Pray the gay away

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    Dec 11, 2011 11:56 PM GMT
    Just out of curiousity, was wondering if anyone went through this phase? I sure did when I was in highschool. I kept hearing that once you are born gay you cannot change so I look at religion. I thought if I can be religious, then I could become a straight man and live a normal life.

    So I went on for about a year, just suppressing any gay thoughts, and kept telling myself I am a straight man who is going to marry a women someday (even though I did not have any attraction to women at that time). Any gay thoughts I had, I credited to the devil pretty much. I told myself if I kept denying these feelings, I would slowly transform to love women - not only sexually but also emotionally.

    But that was then and this is now. Although I have had religious people tell me that it is possible to choose not to be gay, which brings up these memories.

    Just wondering if anyone went through similar phase?
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    Dec 12, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    Damn really wanted some input for this
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    God is not real. It took a few years for me to learn that, but once I finally dropped religion 100% I stopped thinking I could pray the gay away.

    Just say "all this fucking god shit is a fucking fairy tale" to yourself, and repeat indefinitely until you're happy. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:28 AM GMT
    What denomination were you raised?
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:30 AM GMT
    Christian.

    Interesting idea Paul, although before you rejected God, did you go through a phase where you thought you can just convet to heterosexualism through abstinence/being religious?
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:31 AM GMT
    JustJermaine saidChristian.

    Interesting idea Paul, although before you rejected God, did you go through a phase where you thought you can just convet to heterosexualism through abstinence/being religious?
    I went through that stage in high school. My 20's were the transition phase. By age 35 I was able to say "fuck god" out loud without feeling guilty. It's truly a liberating feeling.
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:34 AM GMT
    Growing up Catholic, I dealt with a lot of guilt associated with having gay thoughts. I tried to confess it away, pray it away, ignore it. I even asked a nun to help me in prayer. Didn't help.

    At one point, I believed that my only choice was to become a monk and be celibate because God had made me not attracted to women. Then, I met some monks and talked with them, and they set me onto the right path. Whether they should have done that or not is another story.


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    Dec 12, 2011 1:35 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    JustJermaine saidChristian.

    Interesting idea Paul, although before you rejected God, did you go through a phase where you thought you can just convet to heterosexualism through abstinence/being religious?
    I went through that stage in high school. My 20's were the transition phase. By age 35 I was able to say "fuck god" out loud without feeling guilty. It's truly a liberating feeling.


    It must be.

    And I went through the phase in highschool as well. Did you just tell yourself you will be straight one day or what? I am just interested in knowing how people dealt with these because I know some religious gay people that practice complete abstinence.
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:36 AM GMT
    I grew up without religion. I wouldn't say my parents are atheist but rather apathetic towards all things religious. So when coming to terms with my sexuality, it definitely had nothing to do with morals or going against some sort of religious ethic. My main worry was would I be making life harder for myself for being gay? By 16 I realized my feelings were only intensifying rather than subsiding, so I just came to accept them. Accepting myself was the first step towards feeling liberated, and then I could start coming out to people.
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:36 AM GMT
    yeahim40 saidGrowing up Catholic, I dealt with a lot of guilt associated with having gay thoughts. I tried to confess it away, pray it away, ignore it. I even asked a nun to help me in prayer. Didn't help.

    At one point, I believed that my only choice was to become a monk and be celibate because God had made me not attracted to women. Then, I met some monks and talked with them, and they set me onto the right path. Whether they should have done that or not is another story.




    Me too man, I felt I would have to become a priest and just be completely celebate.
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:40 AM GMT
    JustJermaine said
    yeahim40 saidGrowing up Catholic, I dealt with a lot of guilt associated with having gay thoughts. I tried to confess it away, pray it away, ignore it. I even asked a nun to help me in prayer. Didn't help.

    At one point, I believed that my only choice was to become a monk and be celibate because God had made me not attracted to women. Then, I met some monks and talked with them, and they set me onto the right path. Whether they should have done that or not is another story.




    Me too man, I felt I would have to become a priest and just be completely celebate.
    That's exactly the reason most priests become priests...to prevent acting their homosexual urges. Eventually nature gets the best of them, and they take their sexual frustrations out on little boys...not out of pedophilia, but out of desperation for closeness with a male.
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor saidWhat makes you think you're going to hell for loving someone.......icon_eek.gif


    I don't think I am, although these feelings are very common I assume in gay people raised in religious backgrounds.

    I just want a thread to share these experiences. Thanks for all the replies, very helpful indeed
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:44 AM GMT
    JustJermaine said
    yeahim40 saidGrowing up Catholic, I dealt with a lot of guilt associated with having gay thoughts. I tried to confess it away, pray it away, ignore it. I even asked a nun to help me in prayer. Didn't help.

    At one point, I believed that my only choice was to become a monk and be celibate because God had made me not attracted to women. Then, I met some monks and talked with them, and they set me onto the right path. Whether they should have done that or not is another story.




    Me too man, I felt I would have to become a priest and just be completely celebate.


    It's good to accept yourself for who you are and what you want, though. The monks that I became friends with discussed motivation and intention with me. Some people who commit to a life of religious service are doing it to escape, and they are never happy. If you aren't devoted to serving in that capacity, you'll always resent people and the church.

    Being gay doesn't mean that you have to be separated from God or the church. You can still be a part of a faith community, although a lot of organized religions won't be very inclusive of your lifestyle. It depends on the community that you join.

