My First Gay Crush!

  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Jun 10, 2008 9:11 AM GMT
    OK, first of all I'm not cheating on Nick or anything by the following, we aren't exactly together after all, we're to far apart to consider our friendship to turn into a relationship. So we decided to allow each other to see other people until we decide to finally meet.

    Anyway, given the above, last Saturday I finally went to a gay club! I was invited to go by a guy I met on gaydar, and he was to perform on stage that night with his friends. He seemed really eager for me to go meet him there, to watch him perform. Anyway, I went there a few minutes before his performance to meet him. At first I went inside, but he messaged me to meet him outside. So I went outside and I saw him, but he was talking to a friend, and he seemed to keep his back turned on purpose, while his friend had somewhat a good view of me, as if he was spying on me.

    So I just decided to see if he would notice me, mainly because I was too shy to go up to him myself, and I kept walking a bit around the outside of the club as if I'm looking for him. Soon I noticed that he wasn't there anymore, and a minute later his friend came up to me from nowhere and asked me if I was supposed to meet his friend that night. So I said "Yeah!" and he took me inside the club again where I found my friend waiting for me. Seriously, WTF was that all about??? icon_confused.gif

    Anyway, we shaked hands, he kissed me on the cheeks (icon_surprised.gif) and introduced me to a couple of friends. Lol, we even got a photo taken together by the club's photographer! His friend told the photographer to take just the two of us, but then he was asked to join us. But then there was no more conversation at all, as if I wasn't there. Maybe it was because he had to get ready to perform I said to myself. So I just wished him luck and found a spot to watch. He and his friends did great with their new song "Klozet, just be yourself!" Klozet is the name of the gay club we were in, and "Just be yourself" is the motto of the club. Basically they wrote a song for the club, and for all gays in Malta.

    After they sang he went outside, so I quickly followed him and went to congratulate him. He simply said "Thanks", but that was it, he didn't speak to me again. I felt so bummed that night. So after another hour of me simply following him in the club, and watching him dance and stuff, I just left without saying goodbye.

    The next day I found him on msn, so I congratulated him again, and told him I got a bit bummed that we didn't talk and stuff. He just said it was because he was extatic after the concert. And about the initial meeting (telling me to meet outside, and then inside) he said that it was just because he couldn't see me. I was like "Yeah, right, but your friend sure kept looking at me!" to myself. Hehe.

    Anyway, I'm willing to forgive and forget the uneventful evening, and I'm hoping to meet him again coz I really like him, and I have a feeling he liked me too (I don't think he'd have been so eager to invite me to watch him, not to mention kiss me on the cheek if he hadn't). So what I'd like is as many tips as you can possibly give me, in case we decide to meet up again.

    Tips about anything!!!!!!!!!
    What to wear,
    What to say,
    How to dance (Yes, I'm a shit dancer! All the years of just nodding my head to the beat have made me loose my groove),
    What to do...

    I dunno, anything! This is the first time I've been so determined to actually try and get into a relationship, and I just want to make a good impression.

    With BIIIIIIIIIIIIIG thanks (and complimentary hugs)
    Matt
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    Jun 10, 2008 2:17 PM GMT
    IMHO, this guy isnt acting normal. And I would advise you to keep on moving. You've been to the club now. Go back and make more friends.

    Dont be so "determined" to get into a relationship. You will just hook up with the first acceptable guy and it could (probably will) be a bad experience.

    Take a deep breath, Matt, and slow down. Date a few guys to get a feel for what different guys are like. Then you will have a better perspective on what you want in a man, and if a guy is genuine.

    And for god's sake, check back in here before you go off and do anything stupid. Child, you just got out into the world. Take it easy. Look out for yourself.

    Oh, I can see that I am going to be a nervous wreck knowing you are running around loose on Malta, bound and determined to form a relationship. ....without adult supervision ... icon_eek.gif .... icon_wink.gif .... icon_lol.gif
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Jun 10, 2008 3:17 PM GMT
    Lol, not quite the response I was hoping for!

    Relax Cas, I'm not gonna go end up in a hook up and shit like that. Oh, and I DO want to date him, that's why I'm asking for help, I've never been out on a date before! (Yes, it's hard to believe, but it's true)
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    Jun 10, 2008 3:22 PM GMT
    You want to date this guyicon_question.gif Really? Why? This guy invited you out and barely said anything to you. Thats rude. Shop around and see whats out there. Dont sell yourself short. Play the field a bit.
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    Jun 10, 2008 3:25 PM GMT
    Having limited experience myself, I only have this to say:

    When meeting guys, it is best to expect nothing and don't assume anything. Keep your mind open, since no single individual are alike. Talk about interests and go with the flow of the conversation. BE YOURSELF!

