Office Romance

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 14, 2011 5:06 PM GMT
    There's this guy I've been eyeing at work and I just found out he's gay. We don't really know each other as I haven't really directly worked with him so far. Then recently, we got introduced to each other by common friends in the elevator on my way to lunch. Later that day, he added me on the office communicator and we've been chatting regularly now, though we haven't really met again since that brief encounter in the elevator.

    I don't know. It seems like he's intersted in me and I guess he also already knows I'm gay. It feels like he's pursuing me. But for now I'm just keeping it clean and not giving him any hints that I kinda fancy him.

    So would you consider dating another guy at work?

    Why would or wouldn't you?
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Dec 14, 2011 6:03 PM GMT
    Not a great idea. Too much chance for awkwardness.

    Actually, the greatest problem I see is that in a business situation your colleagues will use anything they can get hold of against you, whether fair or not. I think the same conditions apply for straight relationships at work also.

    Work sucks.
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    Dec 14, 2011 6:12 PM GMT
    I'd try steering clear of dating someone I work with. If things go bad with the dating relationship there is too much risk of it spilling over into all aspects of the workplace.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Dec 14, 2011 6:33 PM GMT
    I used to work in an office with the hottest DILF I've ever seen, I'd have let him drag me into the bathroom and fuck me right then and there anytime LOL Unfortunately he was straight so mostly I just stared from afar during boring conference calls LOL


    But realistically I wouldn't get involved with somebody at work in a corporate setting. If you worked at Starbucks or something fine, but in an office setting there is just too much politics going on. Lots of companies required employees who start a relationship to sign a waiver about it so that nobody can get in trouble for sexual harassment later on when they break up. Is that something you'd be willing to do? Do you think it is something he'd be willing to do? I feel like especially being gay it is really awkward to go meet with HR and explain you want to bone your co-worker
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    Dec 14, 2011 6:38 PM GMT
    If you both can handle it and keep it civil then I say go for it.

    Personally, I wouldn't do it. I learned years ago that you never mix business with pleasure. You never dip your pen in the company ink.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 14, 2011 6:49 PM GMT
    We have a saying here,that derives from workplace situations - "You don't fuck where you eat." That being said, if you are in Thailand (profile would so indicate) - maybe different mores apply. Maybe you should ask someone there for culture-specific advice. Like others said, if things do not go well, it can get very sticky. Another factor, as pointed out, is that it may make a big difference if this is a large corporate structure instead of a smaller environment.
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    Dec 14, 2011 6:57 PM GMT
    It is hard to make a blanket judgement. On one hand, it seems prudent to keep personal and professional lives separate. However, in academic/scientific culture, (and possibly others) there is no separate personal life. In that case, there is no possibility of meeting people outside of work. The only other choice is celibacy.
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    Dec 14, 2011 7:05 PM GMT
    "Don't fish off of the company pier" was another old saying. However, if you're not in the same deparment, and you don't work too closely with each other, maybe I'd consider it. If you're on a different floor, and you can keep everybody from knowing about it - or using it against you, then I'd consider it. So - - can you just see him outside of work and sort of ignore each other at work? Can you do this without anyone knowing about you? I'd think about that. Be careful though, because if it goes badly - and everyone knows about it - you could both get canned in some companies.
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    Dec 14, 2011 9:26 PM GMT
    If I had a partner with me during on call and ward round time in the hospital... It'd be so good to pass the horrible time talking all day and working together
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Dec 14, 2011 11:13 PM GMT
    andymackenzie saidThere's this guy I've been eyeing at work and I just found out he's gay. We don't really know each other as I haven't really directly worked with him so far. Then recently, we got introduced to each other by common friends in the elevator on my way to lunch. Later that day, he added me on the office communicator and we've been chatting regularly now, though we haven't really met again since that brief encounter in the elevator.

    I don't know. It seems like he's intersted in me and I guess he also already knows I'm gay. But for now I'm just keeping it clean and not giving him any hints that I kinda fancy him.

    So would you consider dating another guy at work?

