Do you feel increasingly depressed around this time of year? or in general?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:49 AM GMT
    I'm posting this on health, and like not trying to B.S. or anything, but lately I've just been feeling more and more unhappy about things due to my social life, or rather the lack thereof.

    It's been affecting me the most this past week mainly because the guy I been seeing for the past 3 months has seemed to be putting me on the backburner, (which I mentioned in another thread). And with the holidays coming around, it makes me it that much worse that he's been treating me like this.

    I want to move on from it, but it's so hard when I barely know anyone as it is. And when I try to meet new people, I get flaked on, people don't keep their plans, I can't seem to find people who want to hang out with me and stick to it! Like tonight: I was told yesterday by someone that we could go to the movies today. We text each other today, he can't even give me a straight answer as to whether we're going to do it or not. Then yesterday we were gonna meet up for the 1st time, all he can say is, "i'm going to meet up with my friends, are you going out?" Not even a direct invitation.

    When I look back, I don't remember being like this since middle school. It's just taken so much out of me and just the fact that I know I'm a catch and can be fun to be around, I didn't have this issue around this time last year or 2 years ago. I at least had 1 friend who I was compatible with to hang around.

    It's just without having that support, I'm falling apart mentally and I'm losing interest in the gym, myself, just everything. And being on realjock and hearing uplifting things one moment and then being put down in the worst way another moment is not a good substitute for what I'm missing.

    I just don't know what to do. The solutions I feel are right for me, (moving to a different city!) gets shut down on here and people just criticize me, but I know in my heart that a lot of it is attributed to living here. When I moved here at the beginning of the year, I was already feeling that way but I stuck with it all year long. And 11 months later, nothing has changed.

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    Dec 05, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    Many folks get SADD (google on it).

    You can research what to do with depression. In our compartmentalized world, it's easy to go down that path.
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:57 AM GMT
    There is Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.), which is feeling depressed, usually in the winter when the days get shorter. If this is the only year that you've felt this way, then I wouldn't think that this is what you have.

    It sounds like you have a lot that's bringing you down. You might need to talk to someone about it -- a friend, a professional, even an online buddy. It's not going to be solved overnight, and drastic change might not help either, since running away from your problems rarely works.
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    Dec 05, 2011 1:58 AM GMT
    Get out, make, and meet up with your own circle of friends. You're in Denver. You should be able to meet cool guys who share interests with you.

    Try Meetup to break into the social scene.

    P.S. The "holidays" are notorious for depression.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:10 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidGet out, make, and meet up with your own circle of friends. You're in Denver. You should be able to meet cool guys who share interests with you.

    Try Meetup to break into the social scene.

    P.S. The "holidays" are notorious for depression.


    I've tried meetup.com. That didn't work out for me. Yeah it was a social scene, but I was basically just there attending events but not meeting anyone from it. Meanwhile, everyone else would be exchanging numbers, dating people and all that.

    I keep saying this, but Denver for you is not the same Denver for me. I mean, how is it that when I moved to Miami in 2007, I had a circle of friends within a week (they offered their help until I found a job and an apartment within a month). In the same time I lived in Denver, I found a steady best friend by October in Miami.

    Here, I meet tons of people...but they don't ever follow through with their word. They say all this stuff about how we can hangout at the aquarium, biking, clubbing...but they don't ever follow thru with it.

    It also speaks volumes that in the 12 months that I have lived here, I only met 2 guys who thought I deserved to be taken to a fucking movie.



  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Dec 05, 2011 2:14 AM GMT
    Get your vitamin D, omega 3's, keep up your exercise levels, and utilize full spectrum compact fluorescent lights to simulate sunlight.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    Rodcet saidEye pikd ewe ah fleur.

    slender-st-johns-wort-1.jpg

    Eet et.


    I don't think he's going to eat it, so you can have it.

    <3
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    dancedancekj saidGet your vitamin D, omega 3's, keep up your exercise levels, and utilize full spectrum compact fluorescent lights to simulate sunlight.


    Definately could be a factor. On some recent blood work, my D3 was 25ng/mL (30-100), and I live in FL so FAIL!!!

    "Oh, no wonder I'm tired at 2PM..."
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:23 AM GMT
    chuckystud saidMany folks get SADD (google on it).

    You can research what to do with depression. In our compartmentalized world, it's easy to go down that path.


    Yup. and Yup.

    WB Chucky.
  • turtleneckjoc...

    Posts: 4685

    Dec 05, 2011 2:26 AM GMT
    This thread reminds me of one I started about this time last year.....

