Persistent Creepy Behavior

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    Dec 05, 2011 3:32 PM GMT
    Do a lot of guys not recognize when their behavior is creepy and rude? For example, cruising at the gym (you cruise, you lose), or repeatedly groping someone like hand-down-the-pants style after their hand gets slapped away each time... etc. Have some respect.

    I don't want this to become a flame war, but after what happened to a friend this weekend at the bar, I just wanted to vent about unwanted and unwarranted contact.
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:50 PM GMT
    It suck to be good looking ...
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    Dec 05, 2011 3:56 PM GMT
    Wow I must be really homely. This pretty much never happens to me.

  • Dec 05, 2011 3:59 PM GMT
    I've found that some guys just don't "get it". I think there is some of the old mentality that "we're both gay so we have to like each other" kind of thing. I've never understood why someone thinks it's appropriate to reach out and grab/grope someone. I actually knocked/slapped a guys arm so hard one time that I broke his wrist. Luckily I didn't get sued and luckily he stopped. He had groped me twice and I said "No Thanks" and "Leave me alone" respectively. I guess he thought I would change my mind if he could grab my cock just the right way.

    Note: I had no intention of breaking this guys wrist .... it was an accident. I did have every intention of forcibly removing it from my crotch though.

    Sometimes I feel that social skillls, like common sense, just can't be taught. Either you have it or you don't.
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    Dec 05, 2011 4:59 PM GMT
    There is playful grab-assing which I will put up with for a short while, then there is the sort that comes about after we've known each other a bit.

    The rude sort of grab-assing that crosses the line - like the down your pants grab - I've had to literally choke one guy who just wouldn't take the hint and the slap-away of his hands, and another I've bent back his fingers to a deeply uncomfortable angle while calmly reminding him to get to know me a little better before putting his hands on me.

    Though on some other occasions where the guy was hot, I'd return the favour and let him know that if things happened, it would be me who would be tapping his ass. ;)

  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Dec 05, 2011 5:01 PM GMT
    FrostedFlakes saidDo a lot of guys not recognize when their behavior is creepy and rude? For example, cruising at the gym (you cruise, you lose), or repeatedly groping someone like hand-down-the-pants style after their hand gets slapped away each time... etc. Have some respect.

    I don't want this to become a flame war, but after what happened to a friend this weekend at the bar, I just wanted to vent about unwanted and unwarranted contact.



    I agree...incessantly starting threads about cruising whether it be someone hitting on you at a bar, online, at a gym or (GASP!) on sites like Adam4Adam or here at RJ is a little creepy. Gay men (and straight men for that matter) cruise -- get over it! icon_wink.gif
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    Dec 05, 2011 5:05 PM GMT
    It's usually the older guys who seem to not get the hint. Theres this one older (at least 60) guy at my running group that just randomly starts rubbing guys shoulders before runs.I doubt I would let a younger guy just randomly rub me if I didn't know him. People have told him to stop touching others but yet he still does not get it. And then old guys wonder why they get a bad rap. It's pervs like him!
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    Dec 05, 2011 5:06 PM GMT
    AlphaTrigger said
    Though on some other occasions where the guy was hot, I'd return the favour and let him know that if things happened, it would be me who would be tapping his ass. ;)



    So in other words it's only "Creepy" if you're not into the other guy? Otherwise a total stranger sticking his hands into your pants is okay?

    Just want to understand the ground rules.
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    Dec 05, 2011 5:08 PM GMT
    njmeanwhile said
    AlphaTrigger said
    Though on some other occasions where the guy was hot, I'd return the favour and let him know that if things happened, it would be me who would be tapping his ass. ;)



    So in other words it's only "Creepy" if you're not into the other guy? Otherwise a total stranger sticking his hands into your pants is okay?

    Just want to understand the ground rules.


    It would be generally unwelcome, but perhaps a little more forgivable. The cute guy would be much less likely to get decked.

    Alcohol consumption can be a mitigating factor too.

    Not terribly fair, but yeah.
  • SirEllingtonB...

    Posts: 497

    Dec 05, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    There's a time and place for everything.

    I remember this thoroughly forward and creepy guy in college who, at one of the first parties of my first semester as a freshman, came up to me, stuck his hand down my pants, and started grabbing at me. His face met my fist that night.
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    Dec 05, 2011 5:09 PM GMT
    njmeanwhile said
    AlphaTrigger said
    Though on some other occasions where the guy was hot, I'd return the favour and let him know that if things happened, it would be me who would be tapping his ass. ;)



    So in other words it's only "Creepy" if you're not into the other guy? Otherwise a total stranger sticking his hands into your pants is okay?

    Just want to understand the ground rules.


