UPDATE August 2014 - Warning: Very Embarrassing - Questions About My Body

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 7:14 AM GMT
    Additional Warning: Might not be the proper place to post this, so will move it if necessary.

    I am completely horrified to even be doing this, but I have contemplated this for months. I have an RJ account (not really that well known) but for fear of sheer embarrassment, I decided to create this account to post this.

    So my problem is I am completely ashamed of my body. I won't take off my shirt for anybody in real life or on cam. I love to swim, but am embarrassed to even go into a pool, and when I do, I keep a shirt on till I get to the water, jump in quick and have the towel there to cover myself. When I get out of a shower, I put on a towel like a girl, rather than how a man should put on a towel. I am ashamed for anybody to see my body the way it is. I can't even show people on the internet to ask for real advice because of how I feel about it.

    So I feel completely unfit, ugly, and even fat even though I know my weight might actually considered underweight. Everyone around me claims I have an eating disorder because of how obsessive I am about eating properly. When I go out with friends to a bar, I often will not even order a beer because of how I feel about what it will do to me The people around me eat out ALL THE TIME, which makes it very difficult. I get called a girl and all other different things because of how selective I am about what I eat but I just try to eat healthy and make positive choices.

    When I go to the gym, all I do is focus on cardio for many different reasons. But the biggest reason is I am so physically weak that Im embarrassed at how little I can actually lift. Anyways, I know I need to change my exercise and the amount I eat, but in order to bulk up or to even become more lean and fit, I need to start eating more, but I am deathly afraid to eat considerably more, because Im worried the weight I gain will be the wrong weight. I am also not good or strong enough to do the necessary adjustments in the gym.

    So if anyone could actually be bothered to read this entire thing, I just need to ask what exercises I SHOULD be focused on to fix my body?
    I need to know from an objective point of view how overweight/underweight/unfit I actually am and what it will take to improve my body?
    How I can psychologically fix my ideas surrounding my body, or if it is justified, will it only change when I physically fix myself.

    Sorry for the book long post. Here is the pictures, which I honestly have been too afraid to show anyone, real life or on RJ.
    2ppxc47.jpg
    50k3o1.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 11:15 AM GMT
    not sure what your goals are but its scary that you classify yourself as "fat". if you want to look like more muscular, you are going to have to eat and not starve yourself.

    I think you may need some therapy. Just being honest... theres a whole bunch of stuff you have to build on before you can just go to the gym and do a bicep curl.

    Get a blood test, hormone panel, see a shrink, fix your diet and sleep patterns and then if all goes right talk to a personal trainer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 11:30 AM GMT
    i think you should train your whole body , you shouldn't focus on one exercise you gonna look weird having one part only of your body developed.

    i was sooo skinny ,when i gain weight i gain it at my stomach and ass only ,my shoulders and chest looked so skinny and scary i thought i had a disease!!! im 5'7 , and i was 54 kilos (omg) , but i only had fast metabolism and no muscles at all . .

    i worked out for a year and 2 months (i work out 4 days a week ,im college student so i missed alot of days but still i kept working out lol).now im 72 kilos im satisfied and secured (well still way to go but i achieved alot).

    so go do weight training and dont give up!!10 months of heavy weights training (well as heavy as u can ), gonna make u feel better im sure . sooo to sum things up ,heavy weights +eat alot of chicken and meat+no fast food .

    u gonna be ok if you dont give up trust me i been there ....

    good luck...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 2:09 PM GMT
    Your very negative feelings about your body are not based in reality. Actually, your pics look fine. Compared to the general population, your body is probably a little above average. There's no reason why you shouldn't take your shirt off at the pool. And for god's sake, you're certainly not fat, or anything like it.

    You need to talk to a therapist and go into detail about these feelings. I am certain your unrealistic feelings about your body will change once you discuss this with someone.

    In the meantime: Next time you go to the gym, start doing some lifting. It doesn't matter how little you lift. Believe me when I tell you -- NOBODY NOTICES. They really, really don't. Just do it. The more you lift, the more you will be able to lift, and pretty soon, you'll be lifting some pretty good weight anyway.

    Also start eating more.

    Did something happen, somewhere along the line, that made you embarrassed to take your shirt off? 'Cause I look at you now, and like I say, you look probably above average for the general population. . . can't figure out why you have this issue.

    It's really good that you posted here and asked for help. It's the first step to fixing things.
  • guyindc78

    Posts: 24

    Dec 11, 2011 2:19 PM GMT
    Honestly, there is nothing bad about your body!! It's an average body, which can be sexy too in my honest opinion.