    I'll be brief here, however, the holidays have always been depressing to me. I was physically and verbally abused as a child and the worst abuse was always saved for Christmas morning. Last year was especially bad as my hateful employer made the last 7 months of 2010 a living hell for me as I was missing a good bit of work from being hospitalized in June of that year (diagnosed with a mini stroke). Things weren't all that stable financially due to the lost wages either and I had to go without badly needed medication for months.

    In my thread, I wanted to find out if any other RJers felt the same way I do between Thanksgiving and December 26. Many great guys here went overboard to provide moral support to me and I will never forget that.

    I'm not overjoyed about it being the holiday season again, however, I do have the strong possibility of some wonderful things happening for me as soon as 2012 kicks off (I'll provide detail when they happen).

    Please don't lose faith, mochamuscle. Shit happens. And at least you have been seeing someone (my last date AND the last time someone told me they "loved" me was 1978--serious). GAMRican has a point with a group called Meetup. That will at least get you "out there" in order to have some fun and meet other guys. Hopefully Denver has a better setup than the one (not quite "Meetup" but similar) in Orlando. The Orlando group practices age discrimination (mentioned in another forum thread)!!

    I know it's difficult. This is easy for me to say here and sometimes a challenge for me to put in action, but change some things around. Instead of going to the gym, go out for a power walk. Think positive thoughts. I tried it and it worked as about 7 weeks ago, I was really down in the dumps and felt people did not want to have anything to do with me. I felt ignored and unwanted. I waded through it and things are looking so much better now.

    They will for you too. Please hang in there. If you need some moral support, please e-mail me here. I have been where you are and it sure doesn't look pretty.
  • KissTheSky

    Posts: 1981

    Dec 05, 2011 2:45 AM GMT
    A lot of guys your age (the OP) are sort of flaky in regard to keeping plans.
    I hear that all the time.
    I don't think it's any reflection on you... it might be partly that their lives are sort of chaotic and unsettled -- it's just a phase we all go through.

    But that doesn't mean you have to be a doormat.
    I have a "three strikes" rule... once someone bails on plans more than twice, I'm done with him. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    change everything to you're liking, its you're life take control and stop whining, do something about it, it does not take that much brain power to solve everything.icon_biggrin.gif
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Dec 05, 2011 2:47 AM GMT
    I go to the gym and do cardio when I'm in a bad mood or sad. We are all responsible for ourselves. The holidays kind of suck when you're single, but we're only miserable if we make ourselves that way.
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    Dec 05, 2011 2:58 AM GMT
    A lot of people find this time of year tough. You are bombarded with unrealistic images smiling people having fake-perfect holiday celebrations, and -- if you are alone or in any kind of dysfunctional group environment -- it only makes your present circumstances seem worse.

    I avoid malls and TV from Halloween just because I hate all the nauseous advertisements, and I don't want to be sick of Christmas before it gets here, but that may be a good idea for you too. Get outside even if it's cold... bright sunlight does wonders. The full-spectrum bulbs are a good idea, too if you are trapped indoors.

    Maybe consider volunteering? You're bound to run into some folks who are not self-absorbed, otherwise they wouldn't be there. Plus seeing what someone less fortunate is facing helps put our own problems into perspective.

    Another cool nationwide site is gayoutdoors.org.
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Dec 05, 2011 3:02 AM GMT
    I have few low points in mood, but I tend to settle when the days are short and cold, ergo why I'm currently in Florida. If you want to see an entire nation "down," try Finland in the winter.
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:09 AM GMT
    mochamuscle said
    GAMRican saidGet out, make, and meet up with your own circle of friends. You're in Denver. You should be able to meet cool guys who share interests with you.

    Try Meetup to break into the social scene.

    P.S. The "holidays" are notorious for depression.


    I've tried meetup.com. That didn't work out for me. Yeah it was a social scene, but I was basically just there attending events but not meeting anyone from it. Meanwhile, everyone else would be exchanging numbers, dating people and all that.

    I keep saying this, but Denver for you is not the same Denver for me. I mean, how is it that when I moved to Miami in 2007, I had a circle of friends within a week (they offered their help until I found a job and an apartment within a month). In the same time I lived in Denver, I found a steady best friend by October in Miami.

    Here, I meet tons of people...but they don't ever follow through with their word. They say all this stuff about how we can hangout at the aquarium, biking, clubbing...but they don't ever follow thru with it.

    It also speaks volumes that in the 12 months that I have lived here, I only met 2 guys who thought I deserved to be taken to a fucking movie.



    Time to find another city then. For the nearly 40 years I lived in South Florida, I never got as much attention as I do here in San Francisco. In Honolulu, I just blended in (which was nice for other reasons, but not for dating). South Florida, although it will always be "home", just wasn't for me (in regards to men and dating).

