Not Attracting the Kind of Guys I Want- What Am I Doing Wrong?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2011 6:03 PM GMT
    I'm looking for some advice on what I might be doing wrong in terms of dating the kind of guys I want to date.

    I've come out last year so I'm still pretty new to it. Though, already I tell I'm not doing something right. One is focusing too much with finding guys online due to being a bit shy honestly. I though I had nearly come out of my shell but there's a bit more work to be done apparently. I think there's might be a different set of guys online than at offline places to meet guys (bars, clubs, etc...)

    I've been thinking about going to a bar or club by myself but I'm not sure about that...

    Finally, it could be my physique as I'm a bit on the skinny side. I've noticed a trend online that I've attracted older guys looking for a "daddy" relationship (no offense to any older guys here but not into that honestly) or shorter guys who are slightly younger than me.

    That's fine as I'm a believer in personality first but there's no follow up after most dates I go on with guys around my age. After the first or second date I don't here back from them and that has me a bit worried if I want to even have a chance with attracting guys I would like to date. I don't want to call or pester them for another date as if we're not a match it's not meant to be. But it's happening too often, I'm not even "seeing" a guy after a years worth of first dates. (About 10 this year if you're wondering)

    Is it my physique? Am I too skinny? Many people say gay men are attracted to A&F model types and I'm starting to believe that but only just a couple of guys out there look like that in the dating pool. Looks shouldn't matter but they do in the world we live in. I know I'm a great person and am deserving of the type of BF I'm imagining. The thing is guys don't know this.Whether it's my body type to attract them in the first place or not speaking enough on dates I'm doing something wrong.

    Sorry for the rant but I'm getting a little frustrated. I know it's on my end as the guy you want isn't just going to come to you. If only it were that simple.icon_confused.gif
  • Neurons

    Posts: 537

    Dec 10, 2011 6:09 PM GMT
    Where are you meeting these guys?
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    Dec 10, 2011 6:23 PM GMT
    Mostly online, OkCupid, Dlist, RJ, etc... (RealJock guys have actually been quality, level headed guys so this site take the lead in terms of dating sites- even though it isn't officially)

    I haven't had a bad experience but two guys told me the date felt more like "meeting a friend than a date." Not doing something right, maybe I didn't "make a move" at the end? idk... still new at this.
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    Dec 10, 2011 8:45 PM GMT
    it's really tough man...i have tried about all the dating sites..so i know the feeling.don't worry too much about your physique...lots of guys out there who like slender/skinny types..{me for one}..you will eventually run into someone who you will hit it off with...just takes time,i guess.oh,and going out to a bar..club,etc...that can disappoint you too....it disappointed me very badly.......
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2011 8:46 PM GMT
    It sounds like a lot of your criteria for "the guy you want to date" is all physical. . .
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    Dec 10, 2011 8:54 PM GMT
    it's hard to get what you want out of guy and I know exactly how you feel because i feel the same way too sometimes.

    I find that gay society most of the time does see ONE ideal stereotypical physique and personality of a guy and that translates to a logo t-shirt and denim jeans wearing dude who is trying really hard to act straight.

    The best thing to do is to get off the websites and really start trying to look around because from my personal experience i've had better luck doing that than being stuck on here.

    There is nothing wrong with the way you look and I know there is someone out there who finds you really attractive and is guaranteed to be your type.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2011 8:57 PM GMT
    after reading your profile i think you are a sweet young man..you love dogs..and you are an All-American guy...you don't look for looks..mostly you seek a good personality...just remember that a guy like you deserves quality guys..not cheap imitations..and don't sell yourself short..or give yourself to someone who doesn't deserve you...
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    Dec 10, 2011 9:00 PM GMT
    Do you remember those face vs body threads on here? 90% of guys said that the face is more important, many of my friends have rejected guys with hot bodies because they were double paper bag ugly so I wouldn't blame your body type. Maybe you could get a more flattering haircut, groom your eyebrows, tan a little, whiten your teeth, something like that. You could also wear different clothes, etc. That would be my advice! icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 10, 2011 9:09 PM GMT
    jpBITCHva said
    Hypnotico saidDo you remember those face vs body threads on here? 90% of guys said that the face is more important, many of my friends have rejected guys with hot bodies because they were double paper bag ugly so I wouldn't blame your body type. Maybe you could get a more flattering haircut, groom your eyebrows, tan a little, whiten your teeth, something like that. You could also wear different clothes, etc. That would be my advice! icon_smile.gif

    So single paper bag ugly is okay? Where do you draw the line? How about 1.5 paper bag ugly?