    Of course your body isn't like some of the guys on here, but I think it's sexy just the way it is.

    However, I see that you have a very convoluted self image of yourself, and like the poster above, I believe that you need more therapy than gym time. Trust me, I've been there. PM me if you want to know more details.

    But till you get yourself a therapist, a good one..... keep telling yourself that your body is NOT UGLY. Sure, it can tone up a little and bulk up a little, but it is NOT UGLY.

    It's good to control what you eat, but not till an obsessive compulsive state.... (another psychological disorder!)

    And as for being weak at the gym, I've also been there. I hate gyms. I can't pump like others do, but I do a lot of yoga, which helps tremendously with toning, flexibility, balance and believe or not, strength.

    Main thing is STOP the way you're thinking now and force yourself to change your mindset, and like I said earlier, there is always help out there.

    Good luck
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    Dec 11, 2011 2:34 PM GMT
    Another thought: Go out and buy a "Perfect Pushup" device. It's two little cylinders that you rotate as you do the pushup. You can buy them on line or at most big box stores. They're quite inexpensive, and they will really build up your chest and arms at a rapid rate.

    Don't use them as a substitute for the gym. . . use them as a supplement. The point is, they'll help you build yourself up faster so you'll feel better about going to the gym, taking your shirt off at the pool, etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 2:44 PM GMT
    Heh you looked like me a year and a half ago.
    I don't think you have a problem with exercise, you have a problem with food. You simply need to eat more.
    And look up "body dysmorphic disorder."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 2:51 PM GMT
    I highly recommend a mental health professional to assist you in addressing this issue.

    You're skinny, and I suspect the people around you are quite right in thinking you have an eating disorder.

    -Doug

    How tall are you and how much do you weigh?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 2:52 PM GMT
    Easy way to deal with body issues............stop comparing yourself to other people. It's pointless and doesn't really help matters at all.

    You might well think your fat but the question I'd ask is why do you think that ?

    What made you suddenly look in the mirror one day and say 'god I look awful' ?
    How did you come to the conclusion ?

    We are all the same at the end of the day dude, you have no reason to feel inadequate xx
  • djzilla

    Posts: 138

    Dec 11, 2011 3:00 PM GMT
    I think everyone goes thru a period of body issues. I'm still struggling and dealing with them myself. Like you I never go shirtless anywhere. I'm still dealing with my weight issues from when I was a really big guy which totally wrecked my body. It's normal to feel this way.

    However, thinking you are fat? Were you ever overweight. You don't look like you have ever been so I'm not sure why you think you are.

    Guys are right. When in the gym, hit some weights. If that doesn't help you or if you feel intimidated by it (trust me I am too) I recommend looking into some exercises you can do using your body weight as your weights. There's a book for that out there too.

    You can do it. This is a great place to get advice and share your progress. If your still struggling I would recommend seeing a professional as well. There's nothing wrong in asking for a little help to deal with these issues.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 11, 2011 3:08 PM GMT
    You definitely need some counseling.....I don't mean that in anything but a
    supportive way. You don't have the right feelings about where you are and your whole perception of yourself. Many guys would be very happy to start where you are....

    You need to establish goals and put those ahead of the inadequate feelings (and unfair, I might add) of yourself. Know what you are exercising to achieve and have a means to evaluate your progress. Above all, you need to like yourself and appreciate who you are and what you are doing.
    Please consider getting some professional input, we all can benefit from it occasionally and move forward!
    icon_biggrin.gif
  • slimnmuscly

    Posts: 541

    Dec 11, 2011 3:14 PM GMT
    A lot of guys would kill to have your body. Seriously. I'm an escort, so I've been with guys of every shape and size, and given the obesity rates in this country, your body is actually better than the average.

    I'd recommend picking up a copy of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Encyclopedia of Modern Bodybuilding or something similar and start with the beginner's program. The basic compound exercises like deadlifts and squats will not only jack up your muscle-building testosterone but kick-start your metabolism.

    And I know you're scared to eat more, but trust me when I say that my experience and that of many others has borne out the wisdom of another RealJock member (chuckystud)'s adage, which is that you have to fuel the furnace. That is eating more, especially if it's the right kind of food and the meals are spread out every 2-3 hours, will boost your metabolism, which will in turn burn fat better than whatever cardio you're doing now.

    As for being ashamed to work out around others, let me offer some perspective that helped me: If you wanted to be an artist, would you rather study 1) all by yourself, with guidance from nobody, 2) with someone who couldn't draw for shit or 3) from? Which would help you get better?

    If you're honest with yourself, the answer is that 1) or 2) might be more comfortable, but 3) would help you really develop your craft to its full potential.

