Possessive guy's?

  • love_jocks123

    Posts: 27

    Jun 10, 2008 10:21 PM GMT
    What do you do when you find out when your guy is slightly or more than you like possessive?
    I personally, kind of like it. Something about it haha, weird.... But what are your opinions?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 10, 2008 10:23 PM GMT
    It would bother me. I would view it as a means of controlling... and I'm not controlled. It would be a deal breaker if carried very far and isn't attractive.

    The reason being.. I would believe it represents a lack of self confidence on the part of the guy. Not good.

    icon_mad.gif
  • love_jocks123

    Posts: 27

    Jun 10, 2008 10:26 PM GMT
    Hm very interesting, i've never really looked at it that way.
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    Jun 10, 2008 10:53 PM GMT
    I am a free spirit. Have been most of my life.

    I can be talking with the guy I live with. Go have a coffee. Hope in my Ute, and in a few hours be a few 100kms away. With not a word.

    Or get on a plane am. Go to another state, and city for lunch, and be back home that night, without a word. I've done no wrong. Just have no need to ask or talk about it.

    I would hate to feel, I need to ask for such
    freedom[s].
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    Jun 10, 2008 11:07 PM GMT
    Not to debase you or anything, but you're 19. I have a feeling your opinion on the subject will change as you see people you know be controlling in ways that aren't acceptable.

    I used to be the same way, although I wouldn't say I'm completely cured.
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    Jun 10, 2008 11:29 PM GMT
    If someone I was dating behaved in an unduly possessive way toward me, I think I might find it suffocating and unpleasant. I don't have any experience with this, frankly. Most every guy I know or have known is self assured, full of confidence, and wouldn't even think of controlling or possessing me.

    I can't imagine doing this to anyone else either - it wouldn't be part of my character to want to possess a guy - kind of like keeping him in a birdcage so he can't get away, or so I could keep an eye on him.
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    Jun 11, 2008 12:04 AM GMT
    ha ha Jockbod48 said "Birdcage"! icon_lol.gif
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    Jun 11, 2008 12:13 AM GMT
    Possessiveness is a turn-off to me. Not a deal-breaker necessarily, but definitely a big warning flag, because it usually seems to go hand in hand with insecurity.
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    Jun 11, 2008 12:20 AM GMT

    People only try to possess really valuable things so I take it as a compliment when it happens. However, when it starts to bother me, I know how to decrease my value a lot. icon_twisted.gif

    ALCOHAL
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    Jun 11, 2008 1:33 AM GMT
    I've been with a possessive guy and it sucks. sucks sucks sucks. an oppressive relationship whereby I lost many friends, and was not allowed to make many more. never again. Then again I'm a very free spirit, and happily, I met another free spirit. so much happier icon_smile.gificon_smile.gif
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    Jun 11, 2008 1:39 AM GMT
    If a guy trips my brain's love chemicals, it doesn't matter if he's possessive or not to me, I'm hooked. I would give him fits though, I like to flirt, a lot.

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    Jun 11, 2008 1:46 AM GMT
    Being possessive is a form of control. On some level, it is rather appealing but only in certain situations. Often possessiveness is associated with jealously and it tends to spell all sorts of chaos. A possessive person can quickly turn into a stalker or the "that bf that just won't leave you alone even after you've broken up with him."

    It's kinda scary, kinda creepy but alittle appealing in the fact that you have someone who wants you that much. Sort of an ego trip and a booster but stillit has some results or so I've been told. I've never had to deal with anything like this and only know what I've seen from others.
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    Jun 11, 2008 1:49 AM GMT
    To each his own, but for me possessiveness is nothing but negative. It doesn't flatter me in the least. It annoys me. It conveys that the guy is insecure, controlling, and probably paranoid. To me, possessiveness feels smothering. It also screams "drama" and I detest drama.

    I'm probably more independent than average and a guy who gives me wide latitude and a good bit of freedom is much more attractive than someone who's possessive.
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    Jun 11, 2008 2:23 AM GMT
    The is good possessive and bad possessive. I think most everyone has seen the bad kind, and I agree it shows a lack of confidence.

    The good kind is when a guy is confident in himself, and has a dominant personality, and is with someone who complements him. It reminds me of the old philosophical discussion of the difference between desire from lack, and desire from fullness. I remember that's the difference between when someone desires you because they are lacking something, and when they desire you because they have so much and want to share it.

    It's the same way with possessiveness. If it's out of a fear of losing you, then it is not attractive. If it's out of love and a desire to have you completely, that's a good thing.
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    Jun 11, 2008 3:03 AM GMT
    love_jocks123 said
    ...I personally, kind of like it...


    Would you care to expand on what exactly it is that you like about possessive men? Is it the level of attention, the power dynamic that you have over him (making him jealous), etc.

    Possessiveness isn't a characteristic of love. A man with controlling proclivities would place a burden on any relationship. Each and every individual deserves intra-relationship independence.
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    Jun 11, 2008 9:26 AM GMT
    Totally a dealbreaker.
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    Jun 11, 2008 10:39 AM GMT
    Totally hot (not).
    625021252_ef15b056d8.jpg?v=0

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    Jun 11, 2008 10:41 AM GMT
    I don't mind a bit of jealousy, but when it turns into possessiveness, then it gets irritating and potentially frightening.

    We all need our space and our freedom to meet new people. If my partner thought I was trying to hook-up with someone every time I was friendly to a guy I don't think our relationship would last. I need friends like everyone else does. I am not an expensive piece of furniture to be kept under wraps!
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    Jun 11, 2008 10:46 AM GMT
    No thank you. When it comes to relationships, I prefer, and strive, to be equal with my part on most things and compromising along the way to mutual satisfaction. If and when either one of us took the reigns of control and tried steering the relationship in some self biased direction the relationship would surely faulter... and well has in the past.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jun 11, 2008 10:56 AM GMT
    It sounds like it might be flattering for a guy to be possessive but it is a form of control
    actually the dude is saying that he doesn't trust you
    if thats the teuth you have more to worry about than your bf
    but if you are committed to him then WTF?
    It can range from him not liking guys talking to you all the way to him checking up on you and asking where you've been everyday
    Not so romantic is it?
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    Jun 12, 2008 5:16 PM GMT
    Global_Citizen saidTo each his own, but for me possessiveness is nothing but negative. It doesn't flatter me in the least. It annoys me. It conveys that the guy is insecure, controlling, and probably paranoid. To me, possessiveness feels smothering. It also screams "drama" and I detest drama.

    I'm probably more independent than average and a guy who gives me wide latitude and a good bit of freedom is much more attractive than someone who's possessive.


    good for you
    it's nice to be cared for and close to a guy but possessive guys are no fun.
    i can't breathe when I am with a possessive guy
    if a guy can matchmynon-possessive attitude then he is a winner
    no time for drama either
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    Jun 12, 2008 5:51 PM GMT
    I Had my fill of possesive guys as here in Turkey they own you and no one owns me but me?
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Jun 12, 2008 5:59 PM GMT
    Not to be the punctuation police or anything, but doesn't anyone see the accidental irony in the phrase possessive guy's?
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    Jun 12, 2008 6:04 PM GMT
    Well, SJ, I'm sure most of us noticed it but given that most of us aren't so technical it was probably ignored since punctuation isn't the subject of the matter. LOL. icon_smile.gif

    Glaud yu notisd it thoh. I thught I wauz tha onley 1 icon_lol.gif
  • Squarejaw

    Posts: 1035

    Jun 12, 2008 7:36 PM GMT
    We all make punctuation errors. This one just has interesting layers of meaning to it.