Hooking up online.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2011 10:48 AM GMT
    So I have hooked up online from time to time I'll admit. I'm not proud of it and not into it much anymore. Anyways, I met this guy in June...hooked up with him off/on until September then he vanished.

    He told me he was bi not out etc.....so I am on face book today and see his profile randomly. We have no mutual friends but I guess his e-mail made it suggest us be friends. His profile was public but I see he has a bf and they bought a condo together in November.

    It makes me so mad when guys lie because I don't hookup with people that I know are in relationships. Talk about bad karma. I also feel bad for his bf....this dude swallowed me too like all the time. The last time we met he said he wanted fucked but I was out of condoms and he was almost hinting to stick him bare.

    Should I send his bf a face book message or leave it alone. If my bf was hooking up and cheating doing unsafe shit I'd want to know, but I also don't want anyone like going nuts and kill themselves.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 09, 2011 11:20 AM GMT
    If he was on RJ he would be the guy telling you how great his monogamous relationship isicon_idea.gif Bet the b/f has no clue. Wow and that monogamous guy would have let you bareback him!!!!

    I am not against monogamy in male relationships, BUT I am a realist.
    Many RJ guys on here in monagamous relationships would be shocked if they saw their partners and husbands like a fly on the wall swallowing that load and begging for it bareback.
    Not being mean or negative-just look at the facts and the percentages men!!
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 09, 2011 11:23 AM GMT
    Asuguy2005 saidSo I have hooked up online from time to time I'll admit. I'm not proud of it and not into it much anymore. Anyways, I met this guy in June...hooked up with him off/on until September then he vanished.

    He told me he was bi not out etc.....so I am on face book today and see his profile randomly. We have no mutual friends but I guess his e-mail made it suggest us be friends. His profile was public but I see he has a bf and they bought a condo together in November.

    It makes me so mad when guys lie because I don't hookup with people that I know are in relationships. Talk about bad karma. I also feel bad for his bf....this dude swallowed me too like all the time. The last time we met he said he wanted fucked but I was out of condoms and he was almost hinting to stick him bare.

    Should I send his bf a face book message or leave it alone. If my bf was hooking up and cheating doing unsafe shit I'd want to know, but I also don't want anyone like going nuts and kill themselves.


    I'm not saying you should tell-just move on, BUT you would get a great deal on a condo for quick sale.icon_idea.gificon_lol.gif

    What a lying cum belching road whoreicon_exclaim.gif
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    Dec 09, 2011 12:12 PM GMT
    Yeah I don't care so much he cheated.....I care more for the fact that he was doing thing unsafely swallowing....then was kind of insinuating bareback which I would never do...it kind of turned me off on him after that.

    I just feel bad for his bf....an innocent bystander.
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    Dec 09, 2011 2:27 PM GMT
    Asuguy2005 saidYeah I don't care so much he cheated.....I care more for the fact that he was doing thing unsafely swallowing....then was kind of insinuating bareback which I would never do...it kind of turned me off on him after that.

    I just feel bad for his bf....an innocent bystander.


    I am guessing you know you are clean, right? If that's true, why are you worried about having passed him something?

    I would say just stay out of it.

    Also it is not a bad karma if you were deceived into unknowingly doing something wrong.
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    Dec 09, 2011 2:31 PM GMT
    Never trust anyone that you hook up with online until he unequivocally demonstrates that he's trustworthy. Take everything he says with a grain of salt until you have fully determined his honesty and reliability. If you must take any chances, err on the side of safety. Personally, I will never fully trust anyone who swallows me without knowing anything about me. I could never understand how someone could engage in unsafe oral sex practices with someone he hardly knew or just met for casual sex. By the way, it's not your place to inform his bf that his bf had unsafe oral sex with you, particularly because you're not privy to their arrangement (e.g., they may have an "open" relationship). Move on, forget about him, and learn from your experience.
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    Dec 09, 2011 2:33 PM GMT
    If I were the guy's boyfriend, I'd want to know what he was doing so I could dump him. If they've agreed to be monogamous and he's out being unsafe, that puts the boyfriend's health at risk and that's not okay. If you know he's lying to his boyfriend, and not just through his Facebook status but something more concrete, I'd say something.

