Mom called me out!

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    Dec 05, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    So I just got through talking to my mom as we talk every Sunday. Apparently, while I was home for Thanksgiving, I accidently left this site up while I was checking my email before I came back home and my mom saw it! icon_sad.gif

    She asked me I was on the site and if there was anything I needed to tell her, of course I said no, but she kept asking and saying that I could always talk to her.

    Eventually, I admitted to it and she said while she didn't understand she still loved me. She said she has known for a while, but was waiting on me.

    However, for some reason I feel horrible and like she is disappointed in me and is just not telling me! What makes it worse is that I am going back home in a couple of weeks for Christmas and now I don't even want to go. I feel like I can't face her! icon_sad.gif
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:23 AM GMT
    The cat's out of the bag. Be grateful that she now knows. I'm sure she will be happy to have you home at Christmas. Distance has a way of making things better between family. This is a similar way it happened to me.

    Find time to talk with her...alone.
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:47 AM GMT
    Ace123 saidSo I just got through talking to my mom as we talk every Sunday. Apparently, while I was home for Thanksgiving, I accidently left this site up while I was checking my email before I came back home and my mom saw it! icon_sad.gif

    She asked me I was on the site and if there was anything I needed to tell her, of course I said no, but she kept asking and saying that I could always talk to her.

    Eventually, I admitted to it and she said while she didn't understand she still loved me. She said she has known for a while, but was waiting on me.

    However, for some reason I feel horrible and like she is disappointed in me and is just not telling me! What makes it worse is that I am going back home in a couple of weeks for Christmas and now I don't even want to go. I feel like I can't face her! icon_sad.gif


    Get over it. You're gay. Moms know this shit. Does it matter? Fuck no. Get on with your life.

    Unless you're fucking your mom, is does not matter. There are 7 billion folks in The World. You being gay isn't that big of deal....Seriously.

    You're 27. Time to put on your big boy pants. Does mom need to know? No. Does she know? Sure. Everyone knows you're gay...but.. YOU.

    It's dark in that closet with The Boogie Man. Get on with your life. At 27, being a closet case is just plain stupid.

    Write on a piece of paper, two columns. Pros and Cons of being a closet case. Do the math. Then, get on with life.

    Stop with the self-loathing / low esteem CRAP. The enemy is within. The enemy is YOU. Give yourself permission to like yourself, and get on with life.
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:49 AM GMT
    Well, you have a good mom. If my mom ever finds out it will kill her, and probably my dad too.

    consider yourself lucky
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:49 AM GMT
    Ace123 saidSo I just got through talking to my mom as we talk every Sunday. Apparently, while I was home for Thanksgiving, I accidently left this site up while I was checking my email before I came back home and my mom saw it! icon_sad.gif

    She asked me I was on the site and if there was anything I needed to tell her, of course I said no, but she kept asking and saying that I could always talk to her.

    Eventually, I admitted to it and she said while she didn't understand she still loved me. She said she has known for a while, but was waiting on me.

    However, for some reason I feel horrible and like she is disappointed in me and is just not telling me! What makes it worse is that I am going back home in a couple of weeks for Christmas and now I don't even want to go. I feel like I can't face her! icon_sad.gif


    Dude, it sounds like you're the one with the problem, not her. Give her a chance to be your mom and you her son.
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    Time to put your big boy pants on and be yourself to those closest to you!
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    You should still go home and talk with her in person. You may want to tell her not to tell others until you are ready. My mom also knew before I told her and she didn't care. Doesn't really understand it but she was accepting. Some things I could not talk to her about but be greatful she is OK with you.

    I also agree to set aside some free time to have a one on one talk. If not other then to give each other a hug. Nothing has changed. She is till your mom and you are an angel to her.

    Keep smiling and it will be OK.
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:59 AM GMT
    waimea saidWell, you have a good mom. If my mom ever finds out it will kill her, and probably my dad too.

    consider yourself lucky


    Everybody feels that way. Stop being a puss.