    The nice thing about religion is that, unlike being gay, it's a choice. You can choose to accept that lifestyle or you can go your own way.
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:49 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    JustJermaine said
    yeahim40 saidGrowing up Catholic, I dealt with a lot of guilt associated with having gay thoughts. I tried to confess it away, pray it away, ignore it. I even asked a nun to help me in prayer. Didn't help.

    At one point, I believed that my only choice was to become a monk and be celibate because God had made me not attracted to women. Then, I met some monks and talked with them, and they set me onto the right path. Whether they should have done that or not is another story.




    Me too man, I felt I would have to become a priest and just be completely celebate.
    That's exactly the reason most priests become priests...to prevent acting their homosexual urges. Eventually nature gets the best of them, and they take their sexual frustrations out on little boys...not out of pedophilia, but out of desperation for closeness with a male.


    I wouldn't say "most" here. I know a lot of clergy who are deeply devoted to their vows, and for the right reasons. They know who's in it for real and who's not.

    Pedophilia is not about the desire for closeness with a male, but rather about controlling a child to provide sexual gratification. Pedophiles, whether priests or non-clergy, are not necessarily gay men.
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:52 AM GMT
    Jermaine,

    My parents were both staunch atheists, so the heaven or hell problem didn't even come up. Even so, at about 17 I thought through this question for myself by wondering how could I believe in something that only meant harm and shame and damnation for myself? Why put myself through that? But then, as I said, I didn't have immediate family to contend with.

    However, before I even considered that question, I had to use another 'book' to confirm the gay. I had a big stack of Playboys that I 'prayed' to or with on a regular basis just trying to see where that would go. Didn't work.
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:05 AM GMT
    To be blunt:

    Religion fucks up your head royally.


    Slightly longer explanation:

    Religion, is man's organized attempt to close the gap between his fallible, error-prone ways and short, generally meaningless vapour of a life... with the concept of a pure, righteous, and eternal God (be he/she/it the Buddha, or living a set of ideals so as to attain "buddhahood" or "spiritual enlightenment", or Jesus, or Krishna, or some other Hero who surpasses the general banality of being among the unwashed rabble of humanity.

    Where things get truly fucky is when insidious (and smart) men set up a cultic system that slowly replaces the ideals that the Hero represented in his/her/it's earthly existence, with codified rules and regulations "must be followed" to attain recognition by the smart guys (let's call them "priests" as a convenient word).

    And things get even fuckier when this "priesthood" accrues enough temporal power to influence politics and masses of people who aren't even committed cultists to achieve their ends (such as tax exemption for churches in the USA for example).


    At its most dangerous, religion is a form of mass mind control and financial robbery.

    This is not to take away from actual charitable work that gets done through the offices of some organized religions, but this charity has a very real
    cost.

    Perhaps it will be better for people to study the lives of the Heroe(s) whose lives are worthy of emulation, and balance out the conflicting issues for each Heroic cult with and against their own spiritual needs.
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:10 AM GMT
    When I was a lot younger I kinda went through a phase like that. I would lay in bed at night and pray that if being gay really was a sin, to change me. I literally believed "God" could magically change me. Then one day I realized I wasn't ever going to change, and I never really looked at "God" the same way after that, even though it was really only a couple years ago that I was able to let go of my Christian upbringing completely. Life has been so much better since then, it's amazing.
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:10 AM GMT
    Thanks guys for the input although the thread has kinda derailed.

    Just to clear up, I am not praying the gay away atm, its just a phase I went through. My intention was to know if any other RJers went through similar experience.
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:11 AM GMT
    SouthPawPete saidJermaine,

    My parents were both staunch atheists, so the heaven or hell problem didn't even come up. Even so, at about 17 I thought through this question for myself by wondering how could I believe in something that only meant harm and shame and damnation for myself? Why put myself through that? But then, as I said, I didn't have immediate family to contend with.

    However, before I even considered that question, I had to use another 'book' to confirm the gay. I had a big stack of Playboys that I 'prayed' to or with on a regular basis just trying to see where that would go. Didn't work.




    Hahah , thanks for the laugh!
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:30 AM GMT
    Yes, your story sounds exactly like mine.
  • needleninja

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    Dec 12, 2011 2:33 AM GMT
    307221_256039417770706_100000939492564_6
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    ULmatt saidYes, your story sounds exactly like mine.


    Sweet, so when did you realize that this praying saga is just not gunna work
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    Dec 12, 2011 3:04 AM GMT
    I abandoned Christianity when I was 12, went through phases of exploring all the different religions and identifying as them, and finally became an atheist when I was 14.

    I find it very hard to believe in "God" in any serious way. People "believe" in religion because it is expected of them, forgetting that thousands of years ago their ancestors were praying to polytheistic pantheons of gods and goddesses, or even earlier, animist totems and nature spirits.

    It is interesting to speculate about the possible existence of God or gods. I think for many, their continued membership in a religion is due to several reasons, including a) familial loyalty/heritage b) beliefs in line with one's own personal philosophy and worldview c) they just like it because it makes them feel good, they think it's fun or interesting or personally rewarding in an emotional way.

    And who can forget d) they want to use religion as an excuse to be an asshole.
  • calibro

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    Dec 12, 2011 6:25 AM GMT
    i never tried to pray the gay away... i tried to convince people their god was wrong instead
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    Dec 12, 2011 8:15 AM GMT
    Just in the past few months I've come totally to terms with myself about my sexuality, now on the verge of beginning the coming out process. And I can't say that there weren't points where I prayed to be "normal". But I am still a dedicated Catholic, and my religion is still extremely important to me, and I personally have no contradiction between that and being gay. In fact, my relationship with God has helped me a lot in becoming comfortable with myself, and I wouldn't trade my faith for anything.