> My farther and I arent close but we arent distant either.
Sorry, but the typo was too funny to pass up.
FirefighterBlu3> you can't take eighteen years of being a bad parent, the first 18 years of my life, and "fix it."
Sounds a lot like my partner's non-relationship with his dad. They call each other about 4 times a year (b-days, xmas and fathers day), but I think both are happy if they can just leave a message and be done with the obligatory call.
I know I didn't have it that bad, but I do think change is possible. Dad was never abusive, but he was absent (workaholic) and, as a heart patient since childhood, couldn't be active with us. We really didn't have a relationship and I'd avoid him as much as possible. My older brother was his favorite, I was my mom's favorite and I was happy with that.
When I came out to my mom, I was happy to have her tell dad (something I now regret, though perhaps it was better given that the absent-minded scientist's first answer was to "fix" me.)
I'm not sure when exactly things changed (I'm sure it was gradual), but over the last 10+ years he's lightened up a bit (maybe I have, too) and we've gotten closer. One thing that helped was that my parents really like Matt (he and my Dad can talk for hours. Sometimes I'll just leave them be (: ), but I think our reconciliation (over-statement) started earlier. So change is possible in some cases.
My parents often seem to be overseas for both fathers' & mothers' day, with the added bonus that these holidays there are on different dates, so we always have an excuse not to celebrate. Yet this week I'm meeting them in Vienna so maybe we'll go out for a Sacher torte or something and dedicate it to dad.