Anger Management

  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Dec 11, 2011 10:52 PM GMT
    I don't deal very well with being rejected or dumped. I usually find ways to justify why he was a total asshat, that his life will be utterly miserable, and that I am moving on. This all going on while I already know that I'm just doing it to verify my self esteem, and most of it isn't true.

    I just can't seem to stop raging about it though, even after weeks, or months. I tend to villainize the other person, and that's not really healthy. It also is showing me that I get too hung up on them, and get too bitter about the whole ordeal.

    I'd like to just let things go, but can't seem to. Any tips on how to approach it so I don't waste more time than needed? Or how to divert that energy towards something else?

    Singing West Side Story's "I Feel Pretty" didn't help too much. I just ended up singing "A Boy Like That" and grumbling more.
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:30 AM GMT
    Get a heavy bag. Hit it. Repeat.
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:27 AM GMT
    VOODOO DOLLS.
    Works for me.
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    Dec 12, 2011 3:03 AM GMT
    Figure out what's behind the anger.

    What about the rejection makes you so upset? What are the thoughts and feelings you typically have when you are rejected immediately? (I'm talking about the thoughts and feelings that you maybe don't tell anyone). The innermost thoughts.

    Anger is an emotion that we show often to cover up sadness.

    You get rejected, and you are likely sad about something. Perhaps villainizing the person is some kind of a projection.... you could actually feel, when dumped, that you are the shitty person ("why else would he dump me, it must be that I'm shitty?").

    So when you get dumped, you FEEL like that, and you can't tolerate how it feels for someone to "know" that you are X Y Z (bad) characteristics. SO, you project all of those attributes onto him, and you start to feel better because you rationalize, 'oh, its him, not me."

    .... obviously this is just one possibility.... but it seems possible given the amount of rage you experience.

    Number of possibilities are out there.... see a counselor or therapist if this is causing you pain and issues! No harm in figuring it all out and moving on icon_smile.gif

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    Dec 12, 2011 4:12 AM GMT
    dancedancekj saidI'd like to just let things go, but can't seem to.


    Your problem isn't anger, it's addiction. AND, you have a healthy dose of OCD perpetuating your endless loop.

    Your addiction is to the hormones that surge through you when you experience your anger/rages. It's a rush, and your body misses it when it's gone. Do you dislike the feeling of rage on one level, but secretly enjoy it on another?

    See a professional about this loop you're caught in. They can suggest devices (behaviors/reactions) to snap you out of your script when it starts to recur. You'll be surprised at how easy it is, once you learn a few techniques.
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:14 AM GMT
    mike29401 saidGet a heavy bag. Hit it. Repeat.


    +1, I am a personal witness to the power of this exercise. It especially helps when you visualize someone's face on that bag.
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:17 AM GMT
    mike29401 saidGet a heavy bag. Hit it. Repeat.


    Or

    Get a heavy ex, punch repeatedly =D!
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:18 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    mike29401 saidGet a heavy bag. Hit it. Repeat.


    Or

    Get a heavy ex, punch repeatedly =D!


    What if you've never has an ex? icon_cry.gif
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:22 AM GMT
    CHIdude said
    Ariodante said
    mike29401 saidGet a heavy bag. Hit it. Repeat.


    Or

    Get a heavy ex, punch repeatedly =D!


    What if you've never has an ex? icon_cry.gif


    Then get a heavy axe, hack at a neighbor ^_^
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:57 AM GMT
    if you want to stop then stop it
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    Dec 12, 2011 5:06 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    CHIdude said
    Ariodante said
    mike29401 saidGet a heavy bag. Hit it. Repeat.


    Or

    Get a heavy ex, punch repeatedly =D!


    What if you've never has an ex? icon_cry.gif


    Then get a heavy axe, hack at a neighbor ^_^


    your seasonal depression seems to be out of control.... Yikes... icon_wink.gif
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Dec 12, 2011 5:19 AM GMT
    mickeytopogigio said
    dancedancekj saidI'd like to just let things go, but can't seem to.


    Your problem isn't anger, it's addiction. AND, you have a healthy dose of OCD perpetuating your endless loop.

    Your addiction is to the hormones that surge through you when you experience your anger/rages. It's a rush, and your body misses it when it's gone. Do you dislike the feeling of rage on one level, but secretly enjoy it on another?

    See a professional about this loop you're caught in. They can suggest devices (behaviors/reactions) to snap you out of your script when it starts to recur. You'll be surprised at how easy it is, once you learn a few techniques.


    I think you've probably come closest to it. I believe I have a higher drop in serotonin levels when it comes to initially meeting and falling for people, (i.e. when I fall for people, I fall hard and fast) and it becomes hard for me to let it go once I've developed an attachment.

    In the cases where I am the one doing the dumping, or the distancing is mutual, no such anger or emotion happens. It's only when I develop feelings for the other party and the split occurs suddenly does it ever occur, therefore I believe it has to do with the neurotransmitters/neurological physiology/endocrine reaction to the situation coupled with a bit of strong self indignation.

    This OCD like behavior also seems to manifests itself generally in the behavior where I have observed I will become so set and focused on the situation or the individual that I cannot focus on everything else, I've utilized this hyperconcentration/hyperfocusing skill in many other aspects of my life: physical fitness, dance technique, academic studying, craftsmanship and art creation, meditation, and work to my advantage, but I speculate when it comes to dating it is a hindrance, rather than an asset.

    I actually can't receive therapy, due to my need for disability insurance, but I don't think I need it in this case. I know my behavior, and I can modify it (through distraction techniques/flooding stimulation, which works for me until I have processed it at a lower rate)

    Thanks for everyone's thoughts! I appreciate you all as a peer support group icon_smile.gif
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    Dec 12, 2011 5:52 AM GMT
    dancedancekj saidI don't deal very well with being rejected or dumped. I usually find ways to justify why he was a total asshat, that his life will be utterly miserable, and that I am moving on. This all going on while I already know that I'm just doing it to verify my self esteem, and most of it isn't true.

    I just can't seem to stop raging about it though, even after weeks, or months. I tend to villainize the other person, and that's not really healthy. It also is showing me that I get too hung up on them, and get too bitter about the whole ordeal.

    I'd like to just let things go, but can't seem to. Any tips on how to approach it so I don't waste more time than needed? Or how to divert that energy towards something else?

    Singing West Side Story's "I Feel Pretty" didn't help too much. I just ended up singing "A Boy Like That" and grumbling more.


    If you were my boyfriend the only songs you would ever feel like singing were

    oh what a beautiful morning

    and music of the night.


    Try seeing a therapist. I have one and I don't go regularly. Maybe like every once in a while. I just go whenever i feel like it. Having someone you can just unload on who isn't personally invested and is obligated not to tell anyone is the most liberating thing int he world. Just make sure you get a good one.