Father's Day...

  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 09, 2008 1:29 AM GMT
    Father's Day is around the corner

    Are you guys close to your Fathers?
    Is he supportive tolerant of you being gay?

    My father, unfortunately happened to be one of those people who never should have had children
    I've grown out of it but still
    when I see guys doing things with their Dad's it still makes me feel sad sometimes
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    Jun 09, 2008 1:31 AM GMT
    GQjock saidFather's Day is around the corner

    Are you guys close to your Fathers?
    Is he supportive tolerant of you being gay?

    My father, unfortunately happened to be one of those people who never should have had children
    I've grown out of it but still
    when I see guys doing things with their Dad's it still makes me feel sad sometimes


    I've done the best I can with my dad.
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    Jun 09, 2008 1:41 AM GMT
    My farther and I arent close but we arent distant either. He is the quite type most of the time. He doesnt know about me yet. I dont know what im doing for him on Fathers Day. He doesnt really make a fuss about the holidays. A coulple times a year I go through my closet and give him some of my old clothes and gym sneakers. Hes like a kid in a candy store.
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    Jun 09, 2008 3:25 AM GMT
    My father died 8 years ago. He was an alcoholic and sometimes abussive to the family.

    I went home (Pennsylvania) because I knew that I had to see him. He died unexpectedly, 6 weeks later. I was greatful that I was able to put it all behind me before his death.

    I promised myself that I would give my daughter a better life than the one that I had. Father's Day reminds me of that promise and of the fact that I have not kept it. In order to get back on track, I handed my alcoholic partner an eviction notice today. Currently, he is drunk and screaming at me while I try to write this.

    We screw up in all aspects of our lives, including parenting. Sometimes all we can do is pick up the peices and start over.

    To all the fathers : stay strong and just keep trying.

    Have a Happy Father's Day!




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    Jun 09, 2008 6:19 AM GMT
    My parents don't know I'm gay yet. And truth be told I'm closer to my mom. He's the quiet kind of guy who seldom shows his emotions. He surprises us every now and then by gruff displays of affection though.
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    Jun 09, 2008 6:26 AM GMT
    my dad never won the best-dad award from me. has tried a few times to manuever into our lives after the fact. honestly however i've never sent a card or called on any holiday or his birthday and haven't seen him in many years. i would suffer if he passed, but the suffering would be short lived. you can't take eighteen years of being a bad parent, the first 18 years of my life, and "fix it."

    i'm envious of everyone else who has a great dad and a great relationship with them.
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    Jun 09, 2008 9:34 AM GMT
    I'm lucky, I'm really close to both of my parents, its great, yeah we have a few issues, and they are not pleased about tha lack of grand children.

    Otherwise its all good.

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    Jun 09, 2008 1:08 PM GMT
    Not close, we were too similar (both introverts who hide their feelings). My dad was also a bit on the tortured side of things so he could be at times difficult to be around. We grew closer once I was on my own and an adult. My dad fit the stereotype of the English father, did not feel comfortable around children.

    He died in October 2006 and I still miss him somewhat. Because we were so similar in many ways, watching him die was like getting a glimpse of my future. Kind of eery actually.
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    Jun 09, 2008 1:13 PM GMT
    JBE60 saidNot close, we were too similar (both introverts who hide their feelings). My dad was also a bit on the tortured side of things so he could be at times difficult to be around. We grew closer once I was on my own and an adult. My dad fit the stereotype of the English father, did not feel comfortable around children.

    He died in October 2006 and I still miss him somewhat. Because we were so similar in many ways, watching him die was like getting a glimpse of my future. Kind of eery actually.


    WOOO!

    Finally a name I can remember offhand.

    WYSIWYG was a bit of a mouthful. icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 09, 2008 1:18 PM GMT
    Yeah, and it was hard to type, not to mention already taken by WYSIWYG84. JBE60 is very close to my AfterElton username.
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    Jun 09, 2008 1:37 PM GMT
    I'm very, very lucky. My dad and I get along really well and I don't have any reservations about talking about my life with him. He has always been supportive of me - in retrospect, I don't know why I waited until I was 18 to tell my folks I was gay.

