I'm at a crossroads...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 13, 2011 7:57 PM GMT
    I'm starting a new chapter and need help. Lengthy post ahead.

    I was born to teach. Something about being in front of a classroom ignites something in me and I do great work. However, it's not easy to just go out and get any old teaching job; positions I qualify for are competitive and hard to come across. My last position wasn't ideal on many levels, and I ended up getting fired by an inexperienced, incompetent principal - who also ended up getting fired the same year. However, before idiot principal got fired, idiot principal managed to get me on the district's blacklist of teachers deemed ill-fit for the classroom.

    I've been drifting around for months. I live in Chicago and have grown attached to this place - it's got heaps more culture and opportunity compared to where I grew up in the South. All the things to see and do helped me get over the initial wallowing in my own self-pity from being fired. I've been acting and performing here and there, but all pro bono and nothing that will immediately blossom into a career. I am coming to terms with the fact that if I want to keep teaching and supporting myself, I might need to just pick up and start anew elsewhere.

    Starting anew also means breaking up with my boyfriend. We've been dating for years, and I know deep down that I'm settling and can do better. The returns are too small for all the work I put in. I'm not happy, and if I keep telling myself that I can do this and that I can stay with him the long haul, I'm just going to turn out resentful and do something rash that will hurt us both. Right now is a really bad time for a break-up. My boyfriend works nonstop and takes night classes for his doctoral degree - any additional stress would probably end him. His load will considerably lighten in the summer, which is also when our lease expires. I'm saving "the talk" for Spring.

    One of the only persons I can trust to talk to about personal issues is my ex-boyfriend. We met in college, hit it off, dated, and then broke it off. He's one of my best friends (I don't think either of us have truly fallen out of love with the other), and even though he had to move back home (to Korea; he was an international student), we still talk regularly. He knows how much I love teaching and how unhappy I am in my current relationship, and suggested that I look into teaching English in Korea. I probably wouldn't be placed in his city, but he said he would be able to visit and accompany me on random adventures like the ones we used to have when he was in the States. There still is a place in my heart for him, but I'm not looking at his suggestion for me to come to Korea as a subtle hint to get back with him. He has a boyfriend now, so I'm not expecting a huge decision (like leaving everything I know to be closer to my ex-boyfriend) to sweep him off his feet and for us to be reunited. Life isn't a movie. I am, however, ready for adventure, and would jump at a chance to leave the country. I figure that I'm young, and if I'm going to expatriate for a few years, I better do it now and get it out of my system. I've been set on this idea for about two months. Until...

    Last week I found out that a teaching position opened up in my hometown. I have direct connections to the district (obvs since I went to school there and know all the teachers) and would be a shoe in. It's a perfect position, and I can easily get back into the swing of things doing what I do best, while racking up years of good teaching and getting that awful blacklist mess behind me. But things back home have changed in the years since I've left, and me as well. It would be a reverse-culture shock going back home when I'm spoiled by all the things to see and do just blocks away from my apartment. Moving home would mean that I would have to buy a car and all the niceties that come with one, such as insurance, registration fees, etc. Lord, would I miss public transit. Yet...

    A few days after I found out about that opening, I learned that it is possible to get off the district blacklist. While probably an excruciating process, I could clear my record, (hopefully) find a new job, and start my new chapter without having to leave what I've become used to. The only thing I would have to do is just pick up the pieces from the impending break-up.

    So I have no idea what to do. For the past week I've done nothing but weigh these options with nothing to show for it. I would appreciate any input.

    If you have actually read this whole thing I think you're awesome and I love you.
    1zmdzxk.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 13, 2011 8:16 PM GMT
    Reba feels your pain...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 13, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidReba feels your pain...


    Hey Jmusmc85 how tall are you? Or what is your height? *No offense intended.*
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 13, 2011 8:22 PM GMT
    Random.icon_eek.gif

    5'5....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 13, 2011 8:34 PM GMT
    First your decision can only be in regards to yourself. The moment you start making compromises of this nature for the benefit of your partner or anyone else, is the time you set the stage for blaming them later when your mind goes into “what if” mode. If you move home you will face provincial culture shock and feel like an alien in a world that should be familiar to you but one in which you fill out of sorts. If you stay where you are to clear your name you must endure the “process” of having your character called into judgment over and over. This while balancing a high maintenance relationship and trying to put your best foot forward for the new job and lastly, explaining to those back home why you chose not to return.