    ..Seriously, I think for you specifically, coming out would make you a lot happier. Hope you get tot hat point one day.
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:59 AM GMT
    jpBITCHva said
    RunintheCity saidTime to put your big boy pants on and be yourself to those closest to you!

    You a writer, surely you can do better than tired old clich├ęs?
    Nice titties, though.


    Acute vs effusive, dear.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:02 AM GMT
    Everyone doesn't feel that way.

    I grew up knowing that my parents loved me unconditionally. There no conditions regarding sexuality, occupation, socioeconomic status, etc. That's what good parents do.

    Well adjusted folks know that family is supportive no matter what.

    Being gay is part of nature.

    Fucked up religious folks...well, that's a whole 'nuther thing.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:02 AM GMT
    Everyone doesn't feel that way.

    I grew up knowing that my parents loved me unconditionally. There were no conditions regarding sexuality, occupation, socioeconomic status, etc. That's what good parents do.

    Well adjusted folks know that family is supportive no matter what.

    Being gay is part of nature.

    Fucked up religious folks...well, that's a whole 'nuther thing.

    Good parents let their kids know that they are loved...PERIOD.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:23 AM GMT
    chuckystud said
    Ace123 saidSo I just got through talking to my mom as we talk every Sunday. Apparently, while I was home for Thanksgiving, I accidently left this site up while I was checking my email before I came back home and my mom saw it! icon_sad.gif

    She asked me I was on the site and if there was anything I needed to tell her, of course I said no, but she kept asking and saying that I could always talk to her.

    Eventually, I admitted to it and she said while she didn't understand she still loved me. She said she has known for a while, but was waiting on me.

    However, for some reason I feel horrible and like she is disappointed in me and is just not telling me! What makes it worse is that I am going back home in a couple of weeks for Christmas and now I don't even want to go. I feel like I can't face her! icon_sad.gif


    Get over it. You're gay. Moms know this shit. Does it matter? Fuck no. Get on with your life.

    Unless you're fucking your mom, is does not matter. There are 7 billion folks in The World. You being gay isn't that big of deal....Seriously.

    You're 27. Time to put on your big boy pants. Does mom need to know? No. Does she know? Sure. Everyone knows you're gay...but.. YOU.

    It's dark in that closet with The Boogie Man. Get on with your life. At 27, being a closet case is just plain stupid.

    Write on a piece of paper, two columns. Pros and Cons of being a closet case. Do the math. Then, get on with life.

    Stop with the self-loathing / low esteem CRAP. The enemy is within. The enemy is YOU. Give yourself permission to like yourself, and get on with life.


    For many of us, Chuckystud, coming out to our parents IS a big deal and it DOES matter. Whether you're 17, 27, or 57, the anticipation and dealing with the reaction of our parents and family is a milestone in many of our lives.

    I don't where you come up with this "self-loathing" bullshit. Don't downplay his anxiety of his circumstance - you aren't doing him any help with that.

    Ace, for your Mom to tell you that she doesn't understand but loves you anyway... it is a common response by many loving and, ultimately, accepting parents. Not to worry... You're in a good spot.

    She says she knew but was waiting for you to tell her? Chuckystud was right with that one... In many instances Moms DO know long before you come out to them.

    Your concern about being a disappointment is an understandable reaction on your part, too. Many of us have felt that way. But before long, you'll find she is much more accepting of you than you could have ever hoped for. She's your Mom for Christssake.

    Many gay men would be happy to have this level of acceptance right off the line. All is good.

    Few people's coming out stories meet any kind of "ideal" situation. There is none. It's always a minefield for everyone. Even Chuckystud I'll bet.

    And go home for Christmas with a smile of pride on your face for getting through coming out to your Mom, regardless of how it happened to come about. I guarantee it... She wants you there.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    dekiruman said
    waimea saidWell, you have a good mom. If my mom ever finds out it will kill her, and probably my dad too.

    consider yourself lucky


    Everybody feels that way. Stop being a puss.

