Return of the 1st gay dude..... Is this guy a flake, liar or have mental issues???

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 14, 2011 8:17 PM GMT
    So yesterday I get back to the office after seeing clients and pick up messages. One message was from Bret (his real name), the first guy I ever met, several years before coming out in the late 1990's. He said he wanted to send me a Christmas card... and studdered that "he wanted to see how I've been".

    Long story short, he was the first guy I ever met that I knew was gay. He
    had placed a newspaper ad in 1997 and I was abundantly curious as to what he was all about. I did have dinner with him, but basically sent him packing when he started calling me all the time. I wasn't ready for anything, I really hadn't accepted my sexuality at that stage, so he represented something that I wasn't ready for. It didn't take long...haha..
    I ended up meeting my now partner and later apologized to Bret for my behavior. We were friends, but he was always encouraging lunches or dinners and when I indicated I wasn't interested in anything but his friendship, he would get impatient and make remarks about why "I hadn't chosen him instead of my now partner, Will". "I've known you longer".

    Because of some tacky remarks and behavior he exhibited when he saw my new home I had built at the end of 2004, he has been largely excluded from my life. My partner strongly dislikes him. I haven't heard much, except some largely 2nd hand information about his finances and sexual behavior.
    (which isn't really any of my business).

    We had a brief phone conversation yesterday. I asked him how he was and he pointed out he isn't involved with anybody.... a point he has always made to me, including the fact he is never involved with anybody physically.
    I laughed yesterday when he said that (like he always does) and I said,
    "Bret are you telling me you haven't been involved with anybody for the last decade"?? He said that was true. Bret is 43, nice enough looking, but always seems to be "better than" those that show interest in him. I seem to be an exception. My partner thinks he is a loon and a liar and encouraged me to make my phone conversation yesterday the last.

    While I'm not that interested in Bret these days, I do find it interesting that he still follows the same "I've never messed around" kind of tale as a single guy. I've always wondered if he is just feeding me a line or if he really is somebody who just never does anything sexually. I would think a "healthy, happy, extraverted" gay guy would eventually have a little fun. If I were single, I doubt if it would take me long.

    What say you about Bret?
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    Dec 14, 2011 8:21 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidSo yesterday I get back to the office after seeing clients and pick up messages. One message was from Bret (his real name), the first guy I ever met, several years before coming out in the late 1990's. He said he wanted to send me a Christmas card... and studdered that "he wanted to see how I've been".

    Long story short, he was the first guy I ever met that I knew was gay. He
    had placed a newspaper ad in 1997 and I was abundantly curious as to what he was all about. I did have dinner with him, but basically sent him packing when he started calling me all the time. I wasn't ready for anything, I really hadn't accepted my sexuality at that stage, so he represented something that I wasn't ready for. It didn't take long...haha..
    I ended up meeting my now partner and later apologized to Bret for my behavior. We were friends, but he was always encouraging lunches or dinners and when I indicated I wasn't interested in anything but his friendship, he would get impatient and make remarks about why "I hadn't chosen him instead of my now partner, Will". "I've known you longer".

    Because of some tacky remarks and behavior he exhibited when he saw my new home I had built at the end of 2004, he has been largely excluded from my life. My partner strongly dislikes him. I haven't heard much, except some largely 2nd hand information about his finances and sexual behavior.
    (which isn't really any of my business).

    We had a brief phone conversation yesterday. I asked him how he was and he pointed out he isn't involved with anybody.... a point he has always made to me, including the fact he is never involved with anybody physically.
    I laughed yesterday when he said that (like he always does) and I said,
    "Bret are you telling me you haven't been involved with anybody for the last decade"?? He said that was true. Bret is 43, nice enough looking, but always seems to be "better than" those that show interest in him. I seem to be an exception. My partner thinks he is a loon and a liar and encouraged me to make my phone conversation yesterday the last.

    While I'm not that interested in Bret these days, I do find it interesting that he still follows the same "I've never messed around" kind of tale as a single guy. I've always wondered if he is just feeding me a line or if he really is somebody who just never does anything sexually. I would think a "healthy, happy, extraverted" gay guy would eventually have a little fun. If I were single, I doubt if it would take me long.