    However, he's definitely lying to you, so if I were you, I'd have nothing more to do with him.
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Dec 09, 2011 2:37 PM GMT
    From a safety standpoint the fact that he was swallowing, while not great, is much, much lower down on the risk threshold than barebacking, though if you had gonorrhea or something similar he would get it in his throat.

    And you don't know what the terms of his relationship are -- the fact that he's telling you he's bi/not out doesn't automatically mean he's lying to the bf -- it may just be this fantasy thing where he likes to present himself that way to strangers.

    I'd advise against messaging the bf for sure, but if you feel he mistreated/disrespected you, it's okay to let him know that once and move on, in my view.
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    Dec 09, 2011 2:42 PM GMT

    Just playing devil's advocate (and setting aside the part about him being unsafe — totally fucked up), how can you be sure he cheated on his bf? Isn't it possible they have an open relationship? Maybe a don't ask/don't tell... or maybe he did tell and they get off on telling each other stories. Point is, you don't know him, and it's not your business. Move on, and learn your lesson about playing the hookup game.

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    Dec 09, 2011 3:36 PM GMT
    maybe they are a poz couple that are in an open relationship
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    Dec 09, 2011 3:42 PM GMT
    I do it . You may be saving a life .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2011 3:47 PM GMT
    AvadaKedavra saidmaybe they are a poz couple that are in an open relationship
    Sinister thought, but always a possibility.
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    Dec 09, 2011 3:51 PM GMT
    Asuguy2005 saidSo I have hooked up online from time to time I'll admit. I'm not proud of it and not into it much anymore. Anyways, I met this guy in June...hooked up with him off/on until September then he vanished.

    He told me he was bi not out etc.....so I am on face book today and see his profile randomly. We have no mutual friends but I guess his e-mail made it suggest us be friends. His profile was public but I see he has a bf and they bought a condo together in November.

    It makes me so mad when guys lie because I don't hookup with people that I know are in relationships. Talk about bad karma. I also feel bad for his bf....this dude swallowed me too like all the time. The last time we met he said he wanted fucked but I was out of condoms and he was almost hinting to stick him bare.

    Should I send his bf a face book message or leave it alone. If my bf was hooking up and cheating doing unsafe shit I'd want to know, but I also don't want anyone like going nuts and kill themselves.


    Were you expecting the truth from some one who tells you they lie about the sexual orientation of themselves every single day?
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Dec 09, 2011 4:00 PM GMT
    DOMINUS saidNever trust anyone that you hook up with online until he unequivocally demonstrates that he's trustworthy. Take everything he says with a grain of salt until you have fully determined his honesty and reliability. If you must take any chances, err on the side of safety. Personally, I will never fully trust anyone who swallows me without knowing anything about me. I could never understand how someone could engage in unsafe oral sex practices with someone he hardly knew or just met for casual sex. By the way, it's not your place to inform his bf that his bf had unsafe oral sex with you, particularly because you're not privy to their arrangement (e.g., they may have an "open" relationship). Move on, forget about him, and learn from your experience.


    Good points all around. There's nothing wrong with casual hookups, or there doesn't have to be if more guys would get past the idea that every time two people connect sexually someone MUST get fucked or sucked. Frottage and muscle scenes, to take two extremely safe examples, are beautiful things and are incredibly hot. If you think that's just foreplay, you're not doing it right.
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    Dec 09, 2011 5:45 PM GMT
    I am negative and get tested recently. From the boyfriends perspective. If I was dating I wiould not feel comfortable with my bf out swallowing random guys haha.
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    Dec 09, 2011 6:16 PM GMT
    I say tell the BF, if they have an open relationship, he won't care, if they don't, he needs to know and has every right to know.

