When you came out to your parents, who took it the hardest?

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    Dec 12, 2011 1:38 AM GMT
    For me it was my Mom, by far. She didn't say a word to me for a couple weeks and was in denial. Said i acted too much like a man too be gay. I told her she watches too much will and grace. My Dad on the other hand gave me a hug and told me it was ok and nothing has changed, said im still his son and he loves me. I thought they would both be ok since they are quite young, im 28 my parents are both still in their 40s.
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:41 AM GMT
    I'm fortunate that both of my parents had no problem and accepted me. I must confess that I don't think my father quite understands what being gay truly means or how it defines my life, but he's never made me feel bad for being myself. It sure beats being rejected.
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:45 AM GMT
    My dad. Fortunately he died of a heart attack less than a year later (long story - he was mean long before I came out).
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:51 AM GMT
    Definitely my mom. She cried and said to me, "Does this mean you're going to start going to those clubs now?" Haha. When I came out to my parents I started by staying, "I'm going to say something that I hope will put you at ease." WRONG! At least for my mom. My dad was cool with it. Later on, my mom told me that my dad told her that he sort of always knew that I was gay. I think that dads have a better sense because they're guys too, or maybe that's just my situation.

    Edited to add: since I came out almost 5 years ago, my mom has come a long way. There is always still more work for her to do in the process, as for myself, but things could always be worse. In fact, she, my boyfriend, and I recently took a class together for fun! I would have NEVER imagined that when I first came out to her!
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    Dec 12, 2011 1:53 AM GMT
    I actually took it the hardest; my parents were so understanding and supportive that I felt bad it took me so long to tell them. I had underestimated them.

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    Dec 12, 2011 1:56 AM GMT
    Dad, he refused to believe that a guy like me could be gay.

    Oh stereotypes, how you mock me so icon_neutral.gif
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:05 AM GMT
    My mom. She would always tell me that, out of my 5 brothers, she could only imagine me finding a girl, settling down, and having kids with her.

    Eep!

    Shock to her when she found out the slew of girls I had over from High School werent fucking me, but were just hanging out.
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:08 AM GMT
    My mother for sure... She couldn't wrap her head around the idea that she has a gay son. She's never had any exposure to anything or anyone gay before so all she had to go off of were stereotypes... She asked "are you going to start dressing weird and talking funny"... That question made me laugh, but was still offensive. I'm myself, have been and will be. My parents get that and are making efforts to be understanding.
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:36 AM GMT
    RuggedRanger15 saidFor me it was my Mom, by far. She didn't say a word to me for a couple weeks and was in denial. Said i acted too much like a man too be gay. I told her she watches too much will and grace. My Dad on the other hand gave me a hug and told me it was ok and nothing has changed, said im still his son and he loves me. I thought they would both be ok since they are quite young, im 28 my parents are both still in their 40s.


    Try not to hold it against your mom too much. I'm the same age as your parents (ok maybe a couple of years older) but most of the people my age were freaked out by homosexuality growing up. She grew up in a time when most gays (IMO) were openly treated with contempt and hatred. Probably there was a fear in the back of her mind that the crappy treatment dumped on gays would fall on you too somehow. No parent wants that kind of thing for their kid.

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    Dec 12, 2011 2:40 AM GMT
    My dad took it the hardest.. after i told him we began to cry, which he never cries..... ever..
    And then he went to go shower and i heard him beating against the ceramic tile wall yelling out to God yelling to him why I was gay. He would say, "I have been loyal to you, giving myself to you, spilling my blood for you and this is how you repay me?"....
    His screams were very piercing and haunting--the kind that lasts a lifetime. I will never forget that time he showered.
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:43 AM GMT
    My Dad. My Mom was pretty cool with it - she told me I could tell her anything and always come to her if I felt I needed to talk. My Dad was one of those - Oh, you must be experimenting / It's just a phase - sort of parents at first. HE came around though. Now he and my partner probably hang out and talk one on one just as much as he and I do. Sometimes I wonder if he likes my partner more!
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:44 AM GMT
    Mom, she cried a little but she already knew...wasn't a big deal
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:50 AM GMT
    It would have killed my dad......if he wasn't already dead.

    My mom didn't talk to me for a few weeks, has never uttered the word gay, boyfriend or homosexual and it takes a least 5 mentionings of a boyfriends name for her to acknowledge his existence icon_razz.gif
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    Dec 12, 2011 2:53 AM GMT
    me11 saidDefinitely my mom. She cried and said to me, "Does this mean you're going to start going to those clubs now?" Haha. When I came out to my parents I started by staying, "I'm going to say something that I hope will put you at ease." WRONG! At least for my mom. My dad was cool with it. Later on, my mom told me that my dad told her that he sort of always knew that I was gay. I think that dads have a better sense because they're guys too, or maybe that's just my situation.

    Interesting, because I thought the conventional wisdom was that Moms are the ones who usually know, versus Dads who want to deny it. Any other thoughts?
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    Dec 12, 2011 3:04 AM GMT
    My mom took it the hardest. I used to be a Momma's boy. Stuck at the hip, told her everything, my best friend...

    Told her i was gay and now she hardly talks to me... Fun how love changes.
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    Dec 12, 2011 3:16 AM GMT
    My parents and I never discussed it, though my sister told me they always knew. They told her about me being gay right after I enlisted in the Army in 1969, age 20, more afraid my fellow soldiers would slaughter me than the Viet Cong would. So strange -- it seems everyone in my family knew I was gay but me.

    And while they pressured me to meet a "nice girl" and get married, perhaps a curative, when I finally caved to them at age 29 they again told my sister they feared I was making a mistake, not being "husband material." After years of nagging me to do just that! Parents!

    And they were right, the marriage a total disaster. I asked my sister afterwards, when I learned of all this, why hadn't anybody told ME? You all talked about my being gay behind my back, you didn't try to block this marriage, you just sat back and let me make a BIG FUCKING MISTAKE??? Fine family YOU are!

    I had a BF who wasn't "officially" out to his parents, but he told me his mother knew. She just wouldn't discuss it. But she liked me, knew about our relationship (in fact she once interrupted our having sex, a funny incident I made into a short story), she even bought me Christmas gifts. And my BF told me she preferred that her son had me for a companion, because I was so "butch" and gave him an aura of masculinity he lacked (he really was something of a flamer).

    If her son associated with me, an outwardly masculine guy (at least compared to his usual fairie friends), then she thought some of it would rub off on him, and dispel the rumors she knew were all over town. His ex-Colonel friend made him sorta legitimate in her mind.

    And I never knew how to accept all that, and always wanted him to just tell his parents (I was over to their place for dinner at least once a week, or went out somewheres to eat with them), but he never would go near the subject with them. So awkward for me, and really so unnecessary in my judgment. But it was his agenda to control, not mine. icon_sad.gif
  • tautomer

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    Dec 12, 2011 3:17 AM GMT
    Dad.

    It was 100% expected and I wasn't shocked in the slightest by it. Subsequently, I wasn't bothered by it either. The only thing that got on my nerves is when he made me speak to a therapist about it.
  • johndubuque

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    Dec 12, 2011 3:42 AM GMT
    My dad died before I was explicitly out, although I think he suspected. He certainly acted like I wasn't like my 6 brothers.
    My mom knew I was gay before I told her, and has been surprisingly supportive, considering that she is a conservative Catholic. I also have a lesbian sister, and it's touching that my mom will never go against the Church except to support us.
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    Dec 12, 2011 3:45 AM GMT
    My parents oddly enough, were only just a little in shock... they didnt mind at all though... the next day they talked to me like normal and they love me the same... obviously we dont have conversations about it... they know I have friends and other people to talk about it to so theyre letting me handle it on my own... other than that they are aware and have told me if i feel comfortable talking with them i can but they wont make me feel weird and bring it up... I love my parents... and I thank god every day for giving me such loving parents. My advice to everyone is tell your parents before its too late... They may not take it as hard as you think they will.
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    Dec 12, 2011 3:46 AM GMT
    Genre saidMy mom took it the hardest. I used to be a Momma's boy. Stuck at the hip, told her everything, my best friend...

    Told her i was gay and now she hardly talks to me... Fun how love changes.


    I'm sorry for that, she'll come around
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    Dec 12, 2011 3:48 AM GMT
    sdgman said
    Genre saidMy mom took it the hardest. I used to be a Momma's boy. Stuck at the hip, told her everything, my best friend...

    Told her i was gay and now she hardly talks to me... Fun how love changes.


    I'm sorry for that, she'll come around


    She will come around man... she's your mom, she can't not love you... shes just a little in shock. Give her time and talk to her... she loves you, more than you know.
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:19 AM GMT
    my dad was cool with it..he loved me unconditionally....my mom never understood my being gay......she said that i was "sick in the head"..and needed to see a psychiatrist....
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:40 AM GMT
    Dads mostly ambivalent, saying "just want you to be happy son".

    Mom still calls my man of 10 years: "roommate". Which is funny, because she the one that asked me if I was gay.
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:43 AM GMT
    Dad... he continues to ask me about my "walk with Jesus" as a euphemism for "are you still gay and whatever" haha.

    What's funny is that my Dad's parents don't seem to have a problem at all, apart from Grandma being physically incapable of saying the word "boyfriend" and instead using "good friend".
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:45 AM GMT
    They were both fine with it.