MY MAN !!!!!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 4:49 AM GMT
    So im dating this guy and i love him to death but he smokes and i know what it does to people! my family has gone through it how do i tell him it hurts me to see him smoke?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 4:55 AM GMT
    mtman20 saidit hurts me to see him smoke

    That seems like a good place to start.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 4:56 AM GMT
    so do i just tell him i love him but it hurts me so have him smoke?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 4:58 AM GMT
    Tell him to smoke weed instead...it smells better
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:00 AM GMT
    NO bc i dont do that either i hate the smell !!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:02 AM GMT
    mtman20 saidso do i just tell him i love him but it hurts me so have him smoke?


    Tell him that he's making you suffer from 3rd hand smoking.icon_mad.gif All that benzopyrene and aflatoxin can't be good for his lungs either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:04 AM GMT
    yea but i dont know if its going to be as easy as that
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:07 AM GMT
    He's gotta wanna quit dude.
    u could leave a screen saver on his laptop of black lungs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:08 AM GMT
    thats funny and smart
    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:10 AM GMT
    so_authentic saidHe's gotta wanna quit dude.
    u could leave a screen saver on his laptop of black lungs.


    I would be a very pissed if I ever saw this on my screensavericon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:11 AM GMT
    oaksen said
    so_authentic saidHe's gotta wanna quit dude.
    u could leave a screen saver on his laptop of black lungs.


    I would be a very pissed if I ever saw this on my screensavericon_evil.gif

    icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:12 AM GMT
    Its like the meth commericals its scary so you stop or dont ever do it
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:14 AM GMT
    that might work doubt it though
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:15 AM GMT
    Sorry, I just can't get on the same side as your perspective on this.

    You might do things that hurt him? Like being judgemental. Yet he is still with you so....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:20 AM GMT
    mtman20 saidSo im dating this guy and i love him to death but he smokes and i know what it does to people! my family has gone through it how do i tell him it hurts me to see him smoke?


    OK...just a few things...

    1. how long have you been dating this guy that you throw the 'i love him to death' card

    2. Think of an 'exchange' you can do. He gives up something, you give up something

    3. Does he smoke a lot? Occasionally? It is his choice, if you really 'love' him, you can get over it. Sometimes it is just a phase. He may not want to smoke forever

    4. Just sit him down and address concerns...but be nice...dont make it sound like a personal attack. Also, dont throw the 'OMG BLACK LUNGZ' and cancer thing...honestly...he would probably just want to smoke another.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
    Don't make it about you. That might come across as selfish. Make it about what he's doing to himself. I'm sure there are a ton of material on the Internet about how to help someone quit smoking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
    i understand but my mom has had strokes bc of smoking and she was young to now she is lucky and only lost short term memory yea dont that want that to happen
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:24 AM GMT
    Addiction is a strong, crazy thing. Making him feel guilty, isn't going to help him cope or even move in a direction of dealing with it in a manner of which you would like...hell, it would more likely than not lead to behaviors such as being shady and flat out lying to cover his tracks so as not to get fussed at, lectured to, or judged.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 5:25 AM GMT
    i like those both thanks guys
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 2:53 PM GMT
    You met him as a smoker.

    "I love you just the way you are...now change."

    I was with a smoker once, and as much as he would smoke outside and do other things to stay "clean smelling", he was a smoker to the bone.

    He won't change unless he wants to. The relationship and addiction to his drug is stronger than any love for anything and anyone else...unless he really wants to change.

    You have a choice to make. Love him the way he is, or dump him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 2:55 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidHe won't change unless he wants to. The relationship and addiction to his drug is stronger than any love for anything and anyone else...unless he really wants to change.

    You have a choice to make. Love him the way he is, or dump him.


    Agree, sadly. My 2nd bf was a smoker and he quit because I hated it but he didn't REALLY want to. We had a very on-off relationship and every time it was off he went back to smoking. He always said he wanted to quit but I don't think he ever truly did.

    The cigarettes lasted longer than I did.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 08, 2011 3:05 PM GMT
    You're a non-smoker, and you actually kiss a smoker? Try nicotine substitutes (if he wants to)? Smoking's an addiction. He's not likely ever to give it up, unless he just started on both you and the smoking.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 08, 2011 3:12 PM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Suetonius saidYou're a non-smoker, and you actually kiss a smoker? Try nicotine substitutes (if he wants to)? Smoking's an addiction. He's not likely ever to give it up, unless he just started on both you and the smoking.
    Is that really such a difficult concept to grasp?

    Actually grasped, but with appropriate incredulity. And there are those guys that don't kiss . . .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 08, 2011 3:39 PM GMT
    You dont want to be a nag about it. Maybe the best example is your own behavior and fitness.