  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Dec 09, 2011 6:21 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidI say tell the BF, if they have an open relationship, he won't care, if they don't, he needs to know and has every right to know.



    This. Don't phrase it as "OMG YOUR MAN WAS CHEATING ON YOU", though; instead, phrase it more like "For your information, I did X and Y and Z with your man during this time frame. At the time, I didn't know he was taken, and I wasn't sure if you knew or not."
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    Dec 09, 2011 6:25 PM GMT
    DOMINUS said Move on, forget about him, and learn from your experience.


    There will only be more drama. Move on.
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    Dec 09, 2011 6:39 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidI say tell the BF, if they have an open relationship, he won't care, if they don't, he needs to know and has every right to know.




    Oh come on... there's enough unavoidable drama in life that nobody has to go looking for it. It was a hookup, the guy and his bf are meaningless in the great scheme of things, and it's worth no further time or effort. People need to learn how to shake their heads, smirk at the absurdity of other people, and MOVE ON.

  • chet101

    Posts: 76

    Dec 09, 2011 6:57 PM GMT
    The gay world is full of guys who lie and cheat in their relationships.
    In one of my past relationships I came home to our apartment early from work to find my boyfriend getting it in the ass from another dude. Needless to say he had been lying and cheating on me for quite sometime. When the dust settled and about three months after breaking up with him he said he cheated on me "because he got off on sneaking around behind my back".
    Now im in a new relationship with a whole new set of ideas and values and I learned from that previous relationship about how to handle my relationship now. I was hurt yes, I was horribly depressed yes, I was devistated yes.... but I picked up the pieces, learned, and moved on a much more strong human being and now Im blessed with a truely maginificent man for over 3 years !
    My advice to you is this: DONT TELL THE BF ! Eventually the dude doing the cheating WILL get caught.... stay out of it and end your hookup life with this individual. It's likely the boyfriend already has suspicions.... I had them one year before I caught my boyfriend cheating. Besides you DO NOT want to tbe the guy that the boyfriend rebounds with !
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 03, 2012 10:07 AM GMT
    chet101 saidThe gay world is full of guys who lie and cheat in their relationships.
    In one of my past relationships I came home to our apartment early from work to find my boyfriend getting it in the ass from another dude. Needless to say he had been lying and cheating on me for quite sometime. When the dust settled and about three months after breaking up with him he said he cheated on me "because he got off on sneaking around behind my back".
    Now im in a new relationship with a whole new set of ideas and values and I learned from that previous relationship about how to handle my relationship now. I was hurt yes, I was horribly depressed yes, I was devistated yes.... but I picked up the pieces, learned, and moved on a much more strong human being and now Im blessed with a truely maginificent man for over 3 years !
    My advice to you is this: DONT TELL THE BF ! Eventually the dude doing the cheating WILL get caught.... stay out of it and end your hookup life with this individual. It's likely the boyfriend already has suspicions.... I had them one year before I caught my boyfriend cheating. Besides you DO NOT want to tbe the guy that the boyfriend rebounds with !


    chet just wondering if your b/f that cheated and you wore condoms. You don't have to say, but I think it is important for younger men to learn from this and some of the other ignorant men who swear it would NEVER be their b/f or husband.
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    Jan 03, 2012 10:15 AM GMT
    I personally would tell the bf. If this guy was willing to do all that stuff with you it's possible he did that and more with other people. Whether he is in an open relationship or not should not matter and the fact that you don't know for sure shouldn't make it ok to assume so. Like stated earlier you could be doing the guy a favor who knows if the "possibly cheating guy" could be passing something to his bf.

    Since you don't have no real kind of relationship with either guy (i.e. friends with them) I don't see how it can cause any drama. Plus you could always block them on facebook if need be. But I say tell the guy.
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    Jan 03, 2012 10:36 AM GMT
    Will_444 said
    DOMINUS said Move on, forget about him, and learn from your experience.


    There will only be more drama. Move on.


    agreed.