    The same analogy holds true for working out. I believe our bodies are living sculptures, but some of us put effort and intention into shaping them, while others just thoughtlessly let the clay pile on any which way. People who go to the gym are at least starting to make an effort and direct their energies, which already is more than you can say for most others. And most guys at the gym, ESPECIALLY the more advanced ones, know that.

    So instead of being intimidated around guys with better bodies -- and to this day there are always, ALWAYS guys with better bodies than mine -- I've learned to honestly view it as an honor to be training alongside them, whether we speak one word to each other or not (and usually we don't). I feel like I'm in a sculpture class with a master sculptor, and it's a true privilege. If anything, I try to work out as close to them as possible to pick up on whatever it is they've got going.

    Sometimes it's a technique I haven't tried, sometimes it's just the intensity they bring to their efforts. Sometimes I don't even know what it is. All I know is that for some reason, that day I'm lucky enough to be working on my own art (my body) in the presence of a master artist while he works on his, and I'll be damned if I squander that opportunity beating myself up about how crappy my own art is. There'll be time enough for that when I get home from the gym.

    Except that, 99 percent of the time (and it may be a lot less often for you starting out -- that's okay), I forget to beat myself up later, because I'm still on a natural high from being around that master artist. Try to start looking at working out that way, and I think it might help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    You don't need to work on "fixing" your body. You need help addressing your eating disorder. I've worked in treatment centers and have been around many people with eating disorders who all describe very similar experiences to what you just did.

    You do NOT need to learn about what foods or exercise are better for you- a lot of people think people who under-eat simply need more information. However, more information often makes the person more neurotic and sick.

    Seek counseling, OA meetings (overeaters anonymous which is a catchall 12 step meeting for everyone with eating disorders), tell a very trusted family member or friend about it so you can talk to some one you trust, and also know, that many men and women suffer from what you do.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 3:15 PM GMT
    And here the physician gets to help again. . .
    You have probably Anorexia Nervosa. and yes you need counseling concerning this eating disorder syndrome. You are conscious about your weight, feeling as if you're "fat" even though you most probably are lower the weight of most people. The reason for your fatigue or your tiredness and weakness to perform activities is because you are NOT EATING... therefore equals no energy.

    Get Treated. Counseled. Diet. and start living your life as you should... muscles and all

    Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 3:19 PM GMT
    PS.

    I appreciate what the guys are saying and should too about not comparing yourself to others but an eating disorder goes MUCH deeper than that.

    I also don't think you have body dysmorphia. I would guess you're an exercise bulimic (though I don't proclaim to be a doctor but can only suggest from the limited information you've given here that there are symptoms present from some one who has this)

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exercise_bulimia

    FYI: For some one who is an exercise bulimic, the people around them often have no clue they're sick as exercise is seen as so healthy. However, this form of an eating disorder is quite dangerous.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 3:29 PM GMT
    you look fine. I've been slim all my life. I didn't eat alot in my 20's and it may have been linked to control issues.

    I found out eating makes one feel good, suprise heh, and exercise does as well.
    Eat good foods throughout the day and continue exercising, start using weights. Don't worry about weight, your body will change and you will like the results.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 3:34 PM GMT
    You think your body needs fixing? It isn't broken! Don't you mean enhance your body? And even then it's a long stretch. I'd kill to be slim again... well not literally but you get the gist).

    My advice... seek counselling to work out your self esteem and confidence issues.

    One shouldn't have to rely on others to boost their self esteem. The reinforcement from others is nice but it can and is preferred that it come from within due to adjusted self thinking. Seriously. Take the first step and talk to a counsellor.
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    Dec 11, 2011 3:46 PM GMT
    I'm 5'9" and 145lbs., and have been that weight for years, it flucuates only a pound or two either way. I tried supplements in conjunction with weight training, etc. but I burn it off and maintain the 145 range.

    I'll never be a "big muscle" guy...and that's cool. I'm happy being toned with definition. My point is acceptance of your body and realizing what it can and cannot be - you're NOT fat. It doesn't matter what you can or cannot lift, what matters is that you start somewhere and see where it leads. Start with light weights and work your way up, you will be surprised how your body responds...and you will learn to identify your maximum weights. Listen to your body, you will learn what muscle groups and areas you can push further and which ones are more sensitive. Also, give it time - not weeks, but months.

    if your selfconscious at the gym, try to go at off peak hours when there's less people to deal. you can do pushup, crunches, squats, etc. in you house which may maked you a little less self conscious once you start at the gym. Remember one thing...even the guy with what you think is the "perfect" body is struggling with something - a belly, jiggly ass, weak calves - no one has the perfect body.