    Maybe Denver is not for you. Really. If you choose not to leave Denver, then you need to look elsewhere for friends.

    P.S. Try San Francisco.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    yes...having major depression i notice it more in winter...but i get plenty of rest and working out helps me a lot....on nice days..20 degrees or more above zero..i spend as much time outdoors as possible....
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    I was today. I ate like a pig. I never even put pants on.
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:26 AM GMT
    I tend to like to sleep more during the winter/have a necessary need for more sleep in order to function at my best in the winter. But I am ok with that, and I know my body so I know how to take care of it during the winter icon_smile.gif

    Get exercise, get plenty of rest, and find fun things to entertain yourself with
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    Dec 05, 2011 4:13 AM GMT
    I just don't like the holidays... too much bullshit for me. I don't like dealing with family and it is what it is. Maybe Santa has something different instore for me this year but who knows...
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    Dec 05, 2011 4:36 AM GMT
    Mocha dude, I totally feel you on this subject. Winter is alwayse rough for me since i don't liek the sun going down at 4:30 in the afternoon plus I'm from Florida originally and my patiernce with winter usually runs out aroun the start of February.

    As for your friwnd problem this doiesnt seem to be seasonally related obly that it becomes m ore frustrating this time of year. I have a similar problemmeeting guys here in Tennesse in part because of the closeted repressednature of the staet and inpart because i REALLY want to find a guy to date who is a gym rat like me with an over active sex drieve..a near impossible task in a state overrun with self loathing meth addicts and alcoholics. I have developeda small circle of friends but only 2 of them are gay and they are a couple. If I don't find a date by the time I finish my summer sompetitons next year I'm definately going to look at moving.
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    Dec 05, 2011 4:41 AM GMT
    I support the volunteer idea. It's a great way to meet other people, people with similar interests and positive attitudes. Volunteering also gives you a new perspective on life and you feel better about yourself. Seeing how someone benefits from your volunteer efforts is such a mentally positive and uplifting feeling. Volunteering also may open up new opportunities for you (i.e. job opportunies, new social opportunitties, networking). And again, I've made many friends from volunteering. It can be volunteering in a gay organization or non gay related organization. Give it a try.
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    Dec 05, 2011 5:01 AM GMT
    Only when my football team is neither in the playoff hunt or in the bowl hunt. Start volunteering man. Seriously....
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    Dec 05, 2011 5:26 AM GMT
    MuscledHorse saidMocha dude, I totally feel you on this subject. Winter is alwayse rough for me since i don't liek the sun going down at 4:30 in the afternoon plus I'm from Florida originally and my patiernce with winter usually runs out aroun the start of February.


    Winter in Colorado started the week before Halloween LOL. I mean, I don't mind snow, it's still new to me. In addition, I live in front of a foothill, which means sunset at 4 pm icon_confused.gif

    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidWhy don't you move back to Miami?


    Because, that's a part of my life that I had to leave behind. When I use Miami as an example, it's not that I want to move back; I'm just reminiscing on how much easier it was to come across people who'd follow thru with making plans for dates. People there were non-committal too, but for fuck's sake, 90% of the time if they wanted to meet, they would. Not in Colorado...Can't name all the people who've talked about meeting, but they never followed through. I get a, "yeah man/bud sure yeah yeah text" and then they don't fucking do shit. That'd drive anyone into a depression eventually lol!

    And the whole time in Miami, my main means of meeting people were adam4adam, myspace, the bars and a small portion was thru college.

    Brownale saidOnly when my football team is neither in the playoff hunt or in the bowl hunt. Start volunteering man. Seriously....


    I'm just not sure how much I can commit to it at this point as there's a possibility that when I go to Texas next week, I may be there for 2 weeks. But afterwards, I will def look into it.

    What type of volunteering do volunteers do? or would you recommend?
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    Dec 05, 2011 6:12 AM GMT
    You can volunteer doing anything. Anything from volunteering at a local homeless shelter, feed the homeless, soup kitchen, youth shelter, help build or repair homes. You can also volunteer at a local gay and lesbian community center.

    Just to give you an example, I volunteer my time tutoring math and physics to grade school students. I do it once every Thursday. But you can do it once a month. Tutor whatever subject you want. Whatever works for you. I also volunteered at Chicago's gay/lesbian/bisexual community center. I sat in on their gay youth group once a week. You can find the community center for your city. They are in desparate need for volunteers. Just do a Google search for any of these volunteer topics and your city. I've made lifelong friends through these activities. I even dated a guy I met while we were both volunteering. We had the volunteer thing in common. So it helped break the ice on our first date.