    What say you about Bret?
    RUN! the other way!
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    Dec 14, 2011 8:23 PM GMT
    Stalker
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    Dec 14, 2011 8:43 PM GMT
    Well I don't know about all that but he could be telling the truth. When I've been single I'm for the most part like him in that I keep it casual & don't do anything sexual. My Dick might get the better of me sometimes but for the most part nothing sexual. Seems to me shit goes bad if things go down. This past year I made it a point to be "good" this year & I met an amazing guy. We dated for 3 months then... I have no idea what happened over the course of those last two week together... Long distance maybe but who knows... I'm back home from school & have my degree... Maybe I can see what happend & if I don't get any answers he's just one more road sign leading to the one.
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    Dec 14, 2011 8:47 PM GMT
    i say stay away from that bret guy he could be up to no good. why risk it?
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    Dec 14, 2011 8:52 PM GMT
    Repeating above.

    Stalker! Run!
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    Dec 14, 2011 9:32 PM GMT
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    Dec 14, 2011 9:50 PM GMT
    Creeper !
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    Dec 14, 2011 9:50 PM GMT
    Whatever you do, don't let him buy you a drink (unless you enjoy a good roofie buzz). icon_twisted.gif
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    Dec 14, 2011 10:09 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidSo yesterday I get back to the office after seeing clients and pick up messages. One message was from Bret (his real name), the first guy I ever met, several years before coming out in the late 1990's. He said he wanted to send me a Christmas card... and studdered that "he wanted to see how I've been".

    Long story short, he was the first guy I ever met that I knew was gay. He
    had placed a newspaper ad in 1997 and I was abundantly curious as to what he was all about. I did have dinner with him, but basically sent him packing when he started calling me all the time. I wasn't ready for anything, I really hadn't accepted my sexuality at that stage, so he represented something that I wasn't ready for. It didn't take long...haha..
    I ended up meeting my now partner and later apologized to Bret for my behavior. We were friends, but he was always encouraging lunches or dinners and when I indicated I wasn't interested in anything but his friendship, he would get impatient and make remarks about why "I hadn't chosen him instead of my now partner, Will". "I've known you longer".

    Because of some tacky remarks and behavior he exhibited when he saw my new home I had built at the end of 2004, he has been largely excluded from my life. My partner strongly dislikes him. I haven't heard much, except some largely 2nd hand information about his finances and sexual behavior.
    (which isn't really any of my business).

    We had a brief phone conversation yesterday. I asked him how he was and he pointed out he isn't involved with anybody.... a point he has always made to me, including the fact he is never involved with anybody physically.
    I laughed yesterday when he said that (like he always does) and I said,
    "Bret are you telling me you haven't been involved with anybody for the last decade"?? He said that was true. Bret is 43, nice enough looking, but always seems to be "better than" those that show interest in him. I seem to be an exception. My partner thinks he is a loon and a liar and encouraged me to make my phone conversation yesterday the last.

    While I'm not that interested in Bret these days, I do find it interesting that he still follows the same "I've never messed around" kind of tale as a single guy. I've always wondered if he is just feeding me a line or if he really is somebody who just never does anything sexually. I would think a "healthy, happy, extraverted" gay guy would eventually have a little fun. If I were single, I doubt if it would take me long.

    What say you about Bret?


    Yeah... this guy seems seriously in love with you... and FYI, he's been with other people.. lmfao im sorry but if you cant get someone in the real world, people today start to resort to online dating (which is the riskiest of all).... its human nature, its one of your needs... Sex or Intimate contact is just something you require... or you just start to go insane. He's a risk, just stay away from him. I WONT go near anyone that says they have "never been with anyone" thats just a red flag that hes done some risky stuff. Besides all this just cut him off... fact of the matter is, your taken right now... tell him your sorry but you dont think its a good idea you guys see each other/talk anymore. Simple as that.
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    Dec 14, 2011 10:35 PM GMT
    he may have mental issues...i'd be careful of him..he may need therapy..or meds....
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    Dec 14, 2011 10:51 PM GMT
    I've met you, and I definitely see what he sees in you. Can't blame him for that.

    However, keep Bret at arm's length. I guess his finances aren't good, or why would that have come up?

    I suspect you didn't connect with him because something at the time told you that you were meant for better. Will has good reason to be wary of this guy.

    He could be telling the truth about his decade's drought. But really? In a decade?
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    Dec 14, 2011 10:54 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidHe could be telling the truth about his decade's drought. But really? In a decade?