    Starting in Jan. the gyms will be full of out of shape people who want to change their body image, some will succed, some won't. Go out with your friends occassionally and have a beer, or two, or get shit-faced...don't beat yourself up about it, just deal it with the next day...more crunches, grilled chicken breast, whatever...

    ...did you ever see pics of all the fat guys wear speedos - think of them when you go to wrap yourself in a towel - they need to, you don't

    take care and good luck.




  • joxguy

    Posts: 236

    Dec 11, 2011 4:03 PM GMT
    Damn your body if quite nice. I am figuring someone at sometime made a comment about your body that stuck in your head. You now need that reversed, counseling will help for sure. Also get brave when you are chatting with someone, take off your shirt and you will be surprised how they will compliment you.

    Realjock has so much information on workouts. Do your cardio, then work on your core-crunches, situps, Roman chair-then lower body-then upper body. Good luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 4:28 PM GMT
    Wow, Im so overwhelmed by the amount of replies here. First off, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply to me. I swear, I am not attention seeking, I just really want to fix my mindset towards my body. Also I was very apprehensive about positing my body pictures here, so I am very grateful about it not being ripped apart, but I ask whatever guy comments on it, please not sugarcoat it because I appreciate the truth more than a compliment. I have only seen the top half, but I am just shocked at how many people suggested that I go see a psychologist.

    I have read numerous posts from regulars here, and while everyone wants to continuously work on their body, I see many who are pretty negative about how they look and I know they do not need to see a psychologist. I am quite aware of how people with eating disorders tend to act, but something I didnt quite get across very clearly in my first post, is I am positive I do not have an eating disorder, despite how many people make fun of me for what I do.

    I simply count calories and watch what I eat. When I am home, I make meals separately from the others who fry food. But most importantly I EAT. While my caloric intake might be around 1500, I do not skip meals. I take my advice from here and try to make smart decisions. If I go out with friends for pizza, I just wont eat the pizza, or get a salad instead (which naturally gets many of those reactions)

    Usual day of meal include (I get very little variety):
    Kashi cereal and skim milk in the morning
    Salad (TONS of veggies) with Extra virgin Olive Oil
    Whole Wheat Bread and Peanut butter (1 or 2 slices)
    A chicken breast and some veggies
    Lots of water throughout the day.

    I am 5"9-5"10 and I weigh 145 pounds.

    And my self-perception of my body, I actually think is very justified, at least with my own thinking. Am I fat in the sense of being obese? I know Im not, but I am extremely unfit. I see the hard work people put on this forum, and these people can be proud of their bodies. I want to put in the work to be proud of my body, because at the moment, I can only be ashamed. I am just extremely self conscious about everything in my life, and do not want to look inferior in the weight room or as unappealing as I feel in the gym.

    I know I am extremely negative about my body, but I try my hardest to not let the other people around me see that. I just hate how i avoid going to the gym because I feel like a stupid weak incompetent fool with the weights and I got an offer to regularly go to my university's pool, to swim and work out with this incredibly fit Water Polo friend, but I create excuses because frankly I dont want him to have this impression of my body.

    Didnt mean for this to be a book again.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 4:31 PM GMT
    you have a sexy physique...YOU are just as good as anybody else...remember that..DON'T be afraid to feel good about yourself...eat 6 small healthy meals a day..and start working a pyramid weight training program...in no time you will begin to get some muscles..which will boost your confidence...if this feeling "of not having the perfect physique" keeps haunting you..get counseling..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 4:33 PM GMT
    meninlove said I highly recommend a mental health professional to assist you in addressing this issue.


    ^ THIS!
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    Dec 11, 2011 4:35 PM GMT
    phenomanimal saidWow, Im so overwhelmed by the amount of replies here. First off, thank you so much to everyone who took the time to reply to me. I swear, I am not attention seeking, I just really want to fix my mindset towards my body. Also I was very apprehensive about positing my body pictures here, so I am very grateful about it not being ripped apart, but I ask whatever guy comments on it, please not sugarcoat it because I appreciate the truth more than a compliment. I have only seen the top half, but I am just shocked at how many people suggested that I go see a psychologist.

    I have read numerous posts from regulars here, and while everyone wants to continuously work on their body, I see many who are pretty negative about how they look and I know they do not need to see a psychologist. I am quite aware of how people with eating disorders tend to act, but something I didnt quite get across very clearly in my first post, is I am positive I do not have an eating disorder, despite how many people make fun of me for what I do.

