How do you date someone who has no car, no job, and no stable source of income?

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    Dec 08, 2011 6:09 AM GMT
    I'm at a loss. I've been hanging out with this guy for a while now and every time we hang out, it's always fun. Our personalities mesh up quite well, and even simple errand trips become enjoyable when he's around. Problem? The guy lives an hr away, no job, no car, and no source of income. I've always had to drive to him, pay for everything , then drive my ass back. I've always imagined dating as being 50/50, so this part of our relationship doesnt exactly work out for me. I sure as hell dont want to be no one's sugardaddy, and wouldnt want to be with someone who's happy with being taken care of all the time.

    He is actively looking for work, so hopefully things will look up in the future. But now I just need some advice. How would you guys date someone without job, income, nor car?
  • socalisurfer

    Posts: 68

    Dec 08, 2011 6:18 AM GMT
    I'm going to be honest. I wouldn't date anyone like that. Relationships are built on several pillars...stability is one of them in my book. It seems like right now he is going through an unstable period in his life. You're going to get fed up driving back and forth, picking up the bill and paying for everything. Take a step back and be friends. Who knows down the line when he is in a stable period in his life, has a job with a steady income and is self sufficient he might be in a better position to date. Hope this helps you out.

  • mrsmithers

    Posts: 213

    Dec 08, 2011 6:19 AM GMT
    If it's worth the drive, go for it.. As far as for paying for everything, I don't pay for things unless the person pays in return 50/50.. If you like each other, you can always go on dates that don't require spending money.. Beach, park, or being home, or just simply being together like having him with you when running arrons etc.. If he's expecting for you to pay his way for everything, and even asking, lose all communications with him..
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    Dec 08, 2011 6:35 AM GMT
    One1313 saidHow would you guys date someone without job, income, nor car?

    I wouldn't -- dump him. If and when he has an income and some wheels let him come visit you, if you're still interested. Though frankly I still would have nothing to do with him.
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    Dec 08, 2011 7:20 AM GMT
    if u like him, go for it. Hopefully one day he will get a great job, and re-pay you, or be your sugar-daddy...lol. Dont go broke, but like (someone) else said, you dont have to do costly things ...just being is ok too....
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    Dec 08, 2011 7:21 AM GMT
    It depends really.

    I've known people who've owned homes, made 6 figure incomes...and dated poor kids with no money, job or car. And they worked it out for a long time. In your case, you seem to resent the idea of having to shoulder the burden of being caretaker, therefore it may not be the ideal situation for you.

    How do I date them? See him once or twice a month....but that's it. That way you don't go broke visiting him, and he can focus on getting things situated. If he finds a job and gets things together, perhaps you guys can start seeing each other more.

    I have to disagree with the answers of dumping the guy. People's situation can change in a matter of months. If you burn that bridge to a cinder, you may spend months trying to find another compatible person. Rather, date others..but keep him in the picture. Find cheap things to do together (dollar movies, walks in the park, wine in the park...) if money is an issue.

    There were times I had no car, job or source of income too. But then people watched me get apartments, jobs and cars in a matter of weeks (School money helped with that, but still LOL). Remember, anyone can lose a car, job and income.

  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 08, 2011 7:26 AM GMT
    I wouldn'ticon_exclaim.gif
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    Dec 08, 2011 7:31 AM GMT
    Another example too: my older brother many months ago had no job, car and no income. Just a series of unfortunate situations kind of put him in an uncomfortable situation. And he is straight, which made it even harder.

    Eventually, he got signed on with General Motors, and I found out recently he just bought a brand new 4 door Ram. And, he has his own place...

    You don't have to totally burn the bridge, because trust me...they will move on whether you are there or not. God forbid the guy is a dead beat though.
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    Dec 08, 2011 11:26 AM GMT
    I think it is important to figure out if this is an exception for him or a way of life. Did he have a nice job and stable life before? Do you think he is capable of having one? If yes, then maybe it is worth the patience.

    However, my experience with guys who had a less paid job therefore a "different" lifestyle, is bad. They tend to be negative, you cannot go to a nice restaurant or vacation with him unless you pay. And even if you are willing to cover the financial part for both if you, this is wrong because this will either hurt his pride or he will get used to it. In both cases - bad for you.

    So my advise is to try to get to know him - his past, his ambitions, his skills etc. and if you think he has the potential to change this bad situation, stay with him. Maybe even help him. But if not - don't waste your time AND money!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Dec 08, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    no car is not that unusual in this gayborhood of new orleans. more than a few guys walk, bike or taxi to/from the french quarter if they work there.

    being temporarily out of work is not a deal breaker in today's economy.

    but...a long established history of all 3 items mentioned by the OP would make me go "hmmmmmmmmm........". i had one charming, attractive, sexy alcoholic, non working looser in my life. no more!
  • vintovka

    Posts: 588

    Dec 08, 2011 2:39 PM GMT
    If the guy is a booze hound or a pothead I would say drop it, because the underlying problem is not the shitty economy. Barring that if I had the time I would try to make it work as a dating situation by doing low-cost or zero-cost things together (other than gas) so that he doesn't feel like he's imposing. (If he's completely comfortable imposing, then that's a problem in itself). Lot's of time people in relationships have to carry the other when one is out of work, however, since you've just started dating I don't think that's your situation and you don't want to set up that expectation right away.
  • alejoperu