    Why would or wouldn't you?
    I was always told you should not shit where you eat. I just think it is a bad idea. mostly because if you are fighting you will bring it to work. Not to mention if it ends badly you two have to continue to see each other
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    Dec 14, 2011 11:26 PM GMT
    I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most of the people here who say it's a bad idea are probably not friends with many of their exs. If you're the kind of person who can amicably break up with someone without getting all dramatic about it, I don't see why you shouldn't try.
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    Dec 15, 2011 1:06 AM GMT
    Suetonius saidWe have a saying here,that derives from workplace situations - "You don't fuck where you eat." That being said, if you are in Thailand (profile would so indicate) - maybe different mores apply. Maybe you should ask someone there for culture-specific advice. Like others said, if things do not go well, it can get very sticky. Another factor, as pointed out, is that it may make a big difference if this is a large corporate structure instead of a smaller environment.


    I thought it was "never shit where you sleep?"
  • tyler_helm

    Posts: 299

    Dec 15, 2011 1:09 AM GMT

    IF - it's a company big enough that you're not thrown together all the time, and
    IF - you work in different areas or departments, and
    IF - you can manage not to let it go all weird if things don't work out,
    THEN - go for it!

    Consult your company handbook. Make sure it will not break any rules. Would be a shame to have a hassle over something that might not work out.
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    Dec 15, 2011 1:09 AM GMT
    jpBITCHva said
    Jockbod48 said"Don't fish off of the company pier" was another old saying. However, if you're not in the same deparment, and you don't work too closely with each other, maybe I'd consider it. If you're on a different floor, and you can keep everybody from knowing about it - or using it against you, then I'd consider it.

    I was going to post exactly this.
    IF - it's a company big enough that you're not thrown together all the time, and
    IF - you work in different areas or departments, and
    IF - you can manage not to let it go all weird if things don't work out,
    THEN - go for it!


    Hey Jeff,

    Good luck and all fine things as you start in your new company. I want all the best for you there. Hopefully you'll have smooth sailing and a fully appreciative top management to work for.

    And yes- - - - if you happen to meet some cute little blond thirty-something at the new office, make sure you keep it under wraps now, you hear?!

    icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2011 1:12 AM GMT
    Another thing...stay off the communicator! Everything you type can be read by any of your superiors at any time. Talk about ammunition!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2011 1:24 AM GMT
    I would say go for it. Office romance is so much fun and just like the movie. You never know the out come, it could go bad or he could be the one
    So its really up to you. It hard to find something steady these days
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    Dec 15, 2011 2:02 AM GMT
    jackthejock saidI used to work in an office with the hottest DILF I've ever seen, I'd have let him drag me into the bathroom and fuck me right then and there anytime LOL Unfortunately he was straight so mostly I just stared from afar during boring conference calls LOL


    But realistically I wouldn't get involved with somebody at work in a corporate setting. If you worked at Starbucks or something fine, but in an office setting there is just too much politics going on. Lots of companies required employees who start a relationship to sign a waiver about it so that nobody can get in trouble for sexual harassment later on when they break up. Is that something you'd be willing to do? Do you think it is something he'd be willing to do? I feel like especially being gay it is really awkward to go meet with HR and explain you want to bone your co-worker




    yeah..don't try to date someone you work with in agriculture either...it's a large enough pool of people...but word soon gets around..farmers over coffee..their tongues are always waggin'...about 5 years ago we had a male-female couple who were co-workers...having "after hours" fun...my boss found out and she got fired,but the guy got to stay...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    You date, and then you break up. Disgruntled ex that happens to work with you=sexual harassment lawsuit.
    LOL I'm kidding, just watched a show where that happened. I don't see anything wrong with it if you aren't (and can't be) directly linked through work (completely different depts, etc.).
    However the fact that your office communicator links the two of you makes me think your fields of work are at least slightly related. Another thing to think about is that that communicator is company property, and so are any conversations you have on it if it can be stored. Generally speaking, it would be smart to play it safe. I'd stay in touch though, because no career lasts forever ;)
  • E_84

    Posts: 201

    Dec 15, 2011 2:24 AM GMT
    Hell no.

    I keep business, business and personal life personal.

    Once you cross them, either or both parties loses respect for the other in a professional manner. You leave room for awkwardness, judgment, rumours, and all of the above.

