A day in the life, Installment 1 (short) - The Publix produce bag

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    Added: As noted below, this is a fictional story and does not represent a real-life first person narrative by the OP.

    (Publix is a supermarket chain in Florida.)

    My partner and I were planning a lovely luncheon river cruise and were doing some shopping at Publix. I had already picked out the most expensive bottle of wine. Why not if you can afford it? I went to pick out some fresh, organic produce, but had trouble opening the produce bag. I needed to spit on it to open it. My partner shocked me by saying that was disgusting. I asked, what would you do? He said he would have brought a damp cloth, having anticipated the situation. I replied that his idea was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. He had the nerve to tell me, a retired military person, that I didn't know what I was talking about.

    Well I always keep my temper in check. They call me Cool Bob - cool as a cucumber. I stayed very quiet, but wanted to kill someone. We went home and I went to the computer to plot nasty things in revenge. But he came up to me from behind and kissed me on the back of the head. I melted. What else could ya do?

    These installments are based on fictional characters and the primary events are also fictional. Any similarity to a real person or persons, especially in terms of self-indulgent or pompous behavior, is completely the inference of the reader.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 6:44 PM GMT
    "Bitter, party of one."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 9:52 PM GMT
    southbeach1500 saidAh.... nice to see the "story" had a happy ending!

    Of course it has a happy ending. Positive, up-beat people write positive, up-beat stories. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 10:53 PM GMT
    socalfitness saidMy partner and I were planning a lovely luncheon river cruise and were doing some shopping at Publix. I had already picked out the most expensive bottle of wine. Why not if you can afford it?

    Expensive wine from Publix? It's a common supermarket! LMAO! I hope you mean you bought the wine somewhere else, before going to Publix.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 11:06 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    socalfitness saidMy partner and I were planning a lovely luncheon river cruise and were doing some shopping at Publix. I had already picked out the most expensive bottle of wine. Why not if you can afford it?

    Expensive wine from Publix? It's a common supermarket! LMAO! I hope you mean you bought the wine somewhere else, before going to Publix.

    It was the most expensive bottle at Publix. A way to feel special when you're still on a budget.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 11:18 PM GMT
    flRMA.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 11:21 PM GMT
    Who carries a damp rag to the supermarket in anticipation of opening a damn plastic bag?
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Dec 04, 2011 11:21 PM GMT
    icon_lol.gif It's uncanny.
    What's the long version?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 11:34 PM GMT
    Well after all, if one has to ask the price of a bottle of wine, then one simply cannot afford it. I mean really, why quibble over such an insignificant purchase? Just ask the clerk for his very most expensive bottle. I have no problem paying for anything I want. I carry a great deal of cash at all times, and am known in the best establishments here and abroad.

    Who does this sound like? Clue: A self-described overweight individual we all know and love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 11:38 PM GMT
    commoncoll saidicon_lol.gif It's uncanny.
    What's the long version?

    The first couple of installments are short. Then they get longer and cover more aspects of a day in the life. Each installment is on a completely different topic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 04, 2011 11:54 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidWell after all, if one has to ask the price of a bottle of wine, then one simply cannot afford it. I mean really, why quibble over such an insignificant purchase? Just ask the clerk for his very most expensive bottle. I have no problem paying for anything I want. I carry a great deal of cash at all times, and am known in the best establishments here and abroad.

    Yes, your reputation is well known as someone who comfortably mingles in the highest echelons of society.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2011 12:06 AM GMT
    AlphaTrigger saidflRMA.jpg


    Actually I do. But it's so poorly constructed that it lacks any real humor, and with no relationship to reality. Except for people who just want to mock other people for the sake of mocking them. And having already determined to mock someone, regardless of the vehicle, small brains will think this is amusing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2011 12:30 AM GMT
    southbeach1500 saidI look forward to the next installment of "As Wilton Manors Turns...."

    I think they get better. In fact, some current events of the past day or so motivate some additions to one of the later installments. My small brain thought it was so funny I laughed so hard my dog became concerned. It was the hardest I laughed since the days at a restaurant just outside Ft. Bragg, NC, when the wine steward brought a bottle in a sterling silver bucket, wrapped in a cloth napkin, then with great fanfare and ceremony, removed the napkin and proceeded to unscrew the bottle. My group was a bunch of California guys, and I don't think we made many friends that day. We were normally very polite, but that was hysterical. (I have no problem with screw wines, as that was a special treat when defending the country in unfriendly places, but that particular incident was too funny.)
  • UIUC1978

    Posts: 27

    Dec 05, 2011 12:47 AM GMT
    Now that had me laughing also. Sterling silver ice bucket; linen napkin and all the fanfare of the opening of a screw top bottle of wine. The only thing it's missing would be plastic wine glasses to drink from.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 05, 2011 12:55 AM GMT
    Of course anyone with proper breeding, discipline and a year's worth of secretarial training would know to take a container of Tacky Finger along in the pocket of their carefully chosen and immaculately cared for jeans.

    If you don't have Tacky Finger, just sticking your finger up your ass will work, though you will have to stop talking for a moment or two.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2011 1:03 AM GMT
    southbeach1500 said
    socalfitness said
    southbeach1500 saidI look forward to the next installment of "As Wilton Manors Turns...."

    (I have no problem with screw wines, as that was a special treat when defending the country in unfriendly places, but that particular incident was too funny.)

    Yes, do remind us of your military service... incessantly.

    I would, but I can't talk about some of it, and the rest I can only talk with a few other guys who experienced the same stuff. A lot of guys are that way remaining mostly silent. The others, well God bless em, free country.
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Dec 05, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    Hum. So can we expect one part per day SoCal? RealJock needs an interesting story line.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2011 1:18 AM GMT
    conservativejock saidHum. So can we expect one part per day SoCal? RealJock needs an interesting story line.

    Can't say one per day. Must be some mystery.
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Dec 05, 2011 1:21 AM GMT
    socalfitness said
    southbeach1500 saidI look forward to the next installment of "As Wilton Manors Turns...."

    I think they get better. In fact, some current events of the past day or so motivate some additions to one of the later installments. My small brain thought it was so funny I laughed so hard my dog became concerned. It was the hardest I laughed since the days at a restaurant just outside Ft. Bragg, NC, when the wine steward brought a bottle in a sterling silver bucket, wrapped in a cloth napkin, then with great fanfare and ceremony, removed the napkin and proceeded to unscrew the bottle. My group was a bunch of California guys, and I don't think we made many friends that day. We were normally very polite, but that was hysterical. (I have no problem with screw wines, as that was a special treat when defending the country in unfriendly places, but that particular incident was too funny.)


    I agree. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. icon_biggrin.gif

  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Dec 05, 2011 1:25 AM GMT
    Lol. I just had the thought. Since this was outside Ft. Bragg, NC, perhaps the bottle on which the screw cap was removed was Mad-Dog 20/20.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2011 1:40 AM GMT
    You're obsessed.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    UIUC1978 saidNow that had me laughing also. Sterling silver ice bucket; linen napkin and all the fanfare of the opening of a screw top bottle of wine. The only thing it's missing would be plastic wine glasses to drink from.

    The glasses were also quite nice, or at least is seemed that way to me, which made it even more comical.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 05, 2011 3:24 AM GMT
    I think we could come up with some better ideas for a thread.

    icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2011 3:27 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI think we could come up with some better ideas for a thread.

    icon_mad.gif




    How about this one?

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/2001859
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 05, 2011 4:00 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI think we could come up with some better ideas for a thread.

    icon_mad.gif

    They'll get better. icon_lol.gif