Rip off the bandaid

  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Dec 07, 2011 7:06 AM GMT
    I was dumped today, and what annoyed me more than being rejected was the fact that they were so wishy washy about it, and they let the issue linger for two weeks instead of just telling me things directly.

    I suppose I'm lucky that I got a response at all, as opposed to be ignored outright. But I would rather have somebody tell me that they're not interested, as opposed to just skirting the issue and letting it drag on and on.

    This perhaps might be just me. I'd rather know right away so I can be productive about it, as opposed to avoiding it until I cannot avoid it any longer.

    Are you a fan of ripping off the bandaid? Or slooooowly peeling it off? (metaphorically speaking, of course).
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Dec 07, 2011 8:36 AM GMT
    For me it really depends on the relationship. If it was a serious, long term relationship I would sit them down and explain clearly and politely why I wanted to break up. If it's somebody I've been dating a short while I do sort of just let us "drift apart" and stop making plans with them, but unless we were actually committed and exclusive I don't bother "dumping" somebody.
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    Dec 07, 2011 9:15 AM GMT
    First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your break up icon_sad.gif

    But ugh, I'd rather just rip that bandaid off as fast as I can! I seriously can't stand the confusion and suspense, trying to play mind games and figure everything out by myself. I'd rather just get the straightforward answer and explanation: "I don't think this is going to work out because..." Just saves me a lot of time so that I can move on with my life.
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    Dec 07, 2011 9:33 AM GMT
    In the perfect world, men would just be honest and say it's over with a full explanation of their flakiness and fully say why. In a timely manner. The moment the thought manifests.

    Unfortunately, this is earth. Moreso, the U.S. Even moreso, Omaha, Nebraska. Not a very confrontational part of the country to begin with.

    I'm a fan of beating them to the punch. That is, the moment I notice things aren't right, is the moment I start gathering my escape route. Guys will always give hints of it. Cancelled dates, saying they aren't sure how they feel, etc.

    So, I can either stay in the scenario and use them for what I can until it's done, or leave immediately and not allow them to break up with me first.

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    Dec 07, 2011 9:46 AM GMT
    I like to leave the bandage on until it explodes!!! JK!


    I'm more of the type to have love goggles, so it's me trying to make it work...and that usually works against me. icon_sad.gif


    So, I guess I'm a peeler (lol) who reattaches, then peels, then reattaches...not good for the scar, but great for hair removal! icon_wink.gif


    (mind you, my last "real" relationship ended 6 years ago, and I ripped that bandage off super quick! ~that cheatin' bastard!~)
  • Rawrdo

    Posts: 343

    Dec 07, 2011 7:42 PM GMT
    Personally if someone were to break up with me, I'd rather them be upfront about it rather than for it to linger until 'the right time'. Because really, that time in which I'm allegedly being given in order to prepare myself for the breakup isn't preparing me at all. In reality, it only helps those who are dumping to distance themselves emotionally. Thus once they consider the time is right, they'll dump you, and go on with their lives while I'm stuck with all these horrid emotions and trying to figure out just how much of the relationship was real and valid. Unfortunately, people think being honest and blunt is apparently the most appalling thing to do when breaking up, and since no one wants to feel like a douche, they take the easy way out for them.
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    Dec 07, 2011 7:59 PM GMT
    chocolatier saidFirst of all, I'm sorry to hear about your break up icon_sad.gif

    But ugh, I'd rather just rip that bandaid off as fast as I can! I seriously can't stand the confusion and suspense, trying to play mind games and figure everything out by myself. I'd rather just get the straightforward answer and explanation: "I don't think this is going to work out because..." Just saves me a lot of time so that I can move on with my life.


    DITTO.

    Some guys are just pussies; that gives me a good reason to breakup with them FIRST.
  • Havenjock80

    Posts: 428

    Dec 07, 2011 8:03 PM GMT
    For me, I tend to linger on things beacuse I am a very emotional person and always thinking about the person reaction or what they would feel or say. I probably hurt more then the person would. I know the wam bam approach might work for some but for me takes a lot cos I would probably cry through the whole thing.
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    Dec 07, 2011 8:14 PM GMT
    dancedancekj saidAre you a fan of ripping off the bandaid? Or slooooowly peeling it off? (metaphorically speaking, of course).


    Hurts the same, makes no difference.

    Sucks dude, good luck. icon_sad.gif

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    Dec 07, 2011 8:32 PM GMT
    This is one of those things that's easier said than done. I heartily believe that it's best to rip off the bandaid. But I always have trouble summoning the courage to do it. In a fortunately very few situations, I've failed completely, and still regret it.

    But most importantly, sympathy to you, and Godspeed moving on. You're a pretty exceptional guy. There's lots of happiness and good stuff ahead for you.


  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Dec 08, 2011 3:00 AM GMT
    Thanks for everyone's kind words! I'm actually doing pretty well. I had sensed something was up around two weeks ago, and my gut is usually never wrong. I was a bit mad the last week, but I've already come to terms with it, and am happily single again. Oh the possibilities and potential of being single again! The world is again my oyster.

    I find that I try and use experiences like this to motivate me to do the same when I am on the other end of the stick. I think "Well, how did I feel when I was being strung along by Mr. Wishywasherson?" The answer is "Shitty" and I try to prevent doing that to another person. As mochamuscle and Hickram said though, it doesn't always work out perfectly that way, but I try hard to just keep that in mind when I am breaking up with someone, and to give them respect.
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    Dec 08, 2011 3:02 AM GMT
    Ehh, I think it depends. . .sometimes you can start to feel it fizzling out and you can sort of feel that it is coming, so in that case, I think "slowly taking the bandaid off" so to speak, isn't so awful.

    But if you are totally blind-sided by it, ripping off the bandaid kind of sucks. .. but still, in my opinion, better than suddenly sensing them pulling away, and them BAM!

    But, I'm sure you can do much better man.