    Ex. I went out for a drink with co-workers. I realized when out that they were abrasive, foolish alcoholics. The next day in the office and forward, I will never look at them the same again. This was just from going out for a drink.



    TallsdDude saidAnother thing...stay off the communicator! Everything you type can be read by any of your superiors at any time. Talk about ammunition!


    You need to reflect on this advice. Maybe post this on your office wall!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2011 4:26 AM GMT
    Don't shit where you eat. It applies in hetero and homo relationships.
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    Dec 15, 2011 11:45 AM GMT
    Interesting how many of you pointed out the possibility of sexual harrassment lawsuit and stuff. Such a thing is unheard of in this part of the world. It is not unusual for people here to date people at work. Some of them eventually get married and continue working for the same company. Some even cheat on their partners with someone who's also at work. icon_smile.gif

    That being said about the culture, concerns about company policies and lawsuits are out of the question. For those who were wondering, we are working for a huge multinational company and we are both foreigners here (he's German).

    So I guess this is the answer I am looking for.

    SkittleGangsta saidI'm going to go out on a limb and say that most of the people here who say it's a bad idea are probably not friends with many of their exs. If you're the kind of person who can amicably break up with someone without getting all dramatic about it, I don't see why you shouldn't try.


    And this.

    jpBITCHva said
    Jockbod48 said"Don't fish off of the company pier" was another old saying. However, if you're not in the same deparment, and you don't work too closely with each other, maybe I'd consider it. If you're on a different floor, and you can keep everybody from knowing about it - or using it against you, then I'd consider it.

    I was going to post exactly this.
    IF - it's a company big enough that you're not thrown together all the time, and
    IF - you work in different areas or departments, and
    IF - you can manage not to let it go all weird if things don't work out,
    THEN - go for it!



    I am that kind of guy who remains good friends with exes without any hang ups whatsoever.

    Thanks for all your responses!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 15, 2011 4:19 PM GMT
    Don't shit where you eat
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    Dec 16, 2011 2:19 AM GMT
    andymackenzie saidInteresting how many of you pointed out the possibility of sexual harrassment lawsuit and stuff. Such a thing is unheard of in this part of the world. It is not unusual for people here to date people at work. Some of them eventually get married and continue working for the same company. Some even cheat on their partners with someone who's also at work. icon_smile.gif

    That being said about the culture, concerns about company policies and lawsuits are out of the question. For those who were wondering, we are working for a huge multinational company and we are both foreigners here (he's German)....

    I am that kind of guy who remains good friends with exes without any hang ups whatsoever.

    Thanks for all your responses!


    It might be unheard of in your part of the world, but this is the reality for quite a few of us here on RJ. Also, it isn't about people here not being able to remain friends with their exes. Some of us are under strict rules as to whether we can date others within the same organization (no matter gay, straight, bisexual, etc.) and where one's partner can/can't work.

    If you are working for a multinational company, I would still find out about whether your company has any rules on dating within the company. Just because you both are foreigners might not exclude you from the company's rules and policies - especially if you are employed or contracted by that company. Most large companies have codes of conduct and/or ethics that you are bound to.

    In general though, I would not date anyone who works at the same employer.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 16, 2011 2:34 AM GMT
    carnut said

    It might be unheard of in your part of the world, but this is the reality for quite a few of us here on RJ. Also, it isn't about people here not being able to remain friends with their exes. Some of us are under strict rules as to whether we can date others within the same organization (no matter gay, straight, bisexual, etc.) and where one's partner can/can't work.

    If you are working for a multinational company, I would still find out about whether your company has any rules on dating within the company. Just because you both are foreigners might not exclude you from the company's rules and policies - especially if you are employed or contracted by that company. Most large companies have codes of conduct and/or ethics that you are bound to.

    In general though, I would not date anyone who works at the same employer.



    I am absolutely sure that we don't have such rules here so it's really out of the context of my question. icon_smile.gif

  • Scriven

    Posts: 61

    Dec 19, 2011 12:14 AM GMT
    If this guy is worth losing your job then go for it. In this economy, as hard as it is to find a job I wouldn't recommend it.