    I simply count calories and watch what I eat. When I am home, I make meals separately from the others who fry food. But most importantly I EAT. While my caloric intake might be around 1500, I do not skip meals. I take my advice from here and try to make smart decisions. If I go out with friends for pizza, I just wont eat the pizza, or get a salad instead (which naturally gets many of those reactions)

    Usual day of meal include (I get very little variety):
    Kashi cereal and skim milk in the morning
    Salad (TONS of veggies) with Extra virgin Olive Oil
    Whole Wheat Bread and Peanut butter (1 or 2 slices)
    A chicken breast and some veggies
    Lots of water throughout the day.

    I am 5"9-5"10 and I weigh 145 pounds.

    And my self-perception of my body, I actually think is very justified, at least with my own thinking. Am I fat in the sense of being obese? I know Im not, but I am extremely unfit. I see the hard work people put on this forum, and these people can be proud of their bodies. I want to put in the work to be proud of my body, because at the moment, I can only be ashamed. I am just extremely self conscious about everything in my life, and do not want to look inferior in the weight room or as unappealing as I feel in the gym.

    I know I am extremely negative about my body, but I try my hardest to not let the other people around me see that. I just hate how i avoid going to the gym because I feel like a stupid weak incompetent fool with the weights and I got an offer to regularly go to my university's pool, to swim and work out with this incredibly fit Water Polo friend, but I create excuses because frankly I dont want him to have this impression of my body.

    Didnt mean for this to be a book again.

    And how old are you? Hell it took me almost 50 yrs to get to my current weight. (which is 5 lbs heavier than you are now!)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 11, 2011 4:45 PM GMT
    TropicalMarkAnd how old are you? Hell it took me almost 50 yrs to get to my current weight. (which is 5 lbs heavier than you are now!)


    I am 22 years old.

    I've also now read all the replies and can't believe how much time everyone took to reply.

    I have the Bowflex Selecttech 552 Dumbbells, and a pullup bar. I was going to get the Yoga Mat and the Perfect Pushup and maybe try P90X, since its at home, even though I know what kind of commitment I need to take. I feel that once I become considerably more fit, lean, muscular, some of these problems and apprehensions will start to go away hopefully.
  • inmidair

    Posts: 70

    Dec 11, 2011 5:39 PM GMT
    I just want to offer you some support. I have a similar thing where I (irrationally) think that I'm fat, or that I'm fat "for me," or that I'm physically weak, even in spite of in-my-face evidence that proves otherwise. I loathe taking my shirt off and have only gone swimming once in my adult life. And while I don't think anyone is qualified to make an armchair diagnosis based on a couple of paragraphs in a forum post, I would encourage you to do a preliminary consultation with a therapist, and here's why:

    phenomanimal said
    I know I am extremely negative about my body, but I try my hardest to not let the other people around me see that. I just hate how i avoid going to the gym because I feel like a stupid weak incompetent fool ....


    "Extremely negative." "Hate." "Stupid." "Weak." "Incompetent." "Fool."

    Notice how most of these words aren't even about your physical self? If these are the kind of words that are running through your head, it's difficult to muster self-confidence. Rationally, the shape of your body has nothing to do with your intelligence or your competence. Emotionally, it seems like the body issue is making you feel shitty in general, and talking with a therapist will help you turn that around.

    In addition:

    1.) It's no wonder you don't want to go to the gym with your athletic water polo friend. Going to the gym is difficult enough, but here's someone you know, who is clearly successful athletically, and I imagine you don't want to be comparing yourself to that person while you are learning to work out. He won't be judgemental toward you (in fact, it sounds like he is encouraging and supportive), but in that situation I know that I'd be afraid that he was judging me purely because of my own insecurities.

    2.) Instead of focusing on how bad your body is (at least to you), can you describe what you'd like your body to look like? Use the internet to find celebrites (or RJers?) who are 5'9 - 5'10, and get some pictures of the body you'd like to have. Now you've got a positive goal to work toward; let that dissatisfaction motivate you forward instead of wallowing.

    3.) Find a personal trainer. If it's too expensive to splurge on, find a student PT who's trying to accumulate hours for certification. You might have an easier time if your trainer is a woman -- you can't compare your chest to hers, and there's no possibility of sexual tension to exacerbate the body shame feelings. Let her teach you the exercises and diet you need to achieve your goal body. Also, she'll keep a written record of your progress. A great counter to a sudden negative "I am fat and weak" thought is a positive "I've lost 3% body fat and am benching 30lbs more" counterargument.

    4.) Watch the Biggest Loser. It's available for free on Hulu, and it puts those I'm Fat feelings right in their place. Those contestants really are overweight at the start, and they do something about it right in front of your eyes.

    I hope that helps!