A problem I couldn't have predicted....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 09, 2008 5:46 PM GMT
    I'm a straight acting guy who is seking a relationship but I have a problem that has been brought to my attention


    I'm too straight acting

    Guys instantly think I'm straight and if they are interested they won't bring it up.

    How do I get around this problem without sacrificing my precious masculinity?icon_confused.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 09, 2008 5:53 PM GMT
    drac08 said

    How do I get around this problem without sacrificing my precious masculinity?




    First of all I think your concerned about something that requires no concern. Be glad you are as you are, straight acting or whatever. If you have gay friends you relate with and are seen out in public.. most will be able to figure it out.

    Secondly, you shouldn't have to "sacrifice" anything.
    Why would you? Be glad you are as you are, don't modify any of your behaviors. Men should like you for who you are.
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    Jun 09, 2008 5:53 PM GMT
    I've found that it is in the way you look others in the eyes. Eyes can speak a thousand words without you looking like a queen.
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    Jun 09, 2008 5:56 PM GMT
    drac08 saidI'm a straight acting guy who is seking a relationship but I have a problem that has been brought to my attention


    I'm too straight acting

    Guys instantly think I'm straight and if they are interested they won't bring it up.

    How do I get around this problem without sacrificing my precious masculinity?icon_confused.gif


    I apologize for this but I don't really understand what you mean. Whats "too straight acting?" sitting around like a couch potato swilling beer, bitching about your wife and kids, and scratching your nuts? icon_smile.gif

    All kidding aside. If you want to let a guy know you are gay then ask him out. I'm pretty sure he's going to know you are gay no matter how "straight acting" you are. Or if you are both in a gay environment ( club, sports bar etc.. ) no matter how many times you say "dude, or sup" ( just kidding ) he's going to know you are gay. The bottom line. If you want to get someones attention no matter if you are gay or straight acting you have to put yourself out there.
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    Jun 09, 2008 6:00 PM GMT
    drac08 saidI'm a straight acting guy who is seking a relationship but I have a problem that has been brought to my attention


    I'm too straight acting

    Guys instantly think I'm straight and if they are interested they won't bring it up.

    How do I get around this problem without sacrificing my precious masculinity?icon_confused.gif


    I have had a similar problem in the past where guys in bars have somewhat ironically asked me "are you sure you are gay?" as if being gay means you must act, shop or spend your leisure time a certain way.

    I didn't worry about it, and I never considered my masculinity something I could lose. I have some so-called feminine characteristics as well that are not noticeable (e.g. I am not at all violent).

    Be yourself, there will be guys that fall for you based on who you are.
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    Jun 09, 2008 6:02 PM GMT
    drac08 saidI'm a straight acting guy who is seking a relationship but I have a problem that has been brought to my attention


    I'm too straight acting

    Guys instantly think I'm straight and if they are interested they won't bring it up.

    How do I get around this problem without sacrificing my precious masculinity?icon_confused.gif


    I don't know the answer to that question.I struggle with the same problem. I don't know the secret other than ripping the guys clothes off and screwing him right then and there just to prove it.

    When I go to a bar, gay guys are always coming up to me and making sure that I know that I am in a gay bar. I've been told that "confused" and maybe insecure in a straight place and that's whay I come to a gay place.

    I've been "complimented" that I have an open mind and more straight men should be like me.

    On one hand, it is flattering...on the other hand it's a nightmare.

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    Jun 09, 2008 6:17 PM GMT
    JBE60 said[quote][cite]drac08 said[/cite]I'm a straight acting guy who is seking a relationship but I have a problem that has been brought to my attention


    I'm too straight acting

    Guys instantly think I'm straight and if they are interested they won't bring it up.

    How do I get around this problem without sacrificing my precious masculinity?icon_confused.gif


    I have had a similar problem in the past where guys in bars have somewhat ironically asked me "are you sure you are gay?" as if being gay means you must act, shop or spend your leisure time a certain way.

    I didn't worry about it, and I never considered my masculinity something I could lose. I have some so-called feminine characteristics as well that are not noticeable (e.g. I am not at all violent).