    What? it can happen, I went a whole two days once.. it was HELL

    couldn't let it pass
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 14, 2011 10:55 PM GMT
    mickeytopogigio saidI've met you, and I definitely see what he sees in you. Can't blame him for that.



    Hey Mike, thanks for that, it was awesome meeting you when you were in Wichita. Appreciate your advice and what everybody has said in the thread!
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    Dec 15, 2011 12:27 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    mickeytopogigio saidHe could be telling the truth about his decade's drought. But really? In a decade?

    What? it can happen, I went a whole two days once.. it was HELL

    couldn't let it pass


    is this relationship or hookups?

    Im a bit confused?

    Does it make you socially inept if you stay away from one and not the other?

    serious question.

    i feel suffocated by relationships ...

    and does that make someone "mentally ill" ?
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    Dec 15, 2011 12:41 AM GMT
    In his house, he has a shrine with lots of pictures of you taped on the wall...icon_eek.gif

    You seem like a really genuine person who is always open to talking to people and looking for the best in them. Bret sounds like the kind of person who latches onto a person like you so that he can live his life through you rather than being himself.

    Whether it is self-esteem or self-confidence or something else that's missing from his mentality, you are better not having anything to do with him.
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    Dec 15, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    He's full of shit.
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    Dec 15, 2011 12:46 AM GMT
    lilTanker said

    This just made my night. . .

    oh, and yeah ur ex-bf sounds almost pathetic....
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Dec 15, 2011 1:27 AM GMT
    I really like you man, but I think you're being a little unfair when you ask if "this guy is a flake, liar or have mental issues???"

    Obviously he really liked you...and unrequited love doesn't just go away. And if you were the exception when it came to guys who had shown an interest in him, I imagine it is that much harder for him.

    I still think about the first guy I was involved with...and that was like 12 years ago. Granted, I've no idea where he is, and if I did bump into him, innuendo (or sending him a Xmas card) would be the last thing on my mind...but still.

    Thing is, I suspect it's harder for those guys who become friends with those they were strongly attracted to/in love with because they get to see the qualities that they found so alluring played out in front of them. It invites the question if it is more humane to cut all ties with guys who like you more than you like them or not...but I digress.

    I don't think his problem is that he's a flake or a liar...and I don't think it's mental issues so much as emotional issues: he has taken a shine to you, and it isn't going away, in part because on some level, you've always been somewhat accessible to him.

    I think your partner has the right idea! And if you cut off contact with him altogether, it will make your partner feel more comfortable, it will prevent Bret from popping up again with more negativity (as he's done in the past) and suggestions, and hopefully it will allow him to get over feeling rejected.

    If you do meet him...be on your guard buddy!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 15, 2011 10:13 AM GMT
    TrentGrad saidI really like you man, but I think you're being a little unfair when you ask if "this guy is a flake, liar or have mental issues???"

    I don't think his problem is that he's a flake or a liar...and I don't think it's mental issues so much as emotional issues: he has taken a shine to you, and it isn't going away, in part because on some level, you've always been somewhat accessible to him.


    I appreciate the input.. agree with some of what you said and I don't think I'm being unfair about asking about whether he has any of the above issues or "emotional issues" either. I wasn't asserting he is any of those, I was asking if the guys here thought he was any of the above. I got kind of a positive response.

    As far as accessibility, I haven't talked to him in over 5 years, to date.. we only had the conversation over the last couple of days, but granted, I should keep myself "inaccessible" certainly so no potential issues can creep in.....
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    Dec 15, 2011 10:24 AM GMT
    He's lying to you.

    Run, run like the wind!
  • monstapex

    Posts: 477

    Dec 15, 2011 11:09 AM GMT
    credo saidHe's lying to you.

    Run, run like the wind!


    I agree...or this could be you








    89710406.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=6E22FB
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 15, 2011 12:15 PM GMT
    monstapex said
    credo saidHe's lying to you.

    Run, run like the wind!


    I agree...or this could be you








    89710406.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=6E22FB



    Oh come on now... lets not make him a monster, geez!
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    Dec 15, 2011 12:36 PM GMT
    Your BF seems to have the right idea. I wouldn't entertain this guys nonsense and, personally, I wouldn't care whether he was telling the truth or lying about him being on a 10 year drought. If his lifestyle suggests otherwise but he's saying something else then that's your cue not to associate with him any more.