    No one's saying it just yet, but I think Mom and Dad might be a little anxious about the lack of grandchildren. We have a spoiled cat and some houseplants. Does that count? icon_wink.gif
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    Jun 09, 2008 1:43 PM GMT
    I've been extremely lucky in the family department. My father's immediate reaction to my coming out was to make a lighthearted joke. He's not always the easiest to talk to, but I think most of that is just me being apprehensive. Once the ice is melted he keeps a pretty open mind and has been really supportive when I've gone through difficult times.

    I'm curious: "My father, unfortunately happened to be one of those people who never should have had children". Does that mean you wish you'd never been born? Do you wish you'd been given up for adoption? I don't understand.

    Most relationships, including those with family members, are two way streets. I know a few people personally who seem to try to force a pre-conceived ideal on their parents, and I never understood why that's different from parents forcing some pre-conceived ideal onto their kids. The fact is, virtually all of my straight male friends have pretty unfortunate relationships with their fathers too. Two have fathers that walked out and left their mother's to raise them alone. One was disowned by his father. Sexual orientation wasn't part of those situations. No matter who we are, we all have our own collection of stuff to deal with - our fathers included.
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    Jun 09, 2008 4:31 PM GMT
    > My farther and I arent close but we arent distant either.

    Sorry, but the typo was too funny to pass up.


    FirefighterBlu3> you can't take eighteen years of being a bad parent, the first 18 years of my life, and "fix it."

    Sounds a lot like my partner's non-relationship with his dad. They call each other about 4 times a year (b-days, xmas and fathers day), but I think both are happy if they can just leave a message and be done with the obligatory call.

    I know I didn't have it that bad, but I do think change is possible. Dad was never abusive, but he was absent (workaholic) and, as a heart patient since childhood, couldn't be active with us. We really didn't have a relationship and I'd avoid him as much as possible. My older brother was his favorite, I was my mom's favorite and I was happy with that.

    When I came out to my mom, I was happy to have her tell dad (something I now regret, though perhaps it was better given that the absent-minded scientist's first answer was to "fix" me.)

    I'm not sure when exactly things changed (I'm sure it was gradual), but over the last 10+ years he's lightened up a bit (maybe I have, too) and we've gotten closer. One thing that helped was that my parents really like Matt (he and my Dad can talk for hours. Sometimes I'll just leave them be (: ), but I think our reconciliation (over-statement) started earlier. So change is possible in some cases.

    My parents often seem to be overseas for both fathers' & mothers' day, with the added bonus that these holidays there are on different dates, so we always have an excuse not to celebrate. Yet this week I'm meeting them in Vienna so maybe we'll go out for a Sacher torte or something and dedicate it to dad.

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    Jun 09, 2008 4:35 PM GMT
    Currently I'm thinking of sending my father back to Taiwan. He'd be just as accessable to me there as he is a 2 hour drive north!

    icon_cry.gif
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    Jun 09, 2008 4:41 PM GMT
    the only reason i saw that our dad was trying to make up was that after the divorce, the kids wanted to live with mom and presents were his bribes. when that didn't change much of anything, the presents stopped coming.

    i can remember numerous times when my ass got beat with a belt for something and i remember a lot of them where i wasn't guilty for the accused crime.

    i don't hate him, but i resent a lot. i do also appreciate a lot and give credit where credit is due. i am who i am largely because of him.

    on the mom side, 99% good stuff. she doesn't agree with the "gay" thing, but we just agree to disagree. besides, she joined the fire department after me and is still an active ff/emt. i give her mad props for that.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 09, 2008 9:20 PM GMT
    Hobronto, I'm glad that you and your Dad are close
    but it seems a lot of guys here have had issues with their Dad's
    Do you guys think that's just the population in general or do you think that might have had something to do with us being gay?
    I think I was gay forever but almost all the gay men that I know don't have good relationships with their fathers
  • docmarvy

    Posts: 122

    Jun 10, 2008 4:41 AM GMT
    GQjock saidAre you guys close to your Fathers?
    Is he supportive tolerant of you being gay?


    We were certainly closer before he found out (acknowledged) that I was gay. I just don't think he was willing to accept it because he saw it as a failure on his part.

    However, I don't blame him. I think its symptomatic of the times and environment he was raised in.

    He's not supportive or tolerant of it. We just don't discuss it. Which is sad, but at least we still communicate. There was a time, right after he "found out," when I thought we'd never even speak again.

    But I try to connect with him on whatever level works. I don't want to look back and think I didn't even make the effort. Sometimes it's better to operate on seemingly unreasonable terms than to not interact at all.