    I just went through this process in every way except it was not teaching, but Human Resources. I never stopped the “what if” until after 9 months – it’s been exactly a year now since I moved back home. I chose that course because in the end I realized this was all about me and where I wanted to go in my life. I factored in every option and realized that going home does not mean I have to stay there forever – I can always leave again. With so many demands on me if I stayed where I was I would never blossom on my job or turn my life around as I wanted so desperately to do. Going home, even though I was more cultured then my old home townies, was good once I realized it was probably nothing more than a recharge and a chance to do some good things for myself in a familiar environment.

    My plan had been to reinvent and refresh myself and then chart a new course “out there” but the last few months have shown me that here is nice too, even if it feels “small” in the scope of the world. I would ask you to consider my experience, do not assume the choices you face are permanent...choose now and then plan to choose later. You will be happier with whatever you choose.

    Good luck and let me know how you choose,
    Don
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 13, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    I can empathize with the stress you are under. I don't think anyone can tell you what you ought to do. Only you can decide what is best for you. Job wise, in this stressed economy, it would be probably be better to explore both options now (though I don't know when a teacher would have to commit to the next academic year, nor how long you can hold out without a job). The BF situation should be considered separately from the employment situation. As to the BF, some would say that if things are not going well, you should end it now. I see nothing wrong in you waiting a few months until it would be a better time for him, to break the news. That inclination shows that you are more considerate than most guys, and that you will go far in life, whatever your choices are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 13, 2011 9:48 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidRandom.icon_eek.gif

    5'5....

    Aawwww so you are tiny. Cute.
  • metta

    Posts: 39159

    Dec 13, 2011 9:57 PM GMT
    catch said
    So I have no idea what to do. For the past week I've done nothing but weigh these options with nothing to show for it. I would appreciate any input.

    If you have actually read this whole thing I think you're awesome and I love you.
    1zmdzxk.jpg


    it sounds like you are doing a pretty good job of evaluating your situation. You already have told us what you really want...just do it. It sounds like what you really want is to fix the mess and stay in the area where you are. Do more research into seeing what is necessary to clear your record and see how feasible it is then decide if that is really what you want to do.

    The way that you describe it, moving back to where you grew up sounds more like a plan b or c to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 14, 2011 6:07 PM GMT
    You guys are great. Seriously. I know this isn't a decision that can be made overnight, and of course I will take into account the wise words from you all as everything gets figured out. Much love.

    jmusmc85 saidReba feels your pain...

    [ Reba McEntire? ]


    As a certified teacher, I feel justified in giving you a C.

    Gwen gets me.


    The retest is on Friday.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 14, 2011 6:32 PM GMT
    likewatuc said
    jmusmc85 saidRandom.icon_eek.gif

    5'5....

    Aawwww so you are tiny. Cute.
    And 4 inches makes you a giant? Oh gawd..........
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2011 12:13 AM GMT
    Have you considered writing as a profession? I like the way you write--it's uncomplicated, easily understood, direct to the point, well-organized, articulate and very fluid. Try it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2011 1:15 AM GMT
    DOMINUS saidHave you considered writing as a profession? I like the way you write--it's uncomplicated, easily understood, direct to the point, well-organized, articulate and very fluid. Try it.


    icon_eek.gif

    Thank you. I actually thought about participating in NaNoWriMo this year but wimped out. There's a pretty good plot that I've been tending to on and off for a while...

    I think I will work in a dominus-inspired character as an homage. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2011 1:22 AM GMT
    I read the entire post.
    I get the impression you want to keep living in Chicago, clear your record to teach there again, and dump the bf. You mention not wanting to lose city living, your blacklisting, and the unhappiness most in your post, which suggests those are the things you most want to alter.