    Be yourself, there will be guys that fall for you based on who you are.[/quote]

    Thats interesting. I've never heard of that happening where a guy in a gay bar or club is considered to be straight. I'm still not quite sure what "too straight" acting is. If anything you usually hear.... I just assumed you were gay since you are in a gay club or bar. Although in your case it sounds like they have thought you were gay just that apparently you didn't fit some stereo type.
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    Jun 09, 2008 6:25 PM GMT
    Exactly it, I sometimes can enthuse about sports and take no interest in fashion, shopping or being bitchy, or even talking about sex with gay guys in a club. I would rather talk about politics, airplanes, cars, even the history of warfare.

    I also have a fairly deep voice that can get deeper if I am tired. I think some gays are uncomfortable around me and that is their way of trying to deflect their discomfort, by being smart-ass.

    Ironically I am about as far away from hetero as you can possibly imagine in terms of sexual desires for women. I have never gone out on a date with a woman, never went to my high school prom, etc..
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Jun 09, 2008 7:50 PM GMT
    Well, if it's really a problem, than just get a rainbow bracelet - like the ones you get for donating to cancer, or a bunch of other causes. UWaterloo has a whole diversity campaign where they handed those out to just about anyone who would take them. I suggest it because it's a way to kind of 'declare' yourself without changing yourself.

    *shrugs* or just deal with it - being by yourself isn't a bad thing.
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    Jun 09, 2008 7:54 PM GMT
    Why don't you be a little more proactive. If you see someone you like, pursue them. Don't always expect that others will pursue you. In fact, in gaydom, it rarely happens. And gays always fall for straight guys, so if you really are as "straight" as you say you are (minus that fact that you really aren't "straight"), then I don't think you'll have a problem.


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    Jun 09, 2008 8:05 PM GMT
    too straight acting as in, you don't kiss when you're getting f*cked or vice versa?

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    i admit, there are too many straight guys acting like gays.
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    Jun 09, 2008 8:11 PM GMT
    FirefighterBlu3 saidtoo straight acting as in, you don't kiss when you're getting f*cked or vice versa?

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    i admit, there are too many straight guys acting like gays.


    You know there's a lot of truth to that. I'll listen and watch a guy and somewhere in there he starts talking about his wife, fiance, or girlfriend and I'll think... Fuck, he's straight? Who would have thought? I thought when he said "girlfriend" he meant like... "Hey girlfriend, lets go hang at the mall" LOL

    There have been a lot of straight men I thought might be gay. Minus the obvious closet case that sets off the ol gaydar bell. He wasn't necessarily acting like he was going to sprout wings and fly all over the damn place he just came off gay to me.
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    Jun 09, 2008 8:17 PM GMT
    "too straight acting"

    Maybe you just need to stop acting.
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    Jun 09, 2008 8:20 PM GMT
    Just be yourself and you will find the right guy. You shouldnt have to change who you are.
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    Jun 09, 2008 8:23 PM GMT
    i mean hey, what's a guy to do with all the straight guys doing sexual stuff with other guys? that diminishes the ROI i put into my gay label.
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    Jun 09, 2008 8:23 PM GMT
    My advice is go somewhere like a gay bar, or a gay party, or a gay pride event, or a gay matchmaking site, where the assumption would be that you're gay, no matter how straight-acting you may be.

    Charlie
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    Jun 09, 2008 8:26 PM GMT
    drac08 saidI'm a straight acting guy who is seking a relationship but I have a problem that has been brought to my attention


    I'm too straight acting

    Guys instantly think I'm straight and if they are interested they won't bring it up.

    How do I get around this problem without sacrificing my precious masculinity?icon_confused.gif

    Dude, You really do not have a problem. One of these guys said something about the way you look at a guy in the eyes. The eyes tell all. You look at a guy and I mean really look and you will know...and he will know.
    Now...stop bothering your self with this nonsense and work on just looking, keeping that eye contact...a str8 guy will turn away but a guy that loves guys will engage you.
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    Jun 09, 2008 8:27 PM GMT
    Gotta go with eye contact, and the lock of the eyes. Now One may well notice someone given me the eye over, One just does not give back the eye contact, nor the lock on of eye contact.