    ..Seriously, I think for you specifically, coming out would make you a lot happier. Hope you get tot hat point one day.


    I will come out one day.

    after my mom and dad both pass away
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidEveryone doesn't feel that way.

    I grew up knowing that my parents loved me unconditionally. There were no conditions regarding sexuality, occupation, socioeconomic status, etc. That's what good parents do.

    Well adjusted folks know that family is supportive no matter what.

    Being gay is part of nature.

    Fucked up religious folks...well, that's a whole 'nuther thing.

    Good parents let their kids know that they are loved...PERIOD.


    Have that, and religious parents too.

    To the OP, of all the possible ways that could have played out, it sounds like it went pretty well. Your mom may need time to get used to the idea, it sounds like she was honest and calm and is owning that for herself, not putting it on you. Don't punish her by avoiding her.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:31 AM GMT
    Ace123 saidSo I just got through talking to my mom as we talk every Sunday. Apparently, while I was home for Thanksgiving, I accidently left this site up while I was checking my email before I came back home and my mom saw it! icon_sad.gif

    She asked me I was on the site and if there was anything I needed to tell her, of course I said no, but she kept asking and saying that I could always talk to her.

    Eventually, I admitted to it and she said while she didn't understand she still loved me. She said she has known for a while, but was waiting on me.

    However, for some reason I feel horrible and like she is disappointed in me and is just not telling me! What makes it worse is that I am going back home in a couple of weeks for Christmas and now I don't even want to go. I feel like I can't face her! icon_sad.gif


    I know how hard that first meeting can be after you come out to your parents. I came out to mine in a letter and when I came home for the first time I was really nervous, and you know what? Things were fine. My parents had some questions and they still do, but it will be fine. She said she loves you. That's a lot more than many get from their parents when they come out. Just count your blessings.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    Ace123 said
    However, for some reason I feel horrible and like she is disappointed in me and is just not telling me! What makes it worse is that I am going back home in a couple of weeks for Christmas and now I don't even want to go. I feel like I can't face her! icon_sad.gif

    Sounds to me as if you are still not ok with being gay much less with being out to your parents.
    While your mom may be disappointed, you are not responsible for that feeling. There is nothing you can do to become straight, marrying a girl and having kids should not be in your future anymore.
    Parents are usually happy when their kids are happy going their own way. So you need to be at peace with yourself, so that your mom can be, too.
    You could also use this to get closer to your mom, by sharing your insecurity, why you don't feel like coming home this X-mas etc when you call her next. Her feedback should give you all necessary information on whether to go or not to go.

    And as always, give her time: It probably took you years to come to terms with being gay, so she might need some processing time as well.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:59 AM GMT
    Her disappointed demeanor is probably because of how she found out (not the news itself). I'm sure she'll be fine at Christmas. Especially if she said she's known for some time.
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:05 AM GMT
    Oh god damn it the things I could say to people like you.

    There are parents out there that find this shit out and then kick the kid outta home, refuse to see them, refuse to acknowledge them.

    You mum finds out and she's okay with it and your "I don't wanna go home"

    WTF are you on about???

    At least your mother is willing, at least your mother is open to the idea, at least your mother loves you enough and isn't so blindsided by her own ideas that she can handle the disappointment of probably never having grandkids from you AND knowing that you have a more difficult life ahead because your gay.

    Stop being a damned child, yeah it's going to be awkward and uncomfortable but that's life and you can't spend it running away from the awkward and uncomfortable, face head on, be brave because getting through those moments are the only way people grow and change and become better!
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:29 AM GMT
    waimea said
    dekiruman said
    waimea saidWell, you have a good mom. If my mom ever finds out it will kill her, and probably my dad too.

    consider yourself lucky


    Everybody feels that way. Stop being a puss.

