straight guy told me he has a thing for me but i don't want to be his experiment.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2011 8:10 PM GMT
    so a friend from college came out to me on facebook. he got shipped to iraq and since then told me he has had dreams about me. he don't know when he will be back..

    he was very clear to tell me he was bi, i told him it didn't matter because in a relationship you can't have both.

    i never though about dating him and its still burned in my head that he is straight. I've known him 16 months before getting shipped off and he hadn't ever been happy in the previous relationships but i believe him to be a good guy.

    should i even go there? is this just drama nocking at my door?

    ps: I'm not a dog. im not into hook ups. so you guys with tag him and ditch him comments can find another thread to trample.

    opinions or experiences i guess is what im looking for. Thanks guys
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    Dec 09, 2011 9:18 PM GMT
    MSPadventure said

    ps: I'm not a dog. im not into hook ups. so you guys with tag him and ditch him comments can find another thread to trample.

    opinions or experiences i guess is what im looking for. Thanks guys


    Wow. Pretty judgmental from someone asking advice..
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    Dec 09, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    Well it won't be easy pursuing a relationship with him. You may have to be re-closeted in certain situations, he will eventually have to come out bi or gay, and you may get attached while he realizes he just isn't that into guys.

    Dating closeted or "straight guys". There are lots of potential issues. I've had to "de-gay" the house when people came over (take down gayish pictures, pictures of us, and make sure it looked like I slept in the bed in the other bedroom). This just resulted in growing resentment and shame.

    Basically, you are taking on a project. I don't know all that goes on between you two, but my advice would just be to proceed with caution.

    I hope this helps!
  • patmos9990

    Posts: 146

    Dec 09, 2011 9:27 PM GMT
    If he doesn't know when he'll be back, you need to just move on with your life. If you're single when he comes back and hanging out leads to something than address it at that point. He could just be lonely being shipped overseas and want some kind of connection to home.
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    Dec 09, 2011 9:30 PM GMT
    I'd be really wary. I think you summed it up with "I don't want to be his experiment".
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    Dec 09, 2011 9:55 PM GMT
    groundcombat said
    MSPadventure said

    ps: I'm not a dog. im not into hook ups. so you guys with tag him and ditch him comments can find another thread to trample.

    opinions or experiences i guess is what im looking for. Thanks guys


    Wow. Pretty judgmental from someone asking advice..


    how is that a judgement on anyone ? I'm going to need someone to explain that to me. I just don't need commentary that doesn't apply to what im asking for advice with.
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    Dec 09, 2011 10:04 PM GMT
    groundcombat said

    Wow. Pretty judgmental from someone asking advice..


    Agree. Besides, from the looks of his profile, he's not out either.
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    Dec 09, 2011 11:13 PM GMT
    Is he saying he wants a relationship with you? Or is he just horny?(Not quite sure because the "dreams about me"-thing)

    If he's just horny the answer is simple: don't do it or it will end in drama

    If he's saying he wants a relationship with you it will most likely also end in drama (cause he's not out right?) but it could also be worth it and you end up happy.
    So if I were you and I'd really like him I'd start dating(but then he would have to step out of the closet icon_wink.gif ) if it works out great, if not move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2011 11:15 PM GMT
    He's probably screwing with other guys in the army, but hey at least he's still talking to you!

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    Dec 10, 2011 12:26 AM GMT
    I would recommend not going there. My training buddy ,who is built like a god, once asked to be with me one time. I have to admit there was a stage when I found him attractive but we train so well together and have become like brothers, why would I want to potentially lose that?

    It could change the whole dynamic of our friendship and is just not worth it. He's basically just curious and has a great girlfriend so my advice to him was to just leave it unless the feelings get to the point he REALLY needs to experiment. If that happens, I know plenty of guys who would jump at the chance. It's just not for me... way too much to lose.