    Not for me. I don't want any guy touching me that I don't know. I find it disrespectful and I don't tolerate disrespect very well.
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    Dec 05, 2011 5:13 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ said
    FrostedFlakes saidDo a lot of guys not recognize when their behavior is creepy and rude? For example, cruising at the gym (you cruise, you lose), or repeatedly groping someone like hand-down-the-pants style after their hand gets slapped away each time... etc. Have some respect.

    I don't want this to become a flame war, but after what happened to a friend this weekend at the bar, I just wanted to vent about unwanted and unwarranted contact.



    I agree...incessantly starting threads about cruising whether it be someone hitting on you at a bar, online, at a gym or (GASP!) on sites like Adam4Adam or here at RJ is a little creepy. Gay men (and straight men for that matter) cruise -- get over it! icon_wink.gif


    Ummm... I wouldn't got that far. Sure I pick up guys at bars and online, but I draw the line at the gym. Why would you cruise at a gym? That IS creepy behavior.It's totally not a place to be cruising. I've had a few guys make questionable behavior with me in the sauna and I get the fuck outta there fast. And it's mostly just older dudes. It's George Michael territory.
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    Dec 05, 2011 5:22 PM GMT
    Yeah I don't dig that shit at all. How many other guys pants did this (cute/hot or ugly/creepy) guy stick his hand down and grab their junk? I don't know where your fucking hand has been icon_mad.gif

    Keep your nasty hands to yourself.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14295

    Dec 05, 2011 5:37 PM GMT
    I agree, some of these guys just don't understand the concept of set limits. It is not just older guys, there are quite a few younger guys that pull the same shit. I don't have any problem if a guy rubs up against you in a crowded bar or any crowded place for that matter. But I don't appreciate some total stranger just sneaking up on me and grabbing my ass. I will turn around and bust him in the mouth. At least have the common courtesy of getting to know me before putting your hands all over me. I guess that I am asking for too much from some of these jerks. Go figure.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Dec 05, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidWhy would you cruise at a gym? That IS creepy behavior.It's totally not a place to be cruising.



    I wasn't supporting the behavior, or justifying it, but rather just making a point that it happens, and that it has been a subject of thread after thread started by the same OP. Yes, cruising can be creepy depending on the WHO, WHEN, and the WHERE it is happening.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Dec 05, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    JakeGHK said
    Touching is not okay, but talking is fine.



    True. A lot depends on how one defines "cruising". I define it not necessarily something that is sexual, physical, or even verbal all the time. A guy making eye contact with another guy from across the gym and sort of flirting non-verbally could be defined as a type of cruising. It happens. Whether it is deemed "inappropriate" or not would depend on the interpretation of the one being cruised, and that can be a subjective thing.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 05, 2011 5:53 PM GMT
    Elle saidThere's a time and place for everything.

    I remember this thoroughly forward and creepy guy in college who, at one of the first parties of my first semester as a freshman, came up to me, stuck his hand down my pants, and started grabbing at me. His face met my fist that night.

    When I was younger this happened -now I think I look like I'd hit you so I have had guys ask first.icon_lol.gif
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    Dec 05, 2011 5:57 PM GMT
    I'm not condoning any behavior mentioned in this thread, but I just want to point out that straight guys pull this shit on girls all the time. My sister was at a club dancing with a guy when he reached down inside the front of her pants. She turned around and laid him out on the middle of the dance floor.

    So don't peg this on being homosexual, peg it on being an obtuse man.
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    Dec 05, 2011 5:58 PM GMT
    I guess some people just have so much 'confidence' they can't believe you WOULDN'T want them groping your ass...

    (i.e they're morons).
  • SirEllingtonB...

    Posts: 497

    Dec 05, 2011 6:00 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidWhen I was younger this happened -now I think I look like I'd hit you so I have had guys ask first.icon_lol.gif


    Wait... you'd hit me? What? icon_eek.gif Please don't. Just say hi. Oh MY GOD, JUST SAY HI! D':
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Dec 05, 2011 6:02 PM GMT
    jerry-sandusky.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2011 6:06 PM GMT
    ohioguy12 saidjerry-sandusky.jpg


    FAIL.

    (not the poster's fail) icon_lol.gif
  • NerdLifter

    Posts: 1509

    Dec 05, 2011 8:27 PM GMT
    FrostedFlakes saidDo a lot of guys not recognize when their behavior is creepy and rude? For example, cruising at the gym (you cruise, you lose), or repeatedly groping someone like hand-down-the-pants style after their hand gets slapped away each time... etc. Have some respect.

    Another reason I don't go to bars.
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    Dec 05, 2011 8:44 PM GMT
    Damn, I have to pay guys to do that!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 05, 2011 9:00 PM GMT
    Good times

    Good times indeed.