    He needs more than 1 and a half of a paper bag i'm afraid...
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    Dec 10, 2011 9:10 PM GMT
    jpBITCHva said
    Hypnotico saidDo you remember those face vs body threads on here? 90% of guys said that the face is more important, many of my friends have rejected guys with hot bodies because they were double paper bag ugly so I wouldn't blame your body type. Maybe you could get a more flattering haircut, groom your eyebrows, tan a little, whiten your teeth, something like that. You could also wear different clothes, etc. That would be my advice! icon_smile.gif

    So single paper bag ugly is okay? Where do you draw the line? How about 1.5 paper bag ugly?


    That's what my friends said, I don't believe in ugliness, everyone can look at least decent IMO. icon_wink.gif
  • tautomer

    Posts: 1010

    Dec 10, 2011 9:13 PM GMT
    Gaining some muscle mass (even just 15-20lbs) would help a signifigant amount for you. It helps you gain more confidance as well. In the looks department that is keeping you under the threshold of attractiveness.

    Also being shy is a HUGE limiting factor. Most guys out there find it unappealing and will write it off quickly.
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    Dec 10, 2011 9:21 PM GMT
    JakeGHK said
    GERGIN saidit's hard to get what you want out of guy and I know exactly how you feel because i feel the same way too sometimes.

    I find that gay society most of the time does see ONE ideal stereotypical physique and personality of a guy and that translates to a logo t-shirt and denim jeans wearing dude who is trying really hard to act straight.

    The best thing to do is to get off the websites and really start trying to look around because from my personal experience i've had better luck doing that than being stuck on here.

    There is nothing wrong with the way you look and I know there is someone out there who finds you really attractive and is guaranteed to be your type.


    What do you mean?


    Well he mentioned going to bars, and as a matter of fact I did that once and I met a pretty decent guy who wasnt looking for just sex.

    also, one of my good friends had a friend who had a gay friend and set up a date for us and it went really well and I met my first boyfriend through this process.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    Everybody is shorter than you when you are 6'5". just saying. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Dec 10, 2011 10:22 PM GMT
    In this I am not trying to be offensive by any means but I think you are barking up the wrong tree here. None of us truly know you. This type of question would be best tackled by a friend that knows you.
    You say it has been 10 in a year and no boyfriend and no third dates? Something is definitely wrong . Even in Wal-mart you can see really hot guys trailing behind beasts in spandex with missing teeth. By the law of average you should have had at least one bad relationship for all of the wrong reasons. Maybe the guys will disagree with me on this one but, yes something is seriously wrong with this picture and one of your real friends will be able to answer that if you truly want that answer.
  • aj101

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 10, 2011 11:52 PM GMT
    My advice stop looking. Now before you take this the wrong way I mean dont actively search for that right guy. Too many times when you search for that guy you just disappoint yourself. Instead put yourself in situations where they just happen to walk into your life. Many of my friends who's relationships have worked out are the ones where they just happened to meet each other and then started dating.
  • Rawrdo

    Posts: 343

    Dec 11, 2011 1:39 AM GMT
    Stop looking, seriously. I've lost count how many times I've said it, but the trick is not to search for Mr. Right. Instead, it's about finding Mr. Right's friends. Cause lets be honest, your right guy is one person, but his friends could be infinite. Thus it's just better if you forget about looking for the guy and instead enjoy life and be friendly and outgoing, who knows who you'll meet from doing that and as result the other people you can meet from that friendship.
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    Dec 11, 2011 5:52 PM GMT
    Thanks all for the replies, didn't expect this kind of response.

    I guess I'm getting anxious because it seems no guy has stuck yet out of the dates I've been on and haven't met someone who has despite living in NYC, which is one of the gay mecca's of the world.

    Rawrdo saidthe trick is not to search for Mr. Right. Instead, it's about finding Mr. Right's friends.


    That's true, I hear a lot of people do meet through friends. And as for meeting someone when you're not looking I used to believe that only happened in romance movies but it's happened to me a lot looking back on how I met guys- mostly by chance. The only problem back then was shyness got in the way so I didn't get their contact info or anything and than they were gone.

    I read some figure that 1/3 of couples meet just going about their daily routine s it is true it happens when you least expect it or stop looking; waiting for it to happen is the hard part. Though, another survey say 61% of gay and bi couples met online so that's something to consider also.

    Now I 'm probably over thinking it.icon_smile.gif