes to stay motivated. Taking a few weeks off just makes it harder to get back into it.


    Heard that!
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    Dec 03, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    mochamuscle saidIf this keeps up the way it's going, I might end up just taking a very long break from gym until I can find a reason to keep paying $30 a month and having a nice body but nothing to show for it icon_neutral.gif I'm just wondering how long I can go before the atrophy starts being noticeable LOL.


    WTF? Having a nice body IS what you have to show for it. I'd commit heinous acts of cute fuzzy animal slaughter to have a body like yours. (It never seems to work though.)

    Your workouts should be about you and no one else. It's about your health, primarily, but it's also about meeting your own goals. Talking to other people or making friends is just icing on the cake.

    Gyms don't seem to be good places to meet people anyway. I've never heard someone say that they have a great time at the gym because of all the socialization. A lot of people, myself included, just want to get through their workouts so they can get back to the rest of their lives.

    My only suggestions are:

    1. Try to change gyms. Some might be more social than others.
    2. Join a class. You may have to change gyms to find classes you like.
    3. Make the first move. Try talking to other people, but be prepared to be shut down most of the time.
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    Dec 03, 2011 8:01 PM GMT
    manboy_nyc saidOP: You're mainly upset because... you want validation for your efforts...? Haven't made any 'friends' at the gym...?

    Have YOU done this?


    Then tell us what happened. icon_wink.gif


    Okay, I haven't always been a 'loner' per say at the gym LOL. When I first signed up, I knew a handful of the trainers (one trained me for a little while).

    There was another time that I seen a guy there; he was older, but when the other gym closed down and I seen him at the other one...I was like, "hey, I remember seeing you from such and such, how you like this one?"

    We would chat a bit each time we seen each other, but that was about it. It never went anywhere and that's okay but I ended up relocating.

    I'm not upset, I just wish I could get more out of it. Like in High School, PE class opened your opportunity to meet friends (I took it for granted and wasted time doing homework and chatting with people lol) As for the going up and talking to people, I am pretty good at doing that, but I just don't it as much because in the past I've done that at the gym and it still didn't lead up to anything. Not saying that every conversation is supposed to lead to some glamorous ending...but I almost get this, "why put in all the effort to strike up a bit of gym small talk when they might not be there to meet anyone?"

    ...And too, why put all the pressure and burden on myself to chat to other people. Yes, I'm aware that in reality it is up to us to assume the burden and take the risk of speaking to someone...but in the gym it's hard to do that without imposing upon someone.

    If I smile at a big guy who happens to be married and have 5 kids, he might get uncomfortable, thus making me feel uncomfortable and just making things even worse. Which usually ends up happening. I always end up small talking the straight guys.

    A strange thing I've noticed too: there have been about 2 or 3 times over the years I've struck up small talk with someone at the gym, once it even got all the way to exchanging numbers with a guy (we chatted for like 30 minutes in the sauna!); and then afterwards I never see them again. It's almost like they were flustered that I'd even spoke, but made it seem like they were interested. What's that all about?