    I'd be lying if I said I wasnt tempted from time to time though!
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    Dec 10, 2011 12:34 AM GMT
    Tag him and ditch him.
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    Dec 10, 2011 12:57 AM GMT
    It's not an experiment. He wants to live life and have fun. Why not you too?
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    Dec 10, 2011 1:10 AM GMT
    I'd say just be his friend and listen to his thoughts and feelings. He may be struggling with his thoughts and just need to talk them out to someone that he trusts.

    If you do anything physical, it will change your relationship.
  • Brick_n_Lace

    Posts: 185

    Dec 10, 2011 1:26 AM GMT
    AssMan123 saidWell it won't be easy pursuing a relationship with him. You may have to be re-closeted in certain situations, he will eventually have to come out bi or gay, and you may get attached while he realizes he just isn't that into guys.

    Dating closeted or "straight guys". There are lots of potential issues. I've had to "de-gay" the house when people came over (take down gayish pictures, pictures of us, and make sure it looked like I slept in the bed in the other bedroom). This just resulted in growing resentment and shame.

    Basically, you are taking on a project. I don't know all that goes on between you two, but my advice would just be to proceed with caution.

    I hope this helps!


    HAAAAAA!!! i dont why this is so hilarious to me!!
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    Dec 10, 2011 1:33 AM GMT
    yeahim40 saidI'd say just be his friend and listen to his thoughts and feelings. He may be struggling with his thoughts and just need to talk them out to someone that he trusts.

    If you do anything physical, it will change your relationship.


    This is good advice.
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    Dec 10, 2011 1:35 AM GMT
    I'm living a ''straight'' life and if you like him and he seems sincere than you totally should date him. Love is more than just GAY or STRAIGHT.

    icon_cool.gif
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    Dec 10, 2011 1:59 AM GMT
    I think you should just try to be a friend to him for now and give him the emotional support he needs while he goes through this. But be sure to set the necessary boundaries with him and be sure to let him know why those boundaries are in place. Hopefully he will respect that.
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    Dec 10, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    Nothing judgmental here (honestly) but as someone else had said: You (MSPadventure) sound nearly as "closeted" as your friend. icon_eek.gif

    My thoughts: become more comfortable and secure with who you are before taking on any "projects" that may complicate figuring all that stuff out. I don't think you would be doing yourself - or him - any favors.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11838

    Dec 10, 2011 2:15 AM GMT
    Dude...Him telling you he's bi is his..."get out of jail card"..When things get comfortable or serious...He'll bale by using " I told ya I was bi"...You'll be left an emotional mess cause to believed his bullshit.....Dogs don't shit where they sleep...Find a gay guy who wants what you want...take it for what's it's worth.....BUD
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    Dec 10, 2011 2:17 AM GMT
    i got hit on at work today by a sexy straight Italian guy, well he claimed to be straight the first time i meet him lol, he started hitting on me todayy
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 10, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    Well if you are both are discreet. Then why not see where it will lead. I mean what do you have to lose. He came out to you that should count for something
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    Dec 10, 2011 3:21 AM GMT
    If he is a good friend, don't do it. If you are the dating type, don't do it. If he's not a good friend and you are not into dating, go for it.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Dec 10, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    I say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Just play it by ear when he gets back home. If he says he's been dreaming about you, etc.then I think you owe it to yourself and him to see if there is any mutual attraction. Good luck.
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    Dec 10, 2011 3:23 AM GMT
    beachbum310 saidIf he is a good friend, don't do it. If you are the dating type, don't do it. If he's not a good friend and you are not into dating, go for it.


    This. I hooked up with a straight guy, whom I was not super close, in high school a few times and now our friendship is awkward. We rarely see each other, but on breaks, with our mutual friends....yikes!
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    Dec 10, 2011 3:25 AM GMT
    Brick_n_Lace said
    AssMan123 said
    I've had to "de-gay" the house when people came over (take down gayish pictures, pictures of us, and make sure it looked like I slept in the bed in the other bedroom).

    HAAAAAA!!! i dont why this is so hilarious to me!!


    lol. not funny at the time. i'm sure the amount of time to "de-gay" depends on the gay.