i dont know what to do

  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 2:13 AM GMT
    I'm 19 closeted and i do not know what to do. I hate posting a cliche topic like this but im at the point where i cried myself to sleep the past 6 nights,,,,im sick of this! i really want to meet a guy i can trust to talk to about all this stuff or be with so i dont have to feel so alone...nobody knows about me...soo all of this pressure is on me and me alone...everyday i have to deal with it on top of a rigorous academic course load....its a lot for one person to handle.
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Dec 07, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    You can talk here. Let this thread be your blog.
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 3:02 AM GMT
    both
  • aj101

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 07, 2011 3:33 AM GMT
    find some friends you trust and comeout to them. If this is affecting you so much then start thinking of a way to come out to people. I was in the same position you were in (minus the crying, I have a roommate and that would have freaked him out). It came to the point where I was tired of hiding and came out to my parents. This website should be helpful too, before coming out I auto participate on a different gay website called connexions which shut down icon_sad.gif . Talking on the forums on that site helped greatly.
  • johndubuque

    Posts: 319

    Dec 07, 2011 3:34 AM GMT
    Have you checked out the LGBT group at your school (or at a nearby school if yours doesn't have one)? I think you'll be glad you took the first step. Most people I know wish they had come out sooner.
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 3:37 AM GMT
    i just dont wanna regret not being who i am when im older. my university is very small. I'm not sure if i can do that at this point.
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    Dec 07, 2011 3:41 AM GMT
    You're in a pressure cooker right now with school and your private life. Try not to let yourself get overwhelmed. That's usually easier said than done. There are a lot of different things that you can do, more than I can post in this topic. As some people mention, you can look into an GLBT group at your school.

    Try tackling one problem at a time rather than everything at once. Why are you still in the closet? Is it a family problem? A school problem? That might be a place to start.
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 3:43 AM GMT
    im afraid my family wont want me anymore and that i'll lose all of my friends and be utterly alone. As i said my school is reallly small...i dont know if i wanna join the LGBT group.
  • PipHop

    Posts: 439

    Dec 07, 2011 3:44 AM GMT
    While the anxiety of living in the closet may feel like a crushing weight on you; you really have to try to come out/confide in at least 1 other person. Someone you already know or someone online. The fear that you have had regarding your sexuality being known can drive you to do some dramatic and irrational things.

    Before looking for a boyfriend; try to find a friend (gay or straight) that you can tell and go from there. It sounds cliche, but honestly, those that know you well and care for you either already know or won't care when you tell them. Until you feel safe enough to do that though, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are a good person and that you deserve to be happy and that you are gay. Admitting to yourself, out loud, that you are gay really does familiarize your ears and psyche to accept it.

    And stay away from guys older than you - they're dicks lol
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    its soo hard meeting guys online! they only want one thing from me
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    Dec 07, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    notwendig72 saidim afraid my family wont want me anymore and that i'll lose all of my friends and be utterly alone. As i said my school is reallly small...i dont know if i wanna join the LGBT group.


    then what do you expect to learn here? Apparently there is no solution. Try going to a new town every so often, rent a hotel and go get laid. It's easy and maybe you can get rid of some of the poison.
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 3:47 AM GMT
    sdgman said
    notwendig72 saidim afraid my family wont want me anymore and that i'll lose all of my friends and be utterly alone. As i said my school is reallly small...i dont know if i wanna join the LGBT group.


    then what do you expect to learn here? Apparently there is no solution. Try going to a new town every so often, rent a hotel and go get laid. It's easy and maybe you can get rid of some of the poison.


    ive done the hookup thing...i dont think it helps anything
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    Dec 07, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    Again.. no suggestion seems acceptable. What is it you are trying to elicit?
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    Dec 07, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    forums and chat rooms are pretty good places. Was the first place I went to when I got my first computer, a gay chat room, and I wasn't out. Wasn't a "sex chat" room though. 15 years later I still talk to a guy from there who was my first gay friend. Over the years we know everything about each other.
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 3:52 AM GMT
    yes it seems like i need to find someone to confide in but as i have said, its tough
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    Dec 07, 2011 3:55 AM GMT
    notwendig72 saidim afraid my family wont want me anymore and that i'll lose all of my friends and be utterly alone. As i said my school is reallly small...i dont know if i wanna join the LGBT group.


    What are you basing this assumption on? I'm just trying to figure out if your fears are warranted or if it's just a fear of the unknown.

    In another topic, you talked about a boyfriend. You met him somehow. Can you meet other guys the same way? Some gay sites are all about hookups, but there are others where you can meet friends. Even if it's just an online friend, it will help you get through school. After that, you'll have your independence and be able to live life more like you want.
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 3:57 AM GMT
    i have a hand full of guys that i talk to online that have been very supportive but the good ones are always soo far away...and that guy i was talking about in the forum was a guy i met online and not a bf just a potential
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    Dec 07, 2011 3:58 AM GMT
    notwendig72 saidyes it seems like i need to find someone to confide in but as i have said, its tough


    the only person you can truly confide in is yourself, be strong and stop being so afraid, fear can be you're worst enemy, fight it and conquer it, don't be afraid of pain or loss ether, be happy with yourself, and stop crying, its not going to solve nothing, take action and control of life, life is like clay, mold it how you like.
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    Dec 07, 2011 3:59 AM GMT
    At least you have friends online. Even if they are far away, it gives you someone to talk to.

    You said that your school is small. Is the area in which you live small too?
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 4:01 AM GMT
    small town and i know believe me i have come a long way and overcame a lot of fears and am beginning to care less and less how people will think of me
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    Dec 07, 2011 4:03 AM GMT
    notwendig72 saidsmall town and i know believe me i have come a long way and overcame a lot of fears and am beginning to care less and less how people will think of me


    perfect keep moving in that direction, become fearless and there is nothing you cant conquer.
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 4:04 AM GMT
    archon said
    notwendig72 saidsmall town and i know believe me i have come a long way and overcame a lot of fears and am beginning to care less and less how people will think of me


    perfect keep moving in that direction, become fearless and there is nothing you cant conquer.


    awwwwwe thanks icon_smile.gif I'm trying.
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    Dec 07, 2011 4:05 AM GMT
    I think we've covered your options until you graduate. A lot of people are in your same situation. You can make it through this. You're just going to have to take it one day at a time and do the best you can.
  • okologische

    Posts: 471

    Dec 07, 2011 4:05 AM GMT
    thank god ill be studying in germany next fall icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 07, 2011 4:11 AM GMT
    Oh, then you have less than a year to get through. That's not bad at all. You just need an outlet until then. You have online friends at the very least, so you aren't alone, even though it may feel that way sometimes.