    ..Seriously, I think for you specifically, coming out would make you a lot happier. Hope you get tot hat point one day.


    I will come out one day.

    after my mom and dad both pass away


    Your dad is part japanese, he's gonna live to be like 800 old. Your parents deserve to know who you are.

    It wasn't easy when I came out to my parents. It was actually really fucking hard. But listen very carefully when I tell you this.

    If you don't tell them, it's going to manifest itself in ways that will make your relationship with them much much worse. They probably already wonder why you don't have a girlfriend and that suspicion is only gonna grow.

    All they really care about is saving face and grand children. Unless you are an only child, it will all work out.
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:49 AM GMT
    hmm

    who do I listen to
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:51 AM GMT
    Shinra_Tensei said
    dekiruman said
    waimea said
    dekiruman said
    waimea saidWell, you have a good mom. If my mom ever finds out it will kill her, and probably my dad too.

    consider yourself lucky


    Everybody feels that way. Stop being a puss.

    ..Seriously, I think for you specifically, coming out would make you a lot happier. Hope you get tot hat point one day.


    I will come out one day.

    after my mom and dad both pass away


    Your dad is part japanese, he's gonna live to be like 800 old. Your parents deserve to know who you are.

    It wasn't easy when I came out to my parents. It was actually really fucking hard. But listen very carefully when I tell you this.

    If you don't tell them, it's going to manifest itself in ways that will make your relationship with them much much worse. They probably already wonder why you don't have a girlfriend and that suspicion is only gonna grow.

    All they really care about is saving face and grand children. Unless you are an only child, it will all work out.


    Shinra can kinda see where You're coming from deki but Shinra's kinda feelin waimea. He feels the same way sometimes. If his parents are asian he's gonna have a hard time. Your parents wee white so they were probably easier on you so you can't really compare or understand.


    Yeah ummm I'm not white.

    When I came out it was too a family made up largely of JNJ Blacks and Arab Muslims, so please don't think I don't understand, but I've been where you are, and my situation was bad. I had to be tough but it all worked out, like really really worked out. You and waimea are really similar, and it would change your life too. If you don't know what I mean just PM me.

    BTW you're a lead in a broadway show, and buy your mom sabon lemonade salt scrub "just because"............. the cat's kinda peeking out of the bag Shin. icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    It will be fine. She's had time to process it. Best thing is to let her know that she's taught you well and just cause you like men, doesnt mean it changes the quality of life you'll have or live. I told my mom that and its been like 7 years now that I've been out. I'm better for it and this last couple of years, she's really seen who I am and that indeed it means a lot for her to know that. Not sure what I said will make sense but I think you'll get the idea. Good luck! I will keep you both in my prayers.
  • auryn

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    Dec 05, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    You've denied her bragging rights. This is how your life will be from now on.

    http://youtu.be/hrqHKKjm7Z0



    Hope you know how to shop, because she'll expect you to give the best gifts. icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 05, 2011 4:15 AM GMT
    I'm serious shin. Everybody says they're thinking about their parents but I think it was really hard for my mom with me being gay because other than being gay I was the perfect son and I was her only son too so I think she was like fuck.....

    But honestly. Parents are funny and sometimes run away from the truth about their kids.......but that doesn't mean that they can't sense it. You can't just wait for your parents to die, because they will know before then.

    Tell me what your plan is. How are you going to keep this charade going forever? Are you gonna bring some poor unsuspecting girl into this scenario?
    That's the lowest thing ever.

    Do it while you're young man. There is an ideal midpoint distance for coming out and you are totally there. The explanation is long and complicated but just trust me.

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    Dec 05, 2011 4:45 AM GMT
    Auryn saidYou've denied her bragging rights. This is how your life will be from now on.

    http://youtu.be/hrqHKKjm7Z0



    Hope you know how to shop, because she'll expect you to give the best gifts. icon_smile.gif


    THATS THE FUCKING GREATEST!