    You will do fine. icon_biggrin.gif
  • NorthFl

    Posts: 98

    Jun 10, 2008 3:28 PM GMT
    Sorry to say this but that's not how a guy acts if he's into you.
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Jun 10, 2008 3:38 PM GMT
    Hmmm, he seemed interested when we chatted on msn. Oh well, his ex said he was crap anyway. (Yes, I found out that he's the ex of another friend of mine! Small country! I said I'd give him a chance, but it seems he was right after all.)

    Great, now I need to see how the hell I'm gonna find some other guy. Ok, so are there tips on how I can get along with the next guy? icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 10, 2008 3:39 PM GMT
    muttskins saidLol, not quite the rsponse I was hoping for!

    Relax Cas, I'm not gonna go end up in a hook up and shit like that. Oh, and I DO want to date him, that's why I'm asking for help, I've never been out on a date before! (Yes, it's hard to believe, but it's true)


    Get a clue! You had your first date with him. He flunked.

    I know you want a date. But take it from someone who can see your situation from the high vantage point of experience. He isn't the first date that you want.

    Either go back to where you found him on line or go back to the club and hang out and meet folks.

    Let me tell you, Muttskins, you will have a far better first date, if you listen to me. icon_lol.gif

    I need support here, men!
  • NorthFl

    Posts: 98

    Jun 10, 2008 3:42 PM GMT
    what carslon said
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    Jun 10, 2008 3:45 PM GMT
    NorthFl saidwhat carslon said


    thank you, northfl ...

    oh and btw, since you are in a helpful mood, I got something else that I could use help with ... icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 10, 2008 3:45 PM GMT
    This guy sounds like he's got a lot of issues. You've met him once and he's already lying to you. Think of how many games and lies he were to spin if you actually dated! I know you're excited to get out there but instincts go off for a reason - listen to them! This guy's not a keeper and will only bring drama into your life.

    I kept thinking this story was going to end with you meeting some awesome nice guy after you ditched your host.
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    Jun 10, 2008 3:46 PM GMT
    I remember my first Gay Crush, it was fabulous.
    ...................................Photobucket
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    Jun 10, 2008 3:48 PM GMT
    I also agree with Caslon. Fact of the matter is. People lie online. He could have been having multiple conversations with other guys when talking to you. A lot of guys fall for their first crush/hook up and the guy usually takes advantage of that and runs with it.

  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Jun 10, 2008 3:51 PM GMT
    Lol, ok ok, I got the message! Hehe!

    muttskins saidHmmm, he seemed interested when we chatted on msn. Oh well, his ex said he was crap anyway. (Yes, I found out that he's the ex of another friend of mine! Small country! I said I'd give him a chance, but it seems he was right after all.)

    Great, now I need to see how the hell I'm gonna find some other guy. Ok, so are there tips on how I can get along with the next guy? icon_confused.gif
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    Jun 10, 2008 3:55 PM GMT
    generally with the tips:
    can't help you with fasion
    again, can't help you with what to say, but what you do say, you should mean it.
    To dance... I can help you there... a few pints, and you'll be dancing like Mikky Jackson HAHA

    what to do... I'm afraid I'd have to agree with the rest of the guys, sorry Matt, you deserve someone who's going to pay attention to you, who's going to go out of their way to find you when you go out of sight... someone who shouts your name to find you.
    That's the least you deserve. Keep looking for the guy who will do that for you.
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    Jun 10, 2008 3:59 PM GMT
    muttskins saidGreat, now I need to see how the hell I'm gonna find some other guy. Ok, so are there tips on how I can get along with the next guy? icon_confused.gif
    [/quote]

    What about going back to the site where you found him?

    Or go back to that bar?

    Or ask his ex how to meet guys on Malta

    Or stand on a street corner at high noon and smile...I sure would notice you ..... oh not a good idea....you dont need to be attracting the likes of me ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Oh...what is that I hear? Is it Maurice Chavalier singing "I'm so glad that I'm not young anymore"?
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    Jun 10, 2008 4:04 PM GMT
    Mutt-

    You're standing at the big man buffet now, try a little bit of everything! You can always go back for seconds on something you like, and if you get something that's not right, you are not obligated to finish all that's on your plate.