    Posts: 13

    Dec 08, 2011 4:14 PM GMT
    Only is that guy have a good heart and looks very hot!
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 08, 2011 5:17 PM GMT
    you don't.
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    Dec 08, 2011 5:18 PM GMT
    You have to ask yourself how far you would go for that person.
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    Dec 08, 2011 5:24 PM GMT
    Been there. I'd suggest one test is whether he's willing to get on the bus and come to you once in a while. If he always expects you do to all the traveling, it seems a little fishy.
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    Dec 08, 2011 5:25 PM GMT
    mindgarden saidBeen there. I'd suggest one test is whether he's willing to get on the bus and come to you once in a while. If he always expects you do to all the traveling, it seems a little fishy.


    Yeah, that's a very good idea. Make sure things don't get one-sided. icon_cool.gif
  • metta

    Posts: 39144

    Dec 08, 2011 5:29 PM GMT
    One1313 said

    He is actively looking for work, so hopefully things will look up in the future. But now I just need some advice. How would you guys date someone without job, income, nor car?


    I would probably do exactly what you are doing, except, being that my schedule is always so busy...it would be tough to see him very often.I would also make sure that he has plans to move ahead in life and see if there was anything I could reasonably do to help him.
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    Dec 08, 2011 5:30 PM GMT
    Youre right it should be 50/50. I dont think u could ever date someone with no job, no car, no anything.

    U would begin to really resent hm after a while. I know if it were me, after a while I would begin to think he's a loser. I know that may sound harsh, but no job?? not even a micky ds job?? to bring in anything? I would respect him more if he took ANY JOB, even if it was a crappy job, just so long as hes working and at least trying to bring in some income. Cant expect u to pay for everything. thats not sexy at all/
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 08, 2011 5:34 PM GMT
    He would probably be "bathed" in red flags so he probably isn't "datable" in my book. Not because I somehow think he isn't good enough, but rather for some of the reasons above. "Dating" carries with it certain responsibilities and carrying your own weight is one of them.

    That doesn't mean he isn't friendship material. I think it depends on who he is, what he's trying to do with his life and personality. Everybody can have
    rough times, its what he's trying to do to improve his position and life.
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    Dec 08, 2011 5:49 PM GMT
    Simply solution: You don't date him. You move on.

    I could look past him not having a car. Cars aren't for everyone. However, him not having a job and not having any source of income is a something of a concern because it would have me asking all sorts of questions. How does he eat, where does he sleep and how can he afford the clothes on his back? What was he doing before he met you to be in this situation? Not to mention that it suggests he has no goals or inspirations. I would automatically assume he's looking for a sugar daddy and I would drop him quick.

    Personally, if I didn't have a job or any source of income I certainly wouldn't be trying to date anyone. That wouldn't be a priority but that's just me.
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    Dec 08, 2011 5:50 PM GMT
    It really surprises me the shallow people on this site who view the unemployed as the dregs of humanity, not to be associated with. I would avoid advice from people who lack humanity.

    I agree with the advice of the above posters who say, base your decision on the guy's pre-unemployment history, current work ethic, and potential for the future. Is he a lazy mooch, or just a guy with a great work ethic and personal responsibility who is between jobs? They guys on this site can't tell you the answer.

    Dating, like spending time with friends who are low on cash, can be low-cost and a lot of fun if you are creative. So many times in my life people helped me out, so I am always willing to pitch in extra when a friend is going through a tough time.

    I have been in relationships and on dates where my income was 3 or 4 times that of the other, and a few times the role has been reversed. I don't think someone in a much better financial situation should expect their partner to contribute 50/50, especially if they have expensive taste.

    And one more thing, most of the adults I hang out with, all working professionals, do not own cars and many do not have driver's licenses. Cars contribute to the destruction of the earth. Better to live in compact cities with great BMWs (bike-metro-walk).
  • pecsman_5

    Posts: 35

    Dec 08, 2011 5:53 PM GMT
    Are you sure you're not dating a woman?
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    Dec 08, 2011 5:54 PM GMT
    Ahhhhh... You don't. The fact that he has no car means he hasn't been committed enough to stabilizing his finances. Does he have an education? Like does he go to school does he have anything that is of benefit to himself?

    Wait how old this guy?
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    Dec 08, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    I was unemployed for six months last year. I know what it feels like. But, while my situation has turned around, I recently learned it is a bigger challenge to date someone outside your league.

    Either their white collar job has time demands that make them unavailable, even just to sit in the same room and watch a hot guy work. Or, their medical career has huge time demands that they compensate for by making damn sure they travel alone every single weekend.

    The reality is my current job is a bit boring but has a 9-80 work week and reliable income. Sugar daddy to someone with my income would require sacrifices. I have to say that at this point, I'd consider those sacrifices for the right guy.

    On the other hand, its a challenge being an emotionally positive person while unemployed.
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    Dec 08, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    Hate to break it to you, Nivek, but everyone is shallow to some degree. Yourself included. I would avoid advice from people who think otherwise and try to make themselves sound like they are saints and help all those in need.