    But on my last trip away. One go to talk with a few sweet guys, all because of eye contact.
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    Jun 09, 2008 8:30 PM GMT
    this is the story of my life, from the reverse side of things lol. i'm 'male-normative' enough to be called masculine, but the guys i'm attracted to are the kind you really can't ever tell are gay- i really like masculinity. its always been the case for me that if i'm attracted to a guy, i pretty much just assume he's straight, and leave it be- because they always are, and because i live my life by a code of not hitting on straight guys because i don't wanna make anyone uncomfortable... its how i get by in my fraternity. the frustrating thing is- if i don't like clubs and gay bars (which i don't) for meeting ppl worth pursuing, and if the internet is such an awful place for meeting guys (who don't live on the other side of the country, as the good ones invariably always do)... how the heck am i supposed to find a guy i'm attracted to who's actually attracted back?? i love college straight bars but they're always just a huge sexual frustration for me by the end of the night, because i've had to watch every guy i was attracted to go after girls in little dresses.

    i don't have a solution, i just want to vent the frustration of being one of those guys who would probably be attracted to one such as yourself, but would be terrified to let you know it.

    be yourself and don't HIDE being gay so much- you wouldn't be sacrificing anything to talk openly in public about guys you like or something, where i- i mean, people- could overhear you. being gay has nothing to do with liking shopping or having great taste in art- or any of the standard behavioral seriotypes- it comes down to liking the same sex. if the natural you is just very 'male-normative,' great.. but if you feel like you're scared of ppl finding out ur gay in public, and you're decidedly keeping that info to yourself, then its a problem.


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    Jun 09, 2008 8:31 PM GMT
    jsttennis77 saidHe wasn't necessarily acting like he was going to sprout wings and fly all over the damn place he just came off gay to me.


    That's the first time something on RealJock's made me laugh in a few days. I'm gonna have to remember that line. icon_razz.gif

    czarodziej - I always had the same exact problem in bars. It didn't hurt that my best buds were straight as could be and attractive, so we were constantly intermingling with attractive women, who, of course, attracted even more straight guys. I had to go to gay bars - a scene I'm not particularly interested in - just to find guys that actually liked other guys, and then I wasn't comfortable enough with the scene and environs to actually enjoy it.
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    Jun 09, 2008 8:53 PM GMT
    czarodziej - I always had the same exact problem in bars. It didn't hurt that my best buds were straight as could be and attractive, so we were constantly intermingling with attractive women, who, of course, attracted even more straight guys.

    I can't take straight bars, they get upset if I start dirty dancing with my partner. icon_razz.gif

    Ah gay bars, the mind games, the smell of poppers (I am dating myself here), the jam packed dance floors, the smell of hundreds of males sweating on a hot summer night, the dark rooms, the constant cruising by horny guys, the desperate late night search at 3 AM by guys desperate to get laid, the attitude of twinkies who don't have a pot to piss in, the staggering out at 5 AM after dancing for 6 hours straight. I am getting all misty eyed travelling down memory lane. icon_lol.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 09, 2008 9:11 PM GMT
    I kinda don't understand
    ...why are you trying to make the guys you meet Guess if you're gay?
    This sounds like you're setting yourself up for failure

    If you want gay men to know you're gay go to where there are gay men
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    Jun 09, 2008 9:18 PM GMT
    JBE60 saidI can't take straight bars, they get upset if I start dirty dancing with my partner. icon_razz.gif

    Oh you kids these days!!!
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    Jun 09, 2008 9:19 PM GMT
    I had a thing with a guy last year who truly was the straightest gay guy I ever met. When I met him, I was sure he was one of those straight guys that gets off on being a little bit flirty towards gay guys. How did I finally figure his sexuality out? After we got to know each other some, he started flirting with me hardcore to the point where there was no mistaking his interest. So, if you meet a guy you like, be bold and be flirtatious. When someone's telling you "I could talk to you all night," it's pretty hard to question his sexuality. And if you're as masculine as you say are, hearing those kinds of words from you is going to make a lot of guys melt.
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    Jun 09, 2008 9:21 PM GMT
    I have never met a straight guy that liked flirting with gay guys! Damn I have missed so much in life. icon_cry.gif