    Have fun!
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    Jun 10, 2008 4:18 PM GMT
    Hey Mutt,

    Sorry to hear this guy was a bit of a tool. What Cas, rather indelicately, was telling you is pretty much what all of us with some experience were thinking reading your post.

    Plus, your our Mutt but none of us are in a position to go pound this guy into the pavement if he does you wrong. So we have to try and make it as clear as possible that this guy has all the signs of a class A jerk.

    So whether you "sample the man buffet" as COJock so lovingly put it, or just try making a few gay friends, just remember that a) we're here for you and b) take EVERYTHING, esp online interactions, with a big ass grain of salt.
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    Jun 10, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    Gigaram saidHey Mutt,

    Sorry to hear this guy was a bit of a tool. What Cas, rather indelicately, was telling you is pretty much what all of us with some experience were thinking reading your post.

    Plus, your our Mutt but none of us are in a position to go pound this guy into the pavement if he does you wrong. So we have to try and make it as clear as possible that this guy has all the signs of a class A jerk.

    So whether you "sample the man buffet" as COJock so lovingly put it, or just try making a few gay friends, just remember that a) we're here for you and b) take EVERYTHING, esp online interactions, with a big ass grain of salt.


    indelicately? ... You're gonna hear something indelicate, if you keep that up!





    j/k ... icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 10, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    Caslon4000 said...indelicately? ... You're gonna hear something indelicate, if you keep that up!

    No, I am NOT going to pull your finger. icon_twisted.gif
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Jun 10, 2008 4:55 PM GMT
    Hey Matt

    I agree with what everyone else said. About the only thing Caslon missed, which I'm sure he'll rectify in about 20 seconds, is an LOLcats picture appropriate to the thread.
    20, 19, 18, 17...

    Take things slow. Of course, have a good time and enjoy life to the fullest. But don't waste any time. The guy you mentioned above wants to play games with you, so drop him. Don't invest too many emotions into guys that treat you like that on a first date.

    And considering how you found this guy, it doesn't sound like you need many tips on how to find guys. Again, Caslon had some good advice: go back to the site you met the first guy, talk to his ex, or smile at guys as they walk by.

    Don't stress about it! Take things slow and easy.
    Good luck! And keep us up to date on all of the details!
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    Jun 10, 2008 5:24 PM GMT
    I just read this after posting on the committee that Caslon4000 has created... and I....
    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_cry.gif
    Dear Matt,
    Sorry I can't really give you any advice as I'm a complete fuck up myself. I'm just a bit overwhelmed by your awesome support system here and how the men of RJ took a genuine liking of you, moreso after you decided to come out on your 600th post. I've always seen that thing about you, that's why you have been a target of my affectionate banters.
    Anyway, at the risk of being criticized again for what I'm about to say, I'd rather that you follow your heart and have it broken at your age, so it gets easier in the later stages. It is only then you'd be able to bask in the sheer pleasure of rediscovering the songs of The Corrs with much more meaning, like listening to it for the first time. As a grown-up adult.
    You have your friends here who mean much more than any other from some gay websites.
    Your nannu,
    ZiMmY x
    p.s.
    Okay, just for today you can have a Coke...
    [url][/url]
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Jun 10, 2008 8:32 PM GMT
    Hehe! I haven't had a Coke in ages! I only drink Sprite, and only on Sundays! Oh, and it should be a DIET Coke! icon_razz.gif

    Obviously, I'm not gonna go break my heart into smitherens, last thing I want is to spend my summer mourning over a relationship. But yeah, I "feel the RJ love" (ain't that right Matt? icon_razz.gif), and I can't believe how much support I get from here. Thanks all you guys.

    I must admit, nannu's advice kind of makes sense, to learn it the hard way (no pun intended) and in effect not repeat the same mistake. But I don't wanna go down that road, now that I noticed what I'd be in for.

    Oh, and for those who are a little clueless:
    nannu is in Maltese for grandpa! Lol! icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 10, 2008 8:35 PM GMT
    If you like him and expect to date him, don't let him call all the shots and control the relationship - even in the early stages.
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    Jun 10, 2008 8:56 PM GMT
    Hey Matt - the best advice I can give you regarding this guy is move on! Sorry - I know you are attracted to him - but he was giving you attitude before you even met on your first "date" - which has always been trouble from my experience. You are a great guy and deserve someone better than this guy. Chin-up and you will find someone who appreciates you without giving you attitude! icon_smile.gif