Why can't have a true love?

  • aini1314

    Posts: 1

    Dec 12, 2011 4:26 AM GMT

    Hey guys, thanks for viewing my post, I'm just very confused right now, hope I can get help from you guys. icon_smile.gif I'm 19 years old, shy when it comes to dating or talking to boys and been out since my freshman year of high school and now go to Texas A&M University, and lived in a pretty conservative town and really never had a legit boyfriend in my life. When I was at high school, people are not very cool with me being out and didn't really have guy friends, and the it just seemed that the possibility with finding a bf in my high was just like 0%. So I studied and concentrated more on academic and just hang out with my own friends from different organizations I was involved in, like student council,NHS and other good friends. And now I'm in college and thought there would be more guys out there and the people are much more open and accepting homosexuality and I could finally find the right person, but it just turned out that I'm still single and it wasn't like I didn't try to find a bf, I messaged people through Grindre, and some other network but the feedback were either hookups or none-response, so I'm just confused that is it bc of my appearance that made them not want to talk to me or its my ethnicity that made them not want to date me or talk to me.....or maybe its just still too conservative and people only date white in Texas A&M or there is something wrong with me?......overall I'm a very nice and considerate person and it kind of hurts my feeling from what the guys i tried to talked to did.

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    Dec 12, 2011 4:29 AM GMT
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:32 AM GMT
    Well the most obvious of all these things could be the fact that you go to Texas A and M. A very southern school by any standard and probably not going to have many opportunites to be openly gay. However, I know very few people my age (24) and younger who have had serious boyfriends. And by serious I mean longer than 1-3 months. I myself have not really been too serious with a guy and have never really dated one person for more than a few months time, and I live in a big city!

    WIth that said, I have met men twice my age who've never seriously dated, and people my own age who've already divorced. (True story, my best friend 23 years old met his husband when they were 18, three months after they married - they had the messiest of divorces.)

    I know thinking about being alone sucks, and the prospect of remaining alone is always there, but we tend to attract what we exude. Use your time in school to think about where you want to go, who you want to be, and who you want to be with.

    When people are desparate and longing for affection, you can find yourself in bad situations with some awful guys who you "think" love you.
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    Dec 12, 2011 4:48 AM GMT
    First, I am sure that alot of guys will find you cute, otherwise you won't get messages for just hookup's. Sure, some guys aren't into Asians but that all gets balanced out by the guys who do or the ones who exclusively date Asians.

    I don't know what the situation is like in Texas so I can't really comment on anything such as people prefer to only date white over there, but I really doubt that.

    I can somewhat relate to what you're going through. When I was around your age I was pretty shy and reserved, like most Asian men that age I guess. Some of the guys I try to talk to would ignore me or reject me, and it made me feel like I wasn't good enough, or that because I was Asian they didn't want me, so the exact feelings you're having. But I've come to realize that being shy and reserved will make it difficult for guys to give you a chance because they like confidence, intelligence and humour (confidence is the most important one). So you just have to work on that a bit, and usually by being yourself and not being too worried about what people think is a good starting point for this.

    Another key thing if you want to attract lots of guys is you should also be comfortable with your body. If you're not right now, then you'll have to work on that. It could take a long time and you should be ready to put in some serious effort, but trust me, it pays off big time. Once you're comfortable with your body, then you can carry yourself with good posture and confident body language.

    Of course there will be always guys who just won't be attracted to Asians in general but that's OK because there will be guys who will be attracted to Asians or guys who will be open to the idea of dating one given that you have what they want (ie confidence, intelligence, humour, athletic ability, etc.).
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    Dec 12, 2011 5:21 AM GMT
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    Dec 12, 2011 5:32 AM GMT
    Hi aini1314,

    I went through years of that. I eventually decided that the number of people I met and made a warm, even if momentary, connection with, meant the chances of stumbling across a kindred spirit that I was both emotionally and sexually in tune with were greater.

    I feel my life was greater as well for having met so many people and explored what we, all together, are like.


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    Dec 12, 2011 5:52 AM GMT
    First, I don't know why all you young people responded to this thread first. The large print edition of the OP obviously must mean he is looking for advice from us older guys on RJ.

    In many of these threads like this, guys like yourself tell of making attempts to meet men through Grindr and online methods. Try and overcome your shyness and step out into the real world. You say in high school that you were involved in student organizations. Surely a university the size of Texas A&M has a gay student organization and any town that has a college with 50,000 students must have some of their own. Also remember that trying to find "the one" involves a lot of trial and error before you actually find him. Straight people don't get married on average until almost 30 today and dating life is easier for them. In the meantime concentrate on friends, gay or straight, male or female, since they are going to provide you the best memories of your college years.
  • chet101

    Posts: 76

    Dec 13, 2011 4:53 PM GMT
    Im going to be very blunt.
    A majoirty of gay guys look at appearance as number one. Its pretty obvious that most guys look to the physical attraction of another first. After all, look at how many of them spend endless hours in the gym day after day after day trying to get that perfect body. It used to be that a 6 pack abs was great, now you have to have in 8 pack with the perfect cum gutters just to get guys to look twice. It sucks but that guys, Men typically look at the physical outer first. Women look at the the inside. And to try and say "its the inside that counts" is like bullshittin your way through a lie. That being said guys are attacted ot different types of guys. I find that many gay guys who are gym jock rats tend to like masculine similar gym jocks. Im an unusual execption I think, because technically i clasify mysefl as swim jock who is very masculine and im a top and it just so happens I am very attacted to brown twink younger types, very similar to you! In fact, the more fem they are, the more Im attracted. So in my opinion, you need to realize its not you, its just that its "different strokes for different folks." You also need to realize that website like CL, Grindr, and Manhunt are basically for sex and hooking up. In fact guys who put "here for chat" are usually stuck on the themselves and are not worth the time or effort.
    Face it dude, guys like sex and guys like hot tite bodies....thats the gay world we live in.
    Finding a boyfriend at your age is not going to be easy and is statisicly something that wont last longer than 3 months. However, if you take the attitude to be a successful INDEPENDANT young person...you will be